2001AudiS4

Like the title says, she tells me that she texted this guy from her past about something, and he didn't recognize the number. So she tells him who she is and he said that he had deleted her number cause they don't talk. She tells me it pissed her off that he deleted her number. Now I immediately got an attitude with her cause of the fact she texted him in the first place, then even more so because she is mad about him deleting her number. She kept saying it's not like that, he's just a friend. I told her obviously not, if he deleted your number.

So she OF COURSE tries to turn it around on me, you know, cause she's a woman and thats what they do. She says you message "Kristin" and that other girl. Took a few minutes to figure out who that other girl is. She is a friend from a while back that lives pretty far. We never had ANY romantic relationships, we are friends, nothing more, and never was. Kristin is a coworker, she runs our office and I have to report issues on my jobs for her to log. Thats the only reason I text her, to inform her of issues after her office hours (she leaves at 4 and I work a lot later then that a lot of the time). Not really looking for advice or anything, just needed to vent. I can only imagine if I messaged my ex how pissed off she would be

amisconception

Sounds like you're dating a selfish bitch. Sorry.

There's nothing here to fix. You either accept her for who she is or dump her. Personally, I would consider spinning more plates after that sort of disrespectful behavior.

I don't allow ex's in the picture. She can take it or leave it. But I personally won't stick around. Ex's are meant to stay in the past. Texting him, I don't care what the reason, is inexcusable.

Of course she would be pissed if you texted your ex. It's not respectful of her feelings. But it's obvious your feelings don't matter.

Congratulations you're dating a hypocrite.

RMATIC09

Ex=problems. take my word for it.

noshow_nogo

couldn't have pinpointed it better. I have gone through the same thing. This girl stayed "friends" with a number of her ex's and still continued to chill with them, even though she knew I didn't like it. On the other side of things. she deleted every female ph# from my cellphone.

Your girl is a selfish hypocrite, mine was just......psycho.

talk it out with her, if she argues, look elsewhere.

amisconception

What's there to talk about? She did what she did, turned it around on him and probably looks at him like a chump for even questioning her.

I wouldn't doubt she would branch-swing on to the next branch, or cheat, at a moment's notice.

If she respected your feelings, your commitment to the relationship, why would she contact an ex and risk everything? The answer is she wouldn't.

What is she going to tell you? That you're "controlling?" "jealous?" "insecure?"

Your feelings are real, and they're yours. And quite frankly you have every right to be pissed. But you can't be pissed, because she is who she is. If this was early in the dating stages, I would probably propose a way for you to set your boundaries now, early.

But this doesn't sound like a new relationship - and she's crossed the line.

amisconception

P.S., allowing a woman to behave poorly, and excusing it simply because she's a woman, is a crock of shit. Have some respect for yourself brother.

GSI

Pack her bags and put them by the front door. Let her know that if she wants to touch basis with the Ex to take her stuff and go be with him. Selfish girls need a firm hand.

260TYPESNY

I agree with the above posts but also guys we dont know her like he does and we only heard one side of the story but if she keeps brining it up then cut her loose she still wants him.

darksom1

I don't see that there is any need to "discuss" it. The texting in the first place is grounds for a reprimand, but the part about her getting mad because she is no longer in his "Fave 5" is grounds for dismissal simply because it beggars the question: Why does she care????

Kick her ass to the curb before you end up like that guy recently on here, whose girl was in the bathroom talking and texting her ex while he looked at the game, and going out with him when he told her to stop! Damn, I can't find that thread, but it is a hella good example!

darksom1

^ I FOUND IT!!!!

OP, stop messing around with her before you end up like this dude:

https://acurazine.com/forums/dating-relationships-14/gf-calling-her-ex-383054/

03bl AC k CL

run while you still can. no need to say more.

BEETROOT

I disagree with every one of you. I don't even really see what the problem is. So she texted her ex, so what? She even told you about, it wasn't like some secret she was keeping from you. She was upset he deleted her number... I can understand that too. If she thought of him as a friend after they broke up, she has a right to be upset if he deletes her number. He's the ex, you are with her now. Thats all that really matters.

