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Sometimes I wonder how many females make it through their twenties without experiencing significant mood swings or fits of irrational, self-destructive behavior, however so slight.
sometimes i wonder how many females make it through their twenties without experiencing significant mood swings or fits of irrational, self-destructive behavior, however so slight.
Sometimes I wonder how many females make it through their twenties without experiencing significant mood swings or fits of irrational, self-destructive behavior, however so slight.
Never sure what to say to a guy who's GF drinks to much, but maybe that (if you hadn't broken up already) that she should be careful not to abuse alcohol so much that she ends up having to give it up. Only reason I didn't become an alcoholic was, I didn't want to have to give up drinking - dunno if that makes sense?
Originally Posted by brian2
Cut it off now. It will never get better.
Do yourself a favor and turn yourself into an independent man before you start looking for another relationship.
It's always so much easier to find another girlfriend while you already have one - not saying that's good, just seems to be the way it is.
Last edited by Christopher.; 01-29-2018 at 08:00 PM.
that's because you have confidence since you are still getting laid...
same with a job, if you already have one you can be more cocky than if you have been fired and failed at 10 interviews...shakes your shit up...vicious cycle.
that's because you have confidence since you are still getting laid...
same with a job, if you already have one you can be more cocky than if you have been fired and failed at 10 interviews...shakes your shit up...vicious cycle.
nah... it's more primal than that... the women, they can smell it on you.
As I get older I begin to see more and more parallels with my parents, who were basically separated but staying together for the kids. Funny timing on the bump, I am just about to call it quits on my relationship. I think I'm meant to be single, but dating sucks.
I am not married, nor do I have or want kids. Suppose that makes it a bit simpler.
I find that after 2 failed serious relationships under my belt...there were a lot of similarities in the failures because I wasn't introspective enough to realize my shortcomings...instead I focused on their shortcomings and tended to my hurt ego by reminding myself of all my strengths.
Your strengths might be what get you the girl...but working on your weaknesses are the only thing that will help you sustain it.
The idea that you'll have less nagging, more money to spend on whatever, more time to spend on whatever, be able to see so many more new girls naked...
it all fades away and you end up right back where you started. Wishing you had taken the time to make the castle stronger. You meet someone that makes you
face yourself...it'll make you want to run from it, but if they are worth it...stick around and make it work. After 6 months, it's always the same harsh reality no matter what.
If you are someone that values longevity and sharing experiences and life with someone...
Single: Girl's reaction to me "ewe, why are you looking at me creep"
Not Single: Girl's reaction to me: "oh gosh, so sorry I have pants on in your presence, I'll take them off right away sir!"
Slightly exaggerated, perhaps, but sometimes that's almost what it felt like - one example was: going from being the shy lonely nerd to having to tell the hottest girl I'd ever seen in my life, that I wanted to talk to another (almost as hot) girl that I had just been hanging out with first, that she wouldn't be upset - the next day she tells me "I talked to her for you, she's OK with us, you know..." so we drive to a gas station to buy some condoms and I ask for a 3-pack and she gets all mad at me :P That may be the only time that a woman getting mad at me was really cool and just made me smile...
Now I've been married for more than a decade, I've gotten fatter, and uglier - but I was out to lunch with an old co-worker and, as always, I stare at the pretty young women. So she stops, turns around and pretends to look at a poster add (which is obviously not the least bit interesting) practically putting her ass in my face. She stands there long enough to give me a chance to say something - but I don't because I'm married, so she looks back as she leaves and I give her a "polite" smile. And another time, I'm just cruising for a parking spot at the supermarket and this milf in yoga pants just nods her head "yes" when I smile at her as I drive past. She either really likes Acuras, or, it's my "I don't care" attitude, not sure which. Because it's not my handsomeness! :P (Years ago I used to be really really fit, but now I look more like a bulldog than Brad Pitt).
The girls I've hooked up with have just about always "had problems" - been raped in the past, or otherwise emotionally abused - perhaps I "set my sights too high" (how they looked, so, they had to be flawed in some other area), I rarely had luck trying to date "normal, well adjusted" girls. So, I fell for the ones that looked incredibly good on the outside, but inside were "fixer uppers". Thing is, I guess you can't really "fix" broken people.
