khannie112

before and after

Anachostic

All women are beautiful on the inside. So get inside her. It's beautiful.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

epic.

fuzzy02CLS

iTrader: (2)

You care what others thing about your relationships? Sounds like you have some self esteem issues too. Never expect to change anyone to start a relationship. She's sounds like she's not your type of person to get involved with. Move on & find someone who is. Don't waste your or her time.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

^i'm always remembering that quote forever.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

Sorry for thread jacking..

My ex girlie friend of 2 almost 3 years just broke up with me last week.
I posted that quote in google buzz, which I had forgotten that she is still connected to me.

I want to talk to her so badd, but something tells me not to reply.

Dr. Colorado

Yeah, sometimes weight is complicated by hormonal and endocrine issues, genetics, poor lifestyle, stress, poor eating habits, etc. She might diet all she can but have a thyroid problem or something that makes her heavier.

It's not always as easy as more exercise and healthier diet. Sometimes people eat because they are depressed, perhaps her weight follows her self-esteem and not vice-versa

Tru dat. That's why one always sees hotties with dickhead douchebags. The ignorant chick wants the challenge of turning around a bad boy.

At 5'3"? Seems borderline obese. Well, she does have the pretty face going for her.

Yeah, being a great cook is not always conducive to weight loss LOL.

Bwahahaha

OMG so full of win.

To the OP, I don't mind a little flesh on the bones. I tend to date borderline anorexic type chicks and they always seem a lil OCDish, prolly because they're obsessed with their body image. The worst is dating a girl with anorexia or bulimia, I've done that before and I will take a healthier woman any day of the week.

1Louder

OP - never, ever be in a relationship with the idea of who you want someone to be. Only be in a relationship with who they are. If you put conditions on why you like someone, then the relationship will likely end if those conditions change.

If she doesn't "do it" for you as she is, then I say don't start. Because if your affection for her is tied to her weight, that's not healthy for either of you.

But when (or if) you start looking for something really long term, consider this: You're better off dating your best friend even if she's 20 lbs over weight than a size 0 that is not. Of course, the physical attraction always has to be there. But it's a slipery slope to do the "I'd date her if she lost 20 lbs" thing.

Rapture

Myself personally, a good personality is kind of a make or break kind of thing. I can't tell you how many times I've been burned on a hot girl with a shit personality. I'd take a meh-ish looking girl with an awesome personality over an obnoxious hot girl with a case of unwarranted self-importance to compliment her big titties.

That's just me, I guess. Not trying to be holier than thou by any means.

Majofo

VQPower37

NSXNEXT

iTrader: (2)

Yeah I would imagine the taste of would turn me off too

nbennettksu

iTrader: (2)

I like a thick juicy culo but small hips...

UA7_ChicK

First thing to always remember about people is this: As you get older, Looks fade and personality is what makes the quality of your life rich down the road. Don't be so shallow or close minded over something as trivial as weight. You could miss out on a wonderful person over what... 25-30 lbs? It's not like you're talking hundreds of pounds to the point that its unhealthy for her.

Rockstar21

iTrader: (1)

those 25-30 lbs could mean the difference in being physically attracted to them for some people..

and if you're not attracted to your partner, you wont last...

UA7_ChicK

OP is obviously attracted to her somewhat, as he realizes she "would" be gorgeous, just has some extra weight. Not to mention he is attracted to her personality obviously. He wouldn't be questioning the thought of a relationship at all if he wasn't attracted to her in some way. He should stop worrying about what other people think tho. That's not a healthy way to live life. Sad that some people are really THAT shallow.

Rockstar21

iTrader: (1)

he's attracted to her face, but obviously that same spark isnt there with her body as a whole, otherwise he wouldnt be asking advice on how to get her slimmed down...

im with some of the others when they said if you arent happy with the whole picture at first then leave it alone.

but good luck to him anyways.

UA7_ChicK

Well if anyone is that shallow that they're only semi-interested then keep it moving. It's not fair to the other person.

1StGenCL

No pics yet? Maybe I'm shallow but I just couldn't do it. I hooked up with one girl that was hardly fat but like Rick, I tend to date anorexic/bulimic girls (def not a fun thing and they have major issues but look good) so she seems heavier. I could not stand seeing her ass in the morning, I wanted to

Hope it works out but I'm guessing your friends can easily tease you out of it. You are way too unsure and worried about what others say so you will probably start to ignore her and treat her like shit when your friends say anything about her weight.

Dr. Colorado

qft

Ken1997TL

And what happens when that person has a disease or injury that changes them forever? Grows old?

Fall in love with the person inside. The outside isn't forever. And the same goes for yourself, hopefully you can offer more than just your looks.

csmeance

nbennettksu

iTrader: (2)

Please tell me you are not saying that the OP is being shallow here, you can't force yourself to be attracted to somthing... Rockstar nailed it:

OP said in one of his first few posts, it has him wondering if she is sloppy and or lazy; being in good physical shape is important to him...

UA7_ChicK

I AM saying he is being shallow. He is expressing an interest in her as a PERSON. He is worried what other people will say about her weight as well. That's shallow. He is obviously attracted to her personality but not the exterior AS MUCH as if she was skinnier. That doesn't come off as shallow to you? If not, thats unfortunate. I'm not saying he has to FORCE himself to be attracted to something. But we'll all be old, gray, wrinkly and shitting ourselves one day. Think looks will matter then?? Or personality? Think when we're all shitting ourselves or having to have people help us do EVERYTHING in life cuz we're old and losing it, that looks will matter or that we'll care what others think of the people we choose to spend our time with? Nope.

UA7_ChicK

If being in good physical shape is that important to him, he shouldn't even be entertaining the thought of a relationship. Is being overweight healthy? No. But there are so many factors to the situation that no one knows.

Rockstar21

iTrader: (1)

wanting your partner to be a good person and physically attractive is not shallow.

if nobody cared what anybody looked like, we'd all be tubs of lard... people need standards...

i've been called shallow by a girl before that threw herself at me constantly in highschool..
truth is, i was an athlete, i dated athletic girls with similar interest/healthy ways of living.
i am ATTRACTED to women who are active, healthy, and in shape..

am i shallow b/c i am not drawn to chubby women? no. thats ridiculous.

i dont feel drawn physically to somebody who doesnt care enough about themselves to keep up their own appearance/heath for themselves. plain and simple.

UA7_ChicK

