Embarrassing sex moments.
07-19-2005, 12:40 PM
#121
Registered Abuser of VTEC
Originally Posted by Always Dirty
You would think that by the time one rose to the level of megamod he would be able to figure out that smileys should be used to convey that it's "just a joke", especially when you've clashed with your target in the past.
Good to see that he's still unable to deal with his own problems, though.
Good to see that he's still unable to deal with his own problems, though.
Even if you didn't want to joke, it usually comes across as one!
07-19-2005, 01:02 PM
#122
Corpretty
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One time in college i was hooking up with this girl for the first time and because i actually liked her i didn't even try to get her pants (or mine) off. But we were dry humping pretty hard and, well... i couldn't stop it from happening.
I attempted not to breathe weird or shake, which i think i did pretty well... and i was <i>hoping</i> that my boxers would contain the flow. No such luck. I tried to cover it up by laying on my stomach for a while, and even went to the bathroom to try drying it with some TP. But i had to take her home and although she didn't say anything i don't see how she could have missed it.
That was the last time we ever hooked up.
The "queefing" or "pussy farts" are pretty common but you can't help but laugh. And i've been both the faker and the minuteman. Can't expect it to be perfect all the time i guess.
I attempted not to breathe weird or shake, which i think i did pretty well... and i was <i>hoping</i> that my boxers would contain the flow. No such luck. I tried to cover it up by laying on my stomach for a while, and even went to the bathroom to try drying it with some TP. But i had to take her home and although she didn't say anything i don't see how she could have missed it.
That was the last time we ever hooked up.
The "queefing" or "pussy farts" are pretty common but you can't help but laugh. And i've been both the faker and the minuteman. Can't expect it to be perfect all the time i guess.
07-19-2005, 01:04 PM
#123
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Originally Posted by Count Dracura
One time in college i was hooking up with this girl for the first time and because i actually liked her i didn't even try to get her pants (or mine) off. But we were dry humping pretty hard and, well... i couldn't stop it from happening.
I attempted not to breathe weird or shake, which i think i did pretty well... and i was <i>hoping</i> that my boxers would contain the flow. No such luck. I tried to cover it up by laying on my stomach for a while, and even went to the bathroom to try drying it with some TP. But i had to take her home and although she didn't say anything i don't see how she could have missed it.
That was the last time we ever hooked up.
The "queefing" or "pussy farts" are pretty common but you can't help but laugh. And i've been both the faker and the minuteman. Can't expect it to be perfect all the time i guess.
I attempted not to breathe weird or shake, which i think i did pretty well... and i was <i>hoping</i> that my boxers would contain the flow. No such luck. I tried to cover it up by laying on my stomach for a while, and even went to the bathroom to try drying it with some TP. But i had to take her home and although she didn't say anything i don't see how she could have missed it.
That was the last time we ever hooked up.
The "queefing" or "pussy farts" are pretty common but you can't help but laugh. And i've been both the faker and the minuteman. Can't expect it to be perfect all the time i guess.
Wow...she must have been hot.
07-19-2005, 01:09 PM
#125
Suzuka Master
Originally Posted by Always Dirty
Apologies for the drama in this thread - I've taken my Paxil and things are back to normal for another 12 hours or so. 
Don't forget to take another one later!
07-19-2005, 01:29 PM
#126
I'll contribute a story that's more awkward and creepy than embarrassing, but strange nonetheless.
My girl and I were 18 or so and, naturally, horny as hell. We did it wherever and whenever we got the chance, and 9 times out of 10 that "wherever" was my car. So finding a place to park the car became an issue. We had a couple of places that were sort of in the woods, sort of paved, and sort of state/public parks. They worked - one was preferred, the other was the backup.
