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Hockey: News and Discussion Thread
07-31-2010, 01:15 PM
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^ 
08-02-2010, 11:08 AM
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Hawks Sign Turco; Niemi to Become UFA...
I will miss Niemi...
...but, at least Chicago now has a "namebrand" goalie?
The bigger thing is that I think it's time for the Corey Crawford era.
Story here: http://www.dailyherald.com/story/?id=397947
08-02-2010, 11:12 AM
"I've tried to say this all along," Bowman told fans at the Hawks convention. "You know, one guy does not make a team here.
08-02-2010, 03:29 PM
Old fart
I will miss Niemi...
...but, at least Chicago now has a "namebrand" goalie?
The bigger thing is that I think it's time for the Corey Crawford era.
Story here: http://www.dailyherald.com/story/?id=397947
We'll be fine
Wanna buy my Niemi jersey?
08-02-2010, 07:23 PM
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Don't like that move at all. You know Niemi can get it done, you should stick with him IMO.
But Chicago's bigggest mistake IMO was Bufelign.
But Chicago's bigggest mistake IMO was Bufelign.
08-02-2010, 07:31 PM
They won the cup, sounds like doesn't matter if they win another one. I've seen NFL players rework contracts to keep players and get player that will help the team.
Is that allowed in the NHL
Is that allowed in the NHL
08-02-2010, 07:54 PM
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I was shocked to hear the Kings are still 13 mill under the cap. They can still make a big move or 2.
08-02-2010, 08:16 PM
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I can only hope that the replacements are somewhat adequate.
08-02-2010, 09:14 PM
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I think the whole thing stinks. Buf, Ladd, Versteeg, Madden, now Niemi. Our Blackhawks are a mere shadow of their former Stanley Cup selves.
08-02-2010, 09:50 PM
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Welcome to parity.
08-03-2010, 09:01 PM
The sizzle in the Steak
Cap hell and the Hawks saga continues
Meanwhile in LA we've got money to burn.
Meanwhile in LA we've got money to burn.
08-03-2010, 09:18 PM
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Kaberle for Brayden Scheen must be brewing. 
Hopefully he'll end up where he should have been in the first place.
Hopefully he'll end up where he should have been in the first place.
08-04-2010, 08:19 AM
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I just bought the Blackhawks Stanley Cup DVD from Best Buy. I watched it last night. Instead of relishing in the fact that the Blackhawks finally won the Stanley Cup after 49 years, all I could think of is how much they will miss role players like Byfuglien, Versteeg, Eager, etc.......
08-04-2010, 08:21 AM
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From The Hockey News today....
WILL THE BLACKHAWKS MISS ANTTI NIEMI?
For the most part, I think the impact the moves Chicago has been forced to make this off-season has been over-analyzed and that when the puck drops again in October the Blackhawks will continue to be a dominant team in the Western Conference.
They haven’t yet lost a major player up front (Patrick Sharp, Dave Bolland and Marian Hossa were all mentioned at least once in rumors) and their defense corps remains largely intact. Where the real impact will be felt is in the post-season, where guys like the departed Dustin Byfuglien, Adam Burish, Andrew Ladd and Ben Eager can swing a tight, short series.
But those guys are at least replaceable. The Hawks have time to find their new heart and soul players before it starts to bite them – at this point, there is little reason to believe they will fall at all, let alone precipitously.
Everyone the Hawks have lost this off-season (except maybe Kris Versteeg, who they got a serviceable and projectable NHLer for) are bit players; guys who fill a certain role outside of the crucial, star-studded spotlight. The Kanes, Toews’ and Keiths – you know, the types of players who turned the franchise around – are still in Chicago and when you have front line guys like that, plus Hossa, Bolland, Sharp, Seabrook, Hjalmarsson and Campbell to support them, you won’t have trouble putting W’s on the board (Yyyyyees!).
But how much impact will the loss of Antti Niemi have on the team?
