How to say particular things?
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Land of Pleasant Living
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How to say particular things?
Okay I just typed a huge post, but I've decided to keep it short.
Basically, my girlfriend is being a real brat about something, and I told her that (after many many attempts at talking about it like a logical adult). Now she's upset with me, but that's really all I have left to say to her. Otherwise I'd try to talk about it, but I've already tried that, and she doesn't want to hear any of it.
She's acting like a spoiled, stubborn, little brat.
What's a nicer way to say that, and get her to actually open her ears to it?
How do you reason with someone who is being unreasonable?
Basically, my girlfriend is being a real brat about something, and I told her that (after many many attempts at talking about it like a logical adult). Now she's upset with me, but that's really all I have left to say to her. Otherwise I'd try to talk about it, but I've already tried that, and she doesn't want to hear any of it.
She's acting like a spoiled, stubborn, little brat.
What's a nicer way to say that, and get her to actually open her ears to it?
How do you reason with someone who is being unreasonable?
Its MY Car & I Love It!!!
Joined: Aug 2005
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From: Huntsville, AL
Well...all I can say is try to figure why she is the way she is. Really try to look at things from her perspective even though you think she's acting spoiled or over the top. People act a certain way for a reason, figure out why that is.
Also, she may not think she is acting as bad as you say, from her point of view she's justified. Get to the nitty gritty...only talking you should be doing is asking questions. And dont cut her off, let her talk. Hell she's your girlfriend...give her that respect.(I'm not trying to imply that your the bad guy...hell the fact that you want advice on this shows that your makin an effort for this to work out)
One way you can say it is: "Honestly the way you've been acting about this certain situation has me a lil stressed, but I just want to understand whats going on with you before I make any judgements about what you've been doing lately...good or bad judgements. Im just trying to understand you". Not in those exact words but you should be able to get where I'm going with this. Women appreciate it when a man is willing to work to understand her....i'm pretty sure she already knows shes complicated! lol...as with all women no matter what they effin say!
Sometimes its better to tell your significant other how her actions affect you instead of putting a definition to her actions....like what you did by calling her spoiled. Some chics will take offense to that stuff when you really didnt mean any harm.
Hope that helps.
Also, she may not think she is acting as bad as you say, from her point of view she's justified. Get to the nitty gritty...only talking you should be doing is asking questions. And dont cut her off, let her talk. Hell she's your girlfriend...give her that respect.(I'm not trying to imply that your the bad guy...hell the fact that you want advice on this shows that your makin an effort for this to work out)
One way you can say it is: "Honestly the way you've been acting about this certain situation has me a lil stressed, but I just want to understand whats going on with you before I make any judgements about what you've been doing lately...good or bad judgements. Im just trying to understand you". Not in those exact words but you should be able to get where I'm going with this. Women appreciate it when a man is willing to work to understand her....i'm pretty sure she already knows shes complicated! lol...as with all women no matter what they effin say!
Sometimes its better to tell your significant other how her actions affect you instead of putting a definition to her actions....like what you did by calling her spoiled. Some chics will take offense to that stuff when you really didnt mean any harm.
Hope that helps.
If she is that immature, then it's not going to be an easy conversation. Especially if you are afraid of hurting her feelings.
When I was under 25 every woman I went out with was younger than I was. I started dating older women for a reason. I got tired of the bullshit and immaturity.
Mind if I ask you to be more specific about some of what she is doing?
When I was under 25 every woman I went out with was younger than I was. I started dating older women for a reason. I got tired of the bullshit and immaturity.
Mind if I ask you to be more specific about some of what she is doing?
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Originally Posted by shnee420
Okay I just typed a huge post, but I've decided to keep it short.
Basically, my girlfriend is being a real brat about something, and I told her that (after many many attempts at talking about it like a logical adult). Now she's upset with me, but that's really all I have left to say to her. Otherwise I'd try to talk about it, but I've already tried that, and she doesn't want to hear any of it.
