You lost me at "weed is immature" but you are okay consuming alcohol which inhibits your ability to reason and function far far more. Maybe you are closed minded.

If she smoked pot she could be stress free AND not be plastered. But you want her to drink but not too much. Yeah sure thats going to work.

 

I think abusing anything was his main gist.

 

I can get that. Anything not in moderation can be bad.

How I read it sounded like he was against her smoking at all period. He said flat out he finds it immature.

Id 100% rather date a stoner than an alcoholic and Id also rather date a girl that smokes a little after work verse pours a couple glasses of wine.

 

Yeah, but I think that has more to do with our own perceptions and experiences.
Personally, I have mostly experiences where it made my friends or girls I've dated late af, lazy af and just generally annoying.
Then again, I've worked in a place that does random drug tests since I was 19 and I can't join in or I'd probably find it all fun.

The drunk thing, yeah, fuck that too...I can't stand that behavior either.

That said, I should have less of a my way or the highway attitude about things.

 

I get that. Those people shouldnt be smoking. For me, I like to smoke before I go out and be active. Not working out active. Fuck no that'll make me puke. Ive tried it. hahahahaha
But yeah in my experience I had friends where we would all get high then go on a hike. Or go play golf or maybe go to the beach. For us mj heightened our experience and enjoyment verse making us lazy. But also we get together and all smoke verse meeting up somewhere.

In the drinking days we just got plastered and blacked out. So for me and my experience if I had to call one mature Id say mj is cause I can function and you wouldnt know I was stoned standing in front of you. For me alcohol is very different and you would know after 3 beers that Id been drinking.

Were about to all meet up and get high then go play some disc golf at the local park. These are things 30 year olds do on Saturdays right?

 

We get it Jon, you smoke and you're quite fond of it - great.

Based on his initial post, it sounds like only a side effect of the bigger internal issue(s) they're having together which they cannot get under control nor work out.

It sounds like the relationship has run it's course

 

Together 10 years and no ring? You're as bad as Colts

 

Rockstar has the most solid advice... I just recently read a book called How to be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne. Give it a read it will give you a lot of insight.

I've had plenty of girlfriends, but none that I got the sense I wanted to lock them down, or some other BS came up that made me flee. To my surprise almost ALL of them have come back. Why did they come back, because at some point, I didn't want them and I stopped chasing them.
I would say I'm nicer than the average guy, but overtime, being too nice, and putting yourself before others, makes you more feminine than masculine. Think about it, a mom gives her all before taking care of herself, a dad leads the family, takes care of the shit to provide and handles his business so he can accomplish that. Women are drawn to masculine men, not feminine men.

This girl I'm talking to right now, she's a very Type A personality, but she told me she was very shy. So I was trying to be very respectful of her shyness and the fact that she got cheated on before, I was very open with communication, with my feelings and pretty much responded as soon as I could. We grow up being trained through movies and stories that women want to be chased. Women DO NOT want to be chased, they are wired to chase, to go for a guy who doesn't give them the time of day. That's why they go for bad boys or even just guys who are a little selfish (you can be a healthy selfish) and handle their own shit. This also goes for trying to be controlling, if you tell a girl, I don't want you to hang out with your girls, or I want to be exclusive or don't smoke up and drink, they are going to do the opposite, or be turned off and run.

Look at your relationship and imagine how much you may have let her get away with... she's being turned off by your lack of putting your foot down as a man (without being controlling) and leading things. She wants a masculine man and some of your behavior is coming off very feminine. Don't get offended, a lot of guys do this. When I girl says they want to break up, most guys either send her flowers or chase or whatever to get her back. If you want her back, you have to do the opposite, give her her space and she will come back.

Obviously its more complicated than that but you need to find a balance of how you need to act as a masculine man instead of a feminine one. A girl would be lucky to be with a guy like you, but unless you believe that, she won't believe it and she'll be able to tell you're unsure. If a girl wants a break or date other people, you should say, I don't do breaks, if that's what you want, let's just not talk, you have my number, call me when you're ready and don't look back. As Brian2 said, there are plenty of women out there that it will be less complicated with, just don't repeat your own mistakes.

