When we get married, I want to keep my last name and hyphenate it with Scott's. Scott is adamantly opposed to this. What do you guys think?

My reasoning is that I don't think marriage is as much about the bride "changing" families anymore, but about the couple starting a new one. I want my family to be represented in my name just as much as his is. And using my maiden name as my middle name is out, because: A. I like my current middle name, thank you very much, and B. when all is said and done, my last name will still not represent my family; it will just be his.

I'm still not sure about what I would do with the kids, but I will most likely just name them Tomkins.

 

Is it really that big of a deal? If you are not too for it, and he really doesn't want it, don't do it....

If it is important to you, do it....

but really this little minutia shit is irrelevant..look at the big picture.


BTW - I didn't want my wife to b/c her last name represented a real prick of a father....but she didn't want to either..

 

I would not want my wife to take my name. I think the woman should keep her own damn name.

 

I'm a traditionalist... So I vote for dropping your name completely.

Hyphenating, IMHO, makes it seem like the woman isn't either a) fully committed to the marriage, b) is power/business hungry and thinks a hyphenated name is more attractive, or c) just totally hates the last name.

Why even change your name then? Hyphenating looks dumb.

 

As a female, I say no. Unless you have already started a wildly successful career and everyone knows you by that. Or if his name sucks and does something stupid like rhyming with your first name or contains the word "weiner" in it. Good luck and congrats!

 

Hypenating has gotten ridiculous. And it's annoying.

You get people with these horrendously complicated and long last names... How about a hypothetical - If you hypenate, and then have a daughter who then goes and gets married down the road, would you expect her to further hyphenate and lengthen it even more? It would get ridiculous. You will get people with names like Sarah Smith-Johnson-Constanopolus. Have fun writing that one down over and over again.

Not only that, but I then have no idea what to call the husband... is his name hypenated or not? I've got no clue how to refer to him if his last name started out one way, and then he married a woman who decided to hypenate...

FWIW - the maiden name of my Great-Great Grandmother actually exists today as the first name of several of her great great grandsons. In many cases, names are not lost in my family but reappear in the first and middle names. In that respect I think honoring your ancestors in the names of your offspring is a cool thing to do.

 

Thats how I ended up with "Prouty" as my middle name


lame because I hate the name, not because of the concept of using maiden names as middle names. I like that normally....

 

You must not have read the last sentence. I said that I will probably let my children have only his name. Only I will be hyphenated. Just because I want to be.

Unfortunately, my last name is Johnson, which isn't really conducive for use as a middle name for my kids.

 

I kept my last name. It is a very personal choice to me, because my last name has a lot of significance to me. My family are the only people in the United States that have my last name, and legend has it that its roots may stem back to when the Philippines was first discovered. You could have any number of personal reasons for wanting to keep your last name.

I disagree with Scrib-when you marry someone, you don't give up your individual identity but that doesn't mean you're not committed to your marriage either. It sounds like you have a lot of pride for being associated in name with your family.

Fwiw, in the DC area, it's very common for parents to have different last names. Teachers are generally used to it. My son has my husband's last name (but my last name as his middle name).

 

Well, somewhere about 250 years ago, my family created a hyphenated name, probably because one of my ancestors married up, and the couple wanted both names for the status of the bride's family. With a prefix (von) the last name was sixteen letters long not including the hyphen. The von and the hyphen have been dropped (for obvious reasons) so my last name is a mere jawbreaking 13 letters long. Pretty much precluded hyphenation for my wife................

I'd keep your own last name intact, raise the kids with his last name, and give up on the hyphenation as being awfly cumbersome.

I think the custom of using the bride's last name as a middle name for the kids is neat, and my parents considered it, but it would have given me an irretrievably Irish middle name attached to a very long German/Swiss last name, and they gave it up.

 

see, this is what gets me, the last 3 years you've talked about hyphonating only our childrens names, now in the last 2 months it's turned the opposite. They whole reason you originally wanted to hyphonate was because your name would no longer be passed on.




Personally, i think it's stupid, and I look more at it as you not wanting my name and wanting to become my family. But if it really means a lot to you, you know I'm more then willing to do it

 

I am not in favor of hyphenating but I left that decision to my wife. She chose to hyphenate. Now, after almost 12 years of marriage she just uses my last name and no longer hyphenates because she says its just too much trouble.

 

See, but keeping my last name intact without hypenating isn't good either, because I do want there to be an indicator of his family in my name as well. I don't think that either family name should supercede the other, so just as much as I don't want to replace my name with his, I don't want to NOT take his name, either. Besides, they're both really simple names. It's not like Schwartzkopf-Rivera or anything. Haha.

 

f' it, let's fuse together some crazy shit


like Johtominsson

 

No, you misunderstood me then; I have always wanted to hypenate my name, and I used to want to hyphenate the kids' names too, but I decided to compromise and give you that.

And if I didn't want your name, I would just keep my own.

 

My wife has her last name still...I coudn't care less. We love each other..that is what is really important. My opinion is you demand your wife to take YOUR NAME in marriage it is in large part due to chauvinistic issues.