As the goalie landscape in the NHL changes, it is making less and less sense to tie up tender in your ‘tender. Is Niemi worth $2.75 million per season? Not if you’re fighting the salary cap like the Hawks and not after one-half of a good season.
To be an NHL goalie, you have to be able to steal a game here and there. Niemi did just that at a couple crucial junctures in the playoffs: a 33-save Game 4 performance against Nashville; two 40-plus save performances against San Jose; and a tight, 32-save win in Game 2 of the Stanley Cup final.
But what really stuck out at me was how Niemi would still win games he had no business winning. The Finnish netminder was 5-1-2 in regular season games where he let in four goals or more. Now, your first thought would naturally be to credit the potent Chicago offense for those wins – and rightfully so – but Niemi’s numbers in these subpar games stack up favorably against all the other goalies who you would assume would benefit from being on a strong scoring team:
Niemi, Chicago – 5-1-2, .857 SP
Jose Theodore, Washington – 3-3-4, .848 SP
Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh – 3-10-1, .857 SP
Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose – 2-12-4, .844 SP
Roberto Luongo, Vancouver – 1-10-1, .817 SP
And it’s worth mentioning the other Chicago goalie, Cristobal Huet, was 1-5-1 with an .810 SP.
Of course, if you’re the best of the best, you don’t have many off nights like these. Vezina winner Ryan Miller had only seven games in which he allowed four goals or more, but went 0-6-1 with an .854 SP.
Niemi’s replacement in Chicago, Marty Turco, didn’t have the kind of goal support in Dallas these other netminders had on their teams and as a result he went 1-12-2 in these situations with an .846 SP that seems to be the norm.
The difference between Chicago making the playoffs and missing out wasn’t Niemi. Even though Turco has fallen off considerably from his pedestal, his 2009-10 save percentage was still comparable to Niemi’s. Turco isn’t incompetent and if Theodore can lead the Caps to first place in the East with ease, I have a hard time agreeing with an argument that states the Hawks won’t win with Turco. It’s a different kind of goalie environment we’re not used to; one in which a Stanley Cup winner has a hard time finding a job, but Antero Niittymaki is snapped up on July 1.
While you measure the value of a goalie by how many games he steals and how often he keeps you in a contest, this “blowup” stat is nonetheless interesting. Sure Niemi wasn’t the reason the Hawks won those games, but it shows he didn’t let in a momentum-shifting goal in those already high-scoring matchups.
It’s not a stat you would look to when deciding which goalie to sign and run with, but seeing how Niemi’s 5-1-2 record in these situations is an uncanny anomaly, it’s hard not to notice and it will cost the Hawks at least a couple of W’s in 2010-11.
While the Blackhawks still haven’t been knocked down, the Niemi-for-Turco exchange is the first move that will impact their regular season.
Rory Boylen is TheHockeyNews.com's web editor. His blog appears regularly and his column, The Boylen Point, appears Tuesdays on THN.com.
WILL THE BLACKHAWKS MISS ANTTI NIEMI?
For the most part, I think the impact the moves Chicago has been forced to make this off-season has been over-analyzed and that when the puck drops again in October the Blackhawks will continue to be a dominant team in the Western Conference.
They haven’t yet lost a major player up front (Patrick Sharp, Dave Bolland and Marian Hossa were all mentioned at least once in rumors) and their defense corps remains largely intact. Where the real impact will be felt is in the post-season, where guys like the departed Dustin Byfuglien, Adam Burish, Andrew Ladd and Ben Eager can swing a tight, short series.
But those guys are at least replaceable. The Hawks have time to find their new heart and soul players before it starts to bite them – at this point, there is little reason to believe they will fall at all, let alone precipitously.
Everyone the Hawks have lost this off-season (except maybe Kris Versteeg, who they got a serviceable and projectable NHLer for) are bit players; guys who fill a certain role outside of the crucial, star-studded spotlight. The Kanes, Toews’ and Keiths – you know, the types of players who turned the franchise around – are still in Chicago and when you have front line guys like that, plus Hossa, Bolland, Sharp, Seabrook, Hjalmarsson and Campbell to support them, you won’t have trouble putting W’s on the board (Yyyyyees!).
