justnspace

iTrader: (1)

def. sucks to hear about a break up, or uncertainty.

to keeping your head up.

polobunny

You're pretty. I think.

I'd rather have a TL. Oh wait.

Brake_L8

Ha, thanks man. I know there are other good people out there to meet, it's just easy to get caught up in the "typical DC gay" crowd who doesn't understand why you like playing with those car things, and thinks that living outside the Beltway is akin to living in Guam. Frustrating, but thankfully "those people" don't make up "everyone" around here.

polobunny

Sounds like hell. Are you supposed not to enjoy cars or something? o_O

Brake_L8

If you talk to that crowd, their only hobby is "brunch" so you tell me

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

Ryan sounds really insecure and/or young. Either way, not your cross to bear. Much better now than after years and a lot of emotion and shared experiences...nothing to be upset or mad at, like you said...it's a choice and maybe he's just not at your level in his life yet.

You're a sharp guy that knows cars.

One less car for you to maintain!

When I was single, the most exciting thing to me was knowing that every day might be the day that I'd meet the person for me. Eventually, it was the case.

Oh, and you're pretty.
Fk it, fedex him his Christmas gift.

polobunny

What's wrong with brunch and mimosas?

Brake_L8

Lawd, just what I needed to hear and the "exciting thing" part is some really good perspective.

I could easily drop his Christmas gift on his front porch when he's not home, I know his schedule pretty well. I guess I'll just wait and see when he wants to get together and how much of an ass I'm feeling like that day :P

Also, I figure I'll stick around on here, y'all are fun.

polobunny

Freaking relationships I can never get a hang of them. It's been up and down with the GF for like a year. She's bipolar, doesn't want to take meds, we're all kinda too broke for psychologist sorta stuff so we just need to get through it. Being an adult isn't even fun. I was told it would be fun.

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

Honestly, 90% of the old timers on AZ haven't had an Acura in a decade. I'll speak for myself here, but I'd miss you. There are quite a few witty, funny people that are intellectual enough to be taken seriously but don't take themselves that way. It's refreshing. Don't leave.

Absolutely, man...the reason I give that perspective is because I had a really hard break up when I was 25 and that was the mentality that got me through. Once the rose colored glasses came off and I admitted to myself all the things I had compromised on to be with this person that wasn't right for me...it was a relief to know that I had the unknown to look forward to rather than being guaranteed being in a relationship I wasn't happy in.

Actually, the time period right after that is where I developed a lot of the hobbies I still love today...jogging, mountain biking, self reflection to improve for the next gal...yada yada...

Jamie's 08 TL

Yes Jake, you should def stick around AZ! We'd all miss you, I think. Of course, I can only speak for myself.

Jamie's 08 TL

I'm bout it bout it! I'll have a Denver omlet and 4 mimosas!

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

Polo...

They all have issues...if she has issues that you can't address or won't be something tolerable for the next 50 years, then unfortunately she needs to "get right" on her own. I have had the label of being a fixer too, always picking up the pieces for the broken girls...dating girls with kids (*pretty sure I hold a record).

One day Mom told me I date down because of my insecurities...she was right. 2 months later, after giving myself daily affirmations and positive internal reinforcement I met Betty and had to try hard to tell myself I deserved it. Gorgeous, college grad, independent and could make me laugh...7 years later here we are.

That said, we've had plenty of "maybe this isn't right" moments...mainly propelled by us being TOO independent and not needy so we both had a flight mentality. Plus, I do sometimes wonder what other fun bags would look like bouncing all over my face, although I have never cheated nor plan to.

I think the worst thing you can do to something like a mental disorder is feed it with medicine or even a name. She has ups and downs...maybe driven by hormones...

Buy her a book called "The Art of Happiness" by the Dalai Lama. I spent most of my youth not wanting to be here. Doom and gloom, on Prozac in HS...one Dr said I was incapable of happiness so I gave up on even trying at that point. Rough going during the following decade until I read the first 5 pages of that book. Bam, you will have ups and downs but nothing lasts forever and you can decide whether or not you're happy. Sure, I've had days where I'm bleak or down...but being productive or fixing something or going to bed to start fresh the next day helps with those...but it's been over 10 years now and I've not been depressed one day since then.

