Here's the facts:

• 75% of the engagement is planned
• Hotel Room reserved, ring ready by then, dinner reservations made, etc
• I was going to talk to the mom and twin sister within a week or so, closer to the 28th

She broke up with her ex boyfriend a while ago to be with me. Ever since then, we do everything together, she is honest of when she talks to him, which is seldom (birthdays, when something happens, etc). We have been together for 3 years.

Here's their past briefly:

• He moved here from Oregon for her
• They date for 5 years
• She breaks up with him to be with me
• He was good friends with her twin sister and mom, just like I am now
• As the jealous boyfriend, I continue to think he wants to be with her, despite the fact that he has a girlfriend now

Ex boyfriend's mom dies this past Wednesday 10/11. My girlfiend lost her dad too about 4 years ago; has been through a similar situation. Collaboratively, they (my girlfriend, her mom and twin sisters) sent fruit basket and want to be a friend to him. They are also pooling together friend's money to get a travel voucher so he can travel home more often now.

My question is this: Would I be considered a dick or disrespectful now if I continue with the proposal as I had planned? I am concerned what my girlfriend and her family will think if she happens to tell him that on top of his mom passing away that now his ex is engaged.

 

My answer is NO. It would be disrespectful for you to propose to her if your girlfriend recently lost her mom. It would be disrespectful if he invited her to the viewing/funeral if you refuse to let her go.

Proposing to her has nothing to do with her ex. The relationship between your gf and the ex ended already. So you should not feel bad about it at all.

Good luck and I hope she says YES

 

Thank you for your input.

I should add too:

I asked if she wanted to go and her reply was this:

 

I will add to that I feel (and I know this is something that is tragic to any family or anyone and I would be devastated too) like he is always trying to pry his way back into her life. She has reitterated to me over and over that they won't work like her and I did.

I am frustrated (mostly with myself I think) about all this going on, even though I know it seems dick to be that way. I know I am just a jealous person and hate that I am that way.

I mostly get pissy at during the day

I will finally add that I started dating her when she was in her past relationship and I'm what caused them to breakup, I forgot to add that earlier.

/drama

 

If you trust her then it shouldnt matter what she does even if she goes out for coffee with him.

Relax already and just propose to her as planned.

 

I thought you were only going to talk to her Mom? One of the things I'm sure she has been waiting to do for a long time is to tell her twin sister she's getting married.

 

She had mentioned some time ago that she would hope that her sister was in the know....

 

OIC. I say go for it. Sounds like she needs some good news.

 

Also, if she was with you for 3 years and with him for 5, and she's about your age, you should realize that he was a big part of her life for a long time and they may from time to time have contact. The faster you accept that, the less you will worry about it.

 

why the hell would you even let that postpone your plans? this guy is an EX. you shouldnt give a fuck about his feelings

 

I don't, but I do care about hers...

 

Everyone(well most) are going to have ex's some "big," get over it. If she wasn't close to who died(exs mother?), than as long as you dont propose the same day, I don't think it should be a problem.

Mike