1StGenCL

Alright my gf of three years decided to get really hammered with her shitty friends who left her by herself at one of their friends houses. She realized they had left but was too drunk to drive and puking all over so she stays at this guys house. He gave her his bed and was supposed to sleep on the couch. The douchebag knows she is dating me and she is passed out but goes in there touches her, she says she remembers some and then he put a condom on and started to have sex with her. She said they never kissed or anything and she pushed him off of her while balling her eyes out. She ended up driving home completely wasted because her friends are fucking losers (which i have know all along but with the increase in cocaine use they are just getting worse). Her roommate said she was crying all day and my gf called me to try and get me to come over last night for "dinner." I had a bad feeling about what had happened and how she was talking so i was kinda upset and didnt want to go so thats when she told me over the phone. She broke up with me but i went to her house to talk to her. I have no idea what to do, i know she hasnt done anything like this in the past and i think we have all ended up in stupid drunk situations but do i try and give her another chance? Do i go beat the shit out of this guy or try and go the rape route? From her description and her friends she was puking, then passed out and then the guy was on her. She just keeps telling me she feels dirty and i asked if she felt like it was rape and she said i dont know i didnt stop him from touching me. I have no clue what to do im so hurt and confused. This girl is my life and it hurts to think of just giving up on her but at the same time i wasnt there and dont know for sure what was going on. She told me who it was (one of their friends friends) and i really want to just go beat the shit outta of him which is not how i deal with things, i just cant help stopping that feeling. Im trying to get his side of the story but so far no luck Please let me know what you would do

Oh she told me this last night and it happened the night before, damn it hurts

PillsburyChoboy

Um. Isn't this a classic rape scenario? Don't do anything rash ... take the legal route. And be sure to support and comfort the gal 100%. Wasn't her fault.

ricecake

Give her the benefit of the doubt and support her, at least until you've confirmed that the story is different. If she was raped, the last thing she need is for her boyfriend to doubt her fidelity, as she is probably in a very precarious emotional state right now.

Has she been to a clinic where she can get checked?

dnd2984

iTrader: (6)

Since ocala is my hometown, and I went to school in g-ville. I knw 95% of the guys out their are assholes. Good luck bro. Do you know the guys name. You can PM and I will help kick his ass. But legal actions is the way to go.

Mike 350Z

I'm confused. It sounds like she did make him stop, and what's the deal her breaking up with you?

Doc.Booty

You said she broke up with you?

I'm thinking she feels guilty about being a drunken slut.

ZtotallynakedZ

Can't do anything with the rape route-you have 72 hours or less to get to a doc, emergency room, etc. and you can't have taken a shower, need to bring the unwashed clothes with you. Some states, when someone is puking and passed out, that counts as rape. Others, its just assault, or nothing. Because she didn't try to do anything to stop it, or so she said, I would assume, as being a girl, she cheated on you, felt terrible realized it was a mistake, and said he raped her. Sucky situation, but how much could she remember if she was puking/passed out?

ricecake

Not necessarily-guilt and shame very common reactions to rape. Women tend to beat themselves up emotionally and question themselves for a long period of time afterwards, and they can sever ties with people they care a lot about because they feel "dirty:"
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communit...uilt_shame.htm
http://www.safefromabuse.com/assault_feelings.html

sasha

Set aside your hurt feelings for now. She needs you and what's more important is for you to show support through this terrible ordeal. If it was indeed rape, it would have been better if she went to a hospital right away and have herself examined so that she can use the medical report as evidence if she decides to file a case against the guy.

Doc.Booty

It could really go either way. She's cheating is just my self-centered asshole response.

SSN_FT1(SS/DV)

Support her now, no question in my, mind. 72 hours or not she still has legal options. No matter how long it was it's still rape. The law isn't not having said no, the law states she had to say yes. May seem unfair, but that's the way it is. Hammer this guy!

Titand19

Tough situation. I'm sure you feel like you just got blind-sided.
I would stay around emotionally, but not over do it. She needs support, but also needs space. Everything does have to be done legally. If you're gonna hang on for the ride, (which I would commend you for, cause I might reconsider), make sure the lawyer is present when speaking to anyone. Last thing someone needs to do is dig the hole deeper.

Some fucked up shit. I wouldn't really blame her. She was drunk and all girls have their drunken slut moments.
Sorry to say it, but your girl has also been moved to the damaged goods isle. How you proceed with the goods are your decision. Think it over, ALOT.

sasha

Damaged goods?!