And all that without professional help or even medication (unless you count the fine spirits they call vodka ).

polobunny

Thanks for the long post.

I try to tell her to look on the bright side of things but it's not always easy. Sometimes she doesn't seem to notice how negative she is with even the simplest things. I'm not the happiest sounding person, I'm full of sarcasm and gloom ideas but deep down I'm a very happy person. My life is great and I enjoy most of it.

As for meds, I'm not for it either. But I'm for trying things. Lately she's been off the pill and she got a copper IUD (as opposed to hormone based ones) installed instead thinking it could help her mood swings. It seems to help, but not to a sufficient enough level in my opinion.
Sometimes it becomes painful dragging someone who's complaining for every reason when there's no reason to do it. It's usually small things, but even a water drop will erode a rock if it falls in the same spot for a long time...

I've always been a fixer. Not with relationships specifically, it's just who I am. I had an alcoholic dad who worked long hours to earn enough money to feed us and when he came home he drank beer until he went to bed. I quickly became the fatherly role being the oldest of 4 kids and that just stuck around. It's hard for me to "let go" when people have difficulties even if it's not my problem and doesn't even affect me, so it's twice as hard when it does.

I'm aware she needs to get it right on her own, but it still sucks that I'm having more and more difficulty seeing a favorable outcome to our love story. :/

Brake_L8

I can identify with "being the fixer" too. I think I'm pretty empathetic, just by nature, and I don't mind being supportive. But dammit, I need to be with someone who's got their head firmly screwed on straight. Or mostly straight. Wait, not straight. Y'all get my point.

And the other thing, that may sound kinda silly but probably not... I loooove doing little "surprise and delight" type of things for my S.O. that show I've been listening, paying attention, etc. without expecting anything in return. But sometimes, it'd be really nice to be on the receiving end of that sort of stuff.

Jamie's 08 TL

J is absolutely right; life is full of ups and downs! That's just how it is and will always be. The hard times make you stronger and wiser. And, how you handle those times are completely up to you. You can get down and depressed and feel sorry for yourself. Or, you can have the attitude Jeremy described and wake up everyday with the attitude "This could be the day that things turn around for the better" Like I said to Jake, when one door closes, another one will always open.

polobunny

This post could be soooo misinterpreted. :ghey:

That said I totally understand you. It's ironic how people say I'm hard to approach yet once they're in my circle I'll pamper the shit out of them.

Good luck with your love stuff anyway. If it's meant to be, it's gonna get better between you two, and if it's not, it's gonna get better for you two... just separately.

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

Jake, if you're going after straight guys, that right thurrr might be yer problem!



Yeah, totally agree with you guys...you all are sharp, you know what you're doing. Tough choice, but hard as fk to not expect people to do what you do. Even with Betty...I am better about day to day keeping the house neat and remembering things and writing things in a planner...a lot of time it feels like STEP UP and help remember stuff. That'll never happen though, she's who she is and I'm who I am and it obviously must work. I just have to work on not having an expectation...

Yumcha

Good morning, folks.

TacoBello

Ah, we've gone from being complete asses to empathetic, caring people. Who woulda thunk?

Jake, it doesn't matter what side your on of a break up, break ups always suck. They might not right away, but eventually they do. I know it's also hard to look at the bright side of things soon after, but if life has taught me anything, things eventually and always get better- that is assuming one doesn't develop an addiction of some sort along the way. Then things generally get worse, lol.

Everything in life happens for a reason, and although it doesn't make much sense now, eventually it will. I was in a funk for about 18 months after breaking up with a girl, and yes, I did the breaking up only to regret it after, lol. Had a few flings in that 18 months but nothing felt right and I'd call it off soon after. And then I met my wife. She came out of nowhere and I couldn't be happier these days. I think we've all gone through bad break ups at some point- and yet we're all kicking it here.

