so confused, gf had drunken sex (pg. 7 Update)
01-16-2006, 10:05 AM
#41
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Good luck bro, I hope things level out for you. The only thing that confuses me and a bunch of other people reading this is: She contradicts herself in the story.
She was drunk so it's hard to know if/what she remembers or what the actual events were. But in your first telling of the story you said that she pushed the guy off when she realised what was happening. Then you said she checked to see if he had a condom on? Those two statements are complete opposite takes on the situation one says she didn't want, the other says taht she thought about it and he had a condom on so she was alert to what was happening. If I were you i'd ask her to clarify that.
She was drunk so it's hard to know if/what she remembers or what the actual events were. But in your first telling of the story you said that she pushed the guy off when she realised what was happening. Then you said she checked to see if he had a condom on? Those two statements are complete opposite takes on the situation one says she didn't want, the other says taht she thought about it and he had a condom on so she was alert to what was happening. If I were you i'd ask her to clarify that.
01-16-2006, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by 1StGenCL
Alright i went to the cops with her permission and asked what to do. They told me that whenever there is alcohol involved a person can no legally give consent and even if she didnt ask him to stop .....
haha FIRST thing to my mind when I read the first post:
When there is any alcohol : All Bets Are Off
...and she was piss drunk
01-16-2006, 10:46 AM
#43
I don't care how drunk a person is. I have been piss ass drunk and still could make coherent decisions. If she said "I made sure he wore a condom" I would leave the bitch and let her handle it. I can garuntee you this will not be the last thing that happens in this chicks life. If you stick around with a chick who is friends with coke heads you are asking for problems.
01-16-2006, 10:47 AM
#44
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Wow. I seriously can't believe some of the posts in this thread.
Yes, she should have known better than to get that wasted - especially with the kind of "friends" she has. She and her friends put her in a bad situation which the guy may have taken advantage of. But with the mentality of many of the posters, it's no wonder that so many rapists go free and so many women are affraid to report it. Rape victims don't immediately think to go to the hospital or police. They usually do rush home and want to shower. Not the best thing to do, but rational thoughts tend to fly out the window after that kind of mental and physical trama.
The saddest thing is, it seems as if some people think that what the guy supposedly did wasn't a bad thing.
I say support 100% unless something new develops that would make you seriously doubt her. And as totallynaked suggested, she's going to need to talk to someone. She will probably resist, but make sure she does in the near future.
Yes, she should have known better than to get that wasted - especially with the kind of "friends" she has. She and her friends put her in a bad situation which the guy may have taken advantage of. But with the mentality of many of the posters, it's no wonder that so many rapists go free and so many women are affraid to report it. Rape victims don't immediately think to go to the hospital or police. They usually do rush home and want to shower. Not the best thing to do, but rational thoughts tend to fly out the window after that kind of mental and physical trama.
The saddest thing is, it seems as if some people think that what the guy supposedly did wasn't a bad thing.
I say support 100% unless something new develops that would make you seriously doubt her. And as totallynaked suggested, she's going to need to talk to someone. She will probably resist, but make sure she does in the near future.
01-16-2006, 10:48 AM
#45
Nom Nom Nom Nom
I was really starting to feel bad for the both of you until i read this:
If she was able to make sure he had a condom on, there is no doubt in my mind that she wanted to. I mean who goes to sleep naked when your drunk. She had to get the cloths off somehow unless she was wearing a skirt. They didnt kiss because who wants to kiss someone after throwing up?
So that being said. If she was able to make sure that he had one on, then why couldnt she stop the situation from happening? So what if he didnt have one on, would she have been able to stop him? I think she just felt bad for what happened and broke up with you cuz of the guilt. She was probably drunk, yes. But i dont think she was drunk enough to stop the situation from happening. I honestly hope in your case that she was too drunk to do anything, but i dont think that was the case.
Originally Posted by 1StGenCL
Alright i went to the cops with her permission and asked what to do. They told me that whenever there is alcohol involved a person can no legally give consent and even if she didnt ask him to stop but just didnt want to have sex or realized she didnt she can go after him. She never actually said rape, it just seemed from her side of the story it was. She said they never did anything besides actual intercourse (like no kissing etc) but she said she made sure he was wearing a condom which makes me think she kinda wanted to. I dont know the pansey ass wont answer me on AIM and im really getting to the point of going to find him which will not turn out well. I do want to hear his side but i also want to beat the shit outta him, she was completely wasted and to do this is wrong reguardless. You dont have sex with a girl that just puked and passed out. Fuck i dont know what to do i have tried to support her and she is going to go talk to the police about what happened but all of her friends think it is stupid to and say it was just a stupid drunk moment. I feel by supporting her i am making her think this was ok which sounds bad but she just wants to forget about it and have things go back to normal which i cant do if it was indeed very easily if she wanted this.