Mike 350Z

Well if she's gonna feel dirty and mentally scarred for a long time it's just gonna make her mentally unstable over time and hurt the relationship even if he's there by her side and wants the best for her. If she can get over it relatively soon, great, but if not there's gonna be trouble.

gary_william

it is either one of 2 options

1. she was raped. In this case proceed to the law and arrest the guy.

or

2. getting drunk released her inner slut. In this case proceed to the guy and thank him for freeing you of her.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

I'm sure she "didn't stop him" but if she was that drunk and throwing up, then i'm sure she really didn't have much control or grip for what was happening. Just support her and take the legal route. Sounds like he definately was trying to rape her, I hope what she told you is true, but it sounds like she wasn't at fault. Hope everything levels out for you 2.

M TYPE X

I agree with BOTH of gary_william's assessments. Points 1 & 2.

She broke up with you?

sasha

Yeah, his girl broke up with him. She probably feels partially responsible for putting herself in that situation - getting drunk and staying at the guy's place.

Is this guy a trusted friend? Why did she not leave the party with her female friends?

Street Spirit

Not related to this specific thread/situation in general, but you sound like THE BIGGEST asshole, low-life, self-centered, out-of-touch, insensitive, arrogant, smallest, low-on-the-intelligence-scale, immature, uncaring, thoughtless pig there ever was. Wow.

You've got a lotta learning and growing to do, kid.

.

EDIT: Ooops! My apologies, Mike... I guess ^this^ comment should really be shared between you and Titand19.

ricecake

I agree-it really could go either way. My inclination is to give her the benefit of the doubt--the psychological damage from rape is no joke.

Some of the things said in rest of this thread make me really sad.

iTimmy

This whole situation is fucked up, it doesn't add up to me - its hard to throw away 3 years with someone you love(d) but if she valued the relationship she wouldn't have put herself in that kind of situation. I know a lot of girls who like to drink and party and they just don't do things like that, because shit like this.

SilviaGTO

sounds like. if she was really fucked up, it took her a while to grasp the concept of what exactly was going on, when she did she made or tried to make him stop.

consider other things though. how long have you two been together? is this like her? is she normally flirty or seems inclined to do such things? or is this completely out of character for her?

seems like if she was just cheating on you, she wouldnt have even told you

PolishPete

I typed up a whole lot for you bro...of my opinions. But I just deleted it. My opinion shouldn't help/hurt you because YOU have to decide what to do. All I can say is that I have a girlfriend of three yrs also, and although she doesn't go out without me...I still worry about the same thing happening. I feel really really bad for you bro. Good luck with what you decide to do...sorry I can't help but my opinions are all over the place and really I don't know what I would do.

Scottman111

So did she go to the hospital? Or is she planning on going?

virtualbong

I wish I knew the answer to your question...

I say, listen to ricecake and support her until you know the full story.

SRK85

What an asshole i guess press charges. But damn getting drunk and being left at a guys house will uselly end up in sex.

ZtotallynakedZ

Its so difficult to prove that she was raped, its scary. There are so many loopholes in the system-many hospitals perform a rape kit wrong, making the results invalid, a Catholic hosptial has the right to refuse the 72 hour pill, rape kit, etc. if she showers or changes her clothes, everything is invalid, blah blah blah. 70% of ER nurses and doctors are not trained correctly for performing a rape kit. The best thing for you is to be with and encourage her to talk to someone, whether it be the police, or a counseling service. My college doesn't even take rape cases seriously when there is alcohol involved, just because everything gets blurry. I have had several friends raped, whether alcohol or not was involved, and the trauma years later still is with them. Get her help and be there for her-its the best thing you can do. 180: Turning lives around is a great center for rape, and their website is awesome http://www.180nj.org/

fuckleberry

It takes two to "Tango": Asshole + WHORE

Really sorry it sucks

fdl

I've had two friends run into this exact same situation/story a couple of times and in both cases the girl was lying and just got drunk and did something dumb. I think that is the most likley scenario. BUT, at this point you cant be sure so you need to be sensitive to the fact that she MAY be telling truth (although I'd say there is maybe a 10% chance of that - scratch that...given that shes broken up with you before I'd put it at 5%.).

Then again I dont have all the details. Talk to her about it and I think it will become clearer whether its true or just a BS story to cover herself. You should also talk to the guy and see what he says. Just keep your eyes open and you will figure it out.

Titand19

Sasha, no offense to the damaged goods thing, but it's just what happens. I'm not fond of the term nor what it stands for, but unfortunately people give this type of situation that label. It's not just men either, I hear women using the terms as well.


This is a tough decision to make, cause either way you are gonna get mentally fucked a bit. I just want to express that I really wish you good luck with this whole situation.