She's acting like a spoiled, stubborn, little brat.
What's a nicer way to say that, and get her to actually open her ears to it?
How do you reason with someone who is being unreasonable?
Basically, my girlfriend is being a real brat about something, and I told her that (after many many attempts at talking about it like a logical adult). Now she's upset with me, but that's really all I have left to say to her. Otherwise I'd try to talk about it, but I've already tried that, and she doesn't want to hear any of it.
She's acting like a spoiled, stubborn, little brat.
What's a nicer way to say that, and get her to actually open her ears to it?
How do you reason with someone who is being unreasonable?
it's me, Alan Rickman.
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,312
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From: noitacol
Tell her she's fat and ugly, the shoes she has on makes her look like she has kankles and when you first saw her yesterday you thought she was pregenant
After she begins crying her eyes out you can reason with her
This is truely the only way to disarm the im a bitch and not going to listen to you mechanism.
Edit: ... what is she being a brat about? :denied3somerights: ?
After she begins crying her eyes out you can reason with her
This is truely the only way to disarm the im a bitch and not going to listen to you mechanism.
Edit: ... what is she being a brat about? :denied3somerights: ?
Thread Starter
Land of Pleasant Living
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Originally Posted by DJSlim
Sometimes its better to tell your significant other how her actions affect you instead of putting a definition to her actions....like what you did by calling her spoiled. Some chics will take offense to that stuff when you really didnt mean any harm.
Hope that helps.
Hope that helps.
To me, that's insanity. If something affects two people negatively, why would you want to do that, instead of choose an option that has no negative effects?
This last part of your post is good. I will try to talk to her like that, because she probably feels attacked instead of just seeing me as frustrated and confused.
Originally Posted by RaviNJCLs
If she is that immature, then it's not going to be an easy conversation. Especially if you are afraid of hurting her feelings.
When I was under 25 every woman I went out with was younger than I was. I started dating older women for a reason. I got tired of the bullshit and immaturity.
Mind if I ask you to be more specific about some of what she is doing?
When I was under 25 every woman I went out with was younger than I was. I started dating older women for a reason. I got tired of the bullshit and immaturity.
Mind if I ask you to be more specific about some of what she is doing?
Yes, I'm afraid she does have some maturing to do, but I'm willing to stick it out. I feel like I've done a lot of growing up since I was 20 (her age), but sometimes it seems like she just wants to stay 16.
I guess I'm hoping that by the time she gets to be my age now, we will both be past some mark of maturity, and things will be easier.
Well, I don't want to post specifics of my relationship problems online, but it's always valuable receiving some general wisdom from those who have been there.
I'm sure I'd get better advice if I did get specific, but I just feel like it's not very appropriate.
The heart of the matter is this: I love logic. She loves emotion. We butt heads. It hurts.
Originally Posted by shnee420
The heart of the matter is this: I love logic. She loves emotion. We butt heads. It hurts.
I think you need to tell her you appreciate her way of looking at things but to you it's illogical. And you focus more on logic. Tell her that her way is not wrong, but if this relationship is to work she at least needs to listen to your point of view and you will listen to hers as well. You guys need to communicate more.
It's going on 5 years that I've been with my wife. Love her more than ever. But sometimes she is tosses logic out the window and it pisses me off. And sometimes I don't listen to emotion and that pisses her off. We just talk about it. It is trivial compared to other problems.
Safety Car
Joined: Jun 2005
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From: Atlanta
Originally Posted by RaviNJCLs
If she is that immature, then it's not going to be an easy conversation. Especially if you are afraid of hurting her feelings.
When I was under 25 every woman I went out with was younger than I was. I started dating older women for a reason. I got tired of the bullshit and immaturity.
Mind if I ask you to be more specific about some of what she is doing?
When I was under 25 every woman I went out with was younger than I was. I started dating older women for a reason. I got tired of the bullshit and immaturity.
