rezurex

slimey you couldn't be more correct.. in the end im going to have to shell out money either way. if she aborts, i will pay for the abortion (im beginning to pick up pennies on the street). if she keeps it, i'll have to shell out child support. either way im pretty fucked, i dont know how im going to be able to come up with the funds for abortion without my parents knowing. they keep tabs on my bank transactions... im beginning to consider selling my laptop or something i was told the whole abortion thing could cost up to 2k including the pre/post checkups, medication, the actual procedure, etc.

but really the financial situation is a side issue.. the other, life altering consequences of her decision, whatever it may be are really stressing the hell out of me. i had a talk with her this morning and after coming back from church, she said shes not sure she can go through with an abortion... but then again she also talked about finding a good clinic and asked me to search around for a place we can get the procedure done safely. btw slimey thanks for the links, i'll be making a few calls tomorrow.

guys thanks for your help and advice.. its good to be able to recieve advice from older, mature individuals who actually been through situations like this. and to us younger people... make sure to use BC and condoms... because seriously you do not want to be in my shoes.

-rez

rezurex

is this an option?

There are two common methods for performing a medical abortion.

The first procedure, using a drug called Mifeprex, also known as RU486, is taken orally in a doctor's office and followed two days later by another medication called misoprostol, which causes the uterus to contract, resulting in the expulsion of the pregnancy tissue.

The second procedure, using a drug called Methotrexate, includes an initial injection, followed one week later by misoprostol, which causes the uterus to contract, resulting in the expulsion of the pregnancy tissue.

Both procedures require follow-up visits to the clinic to determine whether or not the procedure is complete. Both methods are safe and effective. Many women see this as a desirable alternative to surgery and anesthesia.


http://www.abortion.com/abortion_pill.php

Slimey

I think it's an option during the first 7 weeks post conception. After that a more traditional D&E needs to be performed. I think there's still a chance that there is an incomplete expulsion of the products of pregnancy where a D&E would still become necessary.

SilviaGTO

God.. she is not ready nor does she want an abortion. she is just talking about this because sheknows its an option you want and she doesnt want to deal with her parents.

i promise you this girl will hate herself if she has an abortion.

If shes not 100% gung ho about getting it done, then she doesnt want it done..

please please dont pressure her into making that decision.

SilviaGTO

I cant believe that you would willingly tell someone where they could get an abortion done up to the end of the second trimester. Not to mention that is illegal. I thought you were highly christian?
If you get an abortion at all, get it done super early. look how its developed at the end of the 1st trimester and the end of the second trimester.

12 weeks of development: By this point, nearly all of the organs and structures of the fetus are formed. They will continue to grow and develop until delivery. Fingers and toes have separated and hair and nails begin to grow. The genitals begin to take on their gender characteristics. Amniotic fluid begins to accumulate as the baby's kidneys begin to produce and excrete urine. The muscles in the intestinal walls begin to practice peristalsis - contractions within the intestines that digest food.

24 weeks of development:
Your baby's growing steadily, gaining about a quarter of a pound since last week. That puts her at just over a pound. Since she's almost a foot long, that makes a pretty lean figure, but her body is filling out proportionally and she'll soon put on more baby fat. Your baby's skin is thin, translucent, and wrinkled, her brain is growing rapidly, and her taste buds are forming. Her lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" and cells that produce surfactant, a substance that helps the air sacs inflate easily.

RaptorCLS

GAWD DAMN this is some scarey shizznit...I'm putting the jimmy back on now.
I hope the best for you man. A 'friends with benefits' told me once that she was pregnant...left me hanging on the phone for like 2 whole minutes then said it wasnt mine. The only scarey part...what if she comes up to me like 10 years later and demands money...oh boy.

rezurex

silvia i am trying my best to not to pressure her... like i said the decision is hers. she knows what i want, but all i have said to her in the past few days is that i will not leave her or be angry if she chose to have the baby... when she talked to me this morning, she even brought up the fact that her religious beliefs are somewhat making her reluctant in going through the abortion, but at the same time she also said that shes "60%" sure about going through with the abortion. if anything she is getting more pressure from her younger sister and her friends to go through with the abortion, not me. although definitely there is the thought of wanting to do what i want, even if im not actively pressing it onto her, exists and thus i am just trying to be as supportive as i can... she's been a real emotional rollercoastet these days and i'm walking on eggs to keep the situation from collapsing under us.

her parents suspect something going on... and thats giving her lots of pressure as well.

i find it really upsetting that i'm public enemy #1 with her younger sis and all her friends.. they see it as my fault completely that she's pregnant... i'm the dirty perverted bastard who seduced their friend.. but i guess i understand that its easier for them to blame everything onto me. and its not like im entirely blameless either..

i think i need a drink.

-rez

2003type-s6

Yeah, I thought you were a Christian?? You have bible study as one of your hobbies, and you are advocating a consensual sex abortion around the second trimester? People like you give the real Christians a bad name. All the talk about praying, God and Jesus, I was a little skeptical by both your avatars and headings, and now I see it is all talk.