I'm friends with most of my ex girlfriends, and I keep in touch with them. If my girlfriend wants to keep in touch with her ex, thats fine too. I really don't care. I say trust the girl until you have a reason not too. Nothing will ever work out if you can't give her a little room

darksom1

If he was such a friend, as you say about yourself and your exes, then why did he delete her number? Obviously they were not keeping in touch. In fact, he said so, so where is the "friend" part? No, this sounds like a random thing she decided to do (text/talk to the ex) and got pissed because he wasn't available or thinking of her in the same way. Who knows, but they definitely weren't friends like you and your exes.

They are exes for a reason. His actions (ex) implies he feels that way, so should she. They don't have to hate each other, but they don't have to maintain some form of a relationship either. Sometimes people are quick to throw the "trust" word out there so that they are able to continue what they want to do, despite the protest of their significant other. Whether it is platonic or not, if it makes him uncomfortable, then why pursue it if it means nothing? Her loyalty should be to her current lover, not her ex, especially if he is disinterested in this "friendship".

Trust means that I don't think or believe you will do it - not that you won't. As a matter of fact, cheaters rely on trust...how else can they hang with the "ex" if you don't? Personally, I don't hawk or hound anyone I date. I don't pop up out of manhole covers to keep an eye on them. I don't check their phone. Reason being, is because I won't date anyone that exhibits a cheater's mannerisms. Before I will do all of that, I will kick you to the curb!

Hey, you can't turn a hoe into a housewife...not even an ex hoe...

eclipse23

EXACTLY.
Some paranoid motherfuckers up in this forum. If your girl is gonna fuck another guy she's gonna do it and it's not going to involve a text message.

Give the girl some room let her prove you wrong instead of convincing yourself that she's gonna prove you right.

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

She texted him and told you about it. The only thing wrong is that she turned it around on you. But I'm guessing it was because of your reaction.

She was probably more hurt that the ex was over her enough to delete her number. THAT IS WHAT GIRLS DO. GET USED TO IT.

I think a lot of you guys are diluted at times. You girls ARE going to talk to other guys. Even exs. It doesn't mean that they are cheating on you. Learn to trust.

svtmike

Perhaps they didn't cover the handling of their respective cell phone databases after she gave him the "let's be friends" speech.

I agree that a mountain is being made of a molehill.

stic2it

iTrader: (1)

JEALOUSY IS A FEMALE TRAIT! You trust her or you don't, never sniff a girls panties, and thats what you're doing. I had an ex that was the same way, she wanted to talk to all her ex's and she didn't want me talking to any of my female friends...

PimpCL23

kill the ex and there will be no further txting from her to her ex.... jk...

my gf does that whole "well you did this" type of thing to me as well. defense mechanisim?? who knows... especially when what u did was no where CLOSE to what she did. the only thing i can think of is to just have a talk with her and try not to argue as much... just state your point but be respectful to her at the same time and she will see how serious this matter is.


or... steal her fone and delete that fucker's number

Mike 350Z

I think it would help to know how she and her ex split up. Did he initiate it or did she? If she initiated it, she could just be upset that he's finally over her and she can't keep him around as "insurance" for later on.

I think you could have taken a more diplomatic approach and said, "well maybe he has a new gf now and out of respect for her decided not to give any indication he was still hung up on his exes...i.e. he deleted their numbers."

ankur914

To say kick her to curb and any extreme is a bit much considering we dont know all the details...To the OP, why did the fact that she texted her ex upset you? Was he previously involved with her deeply or was it more like a one week thing-fling? (if he was once a boyfried of a long time...i can understand why you got upset...)
Also, Did she give any reason why she felt like getting in touch with this fella after so long? Is this just the beginning of a previous experience that youve had with her that ended badly? Y'all going thru some problems that she feels the need to talk to someone?
(insert small penis joke here... j/k)

Theres a myriad of reasons possible for the OP to flip out and why his grl texted her ex (ranging from pure innocence to potential threesome horizontal mamba action).
But Seriouly, the fact that she flipped it and reversed in such a skewed manner would possiblly annoy me more if everything is going smoothly between the two of you...Trust is a cool thing sometimes. Didnt Chris Rock say that women lack the ability to "make sense"? j/k


Best of luck to ya! and hopefully all is well now.

dmikon

Yeah I think some of you are a little paranoid. No texts to the ex? Are you serious? First of all, it's out in the open, she's not doing it behind the guy's back. Second, what's the issue with her talking to an ex? Are you supposed to erase all your ex's from your life to the point where even a text is unacceptable? Third, she probably got the wrong idea about being friends with the ex. They probably broke up, agreed to be 'friends', but the ex boyfriend didn't really care for keeping in touch with her and deleted her number.

