Hey man, we shouldn't covet things or people...but when something is near and dear to our heart...gotta be willing to
intelligently make the ultimate sacrifice, right?

 

maybe spaceman is off the drugs after all

 

You dummy
You'd cross 4 lanes of traffic to save an alligator
Facts

 

In an LDS relationship? In Utah? Ohhhhh, boy. The shit-storm that would create.

 

Really that's where the line is drawn?

 

Oh, hell no! There are way bigger problems here! I'm just saying that's not a viable solution culturally or theologically. There are SO many problems with an "open relationship" arrangement in the OP's situation.

 

Multiple wives: nobody bats an eye

Multiple husbands: sacrilege

 

Pimps & Hos, bro...
Which one would you want to be called?


@Majofo , you know me well. I've actually crossed 4 lanes to save:
bluejay (last week)
blue heron (2 years ago, died in my car on the way to the sanctuary)
turtles ( x10000)
some Jamaican lady with a bucket stuck under her car (last week)
help 2 cops move a huge camper top off the travel lanes (last week)
iguanas (x10000)
cats and dogs (duh)


I mean, it's all uncouth, right? So do it quietly and privately...you go fuck who you want.
I go fuck who I want. The kids never meet any of them and during daylight hours we are the
perfect family. The end.

 

 

The fact that you're waiting around for something to happen to your kids before you take action is where everyone has a problem. Being reactive in this situation is likely to end poorly. Your wife has exhibited that she doesn't GAF multiple times and a facade that she's "respecting you" is likely just to tide her over until she figures out her next move. She's already disrespected you and your family numerous times.

As far as "watchdogging" and "papa bear", that's just you already living in fear for your kids. Nothing more.

 

I'm not sure why but it sounds like you're wanting to stay in the situation because you still love your wife and are using the kids' well being as an excuse to stick around and maybe get your dick touched once in awhile. She must be something real nice. Post tits.
If I was a kid in that situation I wouldn't give a single fuck if my parents went through a divorce and I was moved out of our home and forced to live with grandparents or whomever. Yes I might be upset when I'm 8 but when I got older and fully grasped the situation my mind would change completely. Years from now your kids will know what happened and what you chose to do about it. Don't let your kids grow into adulthood thinking their father was a pathetic sack.
"Yeah my dad let my mom cheat on him constantly -- but at least I wasn't uncomfortable!" Is that what you want your kids to think?

 

I've followed this thread since it started and stayed quiet with hopes that with all of the sound and reasonable advice others have given that you would somehow snap out of the damage you and your wife are inflicting on your children. Your wife clearly shows she cares about no one but herself and her own best interests, and you have corroborated this. She physically and emotionally cheated on you with not only a convicted criminal but a pedophile. There is no telling the next thing she will do to F you or the children over.

Additionally, you claim you want to protect your children. Having a wife that would allow her children to not only socialize with a criminal and pedophile but to become wooed by him and empathize with the man has already fucked them up for possibly, life. What will happen when they become adults and realize that their father, their protector allowed them to be around a pedophile? Or that their father did not have the spine to protect them from their mother who allowed this relationship to form.

I understand it's hard to think and see the forest for the trees when you're in the thick of it, but I've followed your postings for a couple of years now. You seem to be a very logical individual. You really need to see and realize what type of damage and shitstorm you're setting yourself and those kids up for by not acting vigilantly now. It will suck in the beginning but they will thank you for saving them when they are old enough to know what all has transpired.

 

As to where I am in agreement with the point you are trying to make here...but saying the "father is the protector" may be true in this case...but sometimes the mother can be the protector as well. I just would have worded it differently.

but in this case you are spot on. he is a wimp and a cuck.

 

Leave the name calling in R&P. That isn't going to convince the OP of anything.

It's already been said once.

 

Jamaican Bucket Lady....

 

Update - nothing much new. My two older sons bought a minibike with their grade money. Both got straight A's which is bittersweet because, well, good grades are obviously good. But it's a hell of a drain on the wallet. Yes, we motivate them with money. And it sure as hell works.