I hope you kick around here too for the long term. And like J said, you don't even need to drive an acura to be here- and why would you, they're garbage all jokes aside, it's good having another car guru around!

polobunny

You scare me man, almost as much as Jamie.

TacoBello

There's stuff about my wifey that drives me crazy. There's stuff about me that drive her crazy. Yet by the end of the day, we look past the trivial stuff and are happy we have each other. No one said marriage is easy, but at the same time, there's something about understanding the significant other and knowing their weaknesses and being able to strengthen them and vice versa. It's like being two gears in a MT and working smoothly by means of a perfect synchro and GMSMFM.

Jamie's 08 TL

Wow.. I'm starting to see many of us have a lot in common. I've always been a "fixer" type as well. I met my ex-wife when I was 17. She came to my high school our junior year. She had grown up in foster homes because her father had molested her when she was 12 and her mom was a drug addict. We became good friends, and I eventually grew to love her and wanted to give her a better life somehow. We got married at 22, and had 2 kids together. My daughter is now 12, and my son is 9. She and I were off and on for 13 years. The problem was she could never be faithful and I was the opposite. I slept with her and only her from 17-27 years old. At 30, I realized I can't fix everyone or help someone that doesn't want to be helped. We divorced and now I pay $932 a mth in child support. But, overall, I'm much happier these days. I'm 34 now and have been with someone else now for 26 mths. I hate that I don't see my kids every day. But, overall, life is great. And, I know I have so much to look forward to in my future. I think one of the main keys to happiness is to keep a positive mindset.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

ive always been the Fixeee.


Mothers are attracted to me. finally, I asked one....

"honey, it looks like you need help"

polobunny

Like the 3rd and the 4th gear in Frosty's transmission I bet. :')

polobunny

rofl. Forever a foul bachelor.

Yumcha

Well, in Asia, we usually give the other person a swift backhand to the face and ask that she goes to the kitchen and fix me a nice bowl of pho/ramen or something.

Majofo

You're free to find someone worthy. Sometimes you have people in your life that aren't meant to be there and they're only occupying space to keep away those that are worthy. Now that he's gone, you're free to meet that right person. Sooner the better. Single in the dead of winter sucks.. can't help you there.. but stay busy, focus on yourself, treat yourself, enjoy the free time.



What do you have against Guam?


That's the thing.. nobody is really broken. Maybe emotional or mental issues, but that's who they are. Nothing to fix, just need to accept them as they are. That's why so many relationships end. There's a fixer who figures out after a lot of turmoil that they can't fix what's not broken. You can't change someone. People change, but not necessarily the way we want them to.

Franchise1124

Sorry to hear about your situation, Jake. It seems like you have the right mindset about it all so I'm sure you'll be fine. Also, definitely stick around A-zine. These guys will definitely keep your spirits up!

Jamie's 08 TL

I've always heard Asian women are very loyal and strive to take care of their men in every way.

Jamie's 08 TL

Exactly! It took me years to realize my ex-wife is who she is and will never be who I wanted her to be.

Majofo

And might I say.. owning an Acura is just no. You should have known Jake.. worst tossers, ever.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

funny, my co-worker Ida is moving to Guam next month to complete her Masters.

Majofo

at UOG? wtf..

Jamie's 08 TL

I've heard it said, people will let go of someone that has 80% of the qualities they're looking for because they think someone else has the other 20%. But, that other person will be lacking 20% in other areas. The fact is, no one is going to have 100% of exactly what we want, and we should be thankful for the 80% they do have and compromise and accept the 20% they may lack.

Majofo

Being from Houston.. she'll love it. Ask if she likes brown trouser snakes..

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

Brake_L8

It makes sense and I think that's what he did.

To be fair, I like his TL quite a bit, but for the love of god why do all the interior bulbs burn out?

He was good at tossing. Well, being tossed.

Majofo

of course we're great tossees..

Majofo

seriously good community here.. most of the OGs hang out in Car Talk / Ramblings anyways.. and like it was stated.. it's more audizine / bmzine / mazdazine in those parts. 95% of them are good tossers as well.