So that being said. If she was able to make sure that he had one on, then why couldnt she stop the situation from happening? So what if he didnt have one on, would she have been able to stop him? I think she just felt bad for what happened and broke up with you cuz of the guilt. She was probably drunk, yes. But i dont think she was drunk enough to stop the situation from happening. I honestly hope in your case that she was too drunk to do anything, but i dont think that was the case.
01-16-2006, 10:49 AM
#46
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it was a stupid drunk moment. sorry guy. there's not much more to it. Beat the guys ass and dump the girl. Wash your hands clean of it. If you knew how her friends were, you should have know that something like this was bound to happen.
01-16-2006, 11:13 AM
#47
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Sounds like rape to me. It's obviously her choice if she wants to press charges, and I hope she does. It sucks that there are men out there that can do something like that. Hopefully he will get his some day. It's just really hard for anyone to prove rape.
As for your situation with your girl, all I can say is find a way to be supportive.
As for your situation with your girl, all I can say is find a way to be supportive.
Last edited by RaviNJCLs; 01-16-2006 at 11:16 AM.
01-16-2006, 11:22 AM
#48
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Originally Posted by huckleberry
haha FIRST thing to my mind when I read the first post:
When there is any alcohol : All Bets Are Off
...and she was piss drunk
When there is any alcohol : All Bets Are Off
...and she was piss drunk
so if a girls drunk, sleeps with you voluntarily, then the next day says she "didn't mean to", or "wouldn't if she was sober", she can call it rape?
i don't mean to take the topic lightly, but i would love some type of clarification or a legal explanation to this.
and to the original poster, if she made sure he was wearing a condom, that sounds like implied consent (at least) to me (not a lawyer, but i play one on the internet). maybe it was a bad drunk mistake, and surely he didnt help the situation, but that doesn't sound like rape.
01-16-2006, 11:35 AM
#49
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Originally Posted by 1StGenCL
She never actually said rape, it just seemed from her side of the story it was. She said they never did anything besides actual intercourse (like no kissing etc) but she said she made sure he was wearing a condom which makes me think she kinda wanted to.
Well it looks like she msimply messed up and screwed another guy. Now its up to you if you want to forgive her because "she was drunk". Personally I wouldnt, as I wouldnt want to be with a girl who puts herself in that situation in the first place
Good luck.
01-16-2006, 11:43 AM
#50
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yeah her story is definitely screwed up...is she not making sense b/c she was drunk and is upset or is she flat out lying (and not doing a very good job of it)?
you have to decide whether you believe her...
i think that the fact that this guy won't respond to your questions about what happened says a lot about him...
you have to decide whether you believe her...
i think that the fact that this guy won't respond to your questions about what happened says a lot about him...
01-16-2006, 12:05 PM
#51
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Originally Posted by 1StGenCL
...She said they never did anything besides actual intercourse (like no kissing etc) but she said she made sure he was wearing a condom which makes me think she kinda wanted to...
^
That's the weird part...
01-16-2006, 12:13 PM
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if she made sure he had a condom .. it was NOT rape b/c she obviously had some part in it. (aside from the whole taking off clothes part)
sorry bro, such a bad situation, but it looks like it pure consious cheating.
sorry bro, such a bad situation, but it looks like it pure consious cheating.
01-16-2006, 12:32 PM
#54
Nom Nom Nom Nom
Originally Posted by baysic tl
you know if you can't do the right thing by going to the authorties...take care of it, make him wisah he never had the thought to do it again
If she made sure he had a condom on, i highly doubt it was rape. If he raped her, i highly doubt he would put a condom on in the first place.
01-16-2006, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by agean
Originally Posted by huckleberry
When there is any alcohol : All Bets Are Off
...and she was piss drunk
When there is any alcohol : All Bets Are Off
...and she was piss drunk
She/you/we can call it whatever --- But when there is alcohol involved : SHE DOES NOT HAVE A LEGAL CASE. capish ?
01-16-2006, 01:18 PM
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Originally Posted by huckleberry
what is so hard for you to understand ???
She/you/we can call it whatever --- But when there is alcohol involved : SHE DOES NOT HAVE A LEGAL CASE. capish ?