If you can't trust the person you're with, don't be with them. Plain and simple. I am not saying you need to be naive and eat up everything they tell you, but you don't need to stir a storm if your girlfriend keeps in touch with an ex or two.

If you can't trust anyone really, don't be in a serious relationship. You're not ready for one, plain and simple. Go and explore the world/people, and once you learn to trust, you can think of having something meaningful.

Seriously, a text to the ex? Wow, alert the church elders!

Mike 350Z

My gf said it's an ego thing. Her ego is hurt because he has moved on from her. And that it's normal.

spooky3ce

It opens a can of worms she shouldn't have opened in the first place, thus the distrust... If she's willing to go as far as to text the ex and still have feelings towards the fact that he deleted her number, gives reason to distrust... what's next, we were just having some coffee reminiscing on old times??? I call

If I did this with my ex, I know my girl will walk out... If my girl was to do this with her ex, I'd kick her to the curb

In the OP's situation, I think the above is the case and my opinion... In the case of the rest of the members stating that keeping in touch with ex's isn't wrong... I agree to a certain extent... IMHO, depending on how the relationship ended and if you stayed in touch even after the relationship ended, then its fine... but if the relationship ended where neither of you wanted to even speak to each other ever again, then its wrong to pursue... pursuing shows feelings towards the other person still, and not ready to move on... and if you are with someone when this happens, you will cause distrust in your current relationship and show your current partner that you are not ready to move on with them due to the feelings towards your past relationship... this brings the relationship to a standstill which ultimately will take it to an end...

Different situations produce different outcomes...

ankur914

Ironically, im listening to this song right now......lol

But I agree dark.

phipark

What did she text him?

amisconception

Yea, and there's nothing wrong with grabbing dinner with an ex, or taking a walk down along the beach at sunset, either. Or grabbing a couple of beers to reminisce or catch up. Nothing wrong with that.

I'm of the opinion that the guys on here defending the girls' actions are the same type of guys who would keep in touch with their ex's and/or hook up with them at an opportune time.

I doubt the "exs can still be friends" camp has no strict "I will not ever fuck an ex" membership clause.

PimpCL23

how did we not ask this question before?!?!? LOL!

but ya... what did she txt him??

darksom1

The approach to the "trust" aspect of this is too extreme. It's not as black and white as people here want it to be. Tell that to women with husbands on the "DL". Tell that to sisters who cheated on each other's man. It should not be snatched away with the slightest bit of doubt, but it is also not something you give blindly! Hanging with the "exes" is a potential problem. It may not manifest into one here because it's just text so far, but it is ALWAYS a potential problem.

So you don't accuse, but you don't sit around and wait to catch her with his dick in her mouth either like this guy! I have never cheated or been cheated on as far as I know, but I could have, and so could she have because I don't "hawk" women. I dismiss them first. I don't know what the OP's girl will do, but I know YOU don't either. Having said that, anyone who gets pissed off because the ex won't keep her in his "Fave 5" is at the very least "suspicious" in my book. That's just keeping it real...he would be wise to do the same...

dom

I've been wondering that the whole time but thought it was covered.

I think thats a pretty important piece to this story.

yohan81718

But it's not just another guy, is it? I mean, if it was, it's easy to let it be.. but being so with her ex... not that I wouldn't trust the girl anymore, but I'll have to have some talk with her to set things straight.

Texting a guy friend vs texting ex... sort of a different level.

spooky3ce

Although unlikely we'll ever find out since this was a discussion between the OP and his SO which sounds like it didn't end quite well...

What did she text her ex???