He replied, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: " 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
Mark 7:6

sasha

Conscience tells us what is the right thing to do. I think you already know what is right. It's now a matter of choosing to fully accept the responsibility of your actions.

Can you handle a life with a few years of inconvenience? Or would you rather have a lifelong baggage of guilt and regrets?

1killercls

oh just shut the fuck up.

rezurex

who are you to judge?

Matthew 7:1-5

1 "Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you
pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the
measure you get. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's
eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can
you say to your brother, `Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when
there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log
out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck
out of your brother's eye.

i suppose then you're a perfect christian too then?

btw im not christian.. but it seems extremely stupid when christians bash on each other... just be pious yourself.

TheThirdMan

DO NOT ABORT, atmost adoption!

sasha

rezurex

if it was as simple as a few years of inconvenience, there would be no need for the discussion. i would be prepared to be inconvened for a few years if thats all that it took.

i dont believe in having children out of wedlock.. might sound lame to some but it's something that i find highly unethical, and i don't think i can handle myself breaching that ethic. if the child ultimately becomes born... it will end up as marriage. however, my girlfriend as well as i am not prepared for marriage. we are also clearly not prepared for parenthood.

she is 20 years old. i am 21 years old. we are both in the middle of our undergraduate studies. she has plans on entering law school, and i am planning on entering medical school. both our parents have invested both time, money, and have dedicated their lives in ensuring that we reach those goals. having the responsibility of a wife and child can and will put our academic endeavors at jeopardy. its not so easy to let go of these dreams and hard work that we have done all our lives.

to me it seems very clear that abortion is the logical solution, but again i do have ethical issues with it. logic states that we abort; ethics state that we should have the child. its now a matter of choosing logic or ethics.



its really funny because i thought that i was a completely pro-choice supporter... i guess one doesn't really understand the issue until it affects you personally.

-rez

einsatz

Hmm... I'm sure the mods' heads are about to explode:
Leave in Dating & Relationships or move to Religion & Politics

Like Silvia said, if she's not all-for it, she'll either go batshit after doing it, or she won't do it. If she said she's 60% then she may know what she needs to do, but needs encouragement from others to overcome the constraints put on her by her upbringing.
The guy that was my freshman year roommate in college got my ex-gf's roomate pregnant back in 97. She only told the handfull of people she thought she could trust and asked us what we thought she should do. Obviously the decision was hers, but she needed to talk it over with people. In her case, she was pretty sure she wanted it, but needed reasurrance from others to be sure she was doing the right thing.

The wildcard in your situation I think is the girls parents. If she cracks and says something, you're screwed. If one of her friends that is against her having an abortion tells her parents to avoid her having one, you're screwed. If she has an abortion and tells her parents afterwards because she couldn't take the guilt, you're screwed. If she keeps the kid, you're screwed

kevin79925

take it like a man. and take your responsibility.

2003type-s6

I don't believe DarkSithGirl is a real Christian, that is why I replied. I am calling her bluff.
I'm not judging her, I am saying what she says and preaches is not what she does and advocates, and I was pointing that out. If I was on A-CL all the time talking about Jesus, professing I was close to Christ and such I would expect anyone to point out such blatant contradictions if I had told someone where they could go to have an abortion done up to the second trimester. Yes, I am a Christian and know the difference between right and wrong, and I am not living the life I should be. I drink, swear, have premarital sex, harbor resentment and hate, and I am not a Christian role model. BUT I do not claim to be, so don't claim to have a 10 second 1/4 mile CL and I won't call you on it. No Christian religion agrees with abortion, especially in the latter stages of development. An abortion around the 2nd trimester is just ethically wrong, anyone with a conscience and morals will agree on that.

Sorry I am not encouraging you to pressure your GF to get an abortion, you got yourself into that one. Sometimes life doesn't always go as planned.

Mod's-------Sorry about the religion stuff in this thread.

SilviaGTO

yeah i guess her sis and friends dont realize it takes two to tango.

im not saying that youre like.. harassing her to get an abortion.. i just think your personal preference and apparently her sisters and friends preferences are clouding her mind to what she personally believes and wants to do. I mean she may want to keep it but if everyone around her is telling her to abort.. what happens next?

I just feel like that if she goes through with the abortion, and the decision isnt 100% hers (i.e her family and friends persuaded her) shes going to seriously regret it later in life.

SilviaGTO

no seriously i think its pretty sad. forget the abortion vs adoption or what not..

its just sad that people look for the easiest way out now instead of owning up (not directed at you specifically rez)

SilviaGTO

Listen to yourself!! so instead of breaching the ethic of having a child out of wedlock (which is a giant possibility when you have sex with no sort of contraception) youre going to kill it, just so you can say you didnt breach your ethic. the point is... You DID have a child out of wedlock, wether youre going to let it be born is another question. Abortion wont cover that fact up. it only justifies it in your mind.

