Hey, well i gues broke up (we're on a "break") with my GF of 5yrs. Its soo hard to be her friend and hang out with her because I still feel and act like were dating....I dont know if we will ever get back together, but what do u guys do to help u get over a long relationship?? Im freakin killin myself over here. For the past 5yrs, All i ever knew was how to be a boyfriend, be in a relationship, now everythings different, everythings changed. How do you all get over your serious relationships?? It soo hard to see her and be her friend because we were dating for 5 yrs and i dont think i can just act like her friend....i dont know what to do....can anyone help??

Thanks.......

 

Go back to being you.

exercise, make sure you eat, make new friends, see your old ones. Lean on family and friends. You'll heal.

 

Sorry to here that Dude, but come on...your 19 and not to be insensitive, but chicks come and go, I highly doubt you were going to marry this girl. So I say, fuck as many bitches while you can, date when your ready to be married. You'll like that better, or at least I do.

 

play some gran turismo 4, hit the clubs and talk to some hot chicas, or get wasted.

 

yea..i hear you guys...but it was soo different. Even though i only 19, we still dated 5 yrs and had talked about moving in together later on in college and getting married. I even started saving up and everything. I donno....we were soooo close, its going to be soo hard to get over her....

I am starting to excersize more, eating less. I need to lose weight, but as far as going back to be me, i was with her for 5 yrs, i dont know how else to act now....

 

 

WTF! Optimus prime avatar.

 

Its tough, but I'd say one of the main things that help is time. Its hard now because it just happened, but eventually you will get over it. You'll meet new people, reclaim your life etc and this will seem a little more insignificant everyday

One thing that may be holding you back is contact with your ex-gf. Maybe it would be a good idea if you took some time to be alone. It'll be hard, but the sooner you get used to not having that person around in your daily life, the better. Go out with other people and discover there is a life out there other than that person, because there is one. Good luck

 

^^ Geisha has a good point. The more you keep talking to her, the worse you're gonna feel. You need to cut her out of your life for a while, until you can have a normal conversation with her without beating yourself up over why you two aren't together. And don't compare every girl you meet with her, either. My high school bf dumped me after 1.5 years, and I thought it was the end of the world. Don't worry, time will heal.

 

Yea, i know what u mean. Thanks for the help. I told her if this "break"/"breakup" was going to work, and be serious (like no hugging and kissing and stuff) then i told her we couldnt be friends. She didnt understand but i told her that everytime i was with her, i wanted to act like her and i were together. Like u said above, if i stop seeing her/talking to her, It will help in the long run...but its going to be soo hard to not compare every girl to her....i mean hell, we talked about marriage together...

 

Sorry to hear about your "break/Breakup" with your girl of 5 years... i also went through "sort of" a break up with my girl... 5 years too... only difference was that we had a child... so it made it harder... but thats besides the point... what happened... type it out to us what the main reason for the break up was... who broke up with who... why did the relationship end???

You are 19... i understand you two were talking about marriage... and all... but 5 years... you were what... 14 and she was how old??? thats like from middle school man... but i understand that leaving someone you love(d) is hard...

if you really don't want to be with her... then my opinion is this... Let her go... go out with friends, family, PARTY MAN!!! just don't drink too much... don't drown your sorrows in that crap... but go dancing... have a good time... get your mind off her...

if you really want to be with her... then my opinion is this... GO TO HER... show her how much you mean to her... if she's the one that broke it off with you... then she is the one loosing... go find a girl that will appreciate you... but if you know this is just a phase... a temporary thing, (like my wife did... "Needed Space and Time to think") then let her be... she'll return if it was meant to be... if she doesn't... move on... you have nothing between you and her that can't be sacraficed... In my situation... i have a daughter... which complicates things a bit... but its basicly the same concept...

BTW: we are here for you hommie... whenever you need us...

 

Hey, Thanks a bunch, that really helped me out. And wow, Im sorry to hear your situation with having a kid and all, that would of been soo much worse.