Well, a few nights before our preferred spot had been compromised by the local police who shined their spotlight in the back window from a distance, saw my hand waving from the backseat and mercifully left. Still, she was spooked, so we went to Spot B. Spot B is an old Naval Ammo Depot that was converted to a wildlife refuge. Lots of old structures, lots of cracked pavement, and lots of little nooks and crannies to park. So things went relatively smoothly in the backseat of my '78 Yellow Volvo, and as I moved to step out to take a leak and put my pants back on I noticed that a cat was sitting on the hood of my car calmly looking through the windshield. I got my girl's attention, she screamed in surprise and the cat jumped off the hood. I looked around the car and there were no less than 10 feral cats sitting there in the moonlight looking at us like our genitals were made of tuna (they were not, despite the smell). I opened the door and kind of waved it, hoping to scare them off but they just started pacing around so I closed it, we got dressed, climbed between the front seats and got the hell out of there. Creepy voyeur cats.
My girl and I were 18 or so and, naturally, horny as hell. We did it wherever and whenever we got the chance, and 9 times out of 10 that "wherever" was my car. So finding a place to park the car became an issue. We had a couple of places that were sort of in the woods, sort of paved, and sort of state/public parks. They worked - one was preferred, the other was the backup.
Well, a few nights before our preferred spot had been compromised by the local police who shined their spotlight in the back window from a distance, saw my hand waving from the backseat and mercifully left. Still, she was spooked, so we went to Spot B. Spot B is an old Naval Ammo Depot that was converted to a wildlife refuge. Lots of old structures, lots of cracked pavement, and lots of little nooks and crannies to park. So things went relatively smoothly in the backseat of my '78 Yellow Volvo, and as I moved to step out to take a leak and put my pants back on I noticed that a cat was sitting on the hood of my car calmly looking through the windshield. I got my girl's attention, she screamed in surprise and the cat jumped off the hood. I looked around the car and there were no less than 10 feral cats sitting there in the moonlight looking at us like our genitals were made of tuna (they were not, despite the smell). I opened the door and kind of waved it, hoping to scare them off but they just started pacing around so I closed it, we got dressed, climbed between the front seats and got the hell out of there. Creepy voyeur cats.
07-19-2005, 01:40 PM
#127
Interesting. Interesting.
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by Always Dirty
I looked around the car and there were no less than 10 feral cats sitting there in the moonlight looking at us like our genitals were made of tuna (they were not, despite the smell). I opened the door and kind of waved it, hoping to scare them off but they just started pacing around so I closed it, we got dressed, climbed between the front seats and got the hell out of there. Creepy voyeur cats.
Don't ask me why I've seen this before, but was it the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard?
http://members.aol.com/catsferal/pubs.html#thesis
07-19-2005, 01:42 PM
#128
Registered Abuser of VTEC
Originally Posted by Always Dirty
I'll contribute a story that's more awkward and creepy than embarrassing, but strange nonetheless.
My girl and I were 18 or so and, naturally, horny as hell. We did it wherever and whenever we got the chance, and 9 times out of 10 that "wherever" was my car. So finding a place to park the car became an issue. We had a couple of places that were sort of in the woods, sort of paved, and sort of state/public parks. They worked - one was preferred, the other was the backup.
Well, a few nights before our preferred spot had been compromised by the local police who shined their spotlight in the back window from a distance, saw my hand waving from the backseat and mercifully left. Still, she was spooked, so we went to Spot B. Spot B is an old Naval Ammo Depot that was converted to a wildlife refuge. Lots of old structures, lots of cracked pavement, and lots of little nooks and crannies to park. So things went relatively smoothly in the backseat of my '78 Yellow Volvo, and as I moved to step out to take a leak and put my pants back on I noticed that a cat was sitting on the hood of my car calmly looking through the windshield. I got my girl's attention, she screamed in surprise and the cat jumped off the hood. I looked around the car and there were no less than 10 feral cats sitting there in the moonlight looking at us like our genitals were made of tuna (they were not, despite the smell). I opened the door and kind of waved it, hoping to scare them off but they just started pacing around so I closed it, we got dressed, climbed between the front seats and got the hell out of there. Creepy voyeur cats.
My girl and I were 18 or so and, naturally, horny as hell. We did it wherever and whenever we got the chance, and 9 times out of 10 that "wherever" was my car. So finding a place to park the car became an issue. We had a couple of places that were sort of in the woods, sort of paved, and sort of state/public parks. They worked - one was preferred, the other was the backup.
