You got me. I couldn't remember and didn't go back and read so won't try to say otherwise.

He hasn't yet acted/touched someone or at least been caught for it then. That being said if I was a parent I wouldn't want my kid around it either way.

 

Oh, in that case

 

 

Yes. The good news is that I'm in a situation to easily ask, and likely get, joint custody of the children and half the assets. Although I don't have hard evidence of adultery and wouldn't likely be able to defend an at-fault divorce, I do have evidence that she allowed children to visit a registered sex-offender, that she had inappropriate sexual conversations with him and that she intentionally kept it from me. The law states that some things shouldn't be considered in a divorce but according to the lawyers I've spoken to, it's not uncommon to see a Judge rule in favor of someone when the other party seems to be at obvious fault. That's just subjective and theoretical but based on the situation, the two lawyers I've spoken to say it's very likely a Judge would easily rule 50/50.

Majofo and ttribe, and others who say I should man up and get a divorce - I understand what you're saying. I don't consider it the easy route since it would be easier to just drop her like a bag of dirt and move on rather than try to make things work. But I do consider the idea that she likely no longer respects me and is just keeping me around until the creep is off parole.

I'll reconsider based on your thoughts. I can't deny that you could be right about her.

First, you should know that my kids are no longer seeing him. Or at least I'm 99% sure. I can't monitor them at all times but I've been much more vigilant about asking the wifey where they are, what their plans are and threatening to turn both her and the creep in if there's any contact whatsoever. I personally think she was having them see him because she thought I'd never find out. Now that the cat is out of the bag, I think she realizes the risk she'd be taking with letting them see him. If her plan is to get with him after parole, letting him see the kids would be a massive risk that I don't think she's willing to take. So I'm not worried about that. But I am toying with the idea of turning him in for seeing them in the first place.

 

I didn't say divorce, I said be righteous.

Dangling the threat of turning her in only makes your relationship more toxic and makes you more abhorrent to her.

You think you have control over the situation, but you're only making things worse IMO.

The guise of keeping the family together is just a lie you're trying to live with. It's not being honest. The truth will set you free.

 

 

I mean red text wasn't just implied there I mean seriously it starts with the minor stuff and just continues in my opinion.

 

Glad to see you're coming around a bit but it sounds like she is still very much in control of things and isn't thinking logically. Obviously, I don't know either of you but I don't know that she is really thinking about any repercussions of her actions with him so I'm not sure that threat is weighing much on her.

 

What a fucked up situation, and I wish you the best. But, she "likely" no longer respects you? Are you serious? She hasn't respected you for years.


Let Peter Steele preach to you, and release some aggression while you're at it:

 

Sadly I feel like this story is all too common (besides the pedo part). Young people get married and/or start having kids, and eventually hit some kind of panic mode or crisis where they're willing to throw everything away.

 

This.

 

So knowing the situation, what would you do?

 

I hope you're talking about his wife, and not encouraging him to stay in a dangerous marriage.

 

He said it above.. Clean house, take the kids, divorce her and report the guy if he is in violation of anything. Start standing up for you and your kids.

 

Yes, talking about his wife. In this case, throwing it away for a pedo Now that I read that again I see that it wasn't clear.

 

Mark this on your Calendar!!! We agree!!!

 

Let's agree to disagree on agreeing.

 

Hope it works out in the best interest of your kids man.... At the end of the day just remember your duty is to protect your kids and be a good dad. If you aren't doing either of those, you gotta change your habits and thought process...

 

First let me say how sorry I am you have to go through this. Nothing about this is easy. I have a few thoughts.

From what I've ready you've been down this road before - possible infidelity, separation..... This isn't my quote but found it to be true: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. If this was the first incident I might feel differently, but I think she's saying very clearly who she is. I'm not detecting any real difference in her behavior than you'd see from an abusive spouse. They do it, they are sorry, promise it will never happen again...until it does, and it repeats.

I get it your kids are your main concern. Consider also they know exactly what's going on. No way to hide it. Here is what concerns me - your sons and daughters are looking at your relationship, and what they see is teaching them what to expect from their own relationships. Remember you and your wife are the example that will shape their early understanding of what to expect from a partner. Are your sons seeing a man who is letting a woman treat him poorly yet he remains? If they are, they are at high risk of entering into relationships with women who may do the same. Are your daughters seeing that its OK to cheat and disrespect their husband? What happens when these kids learn who mom has exposed them to? They will - that kind of truth never stays hidden.

I mention all that because if your kids best interest is at heart, you may consider that what they are being exposed to is worse than a divorce. Honestly I think your kids would be better off seeing their dad in a healthy, functioning relationship based on love and mutual respect.

As for this other guy, under no circumstances should your kids be anywhere near him. I think enough on that has been said.

Obviously no one here has all the info on the dynamic between you and your wife. You've mentioned she's a good mom. I think part of being a good mom is being a good wife. Part of the influence you have over your kids is showing them how to be in a relationship. What they see will have a huge influence on their future relationships. Showing children dysfunction and infidelity is not being a good mom. Showing kids deception is not being a good mom. Placing her selfish needs ahead of her family is not being a good mom.