 

Tomson. Or Johnkins. Tomohnskins. I like Tomohnskins.

 

Keep yours..you were born with it.

 

no, you definately changed your mind on that situation :P


I just think it's dumb, I mean, is it then Mrs Johnson-Tomkins and Mr Tomkins, or are we still Mr and Mrs Tomkins. Then what does it say on all our checks. What do you write out everytime. I have a feeling you'd just stop using it. But I still stand by my original statement 4 years ago and say I think it's f'ing retarded But that's my way of trying to talk you out of it, i'll be happy w/ whatever decision you make.

 

Obviously, there are a lot of personal considerations to be made if you are thinking about hyphenating your last name. Complexity of a different name from your spouse, your children, and not to mention the hard feelings you might get from his family (it happens, I know from experience with my uncle's wife), are all things you should really be ok with and prepared for.
And speaking from a practical point of view - writing a hyphenated last name every single time you write or say your name... It can be very cumbersome. My wife was actually eager to drop her last name (10 letters) for mine (4 letters), because between her first, middle, and maiden name, she had 26 letters! She hated having such a long name.
It's understandably a personal decision, and not one to be made lightly.

 

meh...when at work my wife goes by Copley-Miller...everywhere else it is just Copley.

 

I'm a traditionalist like Scrib

and I don't think women should be able to vote, work, or speak when not spoken to.

bring back the 1850s please.




i'm just fucking around, kind of.

nah you should take Scott's last name, its the way things work.

 

This is exactly the case with my gf. I think this is a great idea.

 

See, it used to be "the way things are," but it really isn't anymore. The reason women take their husbands' names is that traditionally, when a woman married a man, she left her family behind and became a part of his family. Call me a feminist, but I don't think I should have to forsake my family and identity in order to marry someone in this day and age. Of course, marriage is about change; it's definitely a different state of being than singledom; therefore I want to hyphenate. I just think it's only fair.

We would be Mr. and Mrs. Tomkins collectively, because I would definitely be your Mrs., but anything written in my name only would be addressed to Ms. Johnson-Tomkins. Or things could be written to Mr. Tomkins & Ms. Johnson-Tomkins. Either way.

 

Okay, ultimately, if you don't carry on this tradition I ain't getting married in the Catholic Church



is it me or Mr Tomkins & Ms Johnson-Tomkins just look retarded?
















j/k about the catholic church thing, or am I? yet?

 

The point of this thread was not to have a public battle of wills, dear. I just wanted to see others' opinions on hyphenation.

Come on Mr. Mega Mod, don't make ME tell YOU to take it to PM.

 

Take his name. Whenever I see a women who did this I think "well isn't she just full of herself". And then I wonder who wears the pants in the family.

If you don't want to take his name then why bother getting married? Just live together.

 

I love that at times you are the rationale side of me

 

The wedding is off....

That means Scott is available again


SCORE!

 

Hyphenated last names sound like the temporary logins-passwords on the back of the CDs that AOL ... STILL sends out in mass via postal mail, you know, like STUPID-CODE and SUPER-DUPER.

 

i was going thru the same thing. my fiance was thinking about doing it, i wasnt happy but i really didnt show my displeasure, but as someone else said it is a miniscule part of our marriage but just a few weeks ago she told me that she wanted to have my last name, i was thrilled and told her so.

i tried not to make a big deal of it but i was hoping she would but i wouldnt have super disappointed if she didnt

 

bwhahaahahha wifpwned

 

One or the other. Either you remain you for professional or personal reasons, or you completely accept the traditional role.

Hyphenation pretty much means you cannot decide. My wife took my name, but I didn't even give it a second thought. If she wanted to keep hers, great.

 

But I HAVE decided... I have decided that I want to hyphenate, ya know? I want BOTH names; not one or the other. It's not a matter of being unsure which name is more important; they are BOTH equally important to me, which is why I would hyphenate.

I dunno... it seems like you guys aren't reading my responses here. I have no problems deciding what I want to do. The point of this poll was not "should I do it", but "will you think I'm an idiot if I do". Haha. According to the poll results, the answer is a resounding Yes, apparently.

 

100%

 

 

Then do what the women in my family did -- keep the maiden name as your middle name.

 

she already ruled that out

 

Oh, then my response is this: marriage is full of shitty compromises. Get used to it.

Yes I was only married 2 months ago. Its a good learning experience for you.

Sheesh -- the instant gratification generation -- only problem with instant gratification is that it takes to long.

 

you can hypehnate your middle name? Or add a 2nd middle name, or hyphenate your first name? If you don't want either to take precedence, how can you have one come first? You put a lot of emphasis on what the name means, but if you kids aren't going to have both names, does that mean they only belong to one family?

IMO you're over analyzing this, before feminism came along I doubt anyone even thought twice about it. Its a new name, that's it. Now women want to say that their name is part of who they are, as if your name changed you'd be a different person. If you want to have pride in your family, make a family tree.