Ok guys...I'm hoping to get some help from ya...

I've been with my gf for over 2 years...our 3 year Anniversary is October 28th...We have been fighting for about 3 days now...

The first day my friend Vidhi from Alabama, which is pretty good friends with my cousin who lives there and I see her whenever we end up being at the same parties. Well she sent me some pictures on my e-mail address and my gf had the password to my e-mail address and she would snoop around looking for something odd I guess? She came across her e-mail and she saw the pictures there weren't anything bad just some from a graduation party and a birthday party. There weren't any of me with her or anything. Well my girlfriend Ami freaked out and she was like why is this girl sending you 11 pictures of herself? I said I dont know thats random, but she sends everyone pictures, but I havent talked to her in like a month. So she thinks she'll be a smartass and send her an e-mail saying: "Why are you sending Veeral 32131 pictures of you, if he wanted to see someone pretty he can look at mine". So before she sent it she told me she was I was like whatever I dont care & I knew she was going to send something being a smartass..so I sent her Vidhi an e-mail saying to ignore Ami's e-mail cause she was upset about the pictures. Well Ami decided to read my sent mails and she saw that and got upset and thought something was going on between us or something crazy. So I e-mailed her later that night telling her the whole situation so she wouldnt be freaked out and changed my password to my email and told her she doesnt need to snoop in my business and i need privacy too and she cant do that without my permission.

The Second day...She called me being all rude and stuff saying that I shouldnt be defending her and stuff. But i told her i wasnt I e-mailed her that thing so she wouldnt be like why is your gf sending an e-mail to me and being all bitchy and stuff...So she was like whatever...and continued to think i was defending her..

The Third day...I finalized my plans with going to Miami with my friends a group of people guys..girls everyone! She was upset that there were girls going, but she knew all the girls that were going, but she's not like really good friends with them or whatever. And She was like thanks for not inviting me...but I told her about Miami awhile ago about 2 weeks...and told her that its from Thursday-Sunday. And she's a big nerd at school and stuff so she's never skipped a day of school in her life to go on a trip or anything..so i knew she wasnt going to..So she knew about Miami and it wasnt an invite type of thing it was whoever wants to go can go...So she found out some girls from Ohio I know were going too and she doesnt like them, even though they have tried to be her friend and she just pushes them away and says she doesnt liek them...and me and these girls are just friends nothing more and they are friends with everyone thats going.

Third day continued...
So we are talking online and she's like I'm sick of arguing and fighting cause we get into a fight atleast once a week. And she's like tell me how you want me to be. She's like I'll act anyway you want me to be so that you are happy and wont leave me. I'm like wtf I dont want you to change yourself to my needs and try to be perfect. And she's like I'll let you do whatever you want an I wont complain or get angry. So I was like a relationship doesnt work that way and she was like i'm willing to be unhappy as long as your happy,thats how much i love you. So i told her she is scarin me and freakin me out and that i want her to be normal and in a relationship both ppl are happy not one miserable and other happy, so keep a relationship going...And she's afraid i'm going to break up with her and she's like i love you and and i want you to love me forever and stuff. So I tell her some things are meant to be...you cant change it by molding urself to make me happy...


What do I do? She keeps asking me: "How do you want me to be?"


Its like I'm building a robot...like stepford wives...literally...

Would you guys do this for a girl?

WOuld you girls do this for a guy?

 

First of all...your girl has some major self esteem problems going on there! Second, I would never, NEVER change anything about myself to suit a man. I am who I am and you either love me or you don't. You either stay with me or you won't. She says she will change, but in reality, she won't and in the end will wind up hating you because she will feel like you tried to change her. Sounds like you need the Miami trip to unwind and rethink the relationship. My personal opinion, I would call her when you arrive and let her know you got there safely, and then not speak to her the rest of the time you are there. Give each other some space man. Third, I would pray that if this person is the one, that God would show you that and really put it in your heart to stick it out with her.

 

What is she doing snooping in your email? :shakehead I don't like that, but to each their own. It sounds like shes saying all of those things because shes afraid of losing you. Shes making a bunch of promises in hopes of securing the relationship, which doesn't work. If one person is miserable all the time the relationship is doomed to fail. This should not be confused with a bit of self-sacrifice though, which is a good thing.