She/you/we can call it whatever --- But when there is alcohol involved : SHE DOES NOT HAVE A LEGAL CASE. capish ?
i guess i misunderstood, it makes a little more sense this way.
01-16-2006, 01:30 PM
#59
is learning to moonwalk i
Originally Posted by agean
relax, just asking for an explanation. i actually took it to read that a guy can be accused of "rape" because a girl cannot give consent when she is drunk.
i guess i misunderstood, it makes a little more sense this way.
i guess i misunderstood, it makes a little more sense this way.
Alright i went to the cops with her permission and asked what to do. They told me that whenever there is alcohol involved a person can no legally give consent and even if she didnt ask him to stop but just didnt want to have sex or realized she didnt she can go after him.
01-16-2006, 01:43 PM
#60
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Originally Posted by huckleberry
what is so hard for you to understand ???
She/you/we can call it whatever --- But when there is alcohol involved : SHE DOES NOT HAVE A LEGAL CASE. capish ?
She/you/we can call it whatever --- But when there is alcohol involved : SHE DOES NOT HAVE A LEGAL CASE. capish ?
Y'all know my deal, I don't need to repeat it for the umpteenth time, but I um, side with her, from experience. This is exactly the kind of grayish-area situation that allows so many rapists to go free. The dude truly believes he had a right to be sleeping with her, and he will truly believe it when he's attacking someone by the side of the road in a few years, too. :shakehead Let's hope he's just an asshole and doesn't try to escalate in later years.
Making sure someone is wearing a condom isn't an automatic assent, either. I'm 99% sure that if someone attacked me again, that'd be a question I ask, while I was trying to maneuver my knee into his ball area.
01-16-2006, 01:45 PM
#61
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BTW, I am shaking with fury at the responses from some of you guys. Try being helpless for one god damn minute while your life comes crashing down around you and then come back and talk to me about what a whore she is.
01-16-2006, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by moeronn
You had it right the first time. It's Huckleberry that needs to go back and reread.
01-16-2006, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Caliadria
That's not true. The fact that there was alcohol involved actually MAKES her case. She can't legally give consent if she's wasted, and thus he can't legally ACCEPT her consent, and thus she can legally get him for raping her. Capiche?
Y'all know my deal, I don't need to repeat it for the umpteenth time, but I um, side with her, from experience. This is exactly the kind of grayish-area situation that allows so many rapists to go free. The dude truly believes he had a right to be sleeping with her, and he will truly believe it when he's attacking someone by the side of the road in a few years, too. :shakehead Let's hope he's just an asshole and doesn't try to escalate in later years.
Making sure someone is wearing a condom isn't an automatic assent, either. I'm 99% sure that if someone attacked me again, that'd be a question I ask, while I was trying to maneuver my knee into his ball area.
Y'all know my deal, I don't need to repeat it for the umpteenth time, but I um, side with her, from experience. This is exactly the kind of grayish-area situation that allows so many rapists to go free. The dude truly believes he had a right to be sleeping with her, and he will truly believe it when he's attacking someone by the side of the road in a few years, too. :shakehead Let's hope he's just an asshole and doesn't try to escalate in later years.
Making sure someone is wearing a condom isn't an automatic assent, either. I'm 99% sure that if someone attacked me again, that'd be a question I ask, while I was trying to maneuver my knee into his ball area.
i know too many people who have been through this situation, even molestation, it's a horrible thing.
01-16-2006, 01:53 PM
#64
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Originally Posted by Caliadria
BTW, I am shaking with fury at the responses from some of you guys. Try being helpless for one god damn minute while your life comes crashing down around you and then come back and talk to me about what a whore she is.
what the heck you talking about.
#1 She put herself in that situation. First mistake
#2 It appears she was a willing participant.
Sure she was drunk and maybe didnt really have all her senses working properly but thats her fault. People get drunk and do dumb things, but that doest remove all respinsibility for their actions. Thats such a cop out. Besides I'm ure the guy was drunk too.
She got drunk, fucked some guy, and now feels guilty about it. Hence being called a whore. If thats not what happened , I will agree that she shouldnt be called that. But if it is what happened, then I can see why some would call her out as a whore.
01-16-2006, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Caliadria
BTW, I am shaking with fury at the responses from some of you guys. Try being helpless for one god damn minute while your life comes crashing down around you and then come back and talk to me about what a whore she is.
uhh .. sorry, no sympathy from me ... she was stupid and put herself in that stuation. Simple solution .. dont get drunk off your ass when you know you could possibly make a bad decision! PERIOD!!!
she fucked up. she didnt say no. she made sure he had a condom, so oviously she was thinking about what was going on .... so stil a whore in my book.