 

^^^this guy gets it.
and no, I have not read the book 10 to 15 times and do not take anyone's word as gospel...but there's a lot of truth to what the coach guy says and made me think of things in a very different way when dealing with people and the opposite sex.

be the mountain, they are the wind! they want a man who's feelings are unclear...

I am a leader by nature, but when waiting on a phone call or when making a mistake, I falter and my inner insecurities show...do that too early and it's peace out cya later...goal is to always be the stone...always put yourself and what you want for your life first and if you follow your purpose...they will come. Friends, family, girls...it all works out.
Easier said than done but practice makes perfect.

 

I'm late to the party, as usual these days. I'm sorry you're going through this, crazy. How are you?

I hope your gf/ex? can find a way to deal with the fear and stress about her health in a less self-destructive manner. I have a lot of experience and thoughts on that, but I recognize that would be more directed to her, not to you. Let me know if you want to talk about it. That said, I feel like her current mindset might be giving you cause to question her decision about your relationship, and I imagine that could make it tougher for you to accept what's happening. That just adds more suck to the pile of suck. :/ So sorry.

I wound up marrying the guy I started dating when I was 19. We were together a total of almost 14 years. Ultimately, I can't say I truly regret marrying him because we guided each other through a lot of important milestones in life and were great friends to each other, but honestly, it probably wasn't the right decision, and in retrospect I probably knew it at the time...just wouldn't admit it to myself. Probably largely for the reasons rockstar mentioned. Especially at that age, we want to know someone wants us, and don't want to chance being alone. We do a lot of growing and changing through our 20s and early 30s, though. A lot of cementing our opinions and philosophies. If you don't grow in the same direction, it can be tough to keep a relationship that was based on the people you were when you started out together. Not to say we don't continue to grow and change, of course. It can happen later in life, too, but we're really zooming through a lot of changes during college and through first jobs, navigating moves and big life decisions, etc.

My divorce was probably one of the better decisions I've made. We were young enough to move on and find happiness elsewhere. I took some time living alone for the first time in my life. It blows my mind that I didn't live alone until I was 31. That just seems wrong somehow. I got back in touch with the person I was without the influence of someone else's needs and wants. I played my music loud, my house stayed clean unless I was the one who messed it up, I re-hung my wind chimes that he hated. You know...the little stuff that gets lost along the way.

I also met someone who was better suited to the person I became along the way. I met him soon after my ex and I split, and we married about 2.5 years later. We're still married almost 10 years after we met, have a toddler, and have managed to keep our happiness through some major challenges. (There's a significant possibility he's fucking crazy for still being here, but I'll take it.) Of course it doesn't always happen that way, but the possibility doesn't exist if you don't allow yourself to move to a position where it can happen. So think hard about what's right for YOU.

My last thought (for now) is that I have always maintained that I don't ever want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I've always asked for honesty up front about that. I'd rather be left than cheated on or to have someone stick around because it's easier for whatever reason. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. Hang in there.

 

He's obviously an asswhaletail man

 

Clearly

 

 

 

Wndr!!!!!!!
loved your post...
and you, obviously.

 

 

Likewise, of course!
I always enjoy your thoughtful advice.

 

You, sir, are a troublemaker.

 

Dancer, have you ever listened to Let Herself Go by George Strait?

 

I can't say that I have, but I'll look it up. My sound track during that time was more along the lines of 311's All Mixed Up and Frou Frou's Beauty in the Breakdown. It was a tough time for a while. Empowering, but tough. It's so hard to upend your entire life and to hurt someone you care about enough to have married, even when you both agree it's for the best.

A lot of people here know about the head injury I suffered back in 2005. Two years later, I was finally resurfacing (the best way I can describe it) at the time I made the decision to leave. It changed my life in just about every way, and was a huge factor in the demise of that relationship on several fronts. Despite all the struggles associated with it, I also had a lot of gratitude for my continuing recovery and for just being alive. Seemed like a waste of those gifts not to seek happiness. Carpe diem.

 

She let herself go
hang the wind chimes up
he always said we're too loud.

