so confused, gf had drunken sex (pg. 7 Update)
#81
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so wait. She had him put a condom on?!?!?! Her stories are not going together very well. So in the middle of her saying "no stop" she happened to tell him" oh yeah, put on a condom".....
Like some in here have said b4, alot of chics these days get drunk, have regrets , then cry rape. And she'll def have a story if there is a chance of getting caught. Now I am not saying this guy was right for doing what he did, but I really think you need to sit down & think about all the shit she has said.
If this goes to court & she tells a judge "i was raped, but had him put a condom on" what do u think the judge & his lawyer will think?
Like some in here have said b4, alot of chics these days get drunk, have regrets , then cry rape. And she'll def have a story if there is a chance of getting caught. Now I am not saying this guy was right for doing what he did, but I really think you need to sit down & think about all the shit she has said.
If this goes to court & she tells a judge "i was raped, but had him put a condom on" what do u think the judge & his lawyer will think?
#82
Nom Nom Nom Nom
This is such a grey topic. Without both parties stories its hard to say. Girls use rape way too much, what is that saying? "cant rape the willing". Did he take advantage of her, ya probably. But her friends should not have left her there alone with this guy. I really wouldnt consider them friends. if she did get raped then i totally sympathize, it is a very horrible thing that could happen to someone. I wouldnt wish it on anyone. Cuz like that should have their dicks cut off. Without a doubt.
Did she say she faught at all?
Did she say she faught at all?
Last edited by SwervinCL; 01-16-2006 at 03:21 PM.
#83
Nom Nom Nom Nom
Originally Posted by 99_CL_girl
so wait. She had him put a condom on?!?!?! Her stories are not going together very well. So in the middle of her saying "no stop" she happened to tell him" oh yeah, put on a condom".....
Like some in here have said b4, alot of chics these days get drunk, have regrets , then cry rape. And she'll def have a story if there is a chance of getting caught. Now I am not saying this guy was right for doing what he did, but I really think you need to sit down & think about all the shit she has said.
If this goes to court & she tells a judge "i was raped, but had him put a condom on" what do u think the judge & his lawyer will think?
Like some in here have said b4, alot of chics these days get drunk, have regrets , then cry rape. And she'll def have a story if there is a chance of getting caught. Now I am not saying this guy was right for doing what he did, but I really think you need to sit down & think about all the shit she has said.
If this goes to court & she tells a judge "i was raped, but had him put a condom on" what do u think the judge & his lawyer will think?
She didnt ask him to put one on, she made sure that he had one on?
#85
Nom Nom Nom Nom
Originally Posted by griff43081
making sure is still being aware enough to say no....
so its not rape if she knew what was going on and let it hapen.
so its not rape if she knew what was going on and let it hapen.
#86
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Originally Posted by SwervinCL
She didnt ask him to put one on, she made sure that he had one on?
still. I didnt check to see if the scumbags that grabbed me had a rubber on. That was the last thing on my mind. But I agree that this guy does need to hear both sides of the story.
#87
damn, such a fucked up situation to be in
it would depend largely on whether or not I trusted her and could believe her story. but, don't be naive and not take whether or not she was just being a drunken slut into consideration. although it's hard to hear, think about it because it's possible.
ultimately this will be a huge test of your relationship (if it does last)
personally I would be incredibly pissed off that she would even keep that company in the first place, but it's too late for that
it would depend largely on whether or not I trusted her and could believe her story. but, don't be naive and not take whether or not she was just being a drunken slut into consideration. although it's hard to hear, think about it because it's possible.
ultimately this will be a huge test of your relationship (if it does last)
personally I would be incredibly pissed off that she would even keep that company in the first place, but it's too late for that
#88
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This is one messed up situation to be in.
Be there for her now, while she's emotionally distraught because
1) It was truly rape.
2) she is guilty because she f***** up.
Then come back to your feelings and see whether you can get over it and ever trust her enough to go out by herself because all things said and done, "Some" of this is definitely her fault regardless of whether it was rape or not. I know that's selfish because if it was rape that will only add to her emotional instability but it's the reality of things I guess.
Her story sounds all messed up, but that could also be because you heard this from her and were shocked or she just couldn't gather thoughts at the time.
