Do I have a right to be frustrated?
03-27-2009, 04:11 PM
#41
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You got a good thing going man, it kinda sounds like yall have reversed traditional gender roles. Usually the girl is the one more clingy and wanting confirmation and assurance of a relationship, while the male is usually the one to prolong it without putting a name on it.
There could be a few reasons why shes doing this, like people have said.
1. its only been a few weeks, yall arent having sex yet, how serious is it really in just 3 weeks? She may just be taking things slow and not trying to force anything. She still considers yall are in the dating phase, if she does not want people to know that she as a boyfriend.
2. Shes juggling you, she considers yall just dating and she doesnt want to put the relationship tag on it, so she can be open to dating other people. Thats why she still may have single on her myspace/facebook, so she conveys shes single to other people she might date as well. This is what im doing to a couple chicks right now, usually its a guy who does this, but in your case... she might be doing it.
What you should do is chill out, and dont force anything. Do not act needy or needing to be in a relationship because she will view this as being a weakness. Just act cool with everything, and just act like yall are just dating, because right now that is all it is. Give it another couple weeks, and if things havent changed, then ask it.
Do not though just ask the question "so what are we now," thats potentially setting you up for an answer you may not want. Rephrase the question like "So are we allowed to date other people, or is this getting to be an exclusive relationship?" That way it sounds more like the ball is in your court and you arent needy.
There could be a few reasons why shes doing this, like people have said.
1. its only been a few weeks, yall arent having sex yet, how serious is it really in just 3 weeks? She may just be taking things slow and not trying to force anything. She still considers yall are in the dating phase, if she does not want people to know that she as a boyfriend.
2. Shes juggling you, she considers yall just dating and she doesnt want to put the relationship tag on it, so she can be open to dating other people. Thats why she still may have single on her myspace/facebook, so she conveys shes single to other people she might date as well. This is what im doing to a couple chicks right now, usually its a guy who does this, but in your case... she might be doing it.
What you should do is chill out, and dont force anything. Do not act needy or needing to be in a relationship because she will view this as being a weakness. Just act cool with everything, and just act like yall are just dating, because right now that is all it is. Give it another couple weeks, and if things havent changed, then ask it.
Do not though just ask the question "so what are we now," thats potentially setting you up for an answer you may not want. Rephrase the question like "So are we allowed to date other people, or is this getting to be an exclusive relationship?" That way it sounds more like the ball is in your court and you arent needy.
03-28-2009, 12:23 PM
#43
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I only saw her for about an hour yesterday before we went our separate ways.
I plan on seeing her tonight for dinner and movie and than something afterward. I plan on playing it by year and seeing what happens.
I plan on seeing her tonight for dinner and movie and than something afterward. I plan on playing it by year and seeing what happens.
03-28-2009, 12:50 PM
#44
CL in lawnmower status
away as fast as you can.
03-28-2009, 08:15 PM
#48
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
Trackruner,
The worst thing you can do is read too much into this and do something you'll regret. Three weeks is not long enough earn the trust necessary for her to be an open book with you. And that's exactly what it takes - earned trust. Since it does not bother you, why let it be an issue now? Changing your Facebook status and discussing what you call eachother - all unnecessary. Focus on her, what you like about her, and getting to know her. Now if you're like 3 months into it, that's more like the time to press the issue where if she still won't be honest about what she's feeling, then it's time to consider moving on.
The worst thing you can do is read too much into this and do something you'll regret. Three weeks is not long enough earn the trust necessary for her to be an open book with you. And that's exactly what it takes - earned trust. Since it does not bother you, why let it be an issue now? Changing your Facebook status and discussing what you call eachother - all unnecessary. Focus on her, what you like about her, and getting to know her. Now if you're like 3 months into it, that's more like the time to press the issue where if she still won't be honest about what she's feeling, then it's time to consider moving on.
03-29-2009, 12:10 PM
#49
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I just want to thank everyone for their advice. Last night at dinner she was actually the one to bring it up. She said "hey I know its really annoying not being able to hang out around each others friends. I think in about a week or so we should tell them. " To which I said was fine. We where having such a good night I really didn't want to ruin it or get too deep into it. I am really glad I didn't too because the whole night was just great. So I will see what happens in a week or so.
03-29-2009, 02:52 PM
#50
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
^^^ That's good. She may have some very good reasons why she's acting this way and some equally good reasons for not discussing it much. Better to let her bring it up at her own pace for now.
03-30-2009, 11:15 AM
#53
Great. Now he's loose.
No one should tell "All the truth, all the time". That's unfair and cruel, but if this withholding continues, leave.
I agree with louder and terry. Most of this won't matter in the long run. Slow down some.
I agree with louder and terry. Most of this won't matter in the long run. Slow down some.
03-30-2009, 12:41 PM
#54
03-30-2009, 07:41 PM
#55
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^ Then we'll find out in a week.
03-31-2009, 12:38 AM
#56
Oh Hullow
idk red flags would have went up a while ago if this were my situation... you need to take charge and get an answer out of her... after all this is about both of you, not just her so your feelings and concerns matter too. she seems selfish... just my 
though.
though.