 

Thanks all for the feedback.

i moved out of my aunts vacation home, and moved in with a coworker in Nipomo, but I hate it, so I'm moving in with another coworker in Oceano on the first. I'm not ready to move out of the area, but the cost of living out here is nuts. There may be some movement going on at our office, so I want to stick around for that.

As far as the ex, our anniversary is on the 31st. She tells me how wonderful of a man that I am, then tries to fault me, so I fire back and tell her that our issues aren't caused by just me and that it's a two way streak and that she doesn't make things easy.. Then gets mad at me when I tell her that she's difficult when everyone in her family tells her how difficult that she is.. I've decided not to deal with it and move on..plus she has some anger issues these days that she won't deal with and it drives me nuts. I try to tell her to maybe go to the gym after work, or we can go for a walk after dinner, but she never went for it. Towards the end, she just got super selfish and unreasonable and got pissed when I called her out on it.

I'm actually doing uber on the side and met some cool people (females) that I've been hanging out with, so we'll see what happens. A coworker told me that best way to get over someone is to get under someone

Of course it wasn't easy..I was just getting fully stable and adjusted with the new job and was making almost as much as her, so I felt like things were going good, only to be kicked to the curb, so it's been an adjustment. But things happen for a reason and I need to do me for a change..and hopefully someone else

 

The only thing I'll say about hanging with females is...
be sure you're done with the ex and she knows it and you're really emotionally detached. Because otherwise, we as men move quickly to find validity by being physical with someone else and it happens fast and then a week or two later you miss your gf and you work it out and then there are some things she won't be able to forgive. Just my personal experience...
Sounds like you know what you're doing though! Good work, man.

 

Uber me dem TTs

Love you B

 

Sounds like moving on is definitely the best thing for you.

 

 

In my experience, you may think you are fast at finding new pussy but believe me she can find new cock in 24 hours. So I wouldn't even worry about if you had some strange during a break. She definitely did and won't ever mention it.

 

Fixed.

 

i kinda skipped a few pages in between, but what is the intention of sticking around? For her? Hoping that she will take you back?
As someone had been through long term relationship (longer than yours) and experienced the pain and urge of not letting go. You don't have to let it go but you just have to do whatever it is good for YOURSELF for now.

What is yours is yours no matter where you are, especially in today's FB/IG/Twitter age and what is not will not be yours no matter how long you stick around.

Sometimes, weird things happen, when you let go, you actually get it back.

 

glad that at least you're doing well man.

just try to get back into a routine. doing uber is a good way to add something to do and earn something for it. plus as you've mentioned, its another way to start meeting people again.

it will take time but you will eventually get over her. just dont go back. believe me, one step back can ruin months of progress.

 

I have zero plans on going back.. she's genuinely gone crazy.

a mutal friend had a birthday get together at Buffalo Wild Wings last week, so I went. She didn't go because she claimed that it "put her in a weird situation." Later that night, I wake up to a ton of messages saying that I need my own friends and that I need to stay away from hers because her and her birthday friend had a following out and arent on good terms since she invited me.

I'm just sitting here thinking, how petty, immature, and selfish do you have to Be? You're upset with your best friend because she invited me out, then to her house for movies? I told her that her friend can invite whoever she wants and I can have whoever I want in my social circle. She says I'm trying to ruin her life and make her hate me, when before all of this happened, we hadn't raked for a couple of weeks.

I genuinely want to know what snapped in her head, because this is a new level of crazy.

 

Bang her friend
girl, guy, doesn't matter

 

She's probably lashing out rather than just admitting that she's hurt that you actually followed through with calling it quits.

 

 

getting a reaction from you is all she's after...
I feel badly for her...mental health is no joke.

 

I disagree
After a serious relationship ends
The next big fight is who keeps the friends

 

I kinda feel like bros before hos applies...in our divorce, I'm amicable with everyone, but there are only a handful that didn't already pick an allegiance, even if I was not trying to make it like that.

 

Sorry you're going through this B.

Just don't let that crazy one you used to work with know you're single.....

 

Sorry to say this but she sounds very immature. Handle the situation like adults, not like HS kids.
It is up to her/your friends who they want to hang out with.