the meme left out my favorite, being "Y'all'd've'bin"

Either way OP it sounds like you wised up and figured out going the calculated route is the best option. Yes you will seem cold and stoic but it's for the best in the end. If you stayed the course like you wanted to earlier in this thread I'm sure she would have eventually come back and done something twice as heinous.

 

*y'all'd've b'n*

 

y'all'd've'f'I''d've

 

This must suck hardcore for you and I’m really surprised to see this flip, what was the final straw? Kids don’t understand now but they will long term and more importantly, you are doing what’s best for them and yourself because this relationship is in a bad place

 

I'm not understanding the decision to give her the house, given the circumstances. If you believe you are in a better position to provide them and protect them from the pedophile, why not make her be the one to move?

 

What is he going to do with an 8 person house while he’s working overtime, and where is she going to live with 6 kids? What’s best for the kids?

 

I should have stated that him keeping the house would be additional evidence in favor of his getting full or primary custody.

 

Im not getting a lot...so much is very suspect.

 

I’ll be the first to admit I’m only an amateur family law attorney moonlighting on AZ.

 

I'm not an attorney at all, just a forensic accountant, but it was just a thought on my part; I have no idea if my suggestion would actually fly or even be feasible. Just kind of thinking out loud.

 

Some would say a true Alpha would keep the house

 

I didn't really consider the option of keeping the house and kicking her out. I'll have to bring that up with the lawyer. For some reason, I don't see that going over very well with a judge. Kicking an unemployed mother out of her home when I don't have the ability to take care of the kids full-time. Keep in mind, I have a 1 and 3 year old. It's not like they're all teenagers. I'm not sure what I'd even do in that situation. I'd have to get a nanny or something, which I can't really afford. The possibility with alternating at the parents is that my mom, who doesn't work, can watch them while I'm at work. And my step-dad is there much of the time as well.

The change of heart mostly came from the realization that things can never be good again. I mean, maybe they could, but I don't see it happening. Who knows, maybe one day we'd even get back together. I've thought about that possibility. But I realize I can't have my wife cheat on me and just sit here like it didn't happen. I'm still back and forth on it a bit. This week has sort of been hell.

 

You made the right choice, it's not easy, but things will never be right in your marriage after this.

 

I realize this may sound nuts but I'll throw it out there.

The logistics of what you are trying to do sound incredibly challenging. Accommodating that many people, with two of them being very young, would be a huge challenge even in the absence of all this going on with you and your wife.

What if the two of you agreed to separate, but remain in the home together with the kids until both of you can figure out an exit strategy. Sounds like she needs a job, you need to sort out where to live, and you need to figure out what happens with the kids. Basically, you are roommates for the time being until you can part ways where you both land on your feet.

When people are subject to desperate situations, they make poor choices. I think if your unemployed wife is facing the hard reality of what to do with six kids and no job, she's going to make bad choices and your kids will be part of that. To be quite honest she may very well latch onto the first guy that is willing to support them, and that's has a lot of risk to it. She may very well lean on the pedo. You living with your parents doesn't sound ideal either, and trading physical custody of 3 sets of kids every couple weeks sounds very hard on the kids.

If you and your wife can remain civil, just keeping the kids together and keeping things somewhat normal might be the better near-term call than this massive upheaval where neither of you seem to have a good landing spot. That kind of disruption can be VERY taxing to your kids.

Just a thought -

 

This was my thought as well, moving the kids to and from your parents house seems like a hassle and will add a lot of stress and confusion to those kids that will be going back and forth. Seems like a very complicated solution. Living together while separated does not sound ideal, however it's your house that you work and pay for, so maybe splitting out or staying in that other room is a decent solution so as to not uproot your kids so much. With all this confusion and uncertainty with the divorce, I think having their living situation more stable would help. Also, if you plan to keep tabs on your wife still it would make it easier and make it harder for her to see the creep if you're still living there and around the kids, all the kids....

 

This has all the makings of a great sitcom!

