Shorty is pregnant.
01-28-2009, 08:35 AM
#42
Senior Moderator
I can't believe anyone hasn't already brought adoption. First off, I believe it's the woman's right to choose what she does with her body, including abortion if she feels fit. On the other hand, if either of you two are unprepared for parenthood (neither of you sound ready), then perhaps adoption is a viable solution for you. I am the uncle to a great little girl who was adopted by my sister. The adoption was put into place before she was born. The birth mother, deciding she couldn't properly care for baby, allowed my sister to finalize the adoption two days after she was born.
If this is a solution for you, then be prepared to support your girlfriend for the duration of her pregnancy and assist her after the adoption is completed.
Terry
If this is a solution for you, then be prepared to support your girlfriend for the duration of her pregnancy and assist her after the adoption is completed.
Terry
There are plenty of great people out there looking to adopt. Think about it at least.
01-28-2009, 08:36 AM
#43
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never jump w/o a parachute. Just support what she decides.
At almost 34 i still don't want to have kids. We have 3 dogs, thanks to the wife. We really don't have the desire to have one. We have a niece that we love dearly, but that is it.
If it happens it happens, but until then....
At almost 34 i still don't want to have kids. We have 3 dogs, thanks to the wife. We really don't have the desire to have one. We have a niece that we love dearly, but that is it.
If it happens it happens, but until then....
01-28-2009, 08:37 AM
#44
.... .... .... ... ....
Thread Starter
she is MY shorty but whatever.Def. don't need it at 19. Pretty sure its mine i been with her since i was 16.
Your first sentence proves that your last is a lie, or at least the first part of it.
It is NOT his decision at all. His part of the "decision making" process is over as far as birth is concerned. That "went" when he "came". That may not be what he wants to hear, but it is the absolute truth. To get him to feel otherwise is to set him up for disappointment. He can tell her how he feels, but she will ultimately decide for them both at this point. Such is life...
What he should be doing is discussing with her the pros and cons as far as them both in keeping or getting rid of this child. But he won't be able to exert any will here, so he won't be making any decisions. He can just factor into hers if she listens to him. I'm not being anti-male rights when I say this, I'm just being real...
So in laymen's terms...you fucked, you fucked up, now you may get fucked...I hope not, but if you don't start kissing ass and spinning a web in her ear real soon...you just might...the reason I hope you don't get screwed is because if you do, then you have two kids raising a kid, and that means the baby might wind up getting screwed...I hate shit like that...so man up, whatever the decision...let this be a lesson to other young-gunners reading this: THE DECISION IS YOURS ONLY UP UNTIL YOU STICK YOUR DICK IN!!!...
It is NOT his decision at all. His part of the "decision making" process is over as far as birth is concerned. That "went" when he "came". That may not be what he wants to hear, but it is the absolute truth. To get him to feel otherwise is to set him up for disappointment. He can tell her how he feels, but she will ultimately decide for them both at this point. Such is life...
What he should be doing is discussing with her the pros and cons as far as them both in keeping or getting rid of this child. But he won't be able to exert any will here, so he won't be making any decisions. He can just factor into hers if she listens to him. I'm not being anti-male rights when I say this, I'm just being real...
So in laymen's terms...you fucked, you fucked up, now you may get fucked...I hope not, but if you don't start kissing ass and spinning a web in her ear real soon...you just might...the reason I hope you don't get screwed is because if you do, then you have two kids raising a kid, and that means the baby might wind up getting screwed...I hate shit like that...so man up, whatever the decision...let this be a lesson to other young-gunners reading this: THE DECISION IS YOURS ONLY UP UNTIL YOU STICK YOUR DICK IN!!!...
and school just started.
01-28-2009, 08:53 AM
#45
Suzuka Master
Just a word of advice. If you push her towards abortion, she will resent you later on, trust me. I'm not saying to go ahead and have it and regret the kid, that's the worst thing you can do. But if she decides to keep it, you can do nothing but support her and the child, whether you stay with her or not. 
01-28-2009, 09:10 AM
#48
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To the OP - kids are great when you're ready - you have to figure out if you are. There are no good choices in your situation - just the best one for all involved.
ASAP, see a counselor (not some wacko pro-lifer service on a billboard - a regular relationship counselor) together to talk through everything. It's life-altering whatever you do, and whether you stay together or not. Talk to your folks and hers too, if they're remotely cool.
That's easy enough to ensure - outpatient procedure, covered by medical insurance. You lose a weekend and a lifetime of worries.
ASAP, see a counselor (not some wacko pro-lifer service on a billboard - a regular relationship counselor) together to talk through everything. It's life-altering whatever you do, and whether you stay together or not. Talk to your folks and hers too, if they're remotely cool.
That's easy enough to ensure - outpatient procedure, covered by medical insurance. You lose a weekend and a lifetime of worries.
