I had one of the greatest gfs out there. We had a lot in common and had a lot planned out. A lot of people told me I was lucky to have her, and I was. For all her intelligence and kindness in general, she became a completely irrational and selfish person once she got upset with me. She would blow up unpredictably for the most innocuous shit.

Truth be told, I've been struggling for about a year and a half now. Without really going into too much detail, my dad passed away around that time and a miscommunication between the ex and I blew up tremendously. She created a situation where she was no longer welcome at my mom's house, brother's house, or my cousin's house. None of my immediate family members wanted anything to do with her any more in spite of major contributions she made previously.

Few months after that, neither of us was doing great single. But she surprised me by waiting outside of my work one day, and wanted to reconcile just as friends. The sight of her still made my blood boil. I kept my distance at first after she begged me to be back in her life. To be honest, if it weren't for the cat that we raised together (that I missed dearly) the reconciliation would've never happened.

So the whole relationship has been on shaky ground. To be fair, I haven't been doing my best as a boyfriend either, but ultimately I made the call to end it, so if anything I'm just relieved. I'll be okay in time. I've learned a lot from it all. My tolerance for bullshit will be much lower now. Just gotta get back to the gym and focus on myself.

 

Costco, I am sorry to read that, man...sounds like it's been a rough road and decision.
We're here for you.

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your father Costco.
You're a great guy and that reflects a lot about your parents

Regarding your gf. Things can really be toxic to a relationship. I don't know all the details, but respect is so important all around. It sounds like bridges were burned that couldn't be reconciled and sometimes it's best to acknowledge the sins, forgive, and move on in peace.

Take care brother. Each day is a blessing and many good days to come. One love.

 

Yes, condolences for you for your Father as well...I forgot to mention.
Funny, Maj...you got me thinking about the respect aspect.
I mean the good should outweigh the bad but how much bad is bad enough...

 

Sorry for the passing of your Pops, Costco.

With what happened with you and your ex-GF, I think that "glass-shattering" effect, once it has happened, makes things very difficult to overcome...so, in your case, it was the negatives with her personality that you no longer have a capacity to deal with...especially given the circumstances (i.e. your Dad passing). Things happen in our lives that often transition us from tolerating of certain things to just having no patience for them...it's just how it is.




Glad you are coping and taking action by focusing on yourself and training in the gym.

 

Respect is what it all comes down to
Both sides need to recognize the role it plays
If you don't respect each other, it's not going to work
The lack of respect will foster disdain and repugnance
There's no coming back from that

Relationships can survive bumps and low points
But without respect, trust and honesty are compromised
Then no amount of love can survive that toxicity
It's really a poison that can errode even the best relationships

 

Yeah, I couldn't agree with you more.
I think that when you cross the line and lose respect you chip away at the feelings and it gets easier and easier to push further and further and be more and more disrespectful every time.
Tough one...

 

Sorry for your loss Costco.

 

OH look at this

Rev. OBA Yung Maj, PHD, Therapist,......



shiiiiiiit over here trying to heal ninjas now... Speaking the truth...

 

 

Well, without going into too much detail but...
I have one failed 5 year relationship where I was engaged...
I have one failed 10 year marriage...
and now I'm facing a new set of challenges with a person I think is worthwhile...
as you described...absolutely amazing woman with all these qualities...but we seem to do really well on the goods and have a hard time with our demons/weaknesses.
I find more often than not, she's making me face insecurities and things I have buried with a harsh and brash attitude...
like I've always said...I have never been more perfect than when I am single. But is that what I want? To be single? Or to show up to Christmas every year with a new 20
something that won't make it past February? No. I value longevity...and having that deeper connection (which I currently have) and having a history...maybe even for life.

That said...it is a lot of work to see what is wrong with YOU and how you could/should/would have differently approached to make the relationship succeed. It is a vicious cycle and
just like a positive action will invoke one on he part...ceasing them will halt everything all together and before you know it, you are completely disconnected and in survival mode waiting for a
clean break. Maybe even sabotaging shit...

Just give it some thought...if I am going to put in the effort and be the best/next me...I want it to be for someone that inspires me to even see it in myself.

I watched this today and it made me realize I'm not as high and mighty as I'd like to think. I'm hearing the same criticisms from all of the girls I date...time to work on shit.

 

and those criticisms are?

let me guess..

 

quoted because i wanted to say the same

 

Just listen to Yung Maj on his gang gang shit, he will lead you down the right path Ladiboi.

 

Poor Tobey Jeremy.

 

LOL...those issues would be easy to rectify. I got some real work to put in to be a better me.

 

You're too nice mang
Stop messing with them fuccbois, don't need to make friends with everyone
You're a good dude, don't fuxx with anyone other than that
Don't need to make everyone happy too
Anyways, just my observations

 

Predictable... It always comes down to pussy.

 

Get a dog
They like peanut butter

 

...without xylitol.

 

Get crunchy, it slows them down!

 

you guys are always good for a laugh.

I've seen my family members and friends more in the past few days than I have in the past two months prior. Really, I am relieved most of all... not even that sad about this whole ordeal. My biggest regret was keeping it going this long, but like my brother told me, at least I tied up any loose ends and really put to rest any "what if" thoughts. My emotional health isn't at its best, so maybe the feelings are just deadened for now, but I truly feel I'll only improve now that I'm no longer having an internal struggle over if I can hang out with [x] person or if I should go to [y] event.