Be there for her now, while she's emotionally distraught because
1) It was truly rape.
2) she is guilty because she f***** up.
Then come back to your feelings and see whether you can get over it and ever trust her enough to go out by herself because all things said and done, "Some" of this is definitely her fault regardless of whether it was rape or not. I know that's selfish because if it was rape that will only add to her emotional instability but it's the reality of things I guess.
Her story sounds all messed up, but that could also be because you heard this from her and were shocked or she just couldn't gather thoughts at the time.
#89
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Originally Posted by Street Spirit
Not related to this specific thread/situation in general, but you sound like THE BIGGEST asshole, low-life, self-centered, out-of-touch, insensitive, arrogant, smallest, low-on-the-intelligence-scale, immature, uncaring, thoughtless pig there ever was. Wow.
You've got a lotta learning and growing to do, kid.
.
EDIT: Ooops! My apologies, Mike... I guess ^this^ comment should really be shared between you and Titand19.
You've got a lotta learning and growing to do, kid.
.
EDIT: Ooops! My apologies, Mike... I guess ^this^ comment should really be shared between you and Titand19.
The whole condom thing is weird, maybe she knew she was being raped and finally accepted her fate and let it happan just so she wouldn't get the crap beat out of her if she tried to resist. Tough call.
#91
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Originally Posted by SwervinCL
But people dont LET rape happen. Sometimes it is out of peoples control. So thats not exactly true either.
true .. but i'm saying .. she cant blame being too drunk to realizer what was going on b/c she obvisouly KNEW what was happening.
and i say its not rape b/c she didnt try to really stop him at all. he did what he wanted, and she went with it. therefore not rape in my eyes
#92
Nom Nom Nom Nom
Originally Posted by griff43081
true .. but i'm saying .. she cant blame being too drunk to realizer what was going on b/c she obvisouly KNEW what was happening.
and i say its not rape b/c she didnt try to really stop him at all. he did what he wanted, and she went with it. therefore not rape in my eyes
and i say its not rape b/c she didnt try to really stop him at all. he did what he wanted, and she went with it. therefore not rape in my eyes
#93
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this whole condom thing is totally inconclusive....
she could have meant one of two things:
1. she actually made him put it on
2. it was a comment that is being taken out of context somewhere along the way...like if she realized what was happening partway through and noticed he was wearing one....or when she woke up she saw/found it....
if i was ever raped, that would be one of the first questions in my head (did he use a condom?) and also ztotallynaked is totally right...a rapist these days would be pretty damn stupid NOT to use a condom...especially since she knows him...
now, it's just another he said/she said....which really sucks...
she could have meant one of two things:
1. she actually made him put it on
2. it was a comment that is being taken out of context somewhere along the way...like if she realized what was happening partway through and noticed he was wearing one....or when she woke up she saw/found it....
if i was ever raped, that would be one of the first questions in my head (did he use a condom?) and also ztotallynaked is totally right...a rapist these days would be pretty damn stupid NOT to use a condom...especially since she knows him...
now, it's just another he said/she said....which really sucks...
#94
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Originally Posted by griff43081
making sure is still being aware enough to say no....
so its not rape if she knew what was going on and let it hapen.
so its not rape if she knew what was going on and let it hapen.
if you are so drunk you are vomiting and passed out, you don't have the physical capability to not "let it happen"....you can float in and out of consciousness without barely being able to speak, let along physically push a man off of you...
#95
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its a really fishy story-im sorry to say this, but i hope she just was being a whore, and was not raped. It would be better for her sake to not have been raped-who knows, and I doubt anyone will ever know the true story. Its your call if you can ever trust her again
#96
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Originally Posted by Andrea25
if i was ever raped, that would be one of the first questions in my head (did he use a condom?) and also ztotallynaked is totally right...a rapist these days would be pretty damn stupid NOT to use a condom...especially since she knows him...
cant say it was my first thought, but not all rapist wear condoms. Granted its dumb on their part not to wear one , but they are dumb for raping a chic in the first place
#97
is learning to moonwalk i
Originally Posted by griff43081
making sure is still being aware enough to say no....
so its not rape if she knew what was going on and let it hapen.
so its not rape if she knew what was going on and let it hapen.
That could have been what happened here. I just say from the bf point of view, I would err on the side of caution rather than just write this off as his gf's excuse for get laid.