But how much impact will the loss of Antti Niemi have on the team?
As the goalie landscape in the NHL changes, it is making less and less sense to tie up tender in your ‘tender. Is Niemi worth $2.75 million per season? Not if you’re fighting the salary cap like the Hawks and not after one-half of a good season.
To be an NHL goalie, you have to be able to steal a game here and there. Niemi did just that at a couple crucial junctures in the playoffs: a 33-save Game 4 performance against Nashville; two 40-plus save performances against San Jose; and a tight, 32-save win in Game 2 of the Stanley Cup final.
But what really stuck out at me was how Niemi would still win games he had no business winning. The Finnish netminder was 5-1-2 in regular season games where he let in four goals or more. Now, your first thought would naturally be to credit the potent Chicago offense for those wins – and rightfully so – but Niemi’s numbers in these subpar games stack up favorably against all the other goalies who you would assume would benefit from being on a strong scoring team:
Niemi, Chicago – 5-1-2, .857 SP
Jose Theodore, Washington – 3-3-4, .848 SP
Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh – 3-10-1, .857 SP
Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose – 2-12-4, .844 SP
Roberto Luongo, Vancouver – 1-10-1, .817 SP
And it’s worth mentioning the other Chicago goalie, Cristobal Huet, was 1-5-1 with an .810 SP.
Of course, if you’re the best of the best, you don’t have many off nights like these. Vezina winner Ryan Miller had only seven games in which he allowed four goals or more, but went 0-6-1 with an .854 SP.
Niemi’s replacement in Chicago, Marty Turco, didn’t have the kind of goal support in Dallas these other netminders had on their teams and as a result he went 1-12-2 in these situations with an .846 SP that seems to be the norm.
The difference between Chicago making the playoffs and missing out wasn’t Niemi. Even though Turco has fallen off considerably from his pedestal, his 2009-10 save percentage was still comparable to Niemi’s. Turco isn’t incompetent and if Theodore can lead the Caps to first place in the East with ease, I have a hard time agreeing with an argument that states the Hawks won’t win with Turco. It’s a different kind of goalie environment we’re not used to; one in which a Stanley Cup winner has a hard time finding a job, but Antero Niittymaki is snapped up on July 1.
While you measure the value of a goalie by how many games he steals and how often he keeps you in a contest, this “blowup” stat is nonetheless interesting. Sure Niemi wasn’t the reason the Hawks won those games, but it shows he didn’t let in a momentum-shifting goal in those already high-scoring matchups.
It’s not a stat you would look to when deciding which goalie to sign and run with, but seeing how Niemi’s 5-1-2 record in these situations is an uncanny anomaly, it’s hard not to notice and it will cost the Hawks at least a couple of W’s in 2010-11.
While the Blackhawks still haven’t been knocked down, the Niemi-for-Turco exchange is the first move that will impact their regular season.
Rory Boylen is TheHockeyNews.com's web editor. His blog appears regularly and his column, The Boylen Point, appears Tuesdays on THN.com.
08-04-2010, 11:25 AM
Sounds like he wrote that while jacking off
08-04-2010, 11:35 AM
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In the same sentence.
08-04-2010, 01:08 PM
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x 10000000000000000000000000
08-09-2010, 12:52 PM
Less than 60 days for season opener!
08-09-2010, 01:14 PM
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Season Ticket Holder Open House for the new Consol Energy Center is this weekend 
General public one is in a few weeks, can't wait to go to a preseason game in the new building 
General public one is in a few weeks, can't wait to go to a preseason game in the new building
08-09-2010, 04:39 PM
The sizzle in the Steak
NHL wins. Kovy is a UFA.
08-09-2010, 04:40 PM
The sizzle in the Steak
An independent arbitrator has ruled in favour of the National Hockey League in the case of Ilya Kovalchuk.
