No s*x in married life .. can you live with it?
12-14-2009, 09:32 AM
#122
12-14-2009, 09:34 AM
#123
Team Owner
OMG, got some last night! 
12-14-2009, 12:53 PM
#124
GEEZER
12-14-2009, 01:10 PM
#125
Go Giants
12-14-2009, 01:39 PM
#126
Team Owner
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I have three kids and trust me, when you've finished feeding, bathing, helping with homework, reading stories, putting them back into bed 10 times, getting done all of the things you need to get done, sex is an afterthought. Most nights we're up till midnight doing stuff. By the time we get to bed, we're exhausted.
You're 100% right though. We only have the one kid, but by the time we get everything done for the day, it's about 10:00 in our house. And we're usually beat.
12-14-2009, 03:48 PM
#129
Burning Brakes
I'm in the same boat, at least WAS in the same boat before we had our son. Just when I thought it couldn't be more spaced out, it dropped to 2 times in a year. And when it does happen, I do everything! That shit gets OLD! Maybe one day the quality and quantity of sex will increase dramatically, but I can only wish.
I love my son more than anything on earth, and as shitty as it may sound, I'd rather go through feeling not physically wanted most of the time just to be able to see him every day.
I love my son more than anything on earth, and as shitty as it may sound, I'd rather go through feeling not physically wanted most of the time just to be able to see him every day.
12-14-2009, 05:08 PM
#131
Well, my now ex-girlfriend and I have broken up. Today.
I'm in pain (lots), but I'll save you guys the emotional stuff. I'll miss the affection though.
My largest factor in breaking-up? The sex wasn't great, she had some insecurities she didn't want to work through, and I wasn't happy with that aspect. She knew I was unhappy, and I respect her for initiating this originally in conversation about a week ago, she could tell I was less and less happy. It's apparent today, though, that she's incapable of working through this with me.
Better now than much, much later.
I'm in pain (lots), but I'll save you guys the emotional stuff. I'll miss the affection though.
My largest factor in breaking-up? The sex wasn't great, she had some insecurities she didn't want to work through, and I wasn't happy with that aspect. She knew I was unhappy, and I respect her for initiating this originally in conversation about a week ago, she could tell I was less and less happy. It's apparent today, though, that she's incapable of working through this with me.
Better now than much, much later.
Sorry to hear about the unsatisfactory relationships, guys.
12-15-2009, 01:05 AM
#134
One on the right for me
Overstatement on my part. But at the same time, I have no immediate plans to do anything (except find a full time legal job, this part time contract work isn't consistent enough).
12-15-2009, 08:27 AM
#135
Great. Now he's loose.
I'm sorry you're in pain, Amis. It's never as easy as "Fuck it, on to the next one.". Not even for you. I know you talk that way, but I can read between the lines.
12-15-2009, 10:33 AM
#136
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
As it's said fairly often in D&R, marriage can expose you to higher highs but also lower lows. Add kids and it gets even more so. If things work out, you spend more time in the highs than the lows, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Great reward takes great risk sometimes.
Sorry to Amis and others here who are having a hard time right now. Hope the new year brings about positive changes for all.
12-15-2009, 12:38 PM
#137
I'd agree - I don't know what the exact percentage would really be, but just looking at my immediate friends and what I know about them I'd say most are very happy.
As it's said fairly often in D&R, marriage can expose you to higher highs but also lower lows. Add kids and it gets even more so. If things work out, you spend more time in the highs than the lows, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Great reward takes great risk sometimes.
Sorry to Amis and others here who are having a hard time right now. Hope the new year brings about positive changes for all.
As it's said fairly often in D&R, marriage can expose you to higher highs but also lower lows. Add kids and it gets even more so. If things work out, you spend more time in the highs than the lows, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Great reward takes great risk sometimes.
Sorry to Amis and others here who are having a hard time right now. Hope the new year brings about positive changes for all.
12-15-2009, 12:41 PM
#138
I don't have much to contribute to this thread as I've never been married, but I do know that I get a lot less sex than some people have mentioned here. My gf and I are usually busy with school, work, life, etc., but when we do have a moment to have sex it is AWESOME for both of us.
