corpuszero

I've recently been talking to this girl I met through a mutual friend. We've been talking for about a week now and she's been sending me strong signals that she's into me. The only problem is that she's a bit overweight. I'd say about 20 - 25lbs over at 5'3, and as with most overweight girls she seems to be really insecure which is unattractive. She's got a really cute face, smile, and great personality, and would be gorgeous if she lost the weight.

I'd say I was a little interested in her, due to her attractive features I listed above, but I'm not sure if I can ever be with someone who "looks" too lazy or doesn't have the motivation to strive for a better physical appearance. Maybe then she won't have self esteem/ insecurity issues.

I'm not going to lie, I am a bit shallow and I do care about what my friends/family think of my choices such as this. I'm not the best looking guy, but not the worst neither, and I am in shape and work out regularly after I realized that I was getting a bit heavy. If things do stir up somehow and we start to get closer, I'll feel as if I'd be going into the relationship with the goal of shedding those extra pounds off of her. Is it wrong for me to want something like that?

How do you guys/girls feel about dating someone that was overweight? Not Obese, but just noticeably chunky? Any opinions/input are appreciated.

Thanks



Oh, and on a side note: I wouldn't want a girl to ruin the bolsters on my seats...:/

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

Make your intentions clear.
and...

Lead by example. Live a healthy lifestyle and she'll pick up on it too.

EL19

iTrader: (4)

I'd motivate her to lose the weight. Being overweight is unhealthy any way you look at it. You should have a conversation about it with her. It also depends on your definition of overweight. I know different people look at things differently. If she's 5'3 and you are saying shes 20-25lbs overwight. I would think she's maybe 160-165

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

^I woulndt talk to her about, as I'm sure she knows.

the best thing to do is to live a healthy lifestyle. tell her no, I dont enjoy eating this, lets go to the gym, etc.

Aman

Is your main gripe with her physical appearance or her self-esteem?

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

my ex girliefriend had a baby when i met her. She was over weight from the baby and making poor lifestyle changes due to the baby daddy.

In 2 years of dating, I had gotten her a gym membership, we made healthy things to eat, always active, etc.

She lots so much weight! it was awesome. She looked great and then she dumped me. LOL

myron

iTrader: (4)

awwwwwwwwwwww hahaha

haha when I was younger, I always thought that making fun of fat people would make them realize that being fat is not cool and they would do something about it haha But that obviously doesn't work (it would work on me though) and people get more down on themselves and get even fatter.

So just bring it up in a conversation a few times how you go to the gym regularly and try to stay away from some foods and what not. Then slowly include her in your activities. If she doesn't want to be included in that, then it depends if you wanna stay with her being like that. I personally wouldn't. For a 5'3" girl, 20-30lb is HUGE. And really noticeable. If she doesn't wanna help herself to look better, then I couldn't connect with that person. If you are lazy to help yourself look better and be healthier, then I don't respect you. And I don't buy into this "glandular problem" shit either.

JWhite1301

I disagree that 20-30 lbs is "HUGE" for a 5'3" lady....

My wife is 5'3 - she was 125 when we met and now is 145 (after 3 kids) She is no way huge... is she bigger than she was? yes, of course. But not huge. After 3 kids, I think she is doing really well.

I would not go into the relationship expecting her to change. She may in fact change, but if she does not - then you are left feeling you wasted time. My dad did this - she never changed. In fact, his pressure caused her to gain more - a lot more. That marriage did not end well at all.

Good to see you admit you are shallow though. As an overweight guy - I am glad my skinnier wife overlooked that and saw me for me. I do understand preferences though and everyone has a choice. Just glad you are self aware.

princelybug

iTrader: (16)

Don't pursue a relationship with her.

Only date her if you want to be with her the way she is now. It's unhealthy to think you're going to successfully change her down the road.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

^werd.

My intent was not to change my X, I Just liked her.
after she saw how I lived my life, she wanted to better her self as well.

Street Spirit

You should definitely be with someone you find attractive inside and out based on who she is and how she is right now. Why? Because she may or may not change, and if she does - it'll be something she'll only be successful at if she does it for *herself* and not for you. If you're going to date her based on what her future *might* bring, you're not appreciating the present and enjoying it...so why bother?!....Again, unless you are also okay with who she is and how she appears right now.

Whiskers

SharksBreath

iTrader: (33)

yup. very counterproductive, and sounds like more of a chick thing to do.

girls date guys expecting them to change & guys date girls hoping they won't change.

^that is a fact.