#98
Nom Nom Nom Nom
Originally Posted by ZtotallynakedZ
its a really fishy story-im sorry to say this, but i hope she just was being a whore, and was not raped. It would be better for her sake to not have been raped-who knows, and I doubt anyone will ever know the true story. Its your call if you can ever trust her again
This whole thing is wierd cuz he said that it is not in her nature an they have been together for 3 years. Either she is really good at cheating and picked the wrong person to do it with cuz the guy who did it knows her friends, or he really did rape her.
But why would she break up with him if she got raped, thats where im confused.
#100
Originally Posted by Mike97 3.0P
Ok are you off your high horse yet? I said what I said because it doesn't seem like she's very stable right now.
Really, I am just completely taken aback by the huge majority of posters in this thread. There seems to be such ignorance, thoughtlessness, lack of understanding, misinformation about topics like this, and immaturity all over the place here. In all honesty, I am completely disgusted by most of the judgements and comments being thrown about in this thread.
I've often found the 99% testosterone level, in D&R in particular, to be completely overwhelming, full of unrealistic thoughts, expectations, and feelings surrounding women and relationships, and it's gross.
In this case, the fact that a woman *might* have cheated on her BF does not make her a wh*re, it makes her a CHEATER. You guys throw those names out SO often here. It's pathetic. Really. Your lack of respect, for what seems to be an entire gender most times, is really sad.
#101
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i wrote it before but she thinks HE WAS SOBER!
Her friends say she was puking and did pass out once that they saw.
Caladria - as i read your post i started to cry, i am siding with her right now and want to believe her but it is so hard. Like other have said she is very unstable, i touched her and she jumped and started to cry. Whether it was rape or not she woke up and he had removed her underware with her skirt on and was inside of her. She says she just remembers he had a condom on which i find hard to believe when she cant remember much else she says but this woiuld be something to remember if i were her. She said when she came too she started balling her eyes out and pushed him off and left. It may have just been a drunken screwed up thought she made and that would still be a reason to leave her if i want to but i still have to support her now. She did dump me but she is feeling very very guilty which is a classic sign of rape, they always tell you the victim feels it is their fault.
As to the alcohol thing, according to the printouts the officer gave me and what she said, alcohol changes a lot and she can go after him since he took advantage of her. Apparently (again from a cop) if she is drunk and has sex with me her bf, she could go after me for acquataince rape (which im sure would be much harder to make stick seeing how we are dating and have a physical relationship but she could still get me arrested).
I really do appreciate everyones opinion whether it is good/bad or just mean sounding, if its what you really think then thats fine. I really want to get everyones opinion because right now i am so confused and hurt. Im heading to get her now to go talk to a victim rights advocate and let her then decide what she wants to do after talking to a professional. The dude finally agreed to finally talk to me tomorrow but only in person not online which is kinda weird, better head to a public place. I'll update you guys later tonight or tomorrow thanks again
Her friends say she was puking and did pass out once that they saw.
Caladria - as i read your post i started to cry, i am siding with her right now and want to believe her but it is so hard. Like other have said she is very unstable, i touched her and she jumped and started to cry. Whether it was rape or not she woke up and he had removed her underware with her skirt on and was inside of her. She says she just remembers he had a condom on which i find hard to believe when she cant remember much else she says but this woiuld be something to remember if i were her. She said when she came too she started balling her eyes out and pushed him off and left. It may have just been a drunken screwed up thought she made and that would still be a reason to leave her if i want to but i still have to support her now. She did dump me but she is feeling very very guilty which is a classic sign of rape, they always tell you the victim feels it is their fault.
As to the alcohol thing, according to the printouts the officer gave me and what she said, alcohol changes a lot and she can go after him since he took advantage of her. Apparently (again from a cop) if she is drunk and has sex with me her bf, she could go after me for acquataince rape (which im sure would be much harder to make stick seeing how we are dating and have a physical relationship but she could still get me arrested).