Well, a few nights before our preferred spot had been compromised by the local police who shined their spotlight in the back window from a distance, saw my hand waving from the backseat and mercifully left. Still, she was spooked, so we went to Spot B. Spot B is an old Naval Ammo Depot that was converted to a wildlife refuge. Lots of old structures, lots of cracked pavement, and lots of little nooks and crannies to park. So things went relatively smoothly in the backseat of my '78 Yellow Volvo, and as I moved to step out to take a leak and put my pants back on I noticed that a cat was sitting on the hood of my car calmly looking through the windshield. I got my girl's attention, she screamed in surprise and the cat jumped off the hood. I looked around the car and there were no less than 10 feral cats sitting there in the moonlight looking at us like our genitals were made of tuna (they were not, despite the smell). I opened the door and kind of waved it, hoping to scare them off but they just started pacing around so I closed it, we got dressed, climbed between the front seats and got the hell out of there. Creepy voyeur cats.
Oh man, that's unique!
07-19-2005, 01:46 PM
#131
Originally Posted by wstevens
Don't ask me why I've seen this before, but was it the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard?
http://members.aol.com/catsferal/pubs.html#thesis
http://members.aol.com/catsferal/pubs.html#thesis
07-19-2005, 01:47 PM
#132
Interesting. Interesting.
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by Always Dirty
No - Bare Cove Park in Hingham- but I am going to have to ask...
My company did a project with Portsmouth several years ago. We sent a couple engineers out to survey the area. Cats everywhere. Standing room only cats.
07-19-2005, 02:01 PM
#135
Suzuka Master
I texted the guy to confirm the time we'll meet in the library for some afternoon fun but I mistakenly sent it to my co-worker so she knew why I disappeared for a while. 
07-19-2005, 02:25 PM
#136
Registered Abuser of VTEC
Originally Posted by sasha
I texted the guy to confirm the time we'll meet in the library for some afternoon fun but I mistakenly sent it to my co-worker so she knew why I disappeared for a while.
07-19-2005, 04:00 PM
#138
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Originally Posted by youngTL
It's when you can't get your dick hard cause you're drunk.
07-19-2005, 06:58 PM
#139
Community Architect
robb m.
robb m.
Originally Posted by Chief F1 Fan
I always used that term when it would get hard just couldn't nut b/c not much feeling down there.
the correct usage IMO
07-19-2005, 07:06 PM
#141
likes it raw
Guys guys, you're all right. And you're all complete losers for getting whiskey dick!!! AHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!...
err....
ummm...
it only happened to me that one time....
err....
ummm...
it only happened to me that one time....
07-19-2005, 08:50 PM
#143
Senior Moderator
Minuteman: The Brittish are cumming......quickly
Originally Posted by Chief F1 Fan
I always used that term when it would get hard just couldn't nut b/c not much feeling down there.
So that's why she's always feeding me Chivas on the rocks before we do the nasty...I don't mind that. But then she wants to stir her drink with it.
Is she trying to tell me something?
07-19-2005, 09:26 PM
#144
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Originally Posted by Xpditor
I don't mind that. But then she wants to stir her drink with it.
Is she trying to tell me something?
Is she trying to tell me something?
Just fucking with yah
07-20-2005, 05:56 AM
#146
Who Dis Is?
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Drip Dick = Whiskey Dick.... right?
I can't remember who mentioned it, but I've had the sweat problem happen a few times actually and I can't help but laugh a little bit because I have a hell of a sense of humor and no matter how old I am, I will always laugh when I hear a fart.
Recently, while I was boning my girlfriend in my friends guestroom they felt like fucking with us and let the damn dog in. It was hyper as hell and kept jumping on the bed so I said screw it and went on for a while with the dog in the room just watching and scratching on the door to get out.... smelly bastard.