As far as what happened:

We had been dating for 5 years (we both started dating at the end of 8th grade and NEVER thought it would of lasted this long) Recently, we had been getting in little fights. First was because we never had time for eachother (school etc.), then it was because we had NO "physical relationship", then it was because I really didnt like the way i was being treated (took advantage of me, my car, my $..etc.) And then finally she went to spring break with some friends,(guys and girls) and she'd never call while she was there (I was home) and the only time we'd talk is when i'd call her, sometimes it'd be 2am, she was always drunk and she told me there was a guy that went on the trip with them that she got drunk with, (she told me he was cute and she liked him) and they went to the club and danced together and stuff.

I was pissed and wouldnt talk to her (wouldnt anwser my phone) for the rest of break. She got back and we had another "serious talk" and she said she just wanted to have fun over spring break, she was sorry for what she did and she did it because she was frustraited with our relationship and because we were in soo many random fights. I was still mad at her for what she did and what she said to me.

Soo, we had our "talk" and she thought that maybe we needed a "break" to think things over and stuff. Im over here suffering because im not dating the girl i love, and shes actually enjoying the break, going out with the girls, drinkin, partyin and dancin at the bars and clubs. We talk and I ask her how serious this break is....she said she still loved me and thought maybe we might get back together, but probably not anytime soon. I told her I couldnt be around her without acting like i was her boyfriend, so i told her we probably shouldnt be friends. She got all upset and it was then that i finally realised if we wernt going to be friends, we would probably never get back together in our relationship.

Now i dont know what to do. Everytime im around her i just want to hug her and kiss her, and because of our "break" i cant do that...soo i dont know if being friends is a good thing, or bad for the reason that it would ruin my chances of getting back together with her in the future.

Im afarid to get to attached to anyone else because if i do, maybe she will (or vice versa) and im afarid if we try to date other people, we will definitly never get back together. So i donno what to do.

I still love her and I want to get back together with her, but then part of me thinks dating other people will just help me realise if she and i are really meant to be together and get married. But then again, im a jelious person and if we do date other people, im afarid it will tear us apart even more and nothing will ever happen between us again....

Soo now u know the story...sorry its long...but what do i do now???

 

Its always helps in the recovery process to share ANY NUDE PICTURES of said Ex Girlfriend.

 

time is the only thing that will heal, even tho it might be alot of it, just got through what your going through, whatever you feel, dont worry everything will be fine, and keep telling yourself that

 

The first love is like no other you will ever have. It will be hard to get over but you will, IN TIME, that is all that will heal it. I can tell you my first real love was 30+ years ago and I still get a lump in my throat when I think of her!
Life is full of opportunites and challenges and the biggest of them all involve relationships and love. Unless a miracle happens you are going to have to move on and the only way to do that with a first love is to be apart completely.
My suggestion, and it is only a suggestion, is to do what others have already said, go out with out her, have fun with your other friends, take up a hobby (like modding your CL?) do things that you didn't do together as much as you can, and let yourself see other girls as other girls, try very hard not to compare, that's a tall order, but everyone is different and you should let yourself see the diverse female population that is out there waiting to meet a good guy!!
Good luck and by the way, trust me, alcohol is Not the answer (it is a temporary solution to the wrong problem)

 

aww, it is definitely true love. You are a lover and don't ever let anyone change who you are today! When I had "the break(s)/twice" with my bf. What I did to try to forget him was go out with my friends, pick up a hobby or do the things that I've always wanted to do but never had the time to do. I went skydiving, skiing, and learn how to ride motorcycles. It hurts, but in time your heart does heal. But I never really gone out and hook up with other people just because I was on the break. It seems like your exgf is going through a stage where she wants to A) find out if she wants to be single and have a crazy time or B) Find out how strong your love is. But I am leaning more towards (A).

When people on the verse of break up or on "a break" it's usually comes down to 2 things. (getting back together, or it's over). It's obvious that your girlfriend was the one to call this relationship off. The best thing for you to do is go out with your friends, or find something that you've always wanted to do. Avoid at y our best to stop thinking about her and most importantly... avoid seeing her. The only way for her to really miss you is not seeing you.