I really do appreciate everyones opinion whether it is good/bad or just mean sounding, if its what you really think then thats fine. I really want to get everyones opinion because right now i am so confused and hurt. Im heading to get her now to go talk to a victim rights advocate and let her then decide what she wants to do after talking to a professional. The dude finally agreed to finally talk to me tomorrow but only in person not online which is kinda weird, better head to a public place. I'll update you guys later tonight or tomorrow thanks again
#103
is learning to moonwalk i
Originally Posted by 1StGenCL
i wrote it before but she thinks HE WAS SOBER!
Her friends say she was puking and did pass out once that they saw.
Caladria - as i read your post i started to cry, i am siding with her right now and want to believe her but it is so hard. Like other have said she is very unstable, i touched her and she jumped and started to cry. Whether it was rape or not she woke up and he had removed her underware with her skirt on and was inside of her. She says she just remembers he had a condom on which i find hard to believe when she cant remember much else she says but this woiuld be something to remember if i were her. She said when she came too she started balling her eyes out and pushed him off and left. It may have just been a drunken screwed up thought she made and that would still be a reason to leave her if i want to but i still have to support her now. She did dump me but she is feeling very very guilty which is a classic sign of rape, they always tell you the victim feels it is their fault.
As to the alcohol thing, according to the printouts the officer gave me and what she said, alcohol changes a lot and she can go after him since he took advantage of her. Apparently (again from a cop) if she is drunk and has sex with me her bf, she could go after me for acquataince rape (which im sure would be much harder to make stick seeing how we are dating and have a physical relationship but she could still get me arrested).
I really do appreciate everyones opinion whether it is good/bad or just mean sounding, if its what you really think then thats fine. I really want to get everyones opinion because right now i am so confused and hurt. Im heading to get her now to go talk to a victim rights advocate and let her then decide what she wants to do after talking to a professional. The dude finally agreed to finally talk to me tomorrow but only in person not online which is kinda weird, better head to a public place. I'll update you guys later tonight or tomorrow thanks again
Her friends say she was puking and did pass out once that they saw.
Caladria - as i read your post i started to cry, i am siding with her right now and want to believe her but it is so hard. Like other have said she is very unstable, i touched her and she jumped and started to cry. Whether it was rape or not she woke up and he had removed her underware with her skirt on and was inside of her. She says she just remembers he had a condom on which i find hard to believe when she cant remember much else she says but this woiuld be something to remember if i were her. She said when she came too she started balling her eyes out and pushed him off and left. It may have just been a drunken screwed up thought she made and that would still be a reason to leave her if i want to but i still have to support her now. She did dump me but she is feeling very very guilty which is a classic sign of rape, they always tell you the victim feels it is their fault.
As to the alcohol thing, according to the printouts the officer gave me and what she said, alcohol changes a lot and she can go after him since he took advantage of her. Apparently (again from a cop) if she is drunk and has sex with me her bf, she could go after me for acquataince rape (which im sure would be much harder to make stick seeing how we are dating and have a physical relationship but she could still get me arrested).
I really do appreciate everyones opinion whether it is good/bad or just mean sounding, if its what you really think then thats fine. I really want to get everyones opinion because right now i am so confused and hurt. Im heading to get her now to go talk to a victim rights advocate and let her then decide what she wants to do after talking to a professional. The dude finally agreed to finally talk to me tomorrow but only in person not online which is kinda weird, better head to a public place. I'll update you guys later tonight or tomorrow thanks again
This post make it seem even more likely that it is rape. I would suggest that you don't go talk to the guy and just have the authorities deal with it. I don't see anything good coming from you meeting with him.
#104
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Originally Posted by moeronn
The story you are giving now is much more complete and coherent. I'm sure when you posted originally, you were pretty heated and may not have posted exactly as you would have wanted.
This post make it seem even more likely that it is rape. I would suggest that you don't go talk to the guy and just have the authorities deal with it. I don't see anything good coming from you meeting with him.
This post make it seem even more likely that it is rape. I would suggest that you don't go talk to the guy and just have the authorities deal with it. I don't see anything good coming from you meeting with him.
i agree. This is much better. And though bating this fools ass seems like it would be the right thing, it will only cause more drama for u both...
#105
Nom Nom Nom Nom
Originally Posted by moeronn
The story you are giving now is much more complete and coherent. I'm sure when you posted originally, you were pretty heated and may not have posted exactly as you would have wanted.
This post make it seem even more likely that it is rape. I would suggest that you don't go talk to the guy and just have the authorities deal with it. I don't see anything good coming from you meeting with him.