Let her know that she doesn't have to and shouldn't change because the relationship will go where its meant to anyway. If you aren't compatible now you won't be even if she does try to change. IMO a person can change a little but their nature remains the same

I agree with DarkSithGirl, you two need some space. It could put things in perspective for you both

 

women are crazy. man, the excessive drama! laid back indian woman are so hard to find. anyway, enough about my problems.

both people have to be happy for the relationship to be a good one. but your relationship sounds like it has some major problems. your girl didn't respect your privacy, she the jealous type, and she's insecure. sounds like your girl just isn't mature enough yet. also, you're 17, so don't worry about being in a long-term realtionship that's filled with problems, especially if they don't seem like they will be resolved. time apart may be the best thing for both of you.

i'm happy with myself and can't change just to make others happy. and i don't think i could be with a woman who changed herself just to make me happy.

 

ahhhh the desi relationships...

well clearly, your gf doesn't "trust" you...she may say that "ohh i trust you but i don't trust the girls around you"...well that just means that she doesn't trust u...

now you need to decide on several things...do you want to be with this girl or not?
if you do, then you are going to have to work to help her develop trust in u...if the girl is worth it, i am sure u wouldn't mind putting in the extra effort into the relationship...now you may ask, "what can i do to make her trust me?"...well several things...but it all depends on how badly u want to be with this girl...

clearly she likes u a lot and wants to be with u, but she needs to decrease her insecurity...she feels scared about losing u...do u know why she would feel that way? are you avoiding her lately? are you doing anything different? do you guys talk less now a days than u used to before? u need to look at these things and try to identify what really "changed"....then u need to sit down with her and explain to her how u feel...that u really like her and u just want her to trust u more...if she's telling u that she will change, then tell her "THE ONLY THING I WANT U TO CHANGE IS THAT I WANT U TO TRUST ME MORE AND HAVE FAITH IN ME"...

desi girls tend to be insecure and jealous....all my previous desi gf's were like that and my current desi gf is like that too (but this one really trusts me so that's )...i guess it's just in their nature...the only thing differs is the level of insecurity/jealousy....personally, if my current gf gets a little jealous sometimes, i like it...it shows me that she really cares for me and stuff...but it's more of a playful jealousy...she knows that i wouldn't do anything to hurt her and I WILL NOT cause i love the girl like crazy....so basically, u're going to have to deal with some jealous/insecurity (especially in a desi girl), but you need to do certain things that she starts to build more trust in u...

 

 

@ title "is my GF nuts?"

and yeah, you're young. you've gotta decide if you really want to be with her (long term) and if you do, you should probably push for her to go on these trips with you

 

I read this somewhere and I think you could/should try this to really test her. Tell her that you don't want her to snoop around in your e-mail. It's real lame to do that in a relationship because that's obviously no trust at all. Tell her that you changed your password on your e-mail account. Tell her a "fake one"... and say that she can only use it under your permission. If for like emergencies and what not. NOw..if she really trusted you and stuck by your words..she would never find out that it's a fake password and it doesn't work. If she comes and complains to you that you gave her the fake e-mail password one day..tell her that she had no permission to log onto your e-mail accountl.

good luck on that crazy gf you have haha jp.

Reloaded

 

I actually dont think you need to put space in between her and you, if you really want to make this work. it will make her even more paranoid that youre doing something with the other girls.

when you go, give her a couple calls (not a lot) letting her know youre having fun and you miss her.. stuff like that. itll make her feel secure that youre thinking about her and in the long run (hopefully) shell calm down

but snooping is a big nono. never give your password out. actually you should be like, if i was going to cheat on you, why would I do it where you had access to my email?

 

yes she is nuts. But I'm hearing this thing about indian women so I'm not sure what to say other than this. "If I didn't love you I wouldn't be with you. and If I wanted to cheat on you I wouldn't make it apperant to you." she will get alittle pissed about the cheating part, but i will make sense to her, "hopefully." and Just secure her in the fact that you care for her and want her to be the woman she is without being nuts.