Richard Bloch, the arbitrator, ruled today that Kovalchuk's 17-year, $102 million contract with the New Jersey Devils should be voided, so the 27-year old sniper will once again be on the free agent market. Bloch denied the NHL Players' Association's grievance on Kovalchuk's behalf.
The NHL rejected the record contract on July 21, on grounds that it circumvented the league's salary cap,and from there it went to the arbitrator. The rejection was likely due to the way the deal is structured. Kovalchuk was due to earn $6 million in each of the next two seasons, $11.5 million from 2012-17 and $10.5 million the following year. The salary was scheduled to fall off after that until he made $550,000 annually in the final five years of the deal. He would have been 44 years old when the contract concluded in 2027.
Kovalchuk registered 41 goals and 44 assists in 76 games split between Atlanta and New Jersey last season.
http://tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=330008
Richard Bloch, the arbitrator, ruled today that Kovalchuk's 17-year, $102 million contract with the New Jersey Devils should be voided, so the 27-year old sniper will once again be on the free agent market. Bloch denied the NHL Players' Association's grievance on Kovalchuk's behalf.
The NHL rejected the record contract on July 21, on grounds that it circumvented the league's salary cap,and from there it went to the arbitrator. The rejection was likely due to the way the deal is structured. Kovalchuk was due to earn $6 million in each of the next two seasons, $11.5 million from 2012-17 and $10.5 million the following year. The salary was scheduled to fall off after that until he made $550,000 annually in the final five years of the deal. He would have been 44 years old when the contract concluded in 2027.
Kovalchuk registered 41 goals and 44 assists in 76 games split between Atlanta and New Jersey last season.
http://tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=330008
08-09-2010, 04:42 PM
The sizzle in the Steak
My $ is on the Devils and Kovy reworking the deal in the NHL's favor.
08-10-2010, 12:50 PM
The sizzle in the Steak
Report: Nhl looking into luongo's, other front loaded deals
Arbitrator Richard Bloch's ruling to side with the NHL on voiding Ilya Kovalchuk's contract on Monday could affect other such front-ended hockey contracts.
Canucks general manager Mike Gillis confirmed to the Vancouver Sun via email late Monday night that the league is looking into Roberto Luongo's 12-year contract that was signed last fall.
"We have complied with the NHL request for information and are awaiting further instructions," Gillis told The Sun. "Cannot say anything further at this point."
Bloch's ruling specifically mentioned the contracts of Luongo, Philadelphia Flyers defenceman Chris Pronger, Boston Bruins forward Marc Savard and Chicago Blackhawks forward Marian Hossa as deals that the league is still investigating.
"Each of these players will be 40 or over at the end of the contract term and each contract includes dramatic divebacks," Bloch wrote in his ruling. "Pronger's annual salary, for example, drops from $4,000,000 to $525,000 at the point he is earning almost 97% of the total $34,450,000 salary.
"Roberto Luongo, with Vancouver, has a 12- year agreement that will end when he is 43. After averaging some $7,000,000 per year for the first nine years of the Agreement, Luongo will receive an average of about 1.2 million during his last 3 years, amounting to some 5.7% of the total compensation during that time period."
The NHL Players' Association argued that those four deals were approved and that Kovalchuk's deal should be approved as well.
Bloch disagreed with that point, writing:
"The apparent purpose of this evidence is to suggest that the League's concern is late blooming and/or inconsistent. Several responses are in order: First, while the contracts have, in fact, been registered, their structure has not escaped League notice: those SPCs [standard player's contracts] are being investigated currently with at least the possibility of a subsequent withdrawal of the registration."
Pronger, Luongo, Hossa and Savard are among a long list of players who have signed long-term deals that included extra years with diminished salary.
Canucks general manager Mike Gillis confirmed to the Vancouver Sun via email late Monday night that the league is looking into Roberto Luongo's 12-year contract that was signed last fall.
"We have complied with the NHL request for information and are awaiting further instructions," Gillis told The Sun. "Cannot say anything further at this point."
Bloch's ruling specifically mentioned the contracts of Luongo, Philadelphia Flyers defenceman Chris Pronger, Boston Bruins forward Marc Savard and Chicago Blackhawks forward Marian Hossa as deals that the league is still investigating.
