Yeah seriously, she called AGAIN today, I can't believe this, the moment you don't give them attention they start hounding you.

 

Read my posts. Read them again and again.

She has you wrapped around her finger so tight I'm surprised it doesn't fall off. Women (and men) have zero respect for somebody like that. They are just their to bump the ego everynow and then to have somebody kiss their ass.

If she really liked you she would be falling all over you. You can just tell the difference between somebody that is "into you" and somebody who isn't.

"into you" means they do things for you...not just suck the emotional energy you have like a succubus emotional vampire.

 

She's not hounding you yet. She's just sending out feelers to try to figure out why things are "different". They are just scouts. The invasion, if there is going to be one, will be much stronger, most likely in the form of a voicemail asking why you haven't called, sounding worried that she did something wrong. Don't call back until she leaves a voicemail asking you if you are mad at her and if she did something wrong. Then call back and say that you've just been busy. That's it, no further explanation. Then if you want make plans for about a week later, not the next day. Getting to hang out with you should be a treat, not a bowl of cereal.

 

i think its safe to say that shes into you, just not enough to make any commitment.

i would tell her what you've been feeling and then walk...if she comes after you then its easy, if not then, well, then i guess she wasn't into you enough for it to work out

many fish in the sea

this reminds me exactly of a situation i was in almost a year ago, wasted a lot of time

edit:

so the way i dealt with the situation is one day i just went for it and hooked up with her. then came 2 weeks of making out and getting head just about everywhere and then she got back together with her ex and just kinda broke the news in a really pussy way. that struck a nail in the relationship and it was never the same. we hung out a few times and then went to school, she called a few times but i never picked it up

 

Another update, I called her back (Sorry SDCGTSX, your post came after I had went out for the night) on my drive home from hanging out with a female friend of mine, just a quick chat with her about work and what was going on. I kept it really short though, 8-10 mins, it was late and I was tired, normally I would have had disregard for my sleep, but I was tired, let her know and called it a night. She ended up calling back a few mins later to thank me for last Saturday because she had a good time, I kind of played it off, afterall, what friend thanks another friend for hanging out?

Forward to today, she shot me an email at work, saying "you're probably busy, but was wondering if you are free to hang out this Friday". Weird, because I know she had a work thing (if I remember correctly) but I guess she's not going and wants to hang out.

 

ah, now you have her chasing...that's a good thing. Fun to dangle the carrot in front her face. Dance, minion...dance!

 

She'll be sucking the carrot in no time.

 

I'm guessing I shouldn't hang out with her tomorrow.

 

Good question. IMO I would say no.

 

playing too much of a game can completely push her away though...

 

Well, what's your goal? I get the sense that you want to get together as bf/gf right? If so, you have one of 2 ways you can go from here. It sounds like some of the behavior changes have done their job and she is sensing you becoming more of a man.

First of all, completely disregard the people who say that playing games will push her away. They are just wrong. Someone who likes another person likes them for a long time. And for some reason, POLITE rejection never makes them dislike you, it only makes them like you more in a desperate way. Think of your position. She's been rejecting you quietly for months now and you're still talking about her right?

But as I mentioned, you're not clearly out of the woods yet. It could be that she is still just trying to reign in her control over you, or it could be that she's turned a corner and wants you to make the move on her. I'm not sure since I'm not there to see so you have to make that call.

If I were in this situation that you are in, I'd go for the hey, come over booty call. Here's what to say, "Hey, I can't make Friday but why don't you come over to my place on Saturday and we can hang out?" For me that means, we'll watch TV and make out and have sex but you can try to take that as far as you are comfortable doing so with her. Again, if she's not into the bf/gf thing now after all this, then I'd say to cut your losses and move on.

 

I also want to make a final comment on the whole "pushing away" thing. You can't push away someone that likes you by being politely hard to get.

When you first meet a girl, she will have a first impression of you (or vice versa). Think of it on a 1-10 scale. If you are 1-5 then you are shit out of luck. If you are 6-10 then you are in. At 1-3 you pretty much pissed her off or are so disgusting to her that she doesn't want anything to do with you. 4-5 maybe you could be friends or something. 6-7 she thinks you have potential and would be willing to give you a shot but you have to prove yourself. 8-9 she thinks you are the bomb and is really interested in you. 10 is rare and would probably border on a crazy stalker level of initial attachment.