LMIRL KsoC Motel 6 @ 8 TD2M NALOPNT IWSN GYPO WYCM KFU

EL19

iTrader: (4)

key phrase in the OP's OP (LOL) is this ,"Like the title says, she tells me that she texted this guy from her past about something." It doesnt look like he knows either. And if those were the exact words she told him than there is something to be suspicious about. I mean who the fuck texts their ex out of the fuckin blue about "something" and then gets mad when the ex apparently doesnt give a shit about them anymore. It has nothing to do with ego its about retained feelings. The whole situation is fishy. That isnt acceptable for either partner. if you are done with someone you should be done. No lemme text you out the blue about "something" or any other random bullshit. If any of my ex's hits me I just ignore em cause I dumped them for a reason. Of course not unless I'm single at them time and want some quick noggen

darksom1

That's what I'm trying to say too man! Why that is so hard to grasp is beyond me, but something is up with the way that played out...funny as shit though how people come in here, post, let us duke it out, then never come back and give clarity! Hahhahaha!

Yo, trust is only as good as the people involved...

sixsixfour

its not about insecurities on the OP's part, or for those of us who think this is wrong.

if my gf was texting her ex, under the same conditions, and she gets upset he deleted her, it only means there are still unresolved issues and tension between them.

and those are things than can lead a dick in her mouth or someplace worse and i dont want to be around for that sick turn of events.

this is a case-by-case scenario where a guy must trust his instincts. im a guy and normally i allow my gf to text any of her friends and coworkers, guy or not. but once my gut instinct tells me there's something wrong, or i have grounds to think it is wrong (i.e. she used to date one guy she's in contact with), she either gets with the program and abandon all contact or im out. its that simple.

justifying this with crap like saying its normal and shit doesnt fly with me.

dmikon

Saying hi to an ex once in a while does not = romantic walk down the beach at sunset. Where does that even come from?

My point really is that simple contact with an ex is not a reason for alarms to go off. Yes, if she starts hanging around with her ex, it's a reasonable problem in my opinion. If she sends a freaking text, you should be secure enough to handle it. Only exception is if her text to her ex says something like:

"omg cum over right now, I you, I want to you, then I want you to , while I , and then I will watch you , and then we can , with some and , I am so w/ you LOL!"

Then yeah, something's up.

amisconception

Well then, where do you draw the line? I draw the line at sought-after contact - not chance encounters.

I have personal boundaries I don't allow to be crossed. You obviously don't.

If a girl wants to contact her ex, that's fine, but she won't be with me - at least not monogamously or with any sort of commitment on my part. She can make her decision to be with me or not. Period.

Some people call it paranoia, I call it getting what I want and not compromising. I control the frame in MY life, not my S/O.

dmikon

No, the difference is that your boundaries are absolute, mine are relative. To you, contact with an ex, no matter what it is an instant deal breaker. To me, contact with an ex depends on the situation. What the contact is, for what purpose, how often, etc. I don't look at most situations with black and white goggles. Life is not that simple for me when it comes to reading complex situations.

Absolutes exist in my world, when it comes to more serious (to me) things. If she cheats, I'm out. If she puts herself between me and my relatives/friends, I'm out. If she gives me ultimatums, I'm out. Simply contacting an ex is a gray area.

What exactly makes it such a huge deal for you? Does talking to an ex equate to guaranteed cheating in the future? What actually bothers you? Does it just make you uncomfortable because that person has been intimate with your girlfriend? What if they were good friends before they were dating, and once they broke up they kept the friendship? Is that also a black & white situation?

RMATIC09

ex's are ex's for a reason, most of the time nothing good can ever come from it..it's just a persons inability to let go of the past....insecurity....needing to fill a void,who knows...granted my mom and my father are still close (divorced long ago), but then again, they also had 2 children together...so if it wasn't for us, i doubt they'd talk.

TS_eXpeed

That's kind of lame.
I still talk with most of my ex's just at a friend level so I can't really bash her, but I understand where you are coming from. Try not to blow up too much on her...like you said, they are women and will blow up 10x more than you will. As long as it's not something serious or something worth suspicion, I wouldn't really worry.

1StGenCL

I understand that this doesn't mean she is cheating but this texting thing is bullshit. I understand girls are different then guys but if you as a guy were texting an ex what would it be for? They are an ex for a reason but still have a vagina and they know you are dating someone else and dont want to be together with the ex but they miss sex too.

Basically texting ex's is for unattached sex. Bang bang, text me again when you wanna do it again

Edit - oh in gf's texting case, she said it was a real slap in the face when her ex didnt want to talk/text her anymore and he found a new gf. I was like WTF mate?