03-31-2009, 01:27 AM
#57
slackrunner, did she giggle when she saw your penis? If yes, cut your losses, thats why she doesnt want to tell anyone.
man it only been 3 weeks, I ouldnt read to much into it. I mean, I don't want people on facebook knowing all my presonal business, you know? Only AZ is allowed to know all my buiz; but I kinda look at this place like family :gheyhug: Until I got banned... that is grrrr
man it only been 3 weeks, I ouldnt read to much into it. I mean, I don't want people on facebook knowing all my presonal business, you know? Only AZ is allowed to know all my buiz; but I kinda look at this place like family :gheyhug: Until I got banned... that is grrrr
04-04-2009, 11:48 AM
#58
wishing for a GT-R
i say u have every reason to be aggrivated, because she was the one that agreed to go out with you in the first place, she should know better than that if she was hiding something. she should know since now you guys are offical it should be known , im not saying get each others names tattood on each others ass but i mean if someone asks, you dont deny the fact that u two are an item. lol and if shes still not letting everyone , maybe u should ask how she was with her previous boyfriends i mean did she let people kno they were together cause if she did the same things with her ex's then maybe thats just her way of doing things , and speak up and talk to her about the fact that it bothers you! lol good luck
04-07-2009, 12:59 PM
#62
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Well thanks for the information everyone. Just thought I would let you know doesn't look like this is going to work out. It seems the two opinions were its either fine, or something is up and I can see both points of view. I want to thank everyone for their input and information.
04-07-2009, 01:09 PM
#63
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So I have been dating this girl for about 3 weeks now. Things have been going really good and we seem to get along really well. We have a lot in common and we tend to really enjoy each other.
One problem. Nobody knows. She for whatever reason refuses to tell anyone. She doesn't want my or her friends knowing, family etc. At first I said okay fine I understand since we are just dating but lately its been more serious. She is now starting to refer to me as her boyfriend and me calling her my girlfriend. Yet for whatever reason it has to be in secret. How much longer should I put up with this? Shes really great but lately I have been thinking maybe she is hiding something?
One problem. Nobody knows. She for whatever reason refuses to tell anyone. She doesn't want my or her friends knowing, family etc. At first I said okay fine I understand since we are just dating but lately its been more serious. She is now starting to refer to me as her boyfriend and me calling her my girlfriend. Yet for whatever reason it has to be in secret. How much longer should I put up with this? Shes really great but lately I have been thinking maybe she is hiding something?
04-11-2009, 08:53 PM
#68
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Well thanks for the information everyone. Just thought I would let you know doesn't look like this is going to work out. It seems the two opinions were its either fine, or something is up and I can see both points of view. I want to thank everyone for their input and information.
Now for .02 more cents of common sense... You can't even "approach her" in public? Do'ah! Try it and see how it goes. You'll get "enlightenment" one way or another.
04-11-2009, 09:09 PM
#69
Racer
Problem #1 - Your getting dating advice from the INTERNET? WTF is up with that? It's not like this group of people has any "ultimate wisdom".
Now for .02 more cents of common sense... You can't even "approach her" in public? Do'ah! Try it and see how it goes. You'll get "enlightenment" one way or another.
Now for .02 more cents of common sense... You can't even "approach her" in public? Do'ah! Try it and see how it goes. You'll get "enlightenment" one way or another.
04-13-2009, 07:13 PM
#70
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Its over. I found out it was never going to work out. It was fun while it lasted.
Thanks but it was more of recommendations and like I said its over anyway.
Problem #1 - Your getting dating advice from the INTERNET? WTF is up with that? It's not like this group of people has any "ultimate wisdom".
Now for .02 more cents of common sense... You can't even "approach her" in public? Do'ah! Try it and see how it goes. You'll get "enlightenment" one way or another.
Now for .02 more cents of common sense... You can't even "approach her" in public? Do'ah! Try it and see how it goes. You'll get "enlightenment" one way or another.
04-22-2009, 07:47 PM
#71
^ Dude have you walked around campus lately??? Why in gods name would you want a girlfriend anyways.. When I was your age, going to NC State, It was a different girl every week... There is so many hot chicks on that campus, I feel like a kid in a candy store every time I'm over there. Live it up, don't get tied down to soon.. Enjoy the college experience while you can, cause when you get out all you do is work all the fuckin time like me
04-23-2009, 08:12 AM
#72
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^^^Most guys would love to have a different girl every week, but don't have the game to pull it off. So the typical dude has to settle for what he can get and try to hold on as long as possible.
04-26-2009, 02:33 PM
#73
Racer
There isn't anything wrong with being interested in commitment at your age. It might be somewhat atypical, but not wrong.
I wouldn't recommend wasting any more time with this girl though. Women are typically happy and proud to be 'taken', so if she wants to keep it a secret from EVERYONE, I would say she is either hiding something or she just isn't proud to be your girl for some reason. Cut her off. I hope you haven't spent money on her yet!
I wouldn't recommend wasting any more time with this girl though. Women are typically happy and proud to be 'taken', so if she wants to keep it a secret from EVERYONE, I would say she is either hiding something or she just isn't proud to be your girl for some reason. Cut her off. I hope you haven't spent money on her yet!
04-26-2009, 05:17 PM
#75
slackrunner, did she giggle when she saw your penis? If yes, cut your losses, thats why she doesnt want to tell anyone.
man it only been 3 weeks, I ouldnt read to much into it. I mean, I don't want people on facebook knowing all my presonal business, you know? Only AZ is allowed to know all my buiz; but I kinda look at this place like family :gheyhug: Until I got banned... that is grrrr
man it only been 3 weeks, I ouldnt read to much into it. I mean, I don't want people on facebook knowing all my presonal business, you know? Only AZ is allowed to know all my buiz; but I kinda look at this place like family :gheyhug: Until I got banned... that is grrrr
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