 

Jerry Springer, man.

 

I'll discuss it with her. She's still shaken up but I think she's starting to face reality.

I don't think it will be that bad for the summer but the logistics will become more difficult when school starts.

 

@Majofo could watch the kids

 

Uncle Majofo loves the kids

 

Divorce but stay under one roof
What's the point, if you're going to divorce, cut the cord already
Rather be living poor than living miserably

 

Honestly, when we've been on the rocks I have considered ways we could live in the same place but separated. The only real point of contention I ever came up with is the idea of a new significant other you can't bring home.

 

You just need a method to tell the other to fuck off

Jofo Method - NSFW

 

How’d you find my sketch pad?





Wasn’t so much concerned about the ex as what the new SO would think.

 

Has your wife crawled back to pedo yet since serving her?

 

Not openly. I haven't been monitoring or spying but I don't believe she's seeing him behind closed doors - only because of something surprising that happened last time we spoke. I refuse to argue with her but I did mention how the secretive stuff is ridiculous and that a relationship should be transparent. I told her than her refusing to let me see her phone is one example of that.

She agreed and handed over her phone. I scoured it for a while but couldn't find anything she sent to the creep. She didn't have time beforehand to delete anything and I was the one who brought up the subject, so I don't know how she would have planned it. Granted, she could have planned on letting me see her phone at some point, maybe that day OR she could be deleting her texts and call history to him as she goes. But both of those possibilities are not terribly likely.

Things are still going forward though. We're both being civil.

 

She deleted the incriminating stuff already
Sounds like she checked out as well

Sorry it went down this road OP
Best of luck for what's remaining

 

Do you know this guys number? You can look at text/call history on your monthly bill. I assume you are the "owner" of that? Still fairly new to her, It will be interesting to see if she ever goes back.

 

Burner phone. 100%.

She showed you *a* phone. Not *the* phone.

 

I know you said things are going forward but does that mean you are still splitting? I really hope things are working out for the best but I'm predicting you will stay in this cycle.

She deletes things immediately so she can show you at any time,

 

Reason to look at the paper trail on the account. That will show all messages/calls even if deleted.

 

I'm surprised I'm saying this but I think you are too deep into depreciation on this car to consider selling it or trading in.

Your actions, be it neglecting her or not seeing that she may have been damaged before making 6 kids with her...led you here.
Now you changed your mind and you don't think this is a relationship fulfilling enough to ever be the same. Nothing is the same
and nothing lasts forever. I know it's not ideal but it's where you're at now. Work through this shit with her. Be tough, be a little
bit of an asshole without apology and handle business. I hope I'm not too far off here but you need to grow up a tad because it's
chasing your fleeting emotions is affecting a LOT of other people (some would say a whole volleyball team). Trust me, I can relate
as I'm a very emotional guy too.

She's gonna lose the house, burn through the 150K and go cling to someone else that isn't the father of her 6 kids and presumably
not as good for her. She can't pay for the house and childcare either? And Maj is right...watching 6 kids from 1 UP is a thankless
job. Going to work is a vacation but you get props for being the breadwinner. She da real MVP.

And you, livin on yo momma couch and watching 3 kids at a time? These are not even step siblings or half siblings...full on blood
growing up living in grandmas house and only getting to know 2 other siblings at a time? Fuck that shit...by the way, when is the last
time you watched the kids alone? SIX of them? You will want to kill yourself. If you do go balls deep and do this...3 sets of fucking
bunk beds or let your wife raise them and plan to pay her out of your asshole until they are all 18 or more.


Also in one post you said she tore it up and refused to look and in another you said she agreed to certain terms.
Are you catfishing us?

 

Yes, but the bill doesn't break down calls or texts. We have Cricket which is pretty basic. Just shows the services and addons.

Nah. It's her phone. She's got a ton of texts from friends and piano students.

Yes, still splitting. Like I said, she could delete things immediately but it's unlikely considering the circumstance. Possible, not probable.