They rode the creeps minibike a few times back with they were seeing him, and thought it was pretty cool. Now that they're not over there anymore, they bought their own. It's good because I can teach them all the mechanics of it. Anyways....

The wifey approached me a few days ago and said she felt I was being "distant" with her. I told her it's obviously because I don't trust her, and that it bothers me that she was with another man. She still vehemently claims nothing happened. I don't believe her of course. Audio doesn't lie. I told her it's going to take a long time for things to be really good again. I told her she can either live with that or call it quits.

I'm not sure if I should feel bad or not for being such a prick to her. I've really been pretty damn heartless. I still show affection and I'm probably kinder and more patient that I've ever been at home. But when the subject comes up, there's really no mercy. I think she's gotten used to it. Despite the name calling, I'm certainly not being a pu$$y when it comes to how I've approached it with her.

And thanks again for the comments and opinions. Despite the actions, I have taken them to heart and considered my options. But ya'al might as well quit with the "leave the wife" and "protect the children" rhetoric. I'm convinced that what I'm doing is best for now. Any suggestions and what to do in this situation is helpful. And yes, my actions right now might seem reactive instead of proactive. I work in quality so I understand the concept of proactive vs. reactive. But this isn't the same as writing a validation or revising and SOP. Things between my kids and I are the best they've ever been - especially since discussing this with my two older boys. While I haven't outright told them that their mother cheated, they're pretty perceptive. I think they have a decent idea of what was going on, or at least suspect there was more than meets the eye with her and him. Think what you want about my wife - I don't necessarily think much better of her at this point. But my boys and I have a good relationship and respect for one another.

 

Soooooo many threads I can pull on this...

Fuck family counseling. You need to see a therapist on your own. Because you are going to do more damage and fuck up your kids rather than protect them. Especially your daughters. Get your head out of your ass.

 

Well, since you won't listen to anything else I'm trying to tell you, the proper spelling of the bolded word, above is "y'all." I know this because I spent two years in Tennessee and Kentucky.

 

You're right. My thought there didn't convey correctly. Their protectors, both mother and father allowed this.

 

Is she under the impression that the only issue here is whether "something happened"? If so, I see that as a pretty big issue that she needs to come to terms with. Being physical isn't the only way harm a marriage. Why was she even spending time with him without you around? Why was she involving the kids, especially when he has the kind of history he does? She shouldn't be presenting her side of the argument as if she did nothing wrong.

I'm not one of those people who say people can't be friends with the opposite sex when married, but maybe I'm very old-fashioned in the belief that has to be done very carefully and with full disclosure. If she was hiding it, she knows it was wrong. She needs to come clean on that point.

 

From a conservative stand point, an emotional relationship is just as bad as a physical one, and any desire for a physical one is just as bad as acting on it.

 

Minibikes, you say

 

Sounds like you're going down the path of doing shit out of spite to try and "punish" her so she feels bad for what she did. Don't get me wrong what she did is obviously fucked as everyone here agrees, but playing that kind of crap is really counter-productive and winds up making you look like the bad guy. I'm sure a lot of us ITT have been down that road before..

GJnn5Af.png

 

Mother fucking werd

T fucks!

 

So... being distant and trying to punish and torture your wife by being a "prick" (your words) that's what's best for your family and your kids?

 

"I'm convinced that what I'm doing is best for now," said the Captain of the Titanic as it headed for an iceberg.

 

Wow.

 

You can't play a game of chicken in relationships.

 

I know it's probably obvious, but have you tried praying about it? Since you're not looking to do anything, maybe divine intervention will wrap things up.

 

Charlie Foxtrot.

 

 

I got good grades for the pride of my family and knowing my hard work would bear fruit later.
You're buying their adoration and showing them that life is fair. You're making them entitled.
Plus you bought two? why not one? exactly. Even your kids will walk over you.


t-minus til she checks out.. if not physically, mentally.
You think you're doing the best you can with what you're given.
You're not. You're making your relationship more toxic.