Mind if I ask you to be more specific about some of what she is doing?
Thread Starter
Land of Pleasant Living
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Originally Posted by RaviNJCLs
I think you need to tell her you appreciate her way of looking at things but to you it's illogical. And you focus more on logic. Tell her that her way is not wrong, but if this relationship is to work she at least needs to listen to your point of view and you will listen to hers as well. You guys need to communicate more.
I try my best to communicate, but my way of doing that is laying all the facts out on the table, analyzing the situation, and coming to a rational conclusion. Her way of communicating is telling me what she wants because of how she feels, and that doesn't always make much sense.
We both know we are like this, but neither feels we're wrong.
I think I'm clearly right when I use my approach, because that's what is fucking true. She thinks she's clearly right because that's how she feels, and she's just following her heart.
I tried listening to her, and tried to compromise, but she didn't want to have it. She would just get angry at my attempt at talking about it and not just saying OK to her emotions.
I understand there's no way to convince her to be logical, and I'm not going to be convinced to be illogical (is that even possible, as you would need a rational argument to be dissuaded?).
So where do I go from here? Just always fight when her emotions don't match with my logic? Normally it isn't such a problem, but this is a somewhat big deal to us right now.
I would like to be able to just say OK to her, but it just doesn't work for me this time.
All this on top of burying my grandfather today, I don't know what to do. I'm drained. Haven't talked to her since the phone call, and I do want to talk to her, but I don't want to fight about this again.
I just don't see a good resolution to this, but there needs to be one. Ugh.
Drifting
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,683
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From: CA
How to Argue With Women
Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you.
Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole fuckin' Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)
Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.
Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what "precedent" meant.
Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.
Step 6. Don't take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.
Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she can't continue arguing about bullshit. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.
Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop arguing please." That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me." Pisses them off. Just trust me.
Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, "Lisa is so much more compassionate than you." Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.
Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from "Office Space" in your head if you must.
Step 11. Bust out, "I don't feel like fighting. I've proven my point." Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to shit. Again, mind games.
Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag. Self-explanatory.
Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.
Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you.
Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole fuckin' Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)
Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.
Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what "precedent" meant.
Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.
Step 6. Don't take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.
Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she can't continue arguing about bullshit. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.
Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop arguing please." That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me." Pisses them off. Just trust me.
Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, "Lisa is so much more compassionate than you." Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.
Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from "Office Space" in your head if you must.
Step 11. Bust out, "I don't feel like fighting. I've proven my point." Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to shit. Again, mind games.
Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag. Self-explanatory.
Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.
Intermediate
Joined: Jun 2007
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From: FL
Your situation seems similar to the situation I was in with my ex, I was the reasonable one and she was the emotional one. I also tried to just let her follow her emotions while making stupid decisions, but there's only so much one can take. So 2 weeks ago I pulled the plug on the relationship after I realized that she was never going to change her ways.
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Originally Posted by shnee420
Okay I just typed a huge post, but I've decided to keep it short.
Basically, my girlfriend is being a real brat about something, and I told her that (after many many attempts at talking about it like a logical adult). Now she's upset with me, but that's really all I have left to say to her. Otherwise I'd try to talk about it, but I've already tried that, and she doesn't want to hear any of it.
She's acting like a spoiled, stubborn, little brat.
What's a nicer way to say that, and get her to actually open her ears to it?
How do you reason with someone who is being unreasonable?
Basically, my girlfriend is being a real brat about something, and I told her that (after many many attempts at talking about it like a logical adult). Now she's upset with me, but that's really all I have left to say to her. Otherwise I'd try to talk about it, but I've already tried that, and she doesn't want to hear any of it.
She's acting like a spoiled, stubborn, little brat.
What's a nicer way to say that, and get her to actually open her ears to it?
How do you reason with someone who is being unreasonable?
