PimpCL23

yay for the designated douchbag!! ^^^

lolz!!

darksom1

Yup..I squirt in it so much, why not?

bent09

iTrader: (1)

I am getting in on this late but I see both sides. When I was younger I knew what a random text from an ex ment.

Now I am to old for it and see beet side. Hell today if I walked in to my wife being bent over the couch I would probably just throw my keys on the counter and go upstairs

:inb4hornylepsayshewasdoingmywifelastnight:

svtmike

That's e-bravado, not confidence.

dom

Maturity has a lot to do with it.

lol at walking upstairs. Don't want to miss SportCenter.

Darksom, I'd suggest toning it down.

BC2G

My ex talked as you describe your ex, and she cheated

PimpCL23

please refer to this:

https://acurazine.com/forums/ramblings-12/tone-down-390558/

LOLZ

dmikon

From my experience, e-pimps are usually just that...

darksom1

As in "e-sarcasm"? LOL...haters...imagine if you actually knew me, damn you would hate me!

It has nothing to do with maturity, at least not in the way that you guys see it. Is it really that hard to imagine that someone that you have trusted so long, in these days and times, is capable of cheating on you, or even has been right up under your eyes and noses for years? Wow! As I said before, it starts with the emailing/texting,phone conversations and the innocent get-togethers. It is not about 1 incident, but an accumulative effect. But that has to start somewhere. Women that I have dealt with have had male friends they pal around with. No problem. But an ex-lover is a whole different animal. Trust is one thing, being naive is another. Most of your responses are based on what you would do. Which explains a lot of these threads I read in here about your girl did this or that and you don't understand why.

Besides, I think that most of you responding more recently are getting confused. There are two related, yet separate issues being addressed here:

1) Is texting the ex ok, and is it something that can lead to cheating? Does her being angry at getting rebuffed by the ex imply that? Was she wrong to flip it on him?

2) Should hanging around or spending an inordinate amount of time with the ex be condoned or allowed, and could it lead to cheating?

My more recent responses are geared towards answering #2, as we can agree to disagee on #1, based on how we feel about #2. Now, you are up to speed!

BEETROOT

eclipse23

We do know you, your blabber and wordy posts are all to common. Look back at your posts and note how you make a living telling everyone how great you are. If that's not insecurity then nothing is.

My only question to you is at what point do you declare yourself too good for this forum and leave.

darksom1

That's not a question, but your wish, because you don't like arrogance. No one does really, but I have no problem with guys who don't like me, I'm not the type to reciprocate though. Like, you don't talk like a moderator usually does on a forum. You curse and have a filthy mouth. A lot of you guys in here do. You put down women and you attack personally all the time. Do you see me trying to get you to tone it down? Nope, cuz I could care less.

You should be that way. But your problem is you allow that "hater" to build in you like bile, because you can't control your emotions. The hate ones. "Oh I wish this guy would shut the fuck up already" is what you say inside because you don't know how to ignore or control how I feel about me. This is no war of attrition dude, you just need to read what you came here to read and respond to that. But, you can't. Let it marinate...

Street Spirit

Have we checked IP's that it's not that old PGATour guy?!

darksom1

^ LOL...Ain't nobody bad like me...I've made THOUSANDS being me. Not pimping women, I don't do that. But rather pimping me...no joke...

svtmike

No, sarcasm is sarcasm whether spoken or written.

And I don't hate you, really I pity you. It's got to be a sad existence having to come on to a forum and trying way too hard to convince a bunch of anonymous men of your ness and ness.

eclipse23

Meh, im tired today.

PimpCL23

ummm... did we ever find out what she txt'd the ex!??!?!??!?!

amisconception

Who said anything about flipping out? Come on BEET, it's about personal boundaries and preferences. Especially in light of the OP's hypocritical GF.

amisconception

Hey BEET, would ever fuck an EXGF of yours?

wndrlst

I do agree that his GF was being hypocritical. To me, that's the crux of this particular scenario.

amisconception

RMATIC09

eclipse whered your post go

Shalooby

Let me dissect this. I think I can.

Did I get it right?

BEETROOT

not while I'm dating someone else...



where did this clown come from

BEETROOT

The majority opinion seems to be to break up with a girl over this...that seems like 'flipping out' to me.

And it sounds like she only mentioned the fact he was texting some girl in her own defense...she hadn't mentioned it or cared about it before this right?

furious1smitul

Seriously, the fact she text her ex isn't a big deal considering she's open about it; assuming you're in a pretty stable/happy relationship and what she text.