 

deyum mistake 1. letting her have your passwords. like jinen said, desi grls are real insecure. if you look the wrong way your gonna get blasted. honestly, i see no point of even looking a desi girls until your ready to get married, IF you even wanna go that route. theres no need for that headache until then. fortunatly for me, iv found my chick and shes great.

 

Girls are all nuts, it's what happens when you put 2 X chromosomes together. But for real, I had a nosey controlling g/f who liked to snoop and question me like that. Sounds like self esteem issues.

 

I dont trust girls who dont trust me. To me, its means shes capable of or doing the things she fears you are doing. This just comes from my personal experience.

 

same here, if you're being accused of it, chances are, they're already doing it or thinking about it. But seriously man, if you want to still be with the girl, u need trust. Her searching your email, and flipping out about girls going on a trip isn't trust

 

Thanks for all the info guys...

But yeah she's scared of losing me...She was acting like I'm not the pefect gf..and I want to be...and says that I might meet a girl in college thats better than her and I will run off with her and she doesnt want that to happen so she's changing for pretty my that apparent reason...


Another thing she was acting pissed about was about me no sacraficing my time for her? Well I work alot and the schedules are makde every 2 weeks...and we can trade hours with our fellow co-workers if we want...and she was upset that I dont get off of work for her and stuff like that...well I cant just call off of work:

1. I need money to go out with her (typical desi guy pays)
2. I need money to pay stuff for the CL-S
3. I need money to pay for a couple bills

And she's upset that I plan all these trips with my friends and I think she feels a little upset that I havent planned anything with her...I told her lets go out to eat Saturday Night, but she has this FBLA thing and it ends at night. So I said lets go out after that...She refused to "sacrafice time" to go out with me cause "I dont do it".. which is bullshit...cause I drive to her house soo much on last minute on sundays and stay there till like 8pm-9pm and drive an hour back home...

 

Wow.

First step is to change the password on your e-mail address so that she can't continue to make something out of nothing. She needs to trust you, and it doesn't sound like she does.

 

veeral, you really have to start making decisions in ur life...do u want to be with this girl forever? is this the type of a woman you see urself with? could she be the mother of ur kids? i want to understand what your goals are...

if you are just in the relationship to have some fun and once u move off to college, u are thinking about getting another girl, then u just have to deal with this drama for some time...

if u really want things to work out between this girl, then u really have to work together and help her build trust on u...

for example, if she thinks that u spend time with ur other friends, who are girls for example, rather than her, then one day, have one of ur friends call u up and tell her to make plans...have that friend call u when u are with ur girl...when u pick up the phone and she asks u, hey veeral, u want to do something tonight?, then u tell that friend of urs, that "no, i really want to spend time with my girl today, so i won't be able to come"....like say that in front of ur gf...sometimes u have to play these little games in relationships...when ur gf hears stuff like that, she'll become more secure...

another thing u could do if u are REALLY serious about this girl is really spend time with her...u might have to put off some of the work on ur CL-S for couple months, and in that time frame you should spend time with her so that way she knows that u are going to be there for her when she needs u...

i mean this is all assuming that u are thinking long term...if u are just thinking some short term stuff, then the hell with everything that i have said lol...u need to identify what ur goals/priorities are and then pursue life with knowing what they are

we all know that she is insecure...and it seems that seh wants to feel secure but she finds it very difficult...so if u really care for her and want to be with her, then u will help her solve this problem TOGETHER...

 

Your anniversary is on my Birthday.....

And your girl has self esteem issues. My question is........would you get mad if she went places with out you and would you get mad if you found pics of her with other guys?

 

Sounds to me like you're whipped. Your girlfriend has your email password? Come on now, stand up for yourself. This whole routine of her talking about her changing is just her trying a new strategy of exercising her control over you. Now she'll be able to say, "I did all this for you and you LOOKED at another girl?" and shit like that. Grow some.

 

I'll never understand guys who give their women their passwords. What POSSIBLE good could come of that?

 

it's call trust...and if no one is doing wrong and neither one of them are crazy...it's all good!!

 

Well in this case one of them is crazy.

 

Everyone is crazy. Whether or not they let other people see it is a different story.