Don't know what the discussion is about or what it is she really wants (a material item?), but I would just give her some time to think things through on her own. Let the item/decision sit with her for a few days without bringing it up. Sometimes that helps people put things in perspective and think things through more rationally than when they are in the moment of 'want'. She might just need to see it from a different point of view when it hits her on her own time, without you trying drilling it into her, and her being stuck in her own cycle of thoughts. Maybe she's feeling a little defensive right now, especially if you're calling her a brat, etc... She's less likely to listen when she feels emotional and insulted...so I'd just let things calm down a bit.
You could also try making a list of Pros and Cons. Put everything you can think of on the list, and be honest. Then, compare lists (if you haven't created it together) and talk through each advantage and disadvantage.
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 16,973
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From: Seattle, WA
Originally Posted by shnee420
The heart of the matter is this: I love logic. She loves emotion. We butt heads. It hurts.
Some guidelines I use:
1) Pick your battles. Don't die on every hill and don't play the logic card all the time. She'll learn to resent it, and will eventually object to your position for that reason alone. Let her win some, even if you don't agree, but pick the things you can go either way on anyway.
2) If you've picked this to be a battle, try to get her to see things from your side. This is best done using a "mental word picture". Use a story or example from her own life where something happend that made her feel the way you feel about this. Then end the story with that point, "you see, the way you felt when [whatever the story was] is the way I feel now about this issue". This worked many times with my wife. It's also worked for her to.
3) Try to see things from her point too - this will help identify the hills to die on and the hills to let go. Know how to read her.
4) Compromise is always good. So if you do it her way this time, you'd like the same consideration when it's your turn and she doesn't agree. You can put this concession in the bank and use it later.
As other posters have said, if she's just being immature there isn't a whole lot you can do. But you need to relate to her on that emotional level if you want to have any chance. Coming at her with the logic it's going to work, and actually won't work most of the time. Sorry.
~Da Nocturnal Cheetah~
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,798
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From: Germantown, MD
Originally Posted by shnee420
Okay I just typed a huge post, but I've decided to keep it short.
Basically, my girlfriend is being a real brat about something, and I told her that (after many many attempts at talking about it like a logical adult). Now she's upset with me, but that's really all I have left to say to her. Otherwise I'd try to talk about it, but I've already tried that, and she doesn't want to hear any of it.
She's acting like a spoiled, stubborn, little brat.
What's a nicer way to say that, and get her to actually open her ears to it?
How do you reason with someone who is being unreasonable?
Basically, my girlfriend is being a real brat about something, and I told her that (after many many attempts at talking about it like a logical adult). Now she's upset with me, but that's really all I have left to say to her. Otherwise I'd try to talk about it, but I've already tried that, and she doesn't want to hear any of it.
She's acting like a spoiled, stubborn, little brat.
What's a nicer way to say that, and get her to actually open her ears to it?
How do you reason with someone who is being unreasonable?
What is more of an issue my dude, is your choice of person to deal with from the start. We should not try to change people. They are who they are, unless THEY think they should change. Even personalities.
From this you have learned, unless you already knew it and did it anyway, that you vibe well with a more mature person, who knows how to express themselves with some form of intelligence when these argumentative times occur, which they will.
So go find a woman like that if this type of woman (gf) causes you too much grief. People who get with women like your girlfriend are usually able to ignore their rants without too much fanfare. You don't seem to be that type because it really bothers you. Don't stand for it. This is obviously not your first time, in order to necessitate posting...so do "you" and stop doing "her"...
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Land of Pleasant Living
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Thanks to everyone who took the time to offer advice, I appreciate it.
The last posts I read were Street Spirit's and 1Louder's, after which, I felt like I had a clearer picture of what needed to happen, on both my side and hers.
So I gave her a call around midnight, and just got off the phone with her. I felt a lot more at ease with the situation, like I was better prepared for her reaction and expressing my own thoughts.