Few days past and no update... ?

amisconception

He never had romantic feelings, or any sort of intimacy whatsoever, with the girls he texted. Her defense isn't comparable. She's texting an ex and is upset he deleted her number - Hmm. I wonder why she cares?

Girls get pissed off when their exs move on because it strikes at their ego. They almost expect, or desire, that their exs don't move on.

Her keeping in touch with her ex is a way to touch base, but not innocently.

Girls can do this under the guise of "friendship" because, on a superficial level, it isn't questionable. If you question it, you hear things like "controlling, insecure, jealous, frustrated" from women AND men. The fact of the matter is men just don't want their girls cheating on them, not women we invest our whole essence/spirit/energy/resources on. Cuckoldry is real. Taking personal steps to reduce the probability, when you can, is just smart.

svtmike

The problem is most steps that you take (which usually have the form of some sort of control) with the intent of reducing the probability ... increase the probability and temporal proximity of cuckoldry.

amisconception

That's partially my point.

Keeping in touch with ex's, keeping them in your Rolodex, initiating conversations, so that you can hit it during a dry spell, is not just something men do.

Add to this the fact that women have a burning desire to "know" they're attractive, especially to an ex, and you have yourself the perfect crime.

amisconception

Controlling what YOU want, YOUR destiny, is called being responsible and a man. I'm not saying OR implying you should control ANYTHING a woman does. In fact, I would rather a girl not even know exactly WHAT my boundaries are in an effort to figure out REAL compatibility - and not some illusion. I'm proposing imposing strict personal boundaries for yourself.

Just like some guys won't date women who have a MySpace and chat on AIM 8 hours a day. Sure, you can trust her till the cows come home, but is it smarter to date a woman who doesn't do that? Of course.

To me, the perspective in the dating game, is about putting myself on a pedestal. Respecting myself, my desires, and my goals in life, to not settle for just any girl. If the consequences to the alternative were not so dire, I probably would care less.

And one of the first things women say when they hear this from me is "Wow, you must have been really hurt in the past" - but what guy hasn't been hurt? That observation is null of any argument.

BEETROOT

I guess I feel that if my girl wants to cheat on me, so be it, and that relationship is over. 'Catching' her before she cheats and stopping it is just as bad as if she actually cheated. I don't want to be with a girl that would want someone else.

Which I guess is kind of off topic. For what you are saying Amir... if my girl wants to keep in touch with her ex, feel attractive to her ex, whatever, I don't care. Honestly, I feel 100% confident that my girlfriend wouldn't cheat on me, and I wouldn't date her if I felt otherwise.

But say she did... it would be indicative that there was something not right about 'us', and so we were done anyway.

BEETROOT

So this whole thing just comes down to personal preferences. You have certain specific characteristics you like, and others you frown upon. You are trying to choose the right person.

I feel that if I like a girl and I trust her, anything else is secondary, and probably won't bother me.

svtmike

I don't think that's the same wavelength as some of the others here are on.

Street Spirit

I think it's pretty safe to say that a lot of people cheat because there's something missing from their current relationship; they feel unfulfilled in some way. Other times people just cheat because they're too much of a coward or too immature to end the current relationship before venturing into another.

Many of you must've been REALLY hurt. I have. It's probably safe to say just about everyone has. The difference is some people then paint everyone with the same brush, while others learn from it and don't go into every relationship with hyper-sensitive suspicions, rather, have a better sense of what they want. Some of you seem to have gone to extremes in protecting your egos (and heart) from hurt again. You're going to miss out on a lot of great people if you're already nervous, suspicious, and think in 'extremes' simply because of what some other person did way back-when.

If people are content with their relationship and their S.O., they generally won't go astray because of 1 text message or 10 text messages whether it be from new people or people they've dated. Not every communication is an attempt to 'get' with someone, even someone from the past.

BEETROOT

Very nicely put Street Spirit.

wndrlst

^+1!

spooky3ce

to an extent again...

In the OP's situation, I have to disagree because you forgot to add in the feeling she has towards her ex from the deletion of her number from his phone... IMHO, I think these feelings raise a red flag in the relationship and puts it at a standstill...

Yes it's only one simple text message, and she contacted him which isn't a big deal... The problem with this is the initial feeling she had towards her ex upon finding out he had deleted her number so he couldn't contact her anymore... (I would/have done the same because I have no need to contact an ex if it ended on bad terms... not saying this is the situation here... it could have easily ended well for her but not for her ex... but again, keeping contact isn't the problem...) Different situations bring different outcomes...