She's obviously an attention seeker and you're not giving her that attention.
Pedo gives her attention so he can get close to your kids.
Your wife soaks it up like a sponge. She'll do it again.

The toxicity you brew has created a divide that may never heal.
She may stay, but she'll thirst for other men for the remainder of your relationship.
Because you don't satiate her on any level other than being a provider.

If you're going to go on with your relationship, forgive her and never bring this shit up again.
Give her the attention she seeks, sacrifice your time and energy to be the best husband you can be.
Stop the pity party how it's her fault and how she reaps what she sows.

Getting a job as an uber driver to buy your kids minibikes doesn't do shit for your relationship.
Being a stay at home mom is fucking super difficult and thankless. I can't imagine dealing with 6 kids.
It's almost torture.. you're always tired, little cognitive engagement
Low-quality social interaction or emotional connection with peers.
Flowers on mother's day don't fill that void.

If I were married to you, I'd be sucking the dick of every delivery driver that came to the house.
You'd be like, what are all these Amazon purchases, and I'd be like.. we needed those things.

How about she drive uber. You take care of the kids. Shit.
Figure it out in a healthy manner, otherwise fuck off with this bullshit charade.


Thinking you're alpha and not pussy.. denial.
Separating or completely forgiving takes real courage.
You don't embody those things.









You're wife is looking like the people's champ right now compared to you.
Trying to flex on the internet, I'm in quality, I make 6 figgass.. I'm EXTRA alpha..
I bought my kids favor

It's obvious that you wish your kids knew that your wife is a cheat
You'd feel some type of vindication and probably think they'd chose you over her
Just like buying them minibikes as a reward.. more like buy their adoration over that pedos.
You're buying their love and emotionally abusing everyone around you to be in your favor
Oh pity me, she's the evil one, I'm the victim.. Boo Hoo Hoo

Stop being petty
No wonder your wife doesn't respect you
You don't conduct your life that is deserved of respect
Cherish your wife and put her above all or fuck off
Protect your kids and stop making them entitled
Be a fucking man

Only righteousness and self-sacrifice will free you of this bullshit life you're living.
Be honest with her in faith that she'll drop her bullshit and submit to you.
If not, is it really worth living such a shit life together in mistrust and dishonesty.

Your kids may chose sides when it's all said and done.. you might be surprised who side they choose.
All mom has to do is detail how toxic and emotionally abusive you been that drove her into the arms of another.
And how she didn't really S his D.. they'll reflect on how you've treated her and how cold you've been.
You're a victim, but so is she at this point. Stop acting like one, you're a man, not a toddler.

 

Maybe I missed it; how old are the kids? (NoPedo; interested because it may affect how to approach the situation)

 

Well, I thought a lot about it and decided to pull the trigger. I don't know if things could ever be the same again but I don't believe they can. While we may be able to maintain a stable household otherwise, our marriage will likely only ever be "functional". I'm not sure I'm willing to live with that. So I served her the draft papers on Saturday. She broke down and begged for me not to go through with it. I expected that. But I don't see myself budging. I did it all through the self-help section of the Utah courts website and reviewed it with a lawyer this morning. Luckily I had a legal service subscription through my work so it was free. She's refusing to even review the draft. I found it ripped up on the floor outside the spare bedroom I stayed in on Saturday morning. However, Utah law states that if the spouse refuses to sign, that I can still file as uncontested. She can still contest it after that but she'd have to pay the additional fee to amend it. I'll probably give her a week or so to reconsider.