She has been toxic for a long time, and we both loved each other but both foresaw it not lasting even more than another year if things didn't change. I always try to acknowledge what I do wrong, and I realize I can be a huge asshole sometimes. Like I am so stubborn, I will readily admit to you people that there are some things I could've specifically done better. But to her? No way. I think it was just all the built-up resentment over the years and perception of change, yet lack of continual acknowledgment on the significant other's part.

We can all improve. It's just a matter of being open to constructive criticism and willingness to better yourself. But if you come at me with some bullshit and start screaming and stomping your feet off the bat, I can't take you seriously. Especially if you have neon colored hair and weigh 110 lbs soaking wet

 

whoah...more on this "soaking wet" thing...

 

no wonder you stuck around so long!


without giving away too much, I can actually relate to some of the things you're saying to a degree. biggest difference is she's willing to work on those things that need improvement and she actually makes changes...only thing is has to be on her terms, which I can live with. she's loyal and direct and honest and has the biggest heart on a person I've ever experienced.

 

That's great man. I hope it works out for you! Always gotta maintain that optimism. If you really believe in pessimistic or optimistic thoughts, they will only build upon each other.

Funny how some of our experiences are similar. That last sentence described my ex perfectly... loyal, direct, honest, with a great heart. But absolutely unwilling to compromise on certain things. In a relationship, you shouldn't have to change yourself or the other person... BUT you should be open to changing your approach to certain things. Be proactive instead of reactive. Predict what will happen, what her expectations are. Seems like you've already acclimated to that

 

The irony there is you basically described me when you described yourself.
Sad part is...time and time again, although the person wants to improve...sometimes it's just not possible.
I can also relate with the unhealthy and really high highs and really low lows...never in my life have i been this disrespected nor have I been this disrespectful.
Sure, it must be in me if I can do it but it's never surfaced the way it has now. I feel somewhat like a schizo...although on social media. fucking hunky dory.
I've alienated my friends and family, big time...I also feel like I'm absorbing all of these traits and characteristics that are being avoided by the other person and turned
around to make me believe they are my shortcomings. Ones I've never displayed before...hmmmm...narcissism?

Oh...all of that in theory, of course. Not me. Asking for a friend.

 

You two should try dudes -Majofo

 

For real though, I said in Portland's thread, love is real, relationships are real hard.
If you're in a good relationship, there is trust abound, it's an open book, lots of love and respect to go around.
Quick check, can you use your girl's phone to look up shit? nah..
Nah son. Move on.

 

I could, without a doubt. We don't check each other's shit...
when I said disrespect I meant more that we get really fuckin fired up when we argue about shit.
Who knows...when I really dissect my gripes, I don't really have a leg to stand on.
Love is real...relationships are real hard is a good one, man...I'll have to remember that.

 

I swear to you
There's a study about psychological aggression and hostilities among couples
It delved into male and female differences
It also studied gay relationships to see correlation

Females were found to be more psychologically aggressive
And the least hostile or psychological aggressive relationship were gay male relationships
The most, of course, gay female relationships.
Something like 60% vs 12%

 

I wish it would be great to be bisexual. Your dating pool increases a lot, and you've got so much variety.

She had free access to my phone (TouchID, anyway) and I had my fingerprint saved on hers too. Neither of us had nothing to hide. She was amazing when things were going well. Family loved her, friends asked why it took so long to bring her around, etc. Infidelity was never an issue, just her own insecurity.

But psychological aggression was definitely more evident with her. At first I just attributed it to the BC, but then I slowly realized she's just batshit crazy.

Her combative scale was like: calm > annoyed > displeased > frustrated > angry > fucking hostile. The psychological aggression could come out starting at the annoyed phase and increased exponentially with each stage.

I have female friends who are lesbian/bi... they're awesome friends, but when they get into fights it's a teary eyed mess.

 

and then they are so good when good it makes it seem like you'd be nuts to be done with it...
but in your gut, where you are growing an ulcer from the torment and indecision...it sometimes becomes clear that it can't go on like this forever.
getting laid definitely assuages those thoughts too.

 

My gf used to only hang out with gay guys pretty much after her marriage...she liked me to go to a lot of gay places and a few times I did. Every time, I'm eye candy and they're making comments or being too friendly...no big deal, I don't mind that...but inherently, I told her the reason she hates straight bars is because the guys are trying to stick their dick in her. but when we go where she's happy, the guy's are just trying to stick their dick in me instead. Same shit...guys want to stick their dicks in stuff, get over it. Oh no, not the same, straight guys drink beer and fist bump etc...gay guys have karaoke and listen to madonna...I was like, uh...straight bars have karaoke...and it just works great for you that gay guys do stuff that chicks dig...plus, because dual male income they have the money and fashion sense to dress and eat better.
I can never tell if my point is actually made...

 

 

And that's when you got turned out.. point is loud and clear.

 

What. the. hell. did. I. just. read?

 

word

 

 

LOL...
Cliffs:
girls and guys want to bone me.

 

True story -RS143