As our relationship progresses (3.5 years so far) we've found that sex is becoming better and better. Now we've just gotta work on that frequency aspect, lol!
I am glad that I read through this thread as it has reminded me of some things that I should be doing more on my part to contribute to our relationship. In fact, I may go pick up some flowers after work today.
As our relationship progresses (3.5 years so far) we've found that sex is becoming better and better. Now we've just gotta work on that frequency aspect, lol!
I am glad that I read through this thread as it has reminded me of some things that I should be doing more on my part to contribute to our relationship. In fact, I may go pick up some flowers after work today.
12-27-2009, 11:55 AM
#140
Race Director
Been married for 3 1/2 years, with him for 10.
Now granted, no, we dont have sex as frequently as when we were first dating. And sometimes, well go a week or two with no sex, and some weeks were having sex multiple times a day. It just factors into what we have going on, how were feeling, so forth.
I work with a woman who is married and HATES sex. If you talk to her for a bit its because her husband makes her feel like nothing more than a house maid and mom. She doesnt feel attractive or appreciated, and feels like sex is just another chore she has to add on to the list of cleaning and taking care of the kid.
He cant figure out why she doesnt want sex.
Now granted, no, we dont have sex as frequently as when we were first dating. And sometimes, well go a week or two with no sex, and some weeks were having sex multiple times a day. It just factors into what we have going on, how were feeling, so forth.
I work with a woman who is married and HATES sex. If you talk to her for a bit its because her husband makes her feel like nothing more than a house maid and mom. She doesnt feel attractive or appreciated, and feels like sex is just another chore she has to add on to the list of cleaning and taking care of the kid.
He cant figure out why she doesnt want sex.
12-27-2009, 02:42 PM
#141
I work with a woman who is married and HATES sex. If you talk to her for a bit its because her husband makes her feel like nothing more than a house maid and mom. She doesnt feel attractive or appreciated, and feels like sex is just another chore she has to add on to the list of cleaning and taking care of the kid.
He cant figure out why she doesnt want sex.
He cant figure out why she doesnt want sex.
12-27-2009, 03:28 PM
#142
Race Director
This thing about "sex being a chore" is crap. It sounds like a lack of foreplay. A woman should feel both attractive and appreciated during sex; at least that's what I strive for. What is infuriating is not even being given the chance to provide that appreciation. When the answer is a straight "no", it's like saying, "I don't want to feel good."
12-28-2009, 12:10 PM
#143
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
No sex life is the symptom, but your story hit the nail on the head with the cause. The one universal truth of relationships is that people (both men and women) need to feel wanted and appreciated. When that doesn't happen, things break down across the board, including sex life. Unfortunately several of these stories above should like appreciation is being offered but not received, which is truly unfortunate.
12-28-2009, 04:52 PM
#144
In every situation mentioned in this thread among couples, the one point everybody has failed to realize is the most important point in setting a healthy sexual relationship. the first impression you both have already established is too hard to undo. If the wife is already too fat and doesn't want sex, then the husband will not be able to fix it, she is too deep in the hole already, it's too late at this point. If the wife isn't interested in sex with the husband, it's too late, nothing that will change how she feels about him, no roses, no foreplay, nothing. because in reality, it's not what you do, it's you yourself and the established previous years that is making the sex difficult. She already has a strong sense of who you are and thats what makes her have the feelings she has.
Bottom line, to women, sex is all in the way they see you when you are not around. their perception of you. if it is a positive one, then you'll get the desire from her, if it is negative, then you probably won't get it.
Bottom line, to women, sex is all in the way they see you when you are not around. their perception of you. if it is a positive one, then you'll get the desire from her, if it is negative, then you probably won't get it.
12-29-2009, 08:40 PM
#146
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I find that most women/married women (including my own) appreciate sex for the intimacy, and most of the time, men, well just do it for the sex. To fulfill their sex drive.
I can understand why some women hate having it after being married, but I for one, believe that it's crucial to have a healthy sex life before and after marriage.
Then again, wtf do I know, I'm 22.
I'll shut up now.
I can understand why some women hate having it after being married, but I for one, believe that it's crucial to have a healthy sex life before and after marriage.
Then again, wtf do I know, I'm 22.
I'll shut up now.