I am sorry to hear that and I am sure everything will be ok, it just takes time. Maybe one day she'll come back to you like I went back to my love.

 

Man, that's exactly what I went through. All those little fights and then she wanted a break. I know you know about my situation because you posted a lot in my thread.

I know how bad it hurts, but she really sounds like a skank. I don't mean to be mean or anything because you obviously really like her, but I felt the same way. I didn't wanna believe that my ex would do stupid shit like that. Well, like someone told me, time will heal your heart.

I'm kinda seeing another girl now, only a month after we broke up. Some people say it's too early, but it made me realize how much better I'm off without my ex. We had been dating for 3 years and I always thought she was the one. You might love her, and you might think that she's the only one for you, but the next one will do other things that your ex didn't do, which could mean a lot more to you.

Trust me when I say, you'll be a lot better off without her. She doesn't seem like the type of girl you'd want in a serious relationship. If she can't even call you or say hi every now and then, that just shows how much respect she has for you. There are a lot better girls out there.

Now after her "break" and after we broke it off, once she found out that I'm spending time with someone else, she sends me all these text messages about how "there's noone like me" and "we have so much history." I find that to be very disrespectful since she knows that I'm seeing someone else. I'm not the type of person who would leave someone to get back with someone else. But you never know, if you REALLY want her back, there's still hope that she'll realize her mistakes, as you can see.

 

there is a lot of good info/tips in your thread so far, my advice is to take what you want and discard the rest. i am also going through a similar thing with a girl that i have dated on and off since middle school, we have been on/off for about 6-7 years! we are apart right now and its hard but i go out and try to have a good time(i refuse to be that guy that sits in his room all day crying, life goes on whether you want it to or not) but im still at the point where i dont know if im just used to being with her or if i really love her and cant live w/out her....it's so fucking stressful and confusing!!.......
my advice: take a drive by yourself and listen to breaking the habit by linkin park. music always helps me. then get out and do things...for instance, im taking time off work and going camping w/a bunch of friends in 2 weeks.

 

My : you need a clean break to put the relationship into perspective--both of you. I think you both need to know if it really is "true love" or if you are each being a crutch to each other that is at the same time keeping each other from growing as individuals. It sounds to me that she needs to mature a little bit on her own, and that she doesn't really know what she wants. At the same time, she has some understanding of what a great guy you are, so she also wants to keep you in the cards. But she cannot have it both ways, because it is unfair to you.

Like in FastAcura's experience, you may realize you are better off, but who's really to say?

 

That will help a lot...

For the first couple days that my wife left... We weren't broken up... so the relationship was still there... but she wanted "Space and Time to think our relationship over" and what not... I didn't want to... so i kept going over to her to talk to her and stuff... Kept seeing her... and that didn't help me one bit because once i left... i just wanted to go back and give her a hug and kiss her and all of the above... but couldn't because she had left me...

What i did... and this is what TheMainEvEnt said to you... is get her out of your mind... occupy yourself in other things... go to friends house... go party like if you did't care even though you do... just don't show it... make her miss you... If you two lived together... get all her stuff and take it to her, if you didn't live together... get all the stuff that is "hers" that reminds you of her and in one trip take it to her... and when you drop that off... tell her... this stuff makes me think of you... and i'll quote what i told my girl...

"I love you... and if I have to sacrafice my love so that you can be happy... then so be it... Here's your stuff... and i will miss you... hope you are happy with whoever you are with... and good luck... "

So i broke it off completely... I was the one to break it off... in my situation... I know that she felt alone finally... i know she missed me... and I was ready to party... i was ready to go out with my friends and do what i use to when i was underage... only this time legally... but like I said... the next day... she wanted to talk to me... For the first time she communicated with me about what was wrong... and i understood etc... but thats a whole diffrent story...