"Each of these players will be 40 or over at the end of the contract term and each contract includes dramatic divebacks," Bloch wrote in his ruling. "Pronger's annual salary, for example, drops from $4,000,000 to $525,000 at the point he is earning almost 97% of the total $34,450,000 salary.
"Roberto Luongo, with Vancouver, has a 12- year agreement that will end when he is 43. After averaging some $7,000,000 per year for the first nine years of the Agreement, Luongo will receive an average of about 1.2 million during his last 3 years, amounting to some 5.7% of the total compensation during that time period."
The NHL Players' Association argued that those four deals were approved and that Kovalchuk's deal should be approved as well.
Bloch disagreed with that point, writing:
"The apparent purpose of this evidence is to suggest that the League's concern is late blooming and/or inconsistent. Several responses are in order: First, while the contracts have, in fact, been registered, their structure has not escaped League notice: those SPCs [standard player's contracts] are being investigated currently with at least the possibility of a subsequent withdrawal of the registration."
Pronger, Luongo, Hossa and Savard are among a long list of players who have signed long-term deals that included extra years with diminished salary.
So the Nucks let Luongo walk and pick up Niemi on the cheap.
...and the Hawks have to trade away $$ for nothing Hossa....well that may be a good thing for them
This is getting very interesting!
08-10-2010, 12:57 PM
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08-10-2010, 01:48 PM
The sizzle in the Steak
Anyone think Bettman is going to hit NJ with a 2-5 million dollar fine?
08-11-2010, 09:14 PM
Caps WON Eastern Conference Championship!!
For the last 10 days, Brendan Millhouser has been questioning his sanity.
The Chicago Blackhawks fan attended the team's annual fan convention on July 31 at the Hilton Chicago, which featured a display of trophies courtesy of the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. Among the hardware was the Prince of Wales Trophy, given to the winner of the NHL's Eastern Conference each season.
Last season, that champion was the Philadelphia Flyers; so Millhouser was stunned and baffled to see the Washington Capitals' name etched on the trophy -- taking a photo with his Verizon Droid camera.
He posted several images to his online gallery and sent them around to Chicago media. But it failed to garner any reaction; perhaps an alleged mistake that egregious, in this electronic media age, felt as if it could have been a hoax or a practical joke created by Photoshop. Professional journalists, bloggers, fans ... none were willing to accept the images' validity, especially with one random fan in Chicago as the only person writing about it.
"I was getting frustrated as a fan, but I'm a cynical guy myself. I had my family look at the pictures for me, [saying] 'Can you guys tell me I'm not crazy?'" said Millhouser. "But it's not like I thought someone put the Capitals on there on purpose."
RockTheRed.net, a Capitals blog, finally gave a spotlight to the engraving faux pas last week. But it didn't make headlines until Comcast SportsNet Philadelphia became suspicious of the photos. It contacted the Hockey Hall of Fame, and a spokesperson "confirmed" that they were a fabrication. CSN Philly labeled them a hoax, and closed the case.
The Chicago Blackhawks fan attended the team's annual fan convention on July 31 at the Hilton Chicago, which featured a display of trophies courtesy of the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. Among the hardware was the Prince of Wales Trophy, given to the winner of the NHL's Eastern Conference each season.
Last season, that champion was the Philadelphia Flyers; so Millhouser was stunned and baffled to see the Washington Capitals' name etched on the trophy -- taking a photo with his Verizon Droid camera.
He posted several images to his online gallery and sent them around to Chicago media. But it failed to garner any reaction; perhaps an alleged mistake that egregious, in this electronic media age, felt as if it could have been a hoax or a practical joke created by Photoshop. Professional journalists, bloggers, fans ... none were willing to accept the images' validity, especially with one random fan in Chicago as the only person writing about it.
"I was getting frustrated as a fan, but I'm a cynical guy myself. I had my family look at the pictures for me, [saying] 'Can you guys tell me I'm not crazy?'" said Millhouser. "But it's not like I thought someone put the Capitals on there on purpose."