So, back to the O.P.s original post topics, and how I can relate to "hysterical woman syndrome":
But, despite all the normal advice which is always "get away while you still can", I don't regret "toughing it out", being strong, and seeing the good in her no matter how "broken" the bad/hurt part is. I "let" her abuse me - people say "it's not gonna change", well, actually, the wounds do mostly heal, eventually, even if some hurt takes decades to get over. What some people call "crazy" isn't always a condition that means a person should be in a mental institute, sometimes people have gotten PTSD, have panic attacks, have trust issues, but really are a "diamond in the rough" - you just have to realize that "rough" will never completely go away, and the wounds that are that deep, can never completely heal.
When it's the guy that's damaged, and abusive to a woman, she may be smaller, and weaker, and just shouldn't try to "be strong", I guess?
I've taken a lot of pain, and it's never going to all go away - but in a way, it's like I'm sharing her burden, and she's never hurt our two wonderful kids - the "cycle of abuse" has been broken, it's hurt me, but I want our kids to grow up with two parents, no matter how much pain I have to endure. People say stuff to us like "you guys should have more kids!", I even had one mom say to me "I wish I could have kids like yours" and I think her son could hear her! One day at school I heard a girl ask her mom: "is xxx (my son) the cutest boy in the world?" and every year he gets 99% on those state tests. Does every parent want their kids to make up for their own flaws, to be what they couldn't, to succeed where they failed? I know that I need to just help them, as best I can, be who they want to me, not who I want them to be.
(most) Relationships are hard. People are advising OP first to "get away while he can" and then to "stay away, far far away". Well, maybe it's too late for them, or, maybe, if they'd had children, they could have focused on the kids more than each other's problems? I'm not saying they should get back together, just that probably he will know best, if he's taken some time away from her and really thought about it.
My first GF many years ago was basically only 100% kind, beautiful, never wanted to argue. I guess I thought all relationships were supposed to be that easy. So, for while, I'd just say "OK bye" if I ever got into an argument with a girl. I figured, if you argue, well you're just not a match for each other. Eventually, I realized that was wrong, and finding a girl you love and never argue with, is ridiculously unlikely. Perhaps possible for some lucky few...
Last edited by Christopher.; 01-30-2018 at 12:45 PM.
I find that people that go through hardship growing up tend to end up being exceptional people later in life...maybe not implicitly...but the exceptional people in my life have always faced some sort of adversity.
I too have rarely known or dated any girl that didn't have SOMETHING happen to them that wasn't welcome...
Chris, curious...did you marry a fixer upper or did that always fall apart and wife ended up being a well adjusted one from a good home?
Chris, curious...did you marry a fixer upper or did that always fall apart and wife ended up being a well adjusted one from a good home?
In Japan, until recently, when a child was beaten to death by their parents it was considered "a family matter, not something for police to get involved with" - I'll answer your question just by saying that she survived what others, not so tough, would not have. She's very smart, and the most hard working person I've ever known, also, when I look at myself in the mirror, it's sometimes hard to believe how beautiful my our kids are. Her great grandfather was a samurai (I guess that's not terribly rare, among Japanese though?)
hmmm...
wasn't looking to pry, was just wondering if you stuck it out and made it work with a toughie...or you married a girl with an easy childhood with parents that stayed married and were emotionally balanced.
Just curious.
hmmm...
wasn't looking to pry, was just wondering if you stuck it out and made it work with a toughie...or you married a girl with an easy childhood with parents that stayed married and were emotionally balanced.
Just curious.
You know that movie "300", where the Spartans throw their boy out into the woods and it's either "bring home a slain wolf, or don't come home"? Is that kinda what you mean by "toughie"?
In my case, I think I only survived to adulthood through copious quantities of dumb luck piled on top perhaps slightly more mental toughness than the average person. Started early - at age one I had to go to the hospital for asthma and they put me in an "oxygen tent". At age 4, I stuck a paper clip into an electrical outlet, I inserted BOTH ends and the paperclip literally blew up, leaving a black circle of soot around the outlet, blew my hair back, and left a little soot on my face, as I had been observing closely. I also happened to be doing that at the top of the stairs, and it knocked me backwards. Somehow, I managed not to tumble down the stairs. Then, at age 10 I made a flame thrower using a big old fashioned bug sprayer and the front part of an "alcohol torch" - that thing was monstrous, made 10 feet long ROARING flames (way better than the one Elon Musk is selling) the list goes on and on, and on...