I did find his number in her phone, but no texts or calls to him over the last month. Last call to him according to her history was about 6 weeks ago. There were no texts, which is suspicious since she told me he's texted her a couple times over the last month or so. When I brought this up, she said that she deleted them because she doesn't want any visible history of it and want's to eliminate any trace of him or his correspondence. That sounded weird at first but I suppose it makes sense.

 

Again:
She went to the gas station, or pedo went to the gas station, and bought a pay as you go burner. They communicate on that one. Everyone else communicates on the one you know about.

It's Shady Business 101.

 

So he texted her over the last month or so, supposedly no responses back to him, but you will never know since she deleted them anyway. You can't view the text history. Man, that sounds pretty suspicious to me with a good lie to cover up contact with him. Wouldn't be surprised if she "deletes" his number but in reality changes his name to someone wanting piano lessons.

 

I spent the first 8 pages of this thread stating the same things - that I could work it out even if things may never be the same. Now you speak up saying I should man up and hack it out? That was my whole plan from the beginning.

Not sure what catfishing is but this is the real deal. Yes, she tore up the draft copy I printed out from the self-help website that the Utah Court provides. After a few days I came back with another one and told her we need to review it or I can legally file it without her approval as uncontested, if she's not willing to review or sign. We briefly went over it but she didn't seem to be interested in the nitty gritty and didn't disagree with anything. It seems she's just given up or something and doesn't even care.

 

Very well. What exactly do you propose I do even if that's the situation? If she's still in cahoots with him, how will that change things vs. her getting back with him after the divorce? Yes, if I catch him near the kids I can report it to the cops. But she may very well be meeting up at his place or somewhere else without him coming to the house. Or she could bring the kids over without me knowing. I can't monitor everything all the time.

 

Also, I should say that the current state of things is a bit mixed. I have everything ready to file. The lawyer has reviewed it and it's ready to roll. But I haven't filed yet. It's sort of like jumping off a cliff. And it costs $318 which I'm hesitant to pay, hoping somehow that some miraculous event occurs.

 

yeah...
something about the image you painted of how things will go now if you DO get divorced freaked me the fuck out.
It's easy to armchair quarter back over here so don't read that with a shitty tone. I don't know you or your life...just
trying to talk it out with you since you made a public thing.

Catfishing is bullshittin people...
like holy lord...from the 6 kids to the pedo to the back and forth to the financial situation. It's a lotttttt!!!!!!!

 

I figured that what catfishing meant.

I don't think she'll be up the creek. First, the house is worth 480K and there's only 150K left on the mortgage. It's a very nice home and way more than what's really needed. We picked it up as a short sale during the recession for half of what it's worth now. Each of our kids have their own room and we still have a spare. I thought it was great when we bought it but upkeep is a bear as is heating and cooling it. I've suggested several times that we should downsize but she's veto'd that every time. Homes in our neighborhood have sold in <1 week at or above asking price. It would be very easy for her to sell, take the equity and purchase another home that was more reasonable. Yeah, some of the kids may need to share a room at that point but that's not going to kill them.

Also, if she wanted to keep the house, she could rent out the basement and likely pay the current mortgage with that rent. If she refinanced she could get the payment down to probably 80% of what it is now (the original loan was 200K). The basement has a walk-out, kitchenette, dining area, 2 bedrooms, a large common area, a play room and a 3/4 bath. About 2000 sq. ft. Based on what other folks in the neighborhood rent their basements out for, that would easily go for $800-$1000 a month where we live. Utah is in a housing crisis which puts her in an excellent position.

Lastly, she knows I won't leave her high and dry. I'm not a perfect husband or father but I'm an excellent provider. She knows I'd do anything needed for the kids.

And yes, I regularly take care of all 6 kids. Yes, it's a lot of work. But keep in mind that the two older boys help more than they need help. My wife can easily run errands while either one, or both, of the two older boys are at home and take care of the younger ones.

Plus - I'd be available, or make myself available, to watch the kids or run them around any time. I've made her well aware of that.