01-16-2006, 01:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Caliadria
That's not true. The fact that there was alcohol involved actually MAKES her case. She can't legally give consent if she's wasted, and thus he can't legally ACCEPT her consent, and thus she can legally get him for raping her. Capiche?
My point is that the moment alcohol is mentioned the DA will look at this in a very different light like this
Now add to that: patchy story, no injuries, no witness, slut cokehead friends = no self-respecting DA will file charge.
01-16-2006, 01:59 PM
#67
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Originally Posted by fdl
what the heck you talking about.
#1 She put herself in that situation. First mistake
#2 It appears she was a willing participant.
Sure she was drunk and maybe didnt really have all her senses working properly but thats her fault. People get drunk and do dumb things, but that doest remove all respinsibility for their actions. Thats such a cop out. Besides I'm ure the guy was drunk too.
She got drunk, fucked some guy, and now feels guilty about it. Hence being called a whore. If thats not what happened , I will agree that she shouldnt be called that. But if it is what happened, then I can see why some would call her out as a whore.
#1 She put herself in that situation. First mistake
#2 It appears she was a willing participant.
Sure she was drunk and maybe didnt really have all her senses working properly but thats her fault. People get drunk and do dumb things, but that doest remove all respinsibility for their actions. Thats such a cop out. Besides I'm ure the guy was drunk too.
She got drunk, fucked some guy, and now feels guilty about it. Hence being called a whore. If thats not what happened , I will agree that she shouldnt be called that. But if it is what happened, then I can see why some would call her out as a whore.
I'm not going to bother.
01-16-2006, 02:06 PM
#68
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Originally Posted by Caliadria
I'm not going to bother.
By your logic, if the guy was drunk too, he has a case to charge HER for rape 
Yes, I can understand her waking up with regrets, and being upset, and even having lasting emotional scares as a result of her poor judgement and actions. But tough shit thats life, maybe she learned her lesson.
(again, everythign I am saying is assuming she was a willing participant, which it appears she was)
01-16-2006, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by JJ4Short
All you bleeding hearts. If a guy got drunk and had sex with a sober chick would there be all this crap about it being rape?
anyway...if I got drunk...NOT DRUGGED...and some fag try to do my cornhole, unless I got all tied up there is gonna be resistance for sure and there is gonna be physical evidence.
01-16-2006, 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted by 1StGenCL
Alright my gf of three years decided to get really hammered with her shitty friends who left her by herself at one of their friends houses. She realized they had left but was too drunk to drive and puking all over so she stays at this guys house. He gave her his bed and was supposed to sleep on the couch. The douchebag knows she is dating me and she is passed out but goes in there touches her, she says she remembers some and then he put a condom on and started to have sex with her. She said they never kissed or anything and she pushed him off of her while balling her eyes out. She ended up driving home completely wasted because her friends are fucking losers (which i have know all along but with the increase in cocaine use they are just getting worse). Her roommate said she was crying all day and my gf called me to try and get me to come over last night for "dinner." I had a bad feeling about what had happened and how she was talking so i was kinda upset and didnt want to go so thats when she told me over the phone. She broke up with me but i went to her house to talk to her. I have no idea what to do, i know she hasnt done anything like this in the past and i think we have all ended up in stupid drunk situations but do i try and give her another chance? Do i go beat the shit out of this guy or try and go the rape route? From her description and her friends she was puking, then passed out and then the guy was on her. She just keeps telling me she feels dirty and i asked if she felt like it was rape and she said i dont know i didnt stop him from touching me. I have no clue what to do im so hurt and confused. This girl is my life and it hurts to think of just giving up on her but at the same time i wasnt there and dont know for sure what was going on. She told me who it was (one of their friends friends) and i really want to just go beat the shit outta of him which is not how i deal with things, i just cant help stopping that feeling. Im trying to get his side of the story but so far no luck Please let me know what you would do
Oh she told me this last night and it happened the night before, damn it hurts
Oh she told me this last night and it happened the night before, damn it hurts
What!!!! I'd be wooping his ass, aint nobody going to be fucking my girl like that, i could see if she left your ass and wanted to but she didn't want to, man fuck dat, dat nigga would have been in D hospital! Another thing, you should have never let your girl go out wit her friends if you know how they are, you da man of the relationship, put your foot down! I would never let my girl go, if i knew how her friends are!