As to my wife, I don't really wanna talk about what she went through, but imagine something like the process that makes those tough 1,000 layer folded katanas I guess?
Last edited by Christopher.; 01-30-2018 at 04:51 PM.
PTSD is very real, and I fear it is much more prevalent than we want to acknowledge. It’s far too easy to write off someone entirely when, in reality, their situation was imposed on them by someone else, and they don’t have the resources to make it better alone.
PTSD is very real, and I fear it is much more prevalent than we want to acknowledge. It’s far too easy to write off someone entirely when, in reality, their situation was imposed on them by someone else, and they don’t have the resources to make it better alone.
I imagine that most people living with someone who suffers from PTSD feel this way: as much as they hurt you with their anger, it hurts more, that you can't take away their pain - you can't just hold them and say "it's gonna be OK", you have to weather the storm and try not to fight back.
I almost lost her once, before I understood - I had upset her and I didn't know why she was "going crazy" (that's how I felt, at that time) - I got angry - she got scared and ran off in the middle of the night - out into the streets of New York City. I realized what had happened too late to run after her, she was gone. I think that was the worst night of my life, worried sick she wouldn't come back.
It seems to me, that most people, if they were talking to me back then, might same something like "it's only going to get worse" etc. While in fact, the opposite is true, she still gets angry sometimes, and it's stressful for me, but never again was it that bad - if one of us has to leave, I go outside. Also, I think it helps that we really don't want to fight in front of the kids.
Last edited by Christopher.; 01-30-2018 at 10:18 PM.
As I get older I begin to see more and more parallels with my parents, who were basically separated but staying together for the kids. Funny timing on the bump, I am just about to call it quits on my relationship. I think I'm meant to be single, but dating sucks.
I am not married, nor do I have or want kids. Suppose that makes it a bit simpler.
WTPho Costco, what's going on mang? I'm here for you bronamath.
Got it Chris...you're a tough sumbitch.
You'd have to be to survive around here.
Yeah, was curious about her and you sticking it out with her through her demons to have a successful life and relationship. Glad to hear it worked out.
I imagine that most people living with someone who suffers from PTSD feel this way: as much as they hurt you with their anger, it hurts more, that you can't take away their pain - you can't just hold them and say "it's gonna be OK", you have to weather the storm and try not to fight back.
I almost lost her once, before I understood - I had upset her and I didn't know why she was "going crazy" (that's how I felt, at that time) - I got angry - she got scared and ran off in the middle of the night - out into the streets of New York City. I realized what had happened too late to run after her, she was gone. I think that was the worst night of my life, worried sick she wouldn't come back.
It seems to me, that most people, if they were talking to me back then, might same something like "it's only going to get worse" etc. While in fact, the opposite is true, she still gets angry sometimes, and it's stressful for me, but never again was it that bad - if one of us has to leave, I go outside. Also, I think it helps that we really don't want to fight in front of the kids.
I find that after 2 failed serious relationships under my belt...there were a lot of similarities in the failures because I wasn't introspective enough to realize my shortcomings...instead I focused on their shortcomings and tended to my hurt ego by reminding myself of all my strengths.
Your strengths might be what get you the girl...but working on your weaknesses are the only thing that will help you sustain it.
The idea that you'll have less nagging, more money to spend on whatever, more time to spend on whatever, be able to see so many more new girls naked...
it all fades away and you end up right back where you started. Wishing you had taken the time to make the castle stronger. You meet someone that makes you
face yourself...it'll make you want to run from it, but if they are worth it...stick around and make it work. After 6 months, it's always the same harsh reality no matter what.
If you are someone that values longevity and sharing experiences and life with someone...
Wait...dude. You're single again? Things did not work out with the GF...???
08-14-2017, 11:36 AM
do not engage, do not reply... it will drive her more crazy. Must resist the urge to get the last word.