I ran it by my parents. My stepdad approved but my Mom broke down. It's stupid because she doesn't like my wife. I think it has more to do with her concern for the kids. My parents went though a divorce with me so I'm guessing she sort of knows the feeling. Initially I asked for custody of the kids but the lawyer was pretty blunt about that. He said that joint legal custody is the norm anyways but that the chance of me getting full physical custody of the kids when there's been no evidence of abuse and would also require them moving away from their home is near impossible. It doesn't help that I can't house them all as well. However, it did say that I may be able to get 50/50 physical. This would have to involve only 3 of 6 staying with me, with the other 3 alternating every other week or so. That's one scenario anyways. I can't house all 6 at my parents house. I'm not sure what to do about them having their own space since there's only one extra room at my parents. They offered to clear out their den so one of them could have that. The other two would have to share a room. They'll have to essentially share those same rooms with the alternating kids though - since they'll be alternating in the same rooms each week. Not sure how that will work out.

My wife refused to join me in talking to them about it. So I broke it to them on my own on Sunday. My older son is at camp so I'll have to fill him in when he comes back. It didn't go so well. My 12 year old won't talk to me and my 10 and 7 year old pretty much didn't stop crying until they went to bed last night. The 3 and 1 year old obviously don't understand. I know they hate me now but hopefully they see the reasoning later down the road.

I gave her the house, which has more equity in it than our retirement accounts. I asked for all the IRA's though, including hers. Dollar for dollar, she's getting approximately 60% and I'm getting 40%. However, I only gave her the minimum child support and alimony. Surprisingly, she was ok with that. She knows I won't leave her or the kids high and dry. I don't see how she's going to be able to pay the house payment though. I told her she needs to seriously consider the possibility of moving. Refinancing is an option as well. If she did that, she could invest the equity. She'll have to pay for her own healthcare as well though (the kids are still through me) so I think cashing out the equity and renting or getting a smaller place is going to be the way to go. The house has literally increased by $150K since we bought it. That's free money. Although homes and rent are also more expensive so it's a bit of a wash. I tried explaining this to her but naturally she didn't want to listen.

I asked the lawyer what I could do to keep the creep away from them since I won't be able to prevent it half the time. Unfortunately I can't get a trespass order since I don't own the property anymore. However, if I can prove that he's had contact with them, I can get a restraining order. He said that based on history, I may be able to get one without solid proof. Since the only proof I have is from the recordings (which aren't admissible in court), I may have to opt for the 2nd option. I can also get DCFS involved but would need proof. If I can get one of my sons to admit contact with him then I'll have a case. That's yet to be seen however. They're very loyal to their mother so anything she tells them, they're going to do.

So I'm going to make the changes the lawyer suggested today and provide her the new draft.

I'll update as further events unfold.

 

I wouldn't have advised going straight to a lawyer.
But if it eroded at your spirit that much, who could blame you.

Focus on the kids.. forgive your wife and move on.
Don't fight with her or engage with her in anger.

 

Damn - I realize this is probably the best long-term answer but that won't make it any easier in the short term. Sorry you have to go through all that - hope things work out after everyone has time to adjust.

 

Don't worry about whose side the kids take.
Conduct your life righteously and with love.

The kids judgement may not seem just now, but one day it will.
Don't buy their affection or talk shit about mom to them.

Talk to the police about the pedo.
Why do you need to file a restraining order when the guy is on a no contact list for kids.
He's already prohibited by the terms of his parole and as a registered sex offender.
Do the ultimate maximum in that regard to protect your kids.

 

While he's unable (legally...) to go around kids, a restraining order is still possible. It would add the charge of a Class A Misdemeanor and likely land him jail time in addition to whatever time he'd get for violating parole. Just an added motivator not to do it.

That's no going to stop her taking the kids to his place though. Assuming she'd do that at this point. There's a chance of it, if I'm out of the picture. I don't know if she's the type of woman that needs a man in her life. We've never gotten to that point before. If so, he'd likely be the first candidate.

 

Damn, man. That's a tough step to make, but it's probably for the best overall.

If you and your wife can each find happiness apart, that will be a much healthier situation for everyone in the long run.

Change can be scary as shit, especially for a kid, so their reactions shouldn't be a surprise. They can only see the effect right now, but eventually they will learn the cause and have a life lesson to look back on if the opportunity to cheat ever comes up in their lifetime.

 

"Y'all's" is one of my favorites.