12-30-2009, 12:57 PM
#147
I find that most women/married women (including my own) appreciate sex for the intimacy, and most of the time, men, well just do it for the sex. To fulfill their sex drive.
I can understand why some women hate having it after being married, but I for one, believe that it's crucial to have a healthy sex life before and after marriage.
Then again, wtf do I know, I'm 22.
I'll shut up now.
I can understand why some women hate having it after being married, but I for one, believe that it's crucial to have a healthy sex life before and after marriage.
Then again, wtf do I know, I'm 22.
I'll shut up now.
12-31-2009, 11:39 AM
#149
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
A mutually satisfying sex life is very important to a healthy marriage - you've got that right. If one or the other begins to "hate" it, it's worth immediate attention. But being married for a while adds complications to the scenario, kids being the biggest.
12-31-2009, 03:00 PM
#151
It's very common and beyond unacceptable. I would have hired a lawyer a long, long time ago.
Once a month, or hardly ever, is preposterous. If she can't be bothered to have sex with me, then I can't be bothered to see her face.
More men need to ditch their sexless marriages. Sex is critical to MOST men's happiness (you outlier weirdos stay out of it). To deny it to your HUSBAND is to deny your duty as a wife. You're not performing your duties as a wife, then it makes no sense to perform your duties as a husband. Time for divorce.
Once a month, or hardly ever, is preposterous. If she can't be bothered to have sex with me, then I can't be bothered to see her face.
More men need to ditch their sexless marriages. Sex is critical to MOST men's happiness (you outlier weirdos stay out of it). To deny it to your HUSBAND is to deny your duty as a wife. You're not performing your duties as a wife, then it makes no sense to perform your duties as a husband. Time for divorce.
01-01-2010, 01:42 PM
#152
My first Avatar....
What happens when one partner is no longer attracted to the other?
01-04-2010, 01:35 PM
#153
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
Also, a marriage can (and most likely will) encounter difficulties that your sex life alone can't save you from. However, if someone let themselves go and has just become unattractive to the other, it has to be brought up. What happens next depends on how willing the one is to change it, or how willing the other is to accept it. Totally different scenario however if it can't be changed.
IMO, failure for one person to make an effort to remain attractive to the other (if they have the means to do so) is a failure in maintaining a healthy sex life. No different from witholding sex, or any one of a number of behaviors that can damage a relationship.
01-14-2010, 05:30 PM
#154
KoolKatz..
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Hahaha just stumble onto this thread and is very amusing to know there all married people out there and in the same boat as me or how I feel about marriage. I can't really comment on my sex and life witch suckass btw. I'm afraid I'll break my wife's heart, if she finds out the true reason why I married her. (another story) But now after 9 years and two beautiful girls I'm fvcken stuck forever! I will honor my vows and promise to her father that I will take care of her etc. and will never leave her especially for my kids but IF she even think of bringing up divorce etc. I will jumped on the offer but she never does. When we fight I offer her EVERYTHING money cars house even the kids or take everything and leave me the kids...yet she never agrees, we just do silent treatment for one or two weeks and she comes bugging me like nothing happens. I dunno what to say....MARRIED IS STRESSFULL, depressing and painful and DEFINATELY NO SEX and like the OP's friend say I'll be lucky if I get it once a month too lol. I can always relieve the sexual tension with PALMela Handerson but thats not that fun. I sometimes feel like giving up and just DIE have a heart attack or something. (Not suicide cuz I want insurance money for my girls) Comming from a broken family and divorce parents suckass too. And I don't want my children to go through my foot steps. I dunno sighing..... My two girls are what keep me sane and I'm hanging it in there for them.
Sorry for ranting......
Sorry for ranting......
01-14-2010, 05:32 PM
#155
KoolKatz..
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(1Louder)
IMO, failure for one person to make an effort to remain attractive to the other (if they have the means to do so) is a failure in maintaining a healthy sex life. No different from witholding sex, or any one of a number of behaviors that can damage a relationship.[/QUOTE]
I like this...thanks.
IMO, failure for one person to make an effort to remain attractive to the other (if they have the means to do so) is a failure in maintaining a healthy sex life. No different from witholding sex, or any one of a number of behaviors that can damage a relationship.[/QUOTE]
I like this...thanks.