OP, if you have any qualms with her weight...and can't get past it for whatever reasons you have, then i would forget about it and move onto the next one. be fair to her and to yourself.

corpuszero

My main gripe is her physical appearance, followed by her self-esteem

corpuszero

My estimated weight for her may be a bit off. Now I'm thinking she may be closer to the 155-160 range.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

People don't change easilly, like SS said, you need to be attracted to her both inside and out. My ex was a little heavy when I met her but still very attractive, once she got me in a relationship, she nested and gained 45-50 lbs, and there wasn't much I could do about it. But I was not attracted to her after that, mainly because she became a different person personalitywise, but the looks didn't help things either. But I have moved on and found someone that I'm attracted to as a person and with looks. If the girl you are talking to is insecure, that should be a sign to run away, nothing good can come of it, be her friend, but I wouldn't take things further. And with others suggesting that you bring up her weight, all that's going to do is offend her and she probably won't want to pursue anything with you after that, because it means you're not accepting her for who she is, and if she's insecure, you bringing it up will not help things...

Street Spirit

They've only been talking for a week.

"I've been meaning to tell you -- I've really been enjoying getting to know you these past few days. In fact, I'd like you so much more if you lost some weight....you're a little chunky and unhealthy for my liking. So....wanna go out some time? I can start telling you how to eat, how to work out, when we should to go the gym...it'll be fun!"

Who is he to tell her how to live? That's besides the fact they just barely met.

doopstr

If her mom is fat, she will never be thin.

Street Spirit

100% disagree with that statement. That's like saying if your brother's gay, you will be too.

BraveDemon

From my experience, its generally not a good idea to get into a relationship with expectations of a person changing. I mean, are you going to date her now when she's chubby, hope that she loses the weight, and then dump her in a few months because she has remained chubby?

You don't want to be "that guy".

If you can't look past it now, you won't be able to look past it later.

jspagna1

Just admit it, your a chubby chaser. Nothing wrong with that.
As long as YOU like her, that's all that matters.
I like a woman with some meat on her myself.

corpuszero

Rounder

as long as you like her inside, inside and out, then do what makes you happy. and yes I purposely put inside twice.

Whiskers

FWIW, my wife was fat, had bypass surgery, now she's hot and makes 7 figures a year.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

^pics or gtfo.

aznboi2424

iTrader: (10)

+1 on pics of Mrs. Whiskers

Whiskers

go away

MySoCalLife

If she didnt care about her weight then she would be like 50 to 100 pounds overweight. Maybe she just doesnt have time to workout, or she dont feel comfortable doing it alone and need some motivation.
My question to you is, If you got with a skinny cute girl, then 2 years down the road she gain 30 lbs, Are you going to dump her because of that? and what are you going to do.
Cause most likely, they will gain some weight and then might lose it if they exercise.
If you let this oportunity go by and a year later she lost those pounds and went from cute to Sexy hot and she got with someone you know, will you kick your own ass later for that?

Is she good at cooking? cause that one is a big plus for me, hehehe.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

Or he'll help her get cute, then she'll realize she can get someone better and dump him

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

Damnnnnnniiit.

MySoCalLife

Better to tap that hot ass for a while and get dump by her, then to never tap that ass at all?

corpuszero

If I dated the cute skinny girl and was still with her 2 years down the road where she gained 30 lbs, I highly doubt I would mind. By then, I'm sure I've already accepted her for who she was.

She's been a little heavy for almost most of her life I've heard, but recently I heard she's actually lost weight. But I wouldn't know since I've only known her for about a week. So....losing more weight in the future, maybe with someone to help her could be quite possible...

Oh, and I hear she's a GREAT cook. She does talk about cooking a lot though...which kind of worries me (I think mainly cause she talks about food a lot )

dallison

she's pregnant and 16? I thought those girls only made 250k?

good for her, really.

Aman

Date her when she's skinny? If it bothers you that much, chances are you'll treat her as a project instead of a girlfriend, even if you don't realize it.

So does she actually have self-esteem issues, or do you suspect she might?

Anachostic

I'll bring up a different viewpoint - you said she has a pretty face. That has a very high value. Body weight will come and go, but if you have an ugly face, you're pretty much stuck with it.

You're going to be looking at her face the majority of the time anyway. I say go for it. If she has such a great personality, she'll win over your friends as well.

khannie112

More cushion for the pushin'

Majofo

amisconception

She's ~25 pounds overweight. 25 lbs at 3500 calories per pound is 87,500 calories.

Date her for about a week, and pay close attention to her diet and her exercise regiment. If it's not consistent with burning 87,500 over the course of two or three months, then find someone else (if you think she's worth waiting around a bit for).

I personally could bang a chunky girl, but would not "be" with her in any sort of monogamous capacity, especially if she has physical insecurities and isn't taken steps to address them.

corpuszero

Thank you everyone for your opinions and advice! I've decided to just go for it and see how things go! She's got such a great personality and a cute face that maybe things can work out.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

conrats! post up pics