FiftyFive

just leave the broad

zeroday

if there's any question at all, girls are usually very quick to call it rape imo. i think almost every one of my ex's had some story about her being raped at some point. when the questioned further it became clear in every case that it wasn't rape at all. im thinking she did something she regrets, felt guilty about it, and made up that story in an attempt to make both herself and you feel like shes not a slut. crappy situation. ive been in a similar situation and i couldn't forgive the girl.

925tsx

ill agree, alot of girls call rape when they do stupid things. they dont want to get reputations as whores, and its understandable.
of course she can be telling the truth, but like fdl says, its unlikely in this situation.
i think if your truly raped, ud go to the law/ hospital right away.
some people say its not true, that some girls are scared, dont know what to do, etc, but i think thats all bullshit, if u were truly raped, and someone mentally/ physically abused you, why wouldnt you report it right away.

99_CL_girl

Ok if this chic really was raped, I totally feel for her. But on another note, This guy knows you right? So if you wanna look at this from both sides, she could have done it & figured out how much she fucked up afterwards & realized that you may find out. Girls always seem to go the "i was drunk route" or the "it was rape" route. But all in all, she should have left with her friends. If they were true friends, they wouldnt of left her

99_CL_girl

now i agree with the first part of your response. Girls dont want a bad rep.

But some girls are scared to go to the cops, hospital, etc.. I personally have had experience with this. But I wasnt drunk. I was dragged into a car, yada yada yada. I was afraid to go to the cops at first fearing that they would harm me or my child (they took my wallet which had my id).... but i cant take that fake rape cry bullshit. Girls that throw that shit around have no idea............

925tsx

mossberg 500 is an excellent home protection tool.

99_CL_girl

Oh i got "protection" a day & a half later..............

1StGenCL

Alright i went to the cops with her permission and asked what to do. They told me that whenever there is alcohol involved a person can no legally give consent and even if she didnt ask him to stop but just didnt want to have sex or realized she didnt she can go after him. She never actually said rape, it just seemed from her side of the story it was. She said they never did anything besides actual intercourse (like no kissing etc) but she said she made sure he was wearing a condom which makes me think she kinda wanted to. I dont know the pansey ass wont answer me on AIM and im really getting to the point of going to find him which will not turn out well. I do want to hear his side but i also want to beat the shit outta him, she was completely wasted and to do this is wrong reguardless. You dont have sex with a girl that just puked and passed out. Fuck i dont know what to do i have tried to support her and she is going to go talk to the police about what happened but all of her friends think it is stupid to and say it was just a stupid drunk moment. I feel by supporting her i am making her think this was ok which sounds bad but she just wants to forget about it and have things go back to normal which i cant do if it was indeed very easily if she wanted this.

1StGenCL

Stupid editing time limit - I know it sounds bad but i need this kids side of the story for things to continue with her and the cops need to get it because i will want to beat him as he tells me IF he will tell me in person. I basically told her if she lets him get away with it that she doesnt think much of herself or us and i didnt know if i could continue to stay with her. Again i sounds like an ass but the guy cant just get away with this if it happened the way she said and if i stay with her and she doesnt do anything im going to end up doing something rash and stupid. The cops said she could def get the kid arrested and because of the lack of evidence nothing much more would probably happen but no one wants an arrest for this. She is going to talk to the police today so i will let you guys know what they say, hopefully they will incourage her to go after him (which it seems they will from my talk with them) otherwise i think im going to have to stop seeing her and give it time before things continue.

As for the question about her friends, they are irresponsible students who dont have to work and fill their time with drugs, sex, and alcohol. I dont understand how she can call her roommate her best friend when her roommate can just look at this and go shit happens, sorry i left you there. I talked to her and she said she was just as drunk and didnt think it was a big deal to leave her with this guy my gf has met once or twice before. Plain and simple they are just shitty people and shittier friends. I have never liked the roommate because of her outlook on having random slutty sex and taking my gf to all night parties which end in all my gf's friend leaving into rooms. Maybe this is better in some weird way because i cant stand or irresponsible drug whore friends
Like i said,I will let you guys know about the whole talk with the police tonight, thanks for the support Oh if nothing happens i'll be sure to post atleast his AIM name and anything else just for good measure in case you guys get bored and want to torture the hell outta some low life piece of shit

1StGenCL

That is part of my logic for bringing the police into it. If her story is true then something needs to be done and if it is not true how far will she go seeing how she doesnt like to get people in trouble or make a big deal outta things. All she wants to do is forget this happened which i obviously cannot and i know she is scared of the police for some reason so she wont say anything that is untrue. I dont want to make this really hard for her but i cant live with just her side of the story in somehting like this