View Poll Results: Hyphenate or no?
Yes, hyphenation is not always a bad idea.
15
23.44%
No, it's the dumbest thing to come from feminism, so far.
49
76.56%
Voters: 64. You may not vote on this poll
To Hyphenate or Not?
Never Forget
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 133
Likes: 0
From: NY
-->"Mommy isn't a slave to chauvinistic models."
-->"I'm giving him my hand in marriage, as well as my lifelong companionship and the privilege of me in his bed for the rest of eternity."
I'm confused. These two statement seem to contradict each other
isn't the engagement ring part of the chauvinistic model as well? it symbolizes that you are off the market, as well as to ultimately display his financial status to society. these are not my sentiments, but they are the social norm of thinking.
if all things were equal, he should wear an engagement ring as well, but it's accepted that he doesn't.
anyhow - don't let this issue cause tension. seriously, you'll have better things to argue about in the future
-->"I'm giving him my hand in marriage, as well as my lifelong companionship and the privilege of me in his bed for the rest of eternity."
I'm confused. These two statement seem to contradict each other
isn't the engagement ring part of the chauvinistic model as well? it symbolizes that you are off the market, as well as to ultimately display his financial status to society. these are not my sentiments, but they are the social norm of thinking.
if all things were equal, he should wear an engagement ring as well, but it's accepted that he doesn't.
anyhow - don't let this issue cause tension. seriously, you'll have better things to argue about in the future
Cause of power outages...
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,586
Likes: 0
From: Champaign, IL
Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
Besides, it's not about giving yourself, it's about joining your two identities. I just don't think his identity should supercede mine.
).But I've said my share on the topic.
More than anything I hope that God blesses your marriage and that you grow toward total dependance on each other emotionally and spiritually through the deep and abiding love that can only be found in a committed relationship.Congrats!
Pro
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 553
Likes: 0
Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
FWIW, I already "gave in" and agreed to take his name last night. 
I lost this one. But we're still getting married Catholic, damn it.
No, but really, I'm not willing to take it far enough to insult or hurt him in any way. I just, you know, really cared about it. It's okay.
I lost this one. But we're still getting married Catholic, damn it. No, but really, I'm not willing to take it far enough to insult or hurt him in any way. I just, you know, really cared about it. It's okay.
I only won that battle because her church was under construction. 'Course that didn't help, she still thinks there's an evil Catholic plot afoot for her soul
teh Senior Instigator
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 44,094
Likes: 980
From: Huntington Beach, CA -> Ashburn, VA -> Raleigh, NC -> Walnut Creek, CA
Originally Posted by vtec_types
-->"Mommy isn't a slave to chauvinistic models."
-->"I'm giving him my hand in marriage, as well as my lifelong companionship and the privilege of me in his bed for the rest of eternity."
I'm confused. These two statement seem to contradict each other
isn't the engagement ring part of the chauvinistic model as well? it symbolizes that you are off the market, as well as to ultimately display his financial status to society. these are not my sentiments, but they are the social norm of thinking.
if all things were equal, he should wear an engagement ring as well, but it's accepted that he doesn't.
anyhow - don't let this issue cause tension. seriously, you'll have better things to argue about in the future
-->"I'm giving him my hand in marriage, as well as my lifelong companionship and the privilege of me in his bed for the rest of eternity."
I'm confused. These two statement seem to contradict each other
isn't the engagement ring part of the chauvinistic model as well? it symbolizes that you are off the market, as well as to ultimately display his financial status to society. these are not my sentiments, but they are the social norm of thinking.
if all things were equal, he should wear an engagement ring as well, but it's accepted that he doesn't.
anyhow - don't let this issue cause tension. seriously, you'll have better things to argue about in the future
good pointas mentioned, this is for some odd reason is a big deal to me, I don't know why it bothers me, things very very rarely do. I don't think anything has ever insulted me either. However I can't place where my feelings come from on this. And that's weird for me because I can think out anything.