It worked like a charm--she was very willing to hear me out this time. I think my harsh words last time we talked stuck with her a bit (I am very slow to anger with her, so I think she saw just how serious I was about this), and it did some good giving her time to think about the situation before talking to her again.
She was very receptive to my points (no interruptions or sour retorts), paused for a bit after I spoke my mind, and agreed that they are good points. We concluded that she should take some time and think about it all, now that she knows exactly how I feel, and then make her own decision at her own pace.
It was good to talk to her again and have it all go smoothly.
My argument has definitely not persuaded her just yet (and I'd give it only a 50% chance that it does), but it was so refreshing to be able to talk about it like adults.
I love the girl plenty, but sometimes those emotions go a bit haywire. She get it from her mama.
Oh, and it was not an issue of any material item, just to clarify.
darksom1:
I'm not trying to change her, I'm just noticing a bit of a maturity gap. I had a hard time reconciling this gap in this particular instance, so I came to get some insight from those who have more experience.
I've seen her mature tremendously over the past 3 years, so I'm assuming it will just take a little more time for us to be on a more equal level.
I feel like I've matured a great deal in the past two years (more so just this last year), so I don't have all that much room to talk. She's a year and a half younger than me, so she's probably doing a lot of growing right now, too.
A bit of time and patience, then I see smooth sailing from there.
The last posts I read were Street Spirit's and 1Louder's, after which, I felt like I had a clearer picture of what needed to happen, on both my side and hers.
So I gave her a call around midnight, and just got off the phone with her. I felt a lot more at ease with the situation, like I was better prepared for her reaction and expressing my own thoughts.
It worked like a charm--she was very willing to hear me out this time. I think my harsh words last time we talked stuck with her a bit (I am very slow to anger with her, so I think she saw just how serious I was about this), and it did some good giving her time to think about the situation before talking to her again.
She was very receptive to my points (no interruptions or sour retorts), paused for a bit after I spoke my mind, and agreed that they are good points. We concluded that she should take some time and think about it all, now that she knows exactly how I feel, and then make her own decision at her own pace.
It was good to talk to her again and have it all go smoothly.
My argument has definitely not persuaded her just yet (and I'd give it only a 50% chance that it does), but it was so refreshing to be able to talk about it like adults.
I love the girl plenty, but sometimes those emotions go a bit haywire. She get it from her mama.
Oh, and it was not an issue of any material item, just to clarify.
darksom1:
I'm not trying to change her, I'm just noticing a bit of a maturity gap. I had a hard time reconciling this gap in this particular instance, so I came to get some insight from those who have more experience.
I've seen her mature tremendously over the past 3 years, so I'm assuming it will just take a little more time for us to be on a more equal level.
I feel like I've matured a great deal in the past two years (more so just this last year), so I don't have all that much room to talk. She's a year and a half younger than me, so she's probably doing a lot of growing right now, too.
A bit of time and patience, then I see smooth sailing from there.
Last edited by shnee; Jul 31, 2008 at 01:41 AM.
~Da Nocturnal Cheetah~
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,798
Likes: 4
From: Germantown, MD
Originally Posted by shnee420
darksom1:
I'm not trying to change her, I'm just noticing a bit of a maturity gap. I had a hard time reconciling this gap in this particular instance, so I came to get some insight from those who have more experience.
I've seen her mature tremendously over the past 3 years, so I'm assuming it will just take a little more time for us to be on a more equal level.
I feel like I've matured a great deal in the past two years (more so just this last year), so I don't have all that much room to talk. She's a year and a half younger than me, so she's probably doing a lot of growing right now, too.
A bit of time and patience, then I see smooth sailing from there.
I'm not trying to change her, I'm just noticing a bit of a maturity gap. I had a hard time reconciling this gap in this particular instance, so I came to get some insight from those who have more experience.
I've seen her mature tremendously over the past 3 years, so I'm assuming it will just take a little more time for us to be on a more equal level.