01-16-2006, 02:21 PM
#72
is learning to moonwalk i
Again, the posts are just unbelievable. I don't care how sober the guy is or isn't, how can you say that he wasn't taking advantage of her?If she had a couple drinks and was buzzed or a bit beyond that, you guys might have a valid arguement. This chick was puking drunk. The guy is a douche at best and possibly much worse.
You make it sound like the only way to get laid is to get a girl drunk first - or pay cash money upfront.
01-16-2006, 02:22 PM
#73
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Originally Posted by huckleberry
anyway...if I got drunk...NOT DRUGGED...and some fag try to do my cornhole, unless I got all tied up there is gonna be resistance for sure and there is gonna be physical evidence.
I dont care what some judge ruled in some college case either, whats right is right. We live in a society of not taking responsibility for our own actions. If I get drunk, climb up into the rafters of a church and fall to my death, its noones fult but my own.
01-16-2006, 02:22 PM
#74
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One of my close friends was date raped by guys that she had been friends with for 2 years. How does that make it her fault? She had drank and gone out with these guys before, and nothing had happened. She considered them close friends. What made them decide one night to slip her GHB and both rape her? How is that her fault? Yes, the situation was less than ideal, but there is no reason for her to ever have been raped. Even if your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, whatever, has sex with you when you are unconscious, it is considered rape. And how does the fact he used a condom have anything to do with rape? Most serial rapists use condoms so they can't be tracked through DNA
01-16-2006, 02:23 PM
#75
is learning to moonwalk i
Originally Posted by lil_turbo4
What!!!! I'd be wooping his ass, aint nobody going to be fucking my girl like that, i could see if she left your ass and wanted to but she didn't want to, man fuck dat, dat nigga would have been in D hospital! Another thing, you should have never let your girl go out wit her friends if you know how they are, you da man of the relationship, put your foot down! I would never let my girl go, if i knew how her friends are!
01-16-2006, 02:26 PM
#76
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Originally Posted by moeronn
Again, the posts are just unbelievable. I don't care how sober the guy is or isn't, how can you say that he wasn't taking advantage of her?If she had a couple drinks and was buzzed or a bit beyond that, you guys might have a valid arguement. This chick was puking drunk. The guy is a douche at best and possibly much worse.
But some things to keep in mind. First of all was she really puke drunk? Or is she lying. Was he drinking too? Was he drunk? Does this change things?
Maybe they were both drunk and she was the aggressor. Lots of questions and in my mind they are both to blame and he should cut ties with both of them.
01-16-2006, 02:29 PM
#77
Originally Posted by fdl
Whats that got to do with anything? If you were drunk and had sex with a sober girl, and then the next day when you sobered up you realized it was a big mistake (because you are in a relationship, or whatever), could you charge her with rape?
I dont care what some judge ruled in some college case either, whats right is right. We live in a society of not taking responsibility for our own actions. If I get drunk, climb up into the rafters of a church and fall to my death, its noones fult but my own.
I dont care what some judge ruled in some college case either, whats right is right. We live in a society of not taking responsibility for our own actions. If I get drunk, climb up into the rafters of a church and fall to my death, its noones fult but my own.
01-16-2006, 02:49 PM
#78
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I wanna know this; what led her "friends" to leave her there in teh first place? Should they have some portion of the responsibility for what happened to the girl?
oh, and by the way, even if penetration has occurred, the woman can tell you to stop and if you do not then that, too, is rape. You may not LIKE it, but it is TRUE.
oh, and by the way, even if penetration has occurred, the woman can tell you to stop and if you do not then that, too, is rape. You may not LIKE it, but it is TRUE.
01-16-2006, 02:53 PM
#79
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Originally Posted by gary_william
oh, and by the way, even if penetration has occurred, the woman can tell you to stop and if you do not then that, too, is rape. You may not LIKE it, but it is TRUE.
01-16-2006, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by ZtotallynakedZ
One of my close friends was date raped by guys that she had been friends with for 2 years. How does that make it her fault? She had drank and gone out with these guys before, and nothing had happened. She considered them close friends. What made them decide one night to slip her GHB and both rape her? How is that her fault? Yes, the situation was less than ideal, but there is no reason for her to ever have been raped. Even if your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, whatever, has sex with you when you are unconscious, it is considered rape. And how does the fact he used a condom have anything to do with rape? Most serial rapists use condoms so they can't be tracked through DNA
ending up in a strange guys bed at a party when you have a boyfriend is a whole different ballgame