This post make it seem even more likely that it is rape. I would suggest that you don't go talk to the guy and just have the authorities deal with it. I don't see anything good coming from you meeting with him.
I am truley sorry for you and your girlfriend. That is the worst thing that could ever happen to a girl.
Let the authorities deal with him.
#106
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Originally Posted by 99_CL_girl
cant say it was my first thought, but not all rapist wear condoms. Granted its dumb on their part not to wear one , but they are dumb for raping a chic in the first place
i apologize...that was a rash statement...it's never happened to me and i can't even begin to comprehend what it was like....
#107
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Originally Posted by SwervinCL
I agree. I wouldnt meet with him. You may get sooo mad that you punch him. That would not be a great outcome, besides whos to say hes gonna tell you the truth? There were no witnessess so the only person that is gonna know the real truth (if your g/f was that drunk) is him.
I am truley sorry for you and your girlfriend. That is the worst thing that could ever happen to a girl.
Let the authorities deal with him.
I am truley sorry for you and your girlfriend. That is the worst thing that could ever happen to a girl.
Let the authorities deal with him.
why the hell does he have to meet you in person?...does he need to figure out what questions you're going to ask him and formulate the story accordingly (so you don't beat the shit out of him?)
if he was so goddamn sober, there's only one version of events and that's the one he should be telling...just tell him to write you an email with what happened (how HE sees it) and go from there...see what matches up and what doesn't...even though her friends are total bitches for leaving her, you should talk to them and get as many details as you can, if it gives you peace of mind...
Last edited by Andrea25; 01-16-2006 at 06:12 PM.
#108
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Something that you need to ask yourself is if you really believe her. Who cares what we say-we don't know her, and her personality, etc. If you truely believe that she was taken advantage of, raped, molested, whatever, then help her deal with the authorities. If there is a doubt in your mind, figure out why-what about that doubt makes you feel funny and not believe her? Yes, I have known girls that have been brutally raped, and their attackers never got brought to court. And yes, one of my former friends cried rape on a guy when she woke up the next morning and saw how fugly he was. Go with your instincts, and your heart-you know her better than anyone else. Something that I am confused about is why she would hang out with such horrible people anyway, especially knowing that you were uneasy about it.
#109
is learning to moonwalk i
Whatever the outcome of any legal matters, if you end up staying with your girlfriend, make it very clear that you will not tollerate her remaining in contact with her "friends". Just make sure they are around long enough to be helpful to her case.
#110
Nom Nom Nom Nom
Originally Posted by moeronn
Whatever the outcome of any legal matters, if you end up staying with your girlfriend, make it very clear that you will not tollerate her remaining in contact with her "friends". Just make sure they are around long enough to be helpful to her case.
#111
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Originally Posted by Andrea25
i apologize...that was a rash statement...it's never happened to me and i can't even begin to comprehend what it was like....
u dont have to apologize. But thanx for the hug
#112
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Originally Posted by 1StGenCL
i wrote it before but she thinks HE WAS SOBER!
Her friends say she was puking and did pass out once that they saw.
Caladria - as i read your post i started to cry, i am siding with her right now and want to believe her but it is so hard. Like other have said she is very unstable, i touched her and she jumped and started to cry. Whether it was rape or not she woke up and he had removed her underware with her skirt on and was inside of her. She says she just remembers he had a condom on which i find hard to believe when she cant remember much else she says but this woiuld be something to remember if i were her. She said when she came too she started balling her eyes out and pushed him off and left. It may have just been a drunken screwed up thought she made and that would still be a reason to leave her if i want to but i still have to support her now. She did dump me but she is feeling very very guilty which is a classic sign of rape, they always tell you the victim feels it is their fault.
Her friends say she was puking and did pass out once that they saw.
Caladria - as i read your post i started to cry, i am siding with her right now and want to believe her but it is so hard. Like other have said she is very unstable, i touched her and she jumped and started to cry. Whether it was rape or not she woke up and he had removed her underware with her skirt on and was inside of her. She says she just remembers he had a condom on which i find hard to believe when she cant remember much else she says but this woiuld be something to remember if i were her. She said when she came too she started balling her eyes out and pushed him off and left. It may have just been a drunken screwed up thought she made and that would still be a reason to leave her if i want to but i still have to support her now. She did dump me but she is feeling very very guilty which is a classic sign of rape, they always tell you the victim feels it is their fault.