Last edited by Etohprn247; 01-14-2010 at 05:34 PM.
01-15-2010, 02:56 AM
#157
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In my experience it is inevitable. All women are frisky in the beginning but, once the "honeymoon" is over it fizzles off. Whether it be in dating or marriage, kids or no kids. Once the female decides she won't "give it up" as often as she once had....it's over and it will never go back to the way it was. It's the reality of it. 
Even if you do voice your concerns over the sexual infrequency, they always have the perfect response. Either months before marriage or well into the relationship they intice or "reassure" you by saying something along the lines of, "once things are settled, I promise we can do it anytime you want....". But it's never true, they mean well but it's not going to happen, trust me.
There can be other deeper underlying reasons before that decision is made. But truth of the matter is, what's done is done. At least in a females mind. Once a woman's mind is made, there's no compromise.
Even if you do voice your concerns over the sexual infrequency, they always have the perfect response. Either months before marriage or well into the relationship they intice or "reassure" you by saying something along the lines of, "once things are settled, I promise we can do it anytime you want....". But it's never true, they mean well but it's not going to happen, trust me.
There can be other deeper underlying reasons before that decision is made. But truth of the matter is, what's done is done. At least in a females mind. Once a woman's mind is made, there's no compromise.
01-15-2010, 08:25 AM
#158
Hahaha just stumble onto this thread and is very amusing to know there all married people out there and in the same boat as me or how I feel about marriage. I can't really comment on my sex and life witch suckass btw. I'm afraid I'll break my wife's heart, if she finds out the true reason why I married her. (another story) But now after 9 years and two beautiful girls I'm fvcken stuck forever! I will honor my vows and promise to her father that I will take care of her etc. and will never leave her especially for my kids but IF she even think of bringing up divorce etc. I will jumped on the offer but she never does. When we fight I offer her EVERYTHING money cars house even the kids or take everything and leave me the kids...yet she never agrees, we just do silent treatment for one or two weeks and she comes bugging me like nothing happens. I dunno what to say....MARRIED IS STRESSFULL, depressing and painful and DEFINATELY NO SEX and like the OP's friend say I'll be lucky if I get it once a month too lol. I can always relieve the sexual tension with PALMela Handerson but thats not that fun. I sometimes feel like giving up and just DIE have a heart attack or something. (Not suicide cuz I want insurance money for my girls) Comming from a broken family and divorce parents suckass too. And I don't want my children to go through my foot steps. I dunno sighing..... My two girls are what keep me sane and I'm hanging it in there for them.
Sorry for ranting......
Sorry for ranting......
Not trying to be a dick, but you need a lot of help..
01-15-2010, 09:12 AM
#159
Team Owner
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Hahaha just stumble onto this thread and is very amusing to know there all married people out there and in the same boat as me or how I feel about marriage. I can't really comment on my sex and life witch suckass btw. I'm afraid I'll break my wife's heart, if she finds out the true reason why I married her. (another story) But now after 9 years and two beautiful girls I'm fvcken stuck forever! I will honor my vows and promise to her father that I will take care of her etc. and will never leave her especially for my kids but IF she even think of bringing up divorce etc. I will jumped on the offer but she never does. When we fight I offer her EVERYTHING money cars house even the kids or take everything and leave me the kids...yet she never agrees, we just do silent treatment for one or two weeks and she comes bugging me like nothing happens. I dunno what to say....MARRIED IS STRESSFULL, depressing and painful and DEFINATELY NO SEX and like the OP's friend say I'll be lucky if I get it once a month too lol. I can always relieve the sexual tension with PALMela Handerson but thats not that fun. I sometimes feel like giving up and just DIE have a heart attack or something. (Not suicide cuz I want insurance money for my girls) Comming from a broken family and divorce parents suckass too. And I don't want my children to go through my foot steps. I dunno sighing..... My two girls are what keep me sane and I'm hanging it in there for them.
Sorry for ranting......
Sorry for ranting......
I admire you for staying with your wife, but at the same time I think you are not doing anyone a service by doing so. If you hate each other then split up. In the long run you will just end up hurting each other and the kids even more.