But as mentioned, I had no qualms at all about getting married and doing what I need to do to do it at a Catholic church, and I'm a HUGE ANTI modern religion person. I know it's something that means A LOT to her, so I'm more then willing to put my feelings aside for this. So I feel that this trade off is fair for both of us.
This isn't a huge argument for us either, it's been a good healthy discussion which is good tp jave/
I understand and support every reason she has behind not wanting to do this, however there is just something inside me that is a little hurt by the thought of it. Can't pin it down though
The good thing is she acknowledges it means something because I rarely don't give in to her.
GEEZER
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 44,444
Likes: 2,227
From: Dunedin, Fla.
Originally Posted by CLpower
has she mentioned to you that scottie was more then willing to get married in the catholic church and do all the requirements that came with it
For THAT ALONE she should take your name.
teh Senior Instigator
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 44,094
Likes: 980
From: Huntington Beach, CA -> Ashburn, VA -> Raleigh, NC -> Walnut Creek, CA
Originally Posted by 1killercls
WOW!! For THAT ALONE she should take your name.
For THAT ALONE she should take your name.now you are understanding. I knew that ment a ton to her, hell the minute I proposed I told her to find out what I needed to do because I wanted to make her happy and do it in the church. She didn't even have to bring it up.
btw, I expected the
reaction from you You and I share the same feelings on religion, do you think that's something you could of done had your new wife wanted it? Just curious.
Thread Starter
Suzuka Master
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 8,746
Likes: 0
Originally Posted by vtec_types
-->"Mommy isn't a slave to chauvinistic models."
-->"I'm giving him my hand in marriage, as well as my lifelong companionship and the privilege of me in his bed for the rest of eternity."
I'm confused. These two statement seem to contradict each other
isn't the engagement ring part of the chauvinistic model as well? it symbolizes that you are off the market, as well as to ultimately display his financial status to society. these are not my sentiments, but they are the social norm of thinking.
if all things were equal, he should wear an engagement ring as well, but it's accepted that he doesn't.
anyhow - don't let this issue cause tension. seriously, you'll have better things to argue about in the future
-->"I'm giving him my hand in marriage, as well as my lifelong companionship and the privilege of me in his bed for the rest of eternity."
I'm confused. These two statement seem to contradict each other
isn't the engagement ring part of the chauvinistic model as well? it symbolizes that you are off the market, as well as to ultimately display his financial status to society. these are not my sentiments, but they are the social norm of thinking.
if all things were equal, he should wear an engagement ring as well, but it's accepted that he doesn't.
anyhow - don't let this issue cause tension. seriously, you'll have better things to argue about in the future
Haha and so far the engagement ring has, indeed, been a good thing. It has gotten potential weirdos off my back in a hurry. It's kinda fun, actually. Sometimes I'm on the metro and I see someone looking like they're about to strike up a conversation, so I just kinda nonchalantly take my gloves off and before I can even look up again, they're looking away. lol
teh Senior Instigator
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 44,094
Likes: 980
From: Huntington Beach, CA -> Ashburn, VA -> Raleigh, NC -> Walnut Creek, CA
Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
The "chauvinistic models" thing was a deliberate overstatement, actually. I am not that bad, lol.
Haha and so far the engagement ring has, indeed, been a good thing. It has gotten potential weirdos off my back in a hurry. It's kinda fun, actually. Sometimes I'm on the metro and I see someone looking like they're about to strike up a conversation, so I just kinda nonchalantly take my gloves off and before I can even look up again, they're looking away. lol
Haha and so far the engagement ring has, indeed, been a good thing. It has gotten potential weirdos off my back in a hurry. It's kinda fun, actually. Sometimes I'm on the metro and I see someone looking like they're about to strike up a conversation, so I just kinda nonchalantly take my gloves off and before I can even look up again, they're looking away. lol
GEEZER
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 44,444
Likes: 2,227
From: Dunedin, Fla.