RockTheRed.net, a Capitals blog, finally gave a spotlight to the engraving faux pas last week. But it didn't make headlines until Comcast SportsNet Philadelphia became suspicious of the photos. It contacted the Hockey Hall of Fame, and a spokesperson "confirmed" that they were a fabrication. CSN Philly labeled them a hoax, and closed the case.
http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puc...urn=nhl-261871
08-11-2010, 11:52 PM
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^^^ Oops-who messed THAT up?
08-12-2010, 03:25 PM
The sizzle in the Steak
More proof that Bettman loves Ovech 
08-12-2010, 06:55 PM
08-13-2010, 01:44 PM
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Kovalchuk Hearing Top Secret Transcript
Boo-yah!
http://www.downgoesbrown.com/2010/08...ranscript.html
Absolutely awesome
NHL arbitrator Richard Bloch announced his decision in the Ilya Kovalchuk case yesterday, ruling that Kovalchuk's controversial 17-year contract with the Devils is null and void.
But while the decision itself was made public, the details of last week's hearings were not. Until now.
My spies were in attendance for one session of the hearing, and recorded a complete transcript. I'm republishing it below so that NHL fans can understand the case that Bloch was dealing with, and judge for themselves whether justice was done.
(Scene: a courtroom. Richard Bloch is presiding, with various other NHL personnel on hand. Several NHL stars are sitting in a small waiting area in the back of the room.)
Bloch: OK everyone, let's get started. In this morning's session we heard from several league officials. Gary Bettman testified about the discretionary powers available to him as commissioner, Bill Daly explained his interpretation of the CBA, and Lou Lamoriello threw several jars of jam at my head.
Lamoriello: It slipped out of my hand.
Bloch: …
Lamoriello: Fifteen times.
Bloch: Anyway, this afternoon we'll be hearing testimony from various NHL players. The first to take the stand will be Ilya Kovalchuk. Let's get the biggest question out of the way first: Ilya, do you really intend to play the entire length of this contract?
Kovalchuk: First of all, I just want to say how disappointed I am that my integrity is being called into question here. Yes, of course I plan to play through the end of this contract. And in fact, I have every intention of playing well beyond that.
Bloch: Wow. Seriously?
Kovalchuk: Of course. Plenty of guys play past the age of 34.
Bloch: Um… Ilya? You're 27 years old and you signed a 17-year contract.
Kovalchuk: Exactly. So 27 plus 17 is... hold on... carry the one, and... oh. Hey, wait a second. Oh man.
Bloch: ...
Kovalchuk: Seriously, Lou? You actually thought anyone would buy this?
Bloch: Incoming.
(A jar of grape jam smashes against the wall behind Kovalchuk's head.)
Bloch: Thanks for your testimony Ilya. You may step down.
Kovalchuk (doing an old man voice): Hey, it's me, 44-year-old Ilya Kovalchuk. When does the game start? I want to make sure my grandchildren have time to feed me my pre-game meal of mashed bananas.
Bloch: That will be all, Ilya. We'll now begin hearing testimony from other NHLers who have signed similar deals which have been approved by the league. Our first player will be, let's see... Oh no.
(The sound of smashing windows and car alarms can be heard from outside.)
Bloch (into intercom): Security, we have a Code Orange.
(A chainsaw slashes through the wall, carving out a hole through which a figure emerges.)
Chris Pronger: Boo-yah!
Bloch: OK, let's get this over with. Chris, you signed a seven-year extension when you were already 35 years old. Why should we believe that you'll still be playing when that contract ends?
Pronger: Well, keep in mind that I've never relied on skills that fade with age, like speed or hand-eye coordination. My game is based on abilities that tend to remain consistent over time.
Bloch: Size? Positioning? Defensive awareness?
Pronger: Elbowing people in the head when they're not looking.
Bloch: Of course.