So if you are on the 6 level of interest, there is a chance that playing hard to get will not have any effect because she doesn't like you enough to care. at 7-9, playing hard to get is very effective. At 10, playing hard to get might get your cat cooked in a pot.

So essentially, it's a good test of her interest level in you. If you think you "pushed away" someone by doing something not that big a deal, then you never had her to push away in the first place. Also, if she's only a little into you then I think it may be unhealthy for you to have a level 10 interest in her because it'll usually end up badly. In fairy tales and movies, the loser guy wins the girl but it rarely happens in real life. Most times that I've seen it, if there's a big discrepancy in the interest level between couples, it ends with one of the couple cheating on the other. When the girl loses interest in the guy, he usually comes home to find her gone or she tells him that it's over and that she's taking the dog. She usually has another man already. When the guy loses interest in the girl, he cheats on her so she will break up with him. Most guys are sort of chicken like that.

So the secret in some ways, to a healthy relationship is one in which both sides are mutually interested in each other in a high level (7-9) on a consistent basis because they appreciate what each other brings to the table. It doesn't make much sense to try to make someone like you when they don't.

 

AMEN. Wasted far too much time in my life doing just that.

 

Yeah I'd like to get to the gf/bf part. But at the same time I'm not going to go out of my way anymore to make things happen. I guess my plan of action now is to not even call her, I'll let her call me. If she REALLY wants to hang out, then she'll try to make plans, I'll probably end up telling her I have plans, but at least I'm getting a better idea of what she wants out of this. I'm not gonna be her time fill in when she doesn't have other plans.

 

so what would you do if you were in like a level 6-6.5 situation for about 1 or so ?

 

Well, she called like I thought she would, told her I had things going on...

 

Just watch it if your playin'.

Don't blow her off too many times. Still gotta let her know your interested.

 

If she is a typical timid Indian girl, I would be careful. Many dont date to date, but date in hopes of finding something long term. In your case, you were good friends for awhile. I wouldnt expect things to progress to the level of a relationship overnight, or without alot of thought and secondguessing; especially by the woman.

Not sure how much more forward you want her to be, but I doubt you'll get much more from her other than the calls, and requests for you two to hang out. She's already done that, and in her eyes, she may be waiting for you to return the ball to her side of the court. Only you would have the best idea of how many chances you think she's going to give you.

The games can be taken too far, and feeling ignored, and knowing you are dating other girls may send her a picture that you are no longer interested.

My advice owuld be to give heranother shot, hang out, and go with the vibe, and your instincts.

It sucks, but in the dating game, more times than not; the guy has to suck it up, deal with the mixed signals due to the indecisiveness, and put himself out there a little more.

 

To the OP:

I haven't read all the replies but I've been in this situation before. Some of the things I'm about to say may seem harsh, but it's real. Remember I've been in your shoes before.

Basically the lowdown is this. The likelyhood of you ever being her man and seeing her naked is about 1%. That's the reality of the situation.

Women like men that are a challenge and women like men that are decisive and take action. Telling her your feelings and pining for her, which it seemls like you're doing removes any aspect of power that you have. Second of all, you have not made a physical move towards her.

What that means is that she basically sees you as asexual. She is not attracted to you and that's the key. She likes your friendship but she doesn't see you in "that way". She sees you as a brother, not as a lover but your interest in her makes her uncomfortable. She also doesn't want to hurt your feelings by blowing you off completely or by harshly rejecting you so her behavior will come accross to you as either a) leading you on or b) playing hard to get. Neither of which is actually the case.

Now is it possible to turn this situation around. Not likely but there are things that you can do and the responses I scanned pointed those out. First off, date other women. There are plenty of women out there and there are probably women you know that like you. If she sees you talking to other women, dating, there is a slight chance she may see you in a different light, emphasis on slight. One thing I should point out is that it will be 100 times easier to meet other women that it will be to convince this woman you like to somehow become attracted to you.

If I were you, I'd distance myself from her and pursue other opportunities.

 

Duplicate post, my bad

 

SDCGTSX is now known as "Hitch!"


"Remember, You go 90%, She goes 10!"

 

I have that poster in my apt of your avatar. "Art of the Dunk"

 

Update: We are dating...

 

You sure?

 

100%

 

Cool, just dont act foolish. Just make sure to know what you want out of this relationship and what she wants as well. Take care of any ambiguity if there is any, good luck.

 

Outstanding! Good for you! Glad you got it started, and remember "slow and steady wins the race". Good luck, keep us posted.

 

So what happened man?