01-28-2009, 09:10 AM
#49
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I have been there before and the decision isnt easy. Granted I was 21 but the mother was 18. We decided to keep the baby and its the best decision in my life. It was hard but we pulled through and we are better people for it. I was poor as shit and finishing my last two years with an Accounting degree (It was hard). We both make bank now and have a house and cars and a perfect little daughter who is now 4. Im not telling you either way but I am pretty sure if we chose the other route that we would of both regreted it. Just my experience. If you choose to keep it, grow up and get your shit straight. I did and I am way ahead of all my other freinds. Did I miss alot of partying? Yes, but now she's older and I still go out and have fun. Good luck in your decision it going to change your life either way
01-28-2009, 09:15 AM
#50
Burning Brakes
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^^ be a man.. seriously not to bust your balls.. if she wants to abort then thats on her, but if she wants to keep it just do what you know it right.. abortion either way is wrong and selfish.. and it will impact you years later when you think of a daughter or son that could of been but got sucked up into pieces into a tube instead.. just my opinion, and the RL if you need to sell it. my dad nets over 250k yearly and he drives a regular TL nothing fancy.. family over cars and objects
.
01-28-2009, 09:29 AM
#54
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Adoption!!
And let this be a lesson to you..
And let this be a lesson to you..
01-28-2009, 09:35 AM
#55
First of all, sorry to hear you are having this trouble.
The way I see it is that if she does resent him for this, two things could happen:
1) If they do stay together and end up getting married, etc. etc. then any resentment would disappear when they have their first planned child.
2) If they don't stay together then he loses her as a friend, which would suck, but would not suck nearly as much as having to raise a kid at 19. Both of their lives would (probably) be better not having to raise a kid at such a young age.
Just a word of advice. If you push her towards abortion, she will resent you later on, trust me. I'm not saying to go ahead and have it and regret the kid, that's the worst thing you can do. But if she decides to keep it, you can do nothing but support her and the child, whether you stay with her or not.
1) If they do stay together and end up getting married, etc. etc. then any resentment would disappear when they have their first planned child.
2) If they don't stay together then he loses her as a friend, which would suck, but would not suck nearly as much as having to raise a kid at 19. Both of their lives would (probably) be better not having to raise a kid at such a young age.
01-28-2009, 09:52 AM
#58
Suzuka Master
First of all, sorry to hear you are having this trouble.
The way I see it is that if she does resent him for this, two things could happen:
1) If they do stay together and end up getting married, etc. etc. then any resentment would disappear when they have their first planned child.
2) If they don't stay together then he loses her as a friend, which would suck, but would not suck nearly as much as having to raise a kid at 19. Both of their lives would (probably) be better not having to raise a kid at such a young age.
The way I see it is that if she does resent him for this, two things could happen:
1) If they do stay together and end up getting married, etc. etc. then any resentment would disappear when they have their first planned child.
2) If they don't stay together then he loses her as a friend, which would suck, but would not suck nearly as much as having to raise a kid at 19. Both of their lives would (probably) be better not having to raise a kid at such a young age.
Another factor is, what did she say when she found out she was pregnant? Did she say right away that she doesn't want to keep it? And if she did say that, did she say it because she thought thats what the OP wanted to hear? All girls (ok, maybe most girls) want children and they are usually not the ones to elect abortion. A 19y/o girl is too immature and emotional to go thru an abortion and move on with the guy she was pregnant from.
01-28-2009, 10:29 AM
#64
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This is not true. A strong relationship can survive almost anything. A friend went through this at 21 and they stayed together for a couple of years after. It ended on totally unrelated causes. They both agreed that this is what they would do before they got involved. I did the same thing with my partner, neither of us was having any child before we were established professionally and married. We were always careful, too(always used bc). I'm lucky, I never found myself in this situation, but I sure wouldn't have gone back on what I had already agreed to. Besides, in my world, you just don't come home and tell your people that you're having a baby, my parents would have absolutely killed me, no joke.
01-28-2009, 10:29 AM
#65
Suzuka Master
01-28-2009, 10:34 AM
#67
Suzuka Master
This is not true. A strong relationship can survive almost anything. A friend went through this at 21 and they stayed together for a couple of years after. It ended on totally unrelated causes. They both agreed that this is what they would do before they got involved. I did the same thing with my partner, neither of us was having any child before we were established professionally and married. We were always careful, too(always used bc). I'm lucky, I never found myself in this situation, but I sure wouldn't have gone back on what I had already agreed to. Besides, in my world, you just don't come home and tell your people that you're having a baby, my parents would have absolutely killed me, no joke.
01-28-2009, 10:57 AM
#73
Team Owner
Tough choice, glad I don't need to make it. Good luck.
01-28-2009, 11:03 AM
#76
What Would Don Draper Do?
well, in a sense, i guess it is.
if you're going to have sex, you have to accept the possibility that you might get pregnant even if you're strapped, on pills, etc. no matter what the %'s are.
it's quite scary.
but seriously, good luck to the OP.
if you're going to have sex, you have to accept the possibility that you might get pregnant even if you're strapped, on pills, etc. no matter what the %'s are.
it's quite scary.
but seriously, good luck to the OP.
01-28-2009, 11:04 AM
#78
If we're referring to the same thing, 
If you can't man up to the possibility of havin a kid, don't
.
EDIT: This isn't meant as a bash to you OP. You seem to be accepting the fact and understanding your circumstances a lot better than some that are in teh same situation.
If you can't man up to the possibility of havin a kid, don't
.EDIT: This isn't meant as a bash to you OP. You seem to be accepting the fact and understanding your circumstances a lot better than some that are in teh same situation.
01-28-2009, 11:04 AM
#80
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