That fact that she told the OP that she had text her ex is commendable but I hate to reiterate the feeling she had towards him deleting her number is just inappropriate... Showing feeling towards an ex really shows she's not ready to move on with her current relationship with the OP and should be discussed between the OP and his SO in detail before they continue their relationship... This isn't grounds for a dismissal but a simple warning to her that this bothered the OP (which would bother me if my girl had the same feelings) and these things shouldn't be felt if she has really moved on to carry her relationship with the OP forward...

Both sides of this discussion are only half correct... and above I believe I'm stating the correct sides to this discussion... correct me if i'm missing something or disagree...

spooky3ce

On the cheating... Doesn't matter how, what, where, when, or who... If your SO is going to cheat you cannot do or say anything to prevent it...

There are warning signs that should be addressed prior to the cheating, which I stated above in my 2nd post of this thread... These warning signs are not STOP signs and that's it, end of the relationship... nooo... These signs are Yield signs for a relationship to slow down or standstill to discuss what has happened and reassure each other that you are both on the same level and are ready to move the relationship forward...

Speaking to one another and communicating to one another can prevent cheating but won't stop it... This is where couples decide if one is ready to move forward with the relationship or go on their own...

Just IMHO...

darksom1

No doubt. Basically, if you follow my path thru all of the posts I do in here on relative material, this is damn near an exact summation.

An ounce of prevention people...an ounce of prevention...

I agree 100% with this. I think it should also be stated that I don't attempt to manipulate my lady's social life. I do believe, however, in not being blind about love and trust. Any woman that has ever dated me woud tell you that if they wanted to cheat on me...they could. I don't go thru their things, nor look at their phone when it rings. But, if it has a habit of ringing in the "wee" hours...my eyes are open man. If my lady said she texted the ex to find out his mother's number for mother's day because they were close...cool. But if she told me that she texted the ex and he had deleted her number and she got emotional about that? C'mon man...why is there a need to wait for the infidelity before you make yourself aware and pay attention? Not kick to the curb, just re-enforce some ground rules.

If they don't want to play ball, then we go our separate ways. That's not an act of control, unless control is emphasized in regard to my life and the way I choose to lead it, so I don't have to deal with the bs. If you start dating a girl who loves to hang out all the time clubbing and at bars, and you don't like that, you let them know that you can't hang with someone that is that way. If they don't accept that, they don't have to change, but you should leave and stand up for what you believe is the right way your love/life should be structured.

I can just go and pull about two or three threads where the guy was naive and his girl was out there doing whatever. He probably never thought she would do those things. Or felt she would eventually "come around". But it's not about being accusatory when you see something "minor". It's about waking up and opening your eyes when you do. It's about getting a firm grasp of what's going on around you.

This post paints everyone with a "general" paint brush. If a guy reacts that way, he must've been hurt before? No, I disagree. I have never been cheated on, as far as I know. I don't know what I would be like if I was, as far as trust issues. But I wouldn't fault someone who had them if they experienced it. The old addage about walk a mile in my shoes. The way I am in subsequent relationships in the past, is tailored to what or rather who I am dealing with. There is no "all women" theme or rule in my book. Hell, the women would not have a fair shot if it was...not at all! But each experience makes me wiser and more aware for the next. That is the way I feel all people should be. Learn and grow. And be aware.

To me, one of the biggest examples of the whole "it won't happen to me because I picked the right person" thing is the "DL" crap. Others are: "My friend won't sleep with my man, nor would my man do that to me. You may have friends like that, but not me!" Because you are that naive, and put your blind faith into a fallible object, you are BITTERLY and UTTERLY distraught when it happens!

None of this s wore than that DL crap though. You have people that get married, raise kids together, and one of them is leading another life totally separate from the one he is in! Does she love him? Yes. Trust him wholeheartedly? Yes. Believe in him? Yes. But were there signs, any signs?...I am willing to bet that there were some signs, but she trusted so blindly and naively that it was far too late and the damage far too great to repair when it all came out...

Don't be like that...I won't.

spooky3ce

I have a couple questions to the OP...

1. What did she text her ex??? (if you don't want to answer did she at least tell you what she texted??? not that she had to...)

2. What have you done/said to let her know that this bothered you??? Did it actually bother you???

3. Has anything that has been discussed here helped you in anyway or form??? Have your views changed in any way or form??? Has your SO's views changed in any way or form (assuming showed her the thread or at least mentioned to her some of the points discussed here...)