Pronger: Hey, is this going to take much longer? I haven't slashed anyone in the throat in like 15 minutes, and I'm starting to get the shakes.
Bloch: I think you're all done. Our next player to testify will be Islanders' goalie Rick DiPietro. Thanks for joining us, Rick.
DiPietro: No problem.
Bloch: Now Rick, your 15-year contract was the longest in league history when it was signed. Can you explain the process that lead to the deal?
DiPietro (now slumped over in chair): …
Lamoriello: Um, I think he's unconscious.
Bloch: From sitting down? Wow, he really is injury prone.
Lamoriello: No, actually while you were talking Pronger ran over and elbowed him in the head.
Pronger: Boo-yah!
Kovalchuk (still doing old man voice): Dangnabbit, Pronger!
Bloch: OK everyone, let's settle down. We have several more players to hear from. In fact, as I look over into the waiting area I see that… Oh for the love of…
(In the waiting area, Marian Hossa, Mike Richards, Roberto Luongo and Henrik Zetterbeg are laying in a pile of twisted limbs. There is blood on the ceiling. The only movement is from a dazed Alexander Ovechkin, whose attempt to commando crawl to the exit is cut short when he's hit in the temple with a jar of strawberry jam.)
Lamoriello: Boo-yah!
(Pronger and Lamoriello high five.)
Bloch: OK, it's time for my decision. I'd like to render my ruling based on the details of the CBA, but my copy has jam stains all over it. I'd look through past rulings for precedents, but Chris Pronger just set my law library on fire. And I'd flip a coin, but Ilya Kovalchuk took my spare change and is mailing it to his imaginary grandchildren.
Kovalchuk (shaking fist): Get off my lawn!
Bloch: So here's my ruling: You people are lunatics. The contract is voided. And if I ever see any of you again, I'm calling the police. This hearing is adjourned.
But while the decision itself was made public, the details of last week's hearings were not. Until now.
My spies were in attendance for one session of the hearing, and recorded a complete transcript. I'm republishing it below so that NHL fans can understand the case that Bloch was dealing with, and judge for themselves whether justice was done.
(Scene: a courtroom. Richard Bloch is presiding, with various other NHL personnel on hand. Several NHL stars are sitting in a small waiting area in the back of the room.)
Bloch: OK everyone, let's get started. In this morning's session we heard from several league officials. Gary Bettman testified about the discretionary powers available to him as commissioner, Bill Daly explained his interpretation of the CBA, and Lou Lamoriello threw several jars of jam at my head.
Lamoriello: It slipped out of my hand.
Bloch: …
Lamoriello: Fifteen times.
Bloch: Anyway, this afternoon we'll be hearing testimony from various NHL players. The first to take the stand will be Ilya Kovalchuk. Let's get the biggest question out of the way first: Ilya, do you really intend to play the entire length of this contract?
Kovalchuk: First of all, I just want to say how disappointed I am that my integrity is being called into question here. Yes, of course I plan to play through the end of this contract. And in fact, I have every intention of playing well beyond that.
Bloch: Wow. Seriously?
Kovalchuk: Of course. Plenty of guys play past the age of 34.
Bloch: Um… Ilya? You're 27 years old and you signed a 17-year contract.
Kovalchuk: Exactly. So 27 plus 17 is... hold on... carry the one, and... oh. Hey, wait a second. Oh man.
Bloch: ...
Kovalchuk: Seriously, Lou? You actually thought anyone would buy this?
Bloch: Incoming.
(A jar of grape jam smashes against the wall behind Kovalchuk's head.)
Bloch: Thanks for your testimony Ilya. You may step down.
Kovalchuk (doing an old man voice): Hey, it's me, 44-year-old Ilya Kovalchuk. When does the game start? I want to make sure my grandchildren have time to feed me my pre-game meal of mashed bananas.
Bloch: That will be all, Ilya. We'll now begin hearing testimony from other NHLers who have signed similar deals which have been approved by the league. Our first player will be, let's see... Oh no.
(The sound of smashing windows and car alarms can be heard from outside.)
