phee

iTrader: (5)

This!
this is true advice from a woman that understands her man. maybe you need to talk to your girl and explain to her how you feel. make sure not to point the finger or blame her for anything, just tell her how YOU Feel.

Im with sasha, she is setting expectations that you dont know about. then you dont deliver and its a shit storm. she probably does it unwillingly.

edit: why the hell did someone bump this old ass thread.

dallison

there is a time for communication, and this instance isn't one of them.

Doom878

We have our daily and weekly duties pretty much spelled out. She cleans the floor and picks up the girls mess every night and I do the dishes every night. Both are important so that you don't get roaches and shit from the neighboring townhomes. Weekly she cleans all the rooms but I do the bathrooms and keep the girls out of the house. Sometimes if one of us can't we'll pick up the slack. Same with the kids. I feed one, change one, etc and she does the other. It's really no biggie.

invisiblewar

the whole "men dont have an eye for this stuff" is nonsense.

I cook, and what I dirty will be clean by the end of the day. The way I see it is that if you keep the dishes clean on a regular basis it wont seem like a chore at all. You use a plate and get some mustard on it, grab the damn sponge apply the soap wipe down and dry off. BOOM youre done. It just becomes a fucking bitch for me since I have a habit of staying on top of that (as well as I can since I need to study so Im not saying that Im 100% perfect) and he just cooks and lets the dirty fucking dishes sit for days

I also hate when people cook and shit gets on the stove top and counter and it sets there to crust up. If you make a mess wipe it up, it makes cleaning up later on much easier since you dont have to sit scrubbing the same spot for hours

Doom878

It's just laziness. Some people (girls too) are used to having someone pick up after them. Some are lucky enough to have a wife that doesn't care and are also the maid.

Scottman111

You and Anhedonia finally moved in together?

invisiblewar

he needed to to get his fix of azine now that he is perma banned

1Louder

My wife is absolutely the same way. Big time OCD about cleaning. It's a loosing proposition for you because when someone is like that, cleaning is constant and never good enough.

Bits and pieces of good advice have already been said. First, make sure she knows you appreciate what she does. Increasing the amount of "I really appreciate that you do that" will reduce the amount of nagging over small stuff. Second, clear the air on a fair division of labor around the house. In our hosue, there are things my wife does exclusively (clean bathrooms, empty trash, laundry) and I do exclusively (mow lawn, clean garage, do bills). There are the things we share (vaccuum, dishes). Just make sure the things you share are done in balance - so yes this may mean you have to get up and do the dishes a couple times a week without being asked.

But really, I think the two in combination (more verbal appreciation, and a small increase in doing a chore without being asked) will keep things even most of the time. With my wife, it scores big to do a chore without being asked.

gypsygirl

Good advice Louder.

1Louder

Thank you! Only took about 10 years to figure out...

I was short on time before but I'll make one more small addition for the OP.

Resentment that builds up in a marriage or relationship can blow up in very bad ways if not recognized and dealt with. It can build up over what seems to be small stuff (like dishes), but it's never really about the small stuff. It's always about a larger issue (I don't feel appreciated, I do all the work around here). I will bet you if you asked her, she's not mad about the dishes, she's mad about not being appreciated or feeling like everything falls on her. Most importantly, there are lots of ways to make an improvement that has nothing to do with dishes. Find and address the underlying cause. Also, do the dishes now and again.

Doom878

Yup. One of the main things you and a spouse require is appreciation. Do not take them for granted. It causes major damage to your relationship.