I feel like I've matured a great deal in the past two years (more so just this last year), so I don't have all that much room to talk. She's a year and a half younger than me, so she's probably doing a lot of growing right now, too.
A bit of time and patience, then I see smooth sailing from there.
Originally Posted by shnee420
All this on top of burying my grandfather today, I don't know what to do. I'm drained. Haven't talked to her since the phone call, and I do want to talk to her, but I don't want to fight about this again.
I just don't see a good resolution to this, but there needs to be one. Ugh.
I just don't see a good resolution to this, but there needs to be one. Ugh.
You just buried your grandfather and out of respect for that I decided not to post this in the above post. But how much did emotion overwhelm your logic when you did that. Logic says that everyone dies, file it and move on. Your emotion is what will allow you to have fond memories of your grandfather. Your emotions is why you want to call your girlfriend as badly as you did. And I hope you called her.
Look, if you decide that everything has to have a logical end to it, then you are in for a very lonely life. Most women are not driven by logic. It's what we love about them and it's what frustrates us as men.
Like you said, I don't think you should change her. I think as you said she probably needs to mature a bit. And you've seen her do so. I think that somethings take time. The really good things in life takes compromise, acceptance and open yourselves to the other person's perspective. And remember, part of her emotional side is why you are with her in the first place; it is partly why you love her. Trust me, if you think about it, you would miss that bundle of emotions if she wasn't there.
Your situation reminds me a LOT of myself. I'm a scientist. Logic is a lot to me. Then I met my wife, got married and had a kid. And I realized that logic is not the end-all in life. I hope you realize that. And I hope you realize how lucky you are because a lot of people have lots bigger issues in their relationships.
Look, if you decide that everything has to have a logical end to it, then you are in for a very lonely life. Most women are not driven by logic. It's what we love about them and it's what frustrates us as men.
Like you said, I don't think you should change her. I think as you said she probably needs to mature a bit. And you've seen her do so. I think that somethings take time. The really good things in life takes compromise, acceptance and open yourselves to the other person's perspective. And remember, part of her emotional side is why you are with her in the first place; it is partly why you love her. Trust me, if you think about it, you would miss that bundle of emotions if she wasn't there.
Your situation reminds me a LOT of myself. I'm a scientist. Logic is a lot to me. Then I met my wife, got married and had a kid. And I realized that logic is not the end-all in life. I hope you realize that. And I hope you realize how lucky you are because a lot of people have lots bigger issues in their relationships.
~Da Nocturnal Cheetah~
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,798
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From: Germantown, MD
Originally Posted by RaviNJCLs
Your emotions is why you want to call your girlfriend as badly as you did. And I hope you called her.
Your situation reminds me a LOT of myself. I'm a scientist. Logic is a lot to me.
Your situation reminds me a LOT of myself. I'm a scientist. Logic is a lot to me.
Instructor
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 232
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From: Virginia
Again, swry to hear about grandfather.
However, just remember...our society as a whole is becoming a very selfish, "ME" thinking, empire. Look-Rx corporations, politicians, psychiatrists,lawyers & lawsuits, it's all about the individual. My generation was BAD with self-absorbed behavior. I can only imagine the upcoming generations.
So, Logic: Its a programming issue. What do you do with a bad program? Work out the bugs or shit-can it (assuming asking for your money back is not an option)? Also, do you have the education and technical ability to enter the task at hand? Do you have the patience and time to commit? However, human beings, unlike computer programs, have the variable of instability, to say the least.
Sheez. I'm boring myself.
However, just remember...our society as a whole is becoming a very selfish, "ME" thinking, empire. Look-Rx corporations, politicians, psychiatrists,lawyers & lawsuits, it's all about the individual. My generation was BAD with self-absorbed behavior. I can only imagine the upcoming generations.