Before the dog.... the same faggot kid opened the door (around the 4th of July) and threw a huge strip of ladyfingers (firecrackers) into my room while I was buttnaked boning my girlfriend. It was loud as hell and paper and other random crap went all over my room. If it couldn't get worse I started to have an asthma attack right in the middle of action. I opened my bedroom window and we kept going w/ our heads hanging out the window.
I can't remember who mentioned it, but I've had the sweat problem happen a few times actually and I can't help but laugh a little bit because I have a hell of a sense of humor and no matter how old I am, I will always laugh when I hear a fart.
Recently, while I was boning my girlfriend in my friends guestroom they felt like fucking with us and let the damn dog in. It was hyper as hell and kept jumping on the bed so I said screw it and went on for a while with the dog in the room just watching and scratching on the door to get out.... smelly bastard.
Before the dog.... the same faggot kid opened the door (around the 4th of July) and threw a huge strip of ladyfingers (firecrackers) into my room while I was buttnaked boning my girlfriend. It was loud as hell and paper and other random crap went all over my room. If it couldn't get worse I started to have an asthma attack right in the middle of action. I opened my bedroom window and we kept going w/ our heads hanging out the window.
07-20-2005, 10:49 AM
#147
Registered Abuser of VTEC
Originally Posted by Tunaboy
Drip Dick = Whiskey Dick.... right?
I can't remember who mentioned it, but I've had the sweat problem happen a few times actually and I can't help but laugh a little bit because I have a hell of a sense of humor and no matter how old I am, I will always laugh when I hear a fart.
Recently, while I was boning my girlfriend in my friends guestroom they felt like fucking with us and let the damn dog in. It was hyper as hell and kept jumping on the bed so I said screw it and went on for a while with the dog in the room just watching and scratching on the door to get out.... smelly bastard.
Before the dog.... the same faggot kid opened the door (around the 4th of July) and threw a huge strip of ladyfingers (firecrackers) into my room while I was buttnaked boning my girlfriend. It was loud as hell and paper and other random crap went all over my room. If it couldn't get worse I started to have an asthma attack right in the middle of action. I opened my bedroom window and we kept going w/ our heads hanging out the window.
I can't remember who mentioned it, but I've had the sweat problem happen a few times actually and I can't help but laugh a little bit because I have a hell of a sense of humor and no matter how old I am, I will always laugh when I hear a fart.
Recently, while I was boning my girlfriend in my friends guestroom they felt like fucking with us and let the damn dog in. It was hyper as hell and kept jumping on the bed so I said screw it and went on for a while with the dog in the room just watching and scratching on the door to get out.... smelly bastard.
Before the dog.... the same faggot kid opened the door (around the 4th of July) and threw a huge strip of ladyfingers (firecrackers) into my room while I was buttnaked boning my girlfriend. It was loud as hell and paper and other random crap went all over my room. If it couldn't get worse I started to have an asthma attack right in the middle of action. I opened my bedroom window and we kept going w/ our heads hanging out the window.
You were having an athsma attack and didn't stop having sex? This is how people get Darwin awards...
07-20-2005, 11:01 AM
#148
Senior Moderator
Menage a quatre?
Originally Posted by Tunaboy
Recently, while I was boning my girlfriend in my friends guestroom they felt like fucking with us........
07-20-2005, 01:07 PM
#150
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Originally Posted by mrsteve
A week or so ago I was crushin' it from behind and I got the worst charlie horse i've ever experienced in my entire life. It was like God himself had grabbed a hold of my leg and decided to twist and turn my muscle like some perverted game of Indian rug-burn.
I think we stopped having sex right then and there and just got ourselves off.
I think we stopped having sex right then and there and just got ourselves off.
I have been there bro. That shit hurt like hell.
07-20-2005, 05:06 PM
#151
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Originally Posted by mrsteve
I had a girl (no not Michele) try and stick her finger up my ass while giving me head once. I totally wasn't expecting it so I practically jumped up off the bed and my legs both hit the sides of her head really hard.
is it an otherwise normal thing?
07-21-2005, 01:57 PM
#154
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Well, there was the time my 13-year-old sister walked in on us; we were very sheltered as kids so she was serious when she asked, "Oh my God are you beating up my sister!"