I wish you all the best.

 

Well???????

 

From his casual presence on other threads.. I'm guessing this was all a social research experiment.. and the OP is really TheChamp531

 

Damnit, Courtney...Again?

 

That or his wife apologized, said she would never do it again, he put the tracking device on her car, they banged, Molesty is now picking her up from random parking lots and banging as well; all is well.

 

Way to be debbie downer
Shit

 

Sorry, no followup lately. I guess there's not much to say. Yes, she's apologized and hell no, she's not pregnant. We're rebuilding from square 1.

The truth is, if it weren't for the kids, I'd be gone. But I don't have it in me to screw them up.

The wifey has asked that I get rid of the recordings. Not happening. Although they're not of value in court, her knowing that someone else could hear them terrifies her. She's heard them and they're more than incriminating.

We're friendly to each other and more affectionate lately but there's no sex. I can't get my head around her having been with this guy. It's going to take time and counseling to get to that point.

I've been spending lots of time with the kids as well as going out more with her and trying to get back to a good place. I'd say we're in a fairly good place now. But the trust is gone and will take a long time to rebuild. If ever.

It's turned everything upside down. But for now, I'm biding my time. I will play detective again but not for a while. Probably a few months when the dust has settled. She's realized that I'm a bit more covert than she thought and naturally, she's super paranoid right now. After a few months, especially if she's seeing him without me acting weird or confronting her, she'll probably get lazy. It's at that point that I'll likely be able to figure things out (again...).

As delusional as some of you may think I am, I don't think she's seeing him anymore. During our arguments, I've brought up things she apparently never thought about. Like how he'd never be able to get a decent job with his record. How he won't be allowed to be around children, especially if I report him. How I'd easily be able to get half the assets as well as joint custody of the children and what that would mean for her. How we'd have to sell the house and she'd have to find a place on her own (that especially freaks her out). I on the other hand, have parents with a good sized home that I could easily crash at for a good long time until I got a place. There would be major $hit to pay in so many ways for her if we got a divorce and this got out into the open.

So the question becomes, is she just "behaving" in order for me not to leave? Maybe. At the end of the day I'm not sure I care. I want my kids to have a safe and happy home, which they do. The wifey and I are getting along well and there's no animosity. I'm happy enough with that for now. Things may evolve and more may happen. We'll see.

 

Your basically setting yourself up for failure again.
You said it yourself, you WILL play detective again and she will slip up again once she becomes lazy.

I know its easy to be a third party and just suggest what to do, while your fully immersed in it and it is a very complicated situation.
But it all comes down to one thing, kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids.
You gotta do what's best for them, and although it may seem like keeping your relationship together is better for them, you are risking much greater things as well.

Just my two cents man, I would have left with the kids long ago.
Trust will never be earned, not for me anyway.

 

I hope you are going to counseling. In your last update ,it was hard to tell if you are going or not. With counseling, the road will still be rough but without it, it will be impossible. Good luck to you.

 

Maybe you should kill the pedo, probably your best bet

 

Personally, I am not in favor of extra-judicial killing, and in this case, I think killing is too good for a pedo; engineer a way for the guy to get put away for a long-long time.

 

Our good advice isn't being heard
Might as well try bad advice

 

I'm not one to completely discount that people can change, but I think there is an above average chance she repeats at some future time. If you are going to ride it out until that happens, I can only suggest that you have a plan. Set some money aside that she doesn't have access to, maybe a credit card in your name only (if you don't already have one), and a definite plan that if she does this again you have it all figured out. Where to go, where to take the kids, and the means to get out and stay out if needed.

 

Let me get this straight - divorcing kids' mom who had an affair with a child porn felon is "screw[ing] them up", but staying in a marriage that risks their exposure to said child porn felon is NOT "screw[ing] them up?" I think you have that exactly backwards.

 

@Majofo My timeline maybe a bit off but tell me I'm wrong

Dude, the kids know somethings up. I commend you for holding it together but if you're having her listen to the tapes, I can't imagine things are as smooth as you are making them seem.

 

I meant you spittin facts
Only the OP is in denial
We all know what's up..

Wife gonna get preggers, raise another man's kid
Or he gon get his eldest daughter preggers

I did say kill the guy right
Majofo always gives sage advice

 

She's playing you like a fiddle. She will gain your trust again and figure out a way to sneak around again. Why waste the time and heartache to "see" if this time it will work.

 

As long as OP isn’t fooling himself that there will ever be a healthy relationship, this is probably the best way to protect the kids in that he has the ability to see them everyday. The wife and the relationship is a lost cause based on the last OP post. Maybe in two years it could prevail with some major counseling and change, but it’s most likely not happening.

OP gives up his marriage, checks in with his kids everyday, and bears down for the next ~17 years. Happens a lot.

 

 

Once a cheater...always a cheater.

 

Yeah I don't get that logic either

 

Fuck the pedo to establish dominance. Give him a taste of his own medicine.