In your situation... It looks like she wanted to go out and party with other guys... spring break is the time when couples usually make or break themselves... The thing that would probably kill me inside would be the thought of her actually doing something with someone else while she was with her "friend(s)"... sorry if it hadn't crossed your mind but it is reallity hommie... I personally wouldn't take her back in that scenerio... and i'm not saying your girl did but its a possibility...

IMO... let her go... let her do her own thing... but make sure you go and do your own thing too... or else you will be feeling bad all this time... go distract yourself with something you like to do... something that wouldn't remind you of her... don't go near her either... don't talk to her... if she calls you... tell her you are busy... don't call her either... i'm sure she will end up knowing what she let go... just think positive... you aren't loosing anything... the one loosing is her... because it sounds like you are a cool guy... and that you love her... even though its a young love... but take it from me... that i've gone through this... its hard... but you can get through it... just take your mind off her and your relationship with her and have fun... go post in the main ramblings section... join the Elite PostWhores of Acurazine...

I'll tell you... ACURAzine was the one that got me through my problem... hopefully you can find something (if not here) to occupy yourself to distract yourself from all this...



Good Luck... and remember... you have friends here on ACURAzine too... Go to a near by meet... anything to get your mind off it... don't go around or drown yourself in alcohol... just go party and have a good time...

 

Find something that takes your mind off her. And IMO seeing her as a friend is not going to work until you're over her. I would say break off some contact with her and work things out with yourself first.

I was all set to marry this girl a couple years and she decided that breaking up was a better idea. It was tough, but I started hanging out with my friends a lot more, drinking and being retarded. Then I did something about it. I got back in shape, which I have since lost. Picked up playing in pool leagues. After a couple months when we saw each other again, it was not as bad as I expected. Bottom line, stay active, take some time to figure out what you want, and remember that there are a lot of women out there.

If that doesn't work....sleep with her best friend.

 

hahaha!! That was a good one! What an advice RaviNJCLs

 

That wouldn't be a bad idea... but a bad move on your part... and probably push her away all the way with no chance of you two getting back together... but then again she went out on you with other guys... and who knows what they did... when in a drunken state... and those situations... you just never know...

 

 

i was in a similar problem that you are in about a month and a half ago. you get these little fights and you start to grow apart and then she wants a break. for some reason girls always believe you can be firiends after a relationship but it just doesn't work. you still have the attraction and the want of being with her.

i beat myself up after she told me that she needed time. trust me move on go out with friends to parties and meet other girls. i had my ex in the back of my mind for a month after i totally broke it off. you just can not have any contact with her or you'll hurt yourself more. if it's ment to be she'll come back but i doubt it. don't hold this false hope of that she's coming back becasue it will just hurt you more.

this is form my own experiance after my break up. last firday i met these bunch of girls, they are all seniors and i'm a junior. one of them really got my attention and for the last week i have not thought of my ex at all. have fun and go out and party. trust me last night one of them was having a party and i went and had fun, but i'm so tired right now, i had to get up at 5:30 and they had the day off. and don't drink you'll just run away from the problem and you don't want to smash up your car.

good luck. go out and find girls and you'll be over your ex in no time. start doing something that you want to do, like modding your car because thats what i started. time and meeting someone else is the only thing that will help. and don't compare a new girl to your ex because they have different quallities and you may like these qualities more than your ex's.

 

MAN!!!! from your story it sounds like she used "the break" to go out and party and mess around

this sounds insensitive, but man your only 19, go out and have some fun....one of my best friends broke up with his gf of 4 years, and hes gotten over it by basically gettin wasted alot and fucking as many broads as possible

damn....and im getting all stressed over my 4 month relationship...i dont want to even imagine what 5 years would be like

 

and

 

It can be for both parties, I'm going on 3years with this Girl, 2/1.2 years have been fine....last 4months ...hmmmm at 30years of age, i should not be going through these kinda of emotions, , the whole story is so complicated i have no idea where to begin. I would not want to let go of her, but i have no chioce. I have no one else to blame but myself..... I should of stayed the cold fucker i was, dated for a few weeks and moved on, but over time i gave in to her. anyways this going to be tuff