So, Logic: Its a programming issue. What do you do with a bad program? Work out the bugs or shit-can it (assuming asking for your money back is not an option)? Also, do you have the education and technical ability to enter the task at hand? Do you have the patience and time to commit? However, human beings, unlike computer programs, have the variable of instability, to say the least.
Sheez. I'm boring myself.
Originally Posted by darksom1
Then would it be logical to assume that you haven't read post #24 at the time you posted this?
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Land of Pleasant Living
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Thanks for the comments Ravi, I always enjoy your posts.
You're right, I shouldn't try to make everything logical, and I can appreciate emotion. It's not like I don't want to feel emotion, I just don't want it to be the impetus for my actions.
I've had the chance to meet a somewhat influential logician on two occasions, and he had a pretty eye opening comment. Without writing an essay about it, he was basically warning against being too logical in relationships. I think one of his last comments was something like, "When I'm trying to overpower her with my mastery of logic and argumentation, I forget that deep down, she just wants to be loved."
During that whole speech, I just saw myself as him and my girlfriend as his wife.
I regret telling my girlfriend about it because she reminds me of it whenever we are arguing
Essentially, I strive to be as logical as possible. Over the past 5 or so years, I've been trying to became a master of myself. Of course I have emotions, and of course they get the best of me sometimes, and of course I understand that it's a part of (everyone) being human. But that doesn't really mean I have to embrace it. I want to feel them, but I don't want them to have power over the logic of my decisions.
Burying my grandfather has been just terrible. It's emotion that made me close to him, and emotion that hurts me now that he's dead. It's logic that helps me understand that it's inevitable, and that I too will be dead some day. That was the past, I enjoyed it, but there's no way I can have the past back. Emotion makes that hurt, but logic helps me move on.
With the girlfriend, I see that she's a very emotionally-driven person. I think we balance each other out a bit, actually. I keep her head on straight, and she keeps my heart in place. She is very very emotional though, and sometimes that frustrates me, because that's exactly what I've been trying to cultivate myself not to be. Conversely, I think I'm very logical, and I can see how that frustrates her just the same. Like I said before, we're both aware of this difference. But we love each other, and like you said Ravi, we could be dealing with a lot worse issues.
Now I just hope I convinced her.. I'll have to wait and see.
You're right, I shouldn't try to make everything logical, and I can appreciate emotion. It's not like I don't want to feel emotion, I just don't want it to be the impetus for my actions.
I've had the chance to meet a somewhat influential logician on two occasions, and he had a pretty eye opening comment. Without writing an essay about it, he was basically warning against being too logical in relationships. I think one of his last comments was something like, "When I'm trying to overpower her with my mastery of logic and argumentation, I forget that deep down, she just wants to be loved."
During that whole speech, I just saw myself as him and my girlfriend as his wife.
I regret telling my girlfriend about it because she reminds me of it whenever we are arguing
Essentially, I strive to be as logical as possible. Over the past 5 or so years, I've been trying to became a master of myself. Of course I have emotions, and of course they get the best of me sometimes, and of course I understand that it's a part of (everyone) being human. But that doesn't really mean I have to embrace it. I want to feel them, but I don't want them to have power over the logic of my decisions.
Burying my grandfather has been just terrible. It's emotion that made me close to him, and emotion that hurts me now that he's dead. It's logic that helps me understand that it's inevitable, and that I too will be dead some day. That was the past, I enjoyed it, but there's no way I can have the past back. Emotion makes that hurt, but logic helps me move on.
With the girlfriend, I see that she's a very emotionally-driven person. I think we balance each other out a bit, actually. I keep her head on straight, and she keeps my heart in place. She is very very emotional though, and sometimes that frustrates me, because that's exactly what I've been trying to cultivate myself not to be. Conversely, I think I'm very logical, and I can see how that frustrates her just the same. Like I said before, we're both aware of this difference. But we love each other, and like you said Ravi, we could be dealing with a lot worse issues.
Now I just hope I convinced her.. I'll have to wait and see.
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