View Poll Results: Hyphenate or no?
Yes, hyphenation is not always a bad idea.
15
23.44%
No, it's the dumbest thing to come from feminism, so far.
49
76.56%
Voters: 64. You may not vote on this poll
To Hyphenate or Not?
Pro
Joined: Feb 2005
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Originally Posted by xizor
you can hypehnate your middle name? Or add a 2nd middle name, or hyphenate your first name? 
If you don't want either to take precedence, how can you have one come first? You put a lot of emphasis on what the name means, but if you kids aren't going to have both names, does that mean they only belong to one family?
IMO you're over analyzing this, before feminism came along I doubt anyone even thought twice about it. Its a new name, that's it. Now women want to say that their name is part of who they are, as if your name changed you'd be a different person. If you want to have pride in your family, make a family tree.
If you don't want either to take precedence, how can you have one come first? You put a lot of emphasis on what the name means, but if you kids aren't going to have both names, does that mean they only belong to one family? IMO you're over analyzing this, before feminism came along I doubt anyone even thought twice about it. Its a new name, that's it. Now women want to say that their name is part of who they are, as if your name changed you'd be a different person. If you want to have pride in your family, make a family tree.
So many think otherwise.
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Suzuka Master
Joined: Jan 2001
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Originally Posted by dyscovolante
Feminism is exactly what we're doing here -- she has the freedom to chose, but she doesn't lose the burden of responsibility.
So many think otherwise.
So many think otherwise.
That's exactly it. Maybe I just want to do it because I can, and because it's no longer socially inacceptable to do what everyone else does, especially if I disagree with the tradition.
Pro
Joined: Feb 2005
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Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
Thank you. That's exactly it. Maybe I just want to do it because I can, and because it's no longer socially inacceptable to do what everyone else does, especially if I disagree with the tradition.
That's exactly it. Maybe I just want to do it because I can, and because it's no longer socially inacceptable to do what everyone else does, especially if I disagree with the tradition.
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Suzuka Master
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I actually worded that incorrectly... I meant to say that it's no longer socially inacceptable to NOT do what everyone else does. Kinda changes the gist of my statement a bit. Haha I hope you misread it though, and still maintain your higher opinion.
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Suzuka Master
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Because marriage is about more than the name, dear. For one thing, think about the tax implications of getting married. And becoming legally and spiritually part of the same family. If I just went down to the court house right now and changed my name to Adrienne Tomkins, would that mean you and I were married? No... and the same goes for the opposite; by not changing my name, it doesn't make us any less married.
And becoming legally and spiritually part of the same family. If I just went down to the court house right now and changed my name to Adrienne Tomkins, would that mean you and I were married? No... and the same goes for the opposite; by not changing my name, it doesn't make us any less married.
Suzuka Master
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 8,083
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From: Miami, FL
Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
When we get married, I want to keep my last name and hyphenate it with Scott's. Scott is adamantly opposed to this. What do you guys think?
My reasoning is that I don't think marriage is as much about the bride "changing" families anymore, but about the couple starting a new one. I want my family to be represented in my name just as much as his is. And using my maiden name as my middle name is out, because: A. I like my current middle name, thank you very much, and B. when all is said and done, my last name will still not represent my family; it will just be his.
I'm still not sure about what I would do with the kids, but I will most likely just name them Tomkins.
My reasoning is that I don't think marriage is as much about the bride "changing" families anymore, but about the couple starting a new one. I want my family to be represented in my name just as much as his is. And using my maiden name as my middle name is out, because: A. I like my current middle name, thank you very much, and B. when all is said and done, my last name will still not represent my family; it will just be his.
I'm still not sure about what I would do with the kids, but I will most likely just name them Tomkins.
Pro
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 553
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Originally Posted by CLpower
I seriously don't know why, but this comes off as a big insult to me, just me being stupid though
I did read your statment accurately, crash, and disregarded your misspelling.
Just have a good reason for your kids if you want them.
teh Senior Instigator
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 44,094
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From: Huntington Beach, CA -> Ashburn, VA -> Raleigh, NC -> Walnut Creek, CA
Originally Posted by dyscovolante
It would have been to me as well. But that doesn't necessarily make me right.
Glad I'm not the only one then. I know it's stubborn of me.
Bye TSX, hello domestic?