Originally Posted by CLpower
now you are understanding. I knew that ment a ton to her, hell the minute I proposed I told her to find out what I needed to do because I wanted to make her happy and do it in the church. She didn't even have to bring it up.
btw, I expected the reaction from you
You and I share the same feelings on religion, do you think that's something you could of done had your new wife wanted it? Just curious.
btw, I expected the
reaction from you You and I share the same feelings on religion, do you think that's something you could of done had your new wife wanted it? Just curious.
Originally Posted by CLpower
see, this is what gets me, the last 3 years you've talked about hyphonating only our childrens names, now in the last 2 months it's turned the opposite. They whole reason you originally wanted to hyphonate was because your name would no longer be passed on.
Personally, i think it's stupid, and I look more at it as you not wanting my name and wanting to become my family. But if it really means a lot to you, you know I'm more then willing to do it
Personally, i think it's stupid, and I look more at it as you not wanting my name and wanting to become my family. But if it really means a lot to you, you know I'm more then willing to do it
I talked with a woman lately who is very proud of her last name and all that she and her family has accomplished, but she said that she would want to take her husband's last name, even when she gets her phD...I really thought this was cool, especially since my ex, who is also a doctor had no real interest in having my last name up until about a month or two before she left me...
Honestly, if something like "last names" is already a sticking point at the beginning of a relationship, then the slow circle around the drain has already started...not just IMHO, but from experience...I pray that God works this out...His will, not ours be done... my humble
go like hell
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,154
Likes: 1
From: Anna,OH(home of the honda/acura motors)
Originally Posted by Scrib
I'm a traditionalist... So I vote for dropping your name completely.
Hyphenating, IMHO, makes it seem like the woman isn't either a) fully committed to the marriage, b) is power/business hungry and thinks a hyphenated name is more attractive, or c) just totally hates the last name.
Why even change your name then? Hyphenating looks dumb.
Hyphenating, IMHO, makes it seem like the woman isn't either a) fully committed to the marriage, b) is power/business hungry and thinks a hyphenated name is more attractive, or c) just totally hates the last name.
Why even change your name then? Hyphenating looks dumb.
teh Senior Instigator
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 44,094
Likes: 980
From: Huntington Beach, CA -> Ashburn, VA -> Raleigh, NC -> Walnut Creek, CA
Originally Posted by DarkSithCL
Interesting...this is a really, really serious and far-reaching statement: "I look more at it as you not wanting my name and wanting to become my family"...The marriage couselor needs a call right now!
I talked with a woman lately who is very proud of her last name and all that she and her family has accomplished, but she said that she would want to take her husband's last name, even when she gets her phD...I really thought this was cool, especially since my ex, who is also a doctor had no real interest in having my last name up until about a month or two before she left me...
Honestly, if something like "last names" is already a sticking point at the beginning of a relationship, then the slow circle around the drain has already started...not just IMHO, but from experience...I pray that God works this out...His will, not ours be done... my humble
I talked with a woman lately who is very proud of her last name and all that she and her family has accomplished, but she said that she would want to take her husband's last name, even when she gets her phD...I really thought this was cool, especially since my ex, who is also a doctor had no real interest in having my last name up until about a month or two before she left me...
Honestly, if something like "last names" is already a sticking point at the beginning of a relationship, then the slow circle around the drain has already started...not just IMHO, but from experience...I pray that God works this out...His will, not ours be done... my humble
we got through it just fine, it was far from a sticking point for us
q
Senior Moderator
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 34,937
Likes: 638
From: Chicago Burbs
Originally Posted by Scrib
I'm a traditionalist... So I vote for dropping your name completely.
Hyphenating, IMHO, makes it seem like the woman isn't either a) fully committed to the marriage, b) is power/business hungry and thinks a hyphenated name is more attractive, or c) just totally hates the last name.
Why even change your name then? Hyphenating looks dumb.
Hyphenating, IMHO, makes it seem like the woman isn't either a) fully committed to the marriage, b) is power/business hungry and thinks a hyphenated name is more attractive, or c) just totally hates the last name.
Why even change your name then? Hyphenating looks dumb.
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