Bloch (into intercom): Security, we have a Code Orange.
(A chainsaw slashes through the wall, carving out a hole through which a figure emerges.)
Chris Pronger: Boo-yah!
Bloch: OK, let's get this over with. Chris, you signed a seven-year extension when you were already 35 years old. Why should we believe that you'll still be playing when that contract ends?
Pronger: Well, keep in mind that I've never relied on skills that fade with age, like speed or hand-eye coordination. My game is based on abilities that tend to remain consistent over time.
Bloch: Size? Positioning? Defensive awareness?
Pronger: Elbowing people in the head when they're not looking.
Bloch: Of course.
Pronger: Hey, is this going to take much longer? I haven't slashed anyone in the throat in like 15 minutes, and I'm starting to get the shakes.
Bloch: I think you're all done. Our next player to testify will be Islanders' goalie Rick DiPietro. Thanks for joining us, Rick.
DiPietro: No problem.
Bloch: Now Rick, your 15-year contract was the longest in league history when it was signed. Can you explain the process that lead to the deal?
DiPietro (now slumped over in chair): …
Lamoriello: Um, I think he's unconscious.
Bloch: From sitting down? Wow, he really is injury prone.
Lamoriello: No, actually while you were talking Pronger ran over and elbowed him in the head.
Pronger: Boo-yah!
Kovalchuk (still doing old man voice): Dangnabbit, Pronger!
Bloch: OK everyone, let's settle down. We have several more players to hear from. In fact, as I look over into the waiting area I see that… Oh for the love of…
(In the waiting area, Marian Hossa, Mike Richards, Roberto Luongo and Henrik Zetterbeg are laying in a pile of twisted limbs. There is blood on the ceiling. The only movement is from a dazed Alexander Ovechkin, whose attempt to commando crawl to the exit is cut short when he's hit in the temple with a jar of strawberry jam.)
Lamoriello: Boo-yah!
(Pronger and Lamoriello high five.)
Bloch: OK, it's time for my decision. I'd like to render my ruling based on the details of the CBA, but my copy has jam stains all over it. I'd look through past rulings for precedents, but Chris Pronger just set my law library on fire. And I'd flip a coin, but Ilya Kovalchuk took my spare change and is mailing it to his imaginary grandchildren.
Kovalchuk (shaking fist): Get off my lawn!
Bloch: So here's my ruling: You people are lunatics. The contract is voided. And if I ever see any of you again, I'm calling the police. This hearing is adjourned.
Absolutely awesome
08-13-2010, 01:55 PM
The sizzle in the Steak
pretty funny
08-16-2010, 10:32 AM
The sizzle in the Steak
So Kaberle goes nowhere.
What are the chances he get traded at the March deadline for peanuts?
What are the chances he get traded at the March deadline for peanuts?
08-16-2010, 11:57 AM
Senior Moderator
Caught the first part of the Blackhawks 2010 playoffs Blu-Ray last night...very good! 
08-16-2010, 02:05 PM
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^^^ I watched mine again yesterday. I came away with....wow, we're REALLY going to miss Big Buff. He was in so much of the video.
08-16-2010, 02:14 PM
The sizzle in the Steak
^^ No...everthing will be fine! Dynasty here we come! 
Don't hate the player...hate the CBA game.
Don't hate the player...hate the CBA game.
08-16-2010, 02:50 PM
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Moog-I sure hope so....from your lips to God's ears!
I'm just not sure there are enough good players in the Blackhawks minor leagues that are ready to play at the NHL level. Also, losing Niemi hurt too-Turko is no replacement for Niemi (at his age now).
I'm just not sure there are enough good players in the Blackhawks minor leagues that are ready to play at the NHL level. Also, losing Niemi hurt too-Turko is no replacement for Niemi (at his age now).
08-16-2010, 04:40 PM
chips and smokes, lets go
Not sure what offers were on the table but I was thinking Burke would move him. They can still trade him if Kaberle decides to waive his no trade. I still think there will be offers for him at the trade deadline but they'll probably not as substantial.