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From: NOVA
Originally Posted by CLpower
Quick question, would any of the guys feel insulted if their girl didn't take your name, or hyphonated it?
very insulted. if both parties can agree on hyphenation, great, i've read some fruitcake men will take their wife's names in role reversal. personally I would feel very disrespected by my fiancee if she said she wouldn't take my name. for me, the name went w/ the ring, you can't have one w/o the other. my fiancee's female coworker had to gall to ask ask if "she was going to take that name" when she heard what mine was, like it was some choice based on how good it was.
my fiancee's no different though, i told her that my boss doesn't wear his wedding band b/c it bothers him. she said to the effect she'd kill me before she let me not wear my (to be) wedding band. some things aren't an option, everyone has there's, they just differ
Race Director
Joined: Mar 2001
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From: NY
Originally Posted by CLpower
Quick question, would any of the guys feel insulted if their girl didn't take your name, or hyphonated it?
If she had more money than me, she could do what she wanted.
Otherwise, yes. But most girls like my name a lot.
GEEZER
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 44,444
Likes: 2,227
From: Dunedin, Fla.
Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
But I HAVE decided... I have decided that I want to hyphenate, ya know? I want BOTH names; not one or the other. It's not a matter of being unsure which name is more important; they are BOTH equally important to me, which is why I would hyphenate. 
I dunno... it seems like you guys aren't reading my responses here. I have no problems deciding what I want to do. The point of this poll was not "should I do it", but "will you think I'm an idiot if I do". Haha. According to the poll results, the answer is a resounding Yes, apparently.
I dunno... it seems like you guys aren't reading my responses here. I have no problems deciding what I want to do. The point of this poll was not "should I do it", but "will you think I'm an idiot if I do". Haha. According to the poll results, the answer is a resounding Yes, apparently.
As long as she loves me.
teh Senior Instigator
Joined: Sep 2000
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From: Huntington Beach, CA -> Ashburn, VA -> Raleigh, NC -> Walnut Creek, CA
Originally Posted by 1killercls
They are young...forgive them. Once you get old and ripe like me..it doesn't matter what name see has.. As long as she loves me.
As long as she loves me.as mentioned, it all comes down to what she wants. As long as she loves me, exactly.
what do you think you reaction w/ your first wife would of been if she said she didn't want your name only? Also, that one guy that posted isn't much younger then you
Race Director
Joined: Sep 2003
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From: .
joe cracked a joke that he wanted to take my last name.. 
personally, i cant wait to rid myself of my last name. the fucking thing is cursed. i swear one of my ancestors stole a damn goat and got us cursed.
anyone with my last name has the most horrible luck. my mom was fine until she married my dad and the last name changed to his. fucking cursed!
personally, i cant wait to rid myself of my last name. the fucking thing is cursed. i swear one of my ancestors stole a damn goat and got us cursed.
anyone with my last name has the most horrible luck. my mom was fine until she married my dad and the last name changed to his. fucking cursed!
teh Senior Instigator
Joined: Sep 2000
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From: Huntington Beach, CA -> Ashburn, VA -> Raleigh, NC -> Walnut Creek, CA
Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
I have a lot more money than him.
yea, now she does :P
although she owes me more then she has
but she'll be the bread winner of the family
Senior Moderator
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 21,672
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From: Toronto
Originally Posted by BEETROOT
I would not want my wife to take my name. I think the woman should keep her own damn name.
Ya but what about the kids?
I mean if everyone keeps doing this we are going to end up with some really long last names.
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Suzuka Master
Joined: Jan 2001
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As I have mentioned a couple times already, the kids would have his name. HIS NAME. I would have my name plus his name. When the children asked me, I would tell them it's because Mommy isn't a slave to chauvinistic models. And like ricecake said, there are so many blended families and otherwise non-nuclear families out there, it probably wouldn't even be an issue.
Senior Moderator
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From: Toronto
Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
As I have mentioned a couple times already, the kids would have his name. HIS NAME. I would have my name plus his name. When the children asked me, I would tell them it's because Mommy isn't a slave to chauvinistic models. And like ricecake said, there are so many blended families and otherwise non-nuclear families out there, it probably wouldn't even be an issue.
woops, sorry i didnt catch that. Its all cool then, although I think your "slave to chauvinistic models" may be a little over the top. Nothing wrong with tradition. But nothing wrong with going against tradition either.
Go Noles!
Joined: Jun 2004
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From: Estero/Tallahassee, FL
I want to take my husband's name. I would feel like I wasn't completely giving myself to him if I didn't. And I know my parents wouldn't care. My mom has 5 sisters.. she and every single one of them took their husbands' names.