Ask yourself this.. down the road when youre happily married, in your career and have children of your own bouncing around.. are you going to be able to look at them without thinking about the one you killed?

sasha

You should weigh which is more important for you and your gf then, logic or ethics?

sasha

Courage is a hard path only a few dare choose.

SilviaGTO

I dont know.. one time i thought i was pregnant, and my first thoughts were, OK I can deal with this. I just need to start thinking about how Im going to handle it. abortion never ever crossed my mind.

But then again the father would be my fiance and were planning on getting married anyway, so i wouldnt have to worry about doing it on my own.

im all over the political religious map. im a liberal who doesnt believe in abortions.

SilviaGTO

But Rez, im not trying to put you down or anything.

I just thought I would offer the other side to getting an abortion.

In the end, if you guys do it, then you know I wish you both well and hope that it was truly the right decision for you both.

darrinb

i'm sure rez can own up to what he did, but why bring some one into this world when it wont live the way it should, at this point he cant provide so its best to have an abortion, i know it hurts but at this point its just the better thing to do

Titand19

TOO funny, coat hanger fishing, when all else fails it's your last resort.


Sorry bro, I can't imagine your situation, but I am at the same stage in life as you are in terms of goals and school. I will tell you right now, your goals ain't gonna happen if you got a kid in your life. Esp with some chick that you probably won't even end up with. It's just gonna be a big financial burden on your ass until you reach 40. No offense to the girl, but you BETTER make sure that bitch does the right thing. I am semi against abortion, but you gotta remember that you're gonna be fucked if she doesn't get rid of it. Sooner is better.

DarkSithGirl

YOU ARE STUPID!! THAT SH** AIN'T EVEN FUNNY!!

REZ.....I have worked in an abortion clinic before and it isn't anything nice...I believe in the right to choose individually...however, if you choose to do that, get plenty of counseling...whether you think you need it or not. Please wait and talk to sith...he has so much to say to you..he has been in your shoes.

mr. big

Your big problem just opened up a can of nasty worms

mr. big

true, its kinda fucked up when u go to the pick up waiting area and u see a bunch of girls sitting there crying their eyes out...It was pretty disturbing to me when i had to pick up this chick from there.

DarkSithCL

iTrader: (1)

Rezurex...Hey Man, I know that your hopes and dreams go past what is happening right now....but this is right in your face...I had 3 kids while getting my masters and medical doctor's degrees...not an easy task, but God held me up through all of it because I put His will before mine...selfishness only leads down the road to more sin and more severe sin...you can close the book on all of that if you try to do what is right before God as far as this child and his or her mother is concerned. Pray hard and the answer will appear eventually...God's will is going to be done in this child's life no matter what you do or don't do...you can be part of the problem or part of the cure...a child, a war, a disease, a death...absolutely nothing will keep you from getting your blessings or achieving what God has for you...PERIOD!!!! Just ask me...PM me and I can tell you stories that will do your heart and your mind some good...I will tell you how Jesus has carried me when I was not thought worthy by other men...Keep ya head up!....Sith

ghost_masterCL

Jesus christ.. that made me want to puke. If you take god out of this, then abortion is fine. WE're overpoplulated as it is. every little abortion helps. I know this is going to come accross as me being an inconsiderate prick, but I'm not, i'm just realistic. There is no god. there is no hell. there is no master plan. just do what needs to be done and get on with life... with or without the kid.

GeishaGirl

What did that mean if you don't mind me asking.

DarkSithGirl

man, you are 19...what on earth has proven to you that there is no God or hell or heaven?? You are wrong, this post doesn't make you sound like an inconsiderate prick, it proves it.

Crazy Bimmer

dont call people pricks because they dont have the same belief as you. Thats not right to judge.

DarkSithGirl

That means when times got hard and he was doing things that weren't right, everyone in his life with the exception of 3 people turned their back on him....and only the mercy and forgiveness of God has extended him this far. God has proven to him over and over again that he is worth something and that he is someone special and deserving of forgiveness and love despite everything else.

DarkSithGirl

not judging...he said it, I agree.

Crazy Bimmer

Thats harsh.

But flip that around, what if he has the kid now. Say he gets married and has kids with his own wife. Dont you think it would be confusing and hard for that other child to try to fit in that family? He wont have real brothers or sisters EVER. Also have to think about that girl who will have the child, her life will never be the same. In the end its all up to the girl, respect her wish either way. IMO

I dunno, everyone has their thoughts on abortion. I dont think its KILLING if its the right thing to do. You would pull the plug if your friend was on life support, that could be considering killing as well. You put dogs to sleep if they are in pain, that can be called killing. You do whats best for the situation.

Crazy Bimmer

and to all the god talk

Dem1K

iTrader: (1)

quit bringing in religion and shit...that's too touch-feely for most. Let's stick to reality here. If it's something they're both not ready for, then maybe abortion is the best thing to do. Some of you are saying "don't get an abortion, keep the kid". But put yourself in his shoes. It isn't the easiest fuckin position to be in. Rez, I wish you the best of luck man, along with your lady. Stick to your heart, and you will make the right choice!

`John

1killercls

Abort.