Then there was the time that we got caught parking in the woods, and the cop asked me to speak with him privately to make sure that everything was consensual... so my choice was to claim rape or admit to being a whore.
I will never forget the fear and shame and all the blood in my entire body rushing to my face after the first time we tried it doggy style and I had the p-farts.
There was the time that Scott came to visit me and we were going at it for like 2 hours straight in my bedroom, thinking my mom had gone to bed but in fact she was on the computer in her office which shares a wall with my bedroom... the same wall against which the bed was knocking.
Or the time that Scott's friend came over, heard me moaning/screaming through the front door and decided to leave and come back later (but had no qualms about telling us later that he heard us getting freaky).
Or the time that I sent a very, very detailed and naughty text message to Scott and that same friend decided to answer his phone when it rang, and was so impressed with what he read that he decided to read it aloud to the entire poker table, so now all of Scott's friends know EXACTLY what I wanted to do.
Then there was the time that we got caught parking in the woods, and the cop asked me to speak with him privately to make sure that everything was consensual... so my choice was to claim rape or admit to being a whore.
I will never forget the fear and shame and all the blood in my entire body rushing to my face after the first time we tried it doggy style and I had the p-farts.
There was the time that Scott came to visit me and we were going at it for like 2 hours straight in my bedroom, thinking my mom had gone to bed but in fact she was on the computer in her office which shares a wall with my bedroom... the same wall against which the bed was knocking.
Or the time that Scott's friend came over, heard me moaning/screaming through the front door and decided to leave and come back later (but had no qualms about telling us later that he heard us getting freaky).
Or the time that I sent a very, very detailed and naughty text message to Scott and that same friend decided to answer his phone when it rang, and was so impressed with what he read that he decided to read it aloud to the entire poker table, so now all of Scott's friends know EXACTLY what I wanted to do.
07-21-2005, 05:04 PM
#156
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Originally Posted by Crazy Sellout
ahh so its common not to get up all the time 
Thought i was going gay.
Thought i was going gay.
On a more practical note-in a new and anxiety provoking situation-the little blue pills "take the worry out of being close".
07-21-2005, 06:53 PM
#157
Senior Moderator
Originally Posted by jdone
About that last thought, I sometimes wonder about most of us on this forum.
On a more practical note-in a new and anxiety provoking situation-the little blue pills "take the worry out of being close".
On a more practical note-in a new and anxiety provoking situation-the little blue pills "take the worry out of being close".
Or, so they say.....
07-22-2005, 04:29 AM
#158
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Originally Posted by virtualbong
on the sneezing part and I've encountered the pussy fart as well and we both started to die laughing.
x100if the neighbors wern't already up from her I'll-try-to-be-quiet-yelling, then they were after we were laughing histarically from the poon fart.
07-22-2005, 10:51 AM
#159
'Big Daddy Diggler'
The worse thing that ever happened was actually to my girl. When we first hooked up, we would wait for my parents to go away to their upstate home for the weekend before we got our freak on. The only problem was that she only felt comfy having sex in my room. Now i have to mention this before i continue. I had a shark in a bottle, (some of you may know what that is) on the ledge of my headboard. This thing was like 24 inches long with a shark in it and filled with water. it was pretty heavy as well. Back to the main story. So we were going at it hard for a while and i was ready to bust. When i know i am gonna cum i start going nuts, pumping away. I guess i pumped to hard because the shark in a bottle fell off the head board onto my girls head, knocking her straigh out. I was right "there" and didnt want to kill my big O. So i kept pumping as she started making weird moaning noises, with her eyes all partially closed and rolled back. Sadly, i busted my nut on her face and cleaned her up before she woke up. 
07-22-2005, 10:59 AM
#160
Outnumbered at home
Originally Posted by bigman
bottle fell off the head board onto my girls head, knocking her straigh out. I was right "there" and didnt want to kill my big O. So i kept pumping as she started making weird moaning noises, with her eyes all partially closed and rolled back. Sadly, i busted my nut on her face and cleaned her up before she woke up.