I'm already "dominant" enough, I don't need to prove myself any further by throwing it in my husband's and his family's face that I don't want to give up my name.
That's my
I'm already "dominant" enough, I don't need to prove myself any further by throwing it in my husband's and his family's face that I don't want to give up my name.
That's my
teh Senior Instigator
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 44,094
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From: Huntington Beach, CA -> Ashburn, VA -> Raleigh, NC -> Walnut Creek, CA
Originally Posted by supermegaglossy
I would feel like I wasn't completely giving mysself to him if I didn't.
See, that's not how I want it to be
GEEZER
Joined: Jan 2003
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From: Dunedin, Fla.
Originally Posted by CLpower
as mentioned, it all comes down to what she wants. As long as she loves me, exactly.
what do you think you reaction w/ your first wife would of been if she said she didn't want your name only? Also, that one guy that posted isn't much younger then you
what do you think you reaction w/ your first wife would of been if she said she didn't want your name only? Also, that one guy that posted isn't much younger then you
GEEZER
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 44,444
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From: Dunedin, Fla.
Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
As I have mentioned a couple times already, the kids would have his name. HIS NAME. I would have my name plus his name. When the children asked me, I would tell them it's because Mommy isn't a slave to chauvinistic models. And like ricecake said, there are so many blended families and otherwise non-nuclear families out there, it probably wouldn't even be an issue.
Cause of power outages...
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From: Champaign, IL
I would definitely be insulted. I have already discussed this with my girlfriend, and she said that the only time that she would hyphenate or take her own last name was if she already had a professional identity attached to her last name, which makes sense. However, if your professional identity isn't attached to your last name, why go all feminazi and force the hyphenation issue? In my mind it has nothing to do with "forsaking" your family, it just has to do with being united with him physically and spiritually. You don't "lose your identity" in taking his last name, rather you gain identity. And geez...give him a little bit here. He bought you the ring that means a lot to you--now give him something that means a lot to him: take his last name.
teh Senior Instigator
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From: Huntington Beach, CA -> Ashburn, VA -> Raleigh, NC -> Walnut Creek, CA
Originally Posted by 1killercls
Smart Girl.
has she mentioned to you that scottie was more then willing to get married in the catholic church and do all the requirements that came with it
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Suzuka Master
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Originally Posted by Hojo061782
I would definitely be insulted. I have already discussed this with my girlfriend, and she said that the only time that she would hyphenate or take her own last name was if she already had a professional identity attached to her last name, which makes sense. However, if your professional identity isn't attached to your last name, why go all feminazi and force the hyphenation issue? In my mind it has nothing to do with "forsaking" your family, it just has to do with being united with him physically and spiritually. You don't "lose your identity" in taking his last name, rather you gain identity. And geez...give him a little bit here. He bought you the ring that means a lot to you--now give him something that means a lot to him: take his last name.
And "give him a little bit here"? I'm giving him my hand in marriage, as well as my lifelong companionship and the privilege of me in his bed for the rest of eternity. Not to mention the privilege of getting to mix genes with me and make beautiful babies.
I just don't like the tradition of the woman changing her name. I mean, if I went down to the court house right now and changed my name to Adrienne Tomkins, that wouldn't make me married to him. So why does NOT changing it to Adrienne Tomkins after we're married make us any less married, or make it that I haven't "given" myself to him totally? (I know I used that example earlier but it's on a previous page and I want to reiterate it).Besides, it's not about giving yourself, it's about joining your two identities. I just don't think his identity should supercede mine.
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Suzuka Master
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FWIW, I already "gave in" and agreed to take his name last night. I lost this one. But we're still getting married Catholic, damn it.
No, but really, I'm not willing to take it far enough to insult or hurt him in any way. I just, you know, really cared about it. It's okay.
I lost this one. But we're still getting married Catholic, damn it. No, but really, I'm not willing to take it far enough to insult or hurt him in any way. I just, you know, really cared about it. It's okay.
Banned
Joined: Feb 2005
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From: Champaign, Illinois
Originally Posted by Cr.ash79
FWIW, I already "gave in" and agreed to take his name last night. I lost this one. But we're still getting married Catholic, damn it.
No, but really, I'm not willing to take it far enough to insult or hurt him in any way. I just, you know, really cared about it. It's okay.
I lost this one. But we're still getting married Catholic, damn it. No, but really, I'm not willing to take it far enough to insult or hurt him in any way. I just, you know, really cared about it. It's okay.