And that doesn't answer my question - what good is to be had in that violation of your privacy? There is nothing positive to be had here. Only the possibility that you get found out, or she reads some pr0n spam and thinks you're cheating on her, or she sends out goat porn to all your professors from your email account because you nutted in her eye last night.

 

Alright well, I'm taking a trip to Miami next weekend...and I'm going to think about everything... Most likely I'm thinking of taking a break to get all my priorities fixed and maybe re-unite with her...I'm not sure about this mainly this whole trust issue than I might like single life a bit better cause...I'm only what 17? Going to be 18 in a few weeks...

I dont want to feel like I'm missing out on stuff...I'm going to college next year and I dont want to be one of those guys tieddown and not goin out and partyin with the rest of my buds...

 

Well if that's the case, then you clearly are not thinking long-term about this girl, so you may want to end it ASAP...probably once u come back from ur trip...or tell her basically what u just mentioned, that you want to live ur life and don't want to feel tied down, so u don't mind maintaining friendship and then take it one step at a time later on in the future....but then again, u don't know whether u might find someone better in college, so it's pretty risky so be careful on what u say to her...but it's better to let her know now than later...be considerate about her feelings too...

 

This was a bad situation as soon as you mentioned gf had password to email. That's a big . If this snooping has been going on for a while, she has trust issues that need to be resolved.

 

How old is she, 12? Geez she needs to grow up...The fact that she's checking your emails shows just how much she doesn't trust you.

 

Alright,

While we are talking on the phone, She's like "You want to come to my soccer game Thursday?" I told her I couldnt cause we are leaving Thursday night to go to Miami...

Now she's pissed cause I'm still going to Miami with alot of people...all my friends and some of hers too...She was like "Why didnt you invite me? " I was like "Its not something you need me to invite you to, its open invite who ever wants to go can go"...even some of her friends are going too so why should I have to invite her to something "OUR" friends are going to.

We are leaving Thursday Night from Atlanta and driving down there & coming back Sunday Night...So I know she wouldn't skip school Friday cause she's all into her school and stuff wanting to be #1 of her class...

Ahh, She drives me nuts...

 

Haha let her down easy is the tough part...This girl is a type of girl that would go nuts if I broke up with her...Like come out and slash my tires or harass me constantly...cause its obvious if she's willing to change her self like I stated above, where she is willing to do anything to kep the relationship going...Thats why I have to move out and not tell her where right after I break up with her..or she's going to be coming to my place harassing my roommates and of course me...

 

Drop her like the dead weight she is. You're wasting your time on a relationship that isn't going anywhere. You're 17, there's plenty of other opportunities for you.

 

Yeah thats another situation...
Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on things..

 

you are. you don't deserve all this mistrust and drama. the chick is psycho and need professional help.

 

She has trust issues and i would say leave her NOW! i am 35 and lived with my girl for 2 years. When she left for the last time she started checking my phone records and calling every number that i had called.. she had no passwords and after months of me asking her how she knew who i was calling, she told me a friend of a friend was a privte investigator and he somehow tracked my phone calls(both cell and land line). Mind you she left me and still had the nerve to see who i was calling. later i found out she was doing it while we were together but at that time i was with her so i was not talking to any other women. the point is she was doing it for a long tiem and even did it again after i found out she was doing it. the whole tiime saying" baby i turst you". tell her to get help or get out its been monthsd since we spoke and it still hurts me everyday but i cant imagine living with that for the rest of my life. your young live, learn and move on.

 

Sometimes I feel she needs help...but I still Love her ya know...so its not going to be easy on me either...cause its almost 3 years

I'm planning on ending it during the summer...so its easier on us...and we both have time to re-cooperate from each other...

 

screw that dude.

Spring is tomorrow.

Spring dude. Spring. When they're ALL horny out the wazoo and looking for boys.

 

I'm going to Miami

Thursday Night-Sunday Night

 

you get nothing from waiting, and i mean nothing

get rid of her, i think you shold trust that cause everyone in this thread is saying that

 

desi girls are just to deal with yo they have all types of problems and most of the time you just cant do anything about them

 

You are 17. Why all the fucking drama. Dump her ass.

 

This is my thoughts on the whole changing situation.


If she's worth it, do it, if she's not pack the bags and get out





very simple



and all women are a little nutty