Do you mean "came" as in "had an orgasm?" If so that hurts her case doesn't it? How can a woman orgasm while being raped? Don't you need to be turned on to orgasm?
Or if you meant "she said when she came over my house...." my above comment is moot. Just wondering what you meant.
She could feel guilty if she feels it was rape, but also if she feels she cheated on you. I guess that would explain the dumping, since she doesn't feel worthy of you. I'm thinking she'll take that back soon once this settles down a bit.
#115
Suzuka Master
Originally Posted by Mike97 3.0P
Do you mean "came" as in "had an orgasm?" If so that hurts her case doesn't it? How can a woman orgasm while being raped? Don't you need to be turned on to orgasm?
Or if you meant "she said when she came over my house...." my above comment is moot. Just wondering what you meant.
She could feel guilty if she feels it was rape, but also if she feels she cheated on you. I guess that would explain the dumping, since she doesn't feel worthy of you. I'm thinking she'll take that back soon once this settles down a bit.
Paying attention in english class is a good thing, kids!
#116
Senior Moderator
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That's sucks! I feel for you!
Do you still trust her? That's what you have to ask yourself.
If it was rape, ok, but then again she shouldn't have put herself in that situation. If she's did cheat & is just trying to cover it up, that's no good either.
I might sound cold, but if it was me, I'd leave her.
Do you still trust her? That's what you have to ask yourself.
If it was rape, ok, but then again she shouldn't have put herself in that situation. If she's did cheat & is just trying to cover it up, that's no good either.
I might sound cold, but if it was me, I'd leave her.
#117
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well we went to dinner last night and kinda avoided the subject, i dont want to push her to hard into going to talk to the police because granted i think he is a low life peice of shit if she isnt telling me the whole truth here i dont want her to tell the police wrong things just to appease me. I talked her this morning and told her it was the last time i was bringing it up and i was going to give her space to decide if she wants to go talk. I do believe her and want to support her but i dont understand why she wont go atleast talk to a victims right advocate and see what their professional opinion of the whole thing is. I know she is scared but i dont want this to just disappear like it never happened and as messed up as it may seem by supporting and staying with her and her doing nothing about what happened it seems i am supporting her for doing this and making it seem ok
Oh as for the the "came to" comment, i just meant she said she passed out and woke up and realized she was having sex and then started to cry and pushed him off. She said he physically hurt her because it was like sandpaper and that he didnt come either Sorry for all the confusion
Oh as for the the "came to" comment, i just meant she said she passed out and woke up and realized she was having sex and then started to cry and pushed him off. She said he physically hurt her because it was like sandpaper and that he didnt come either Sorry for all the confusion
Last edited by 1StGenCL; 01-17-2006 at 10:58 AM.
#118
Suzuka Master
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: MD
Age: 40
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Sounds like a rape to me...if she doesn't want your help, there's nothing you can do
My girl got roughed up by a bouncer once (I made a thread about it) and i was trying to help her, find her people to talk to, decide who to go after, etc. In the end she just wanted to forget it ever happened and put it behind her. I was pissed that she would let it slide like that, but it must be a defense mechanism. I think your girl is doing the same thing by just trying to forget and move on.
My girl got roughed up by a bouncer once (I made a thread about it) and i was trying to help her, find her people to talk to, decide who to go after, etc. In the end she just wanted to forget it ever happened and put it behind her. I was pissed that she would let it slide like that, but it must be a defense mechanism. I think your girl is doing the same thing by just trying to forget and move on.
#120
Fuct in the hed!
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Chicagoland-ish
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Kill the mother fucker!
If my GF had this happen I think I would have a hard time from keeping myself from going over there and stabbing the guy in the stomach and paying a homeless guy to fuck the wound!
Maybe its because I have a younger sister....or I just have morals but rape = death..... PERIOD!
If my GF had this happen I think I would have a hard time from keeping myself from going over there and stabbing the guy in the stomach and paying a homeless guy to fuck the wound!
Maybe its because I have a younger sister....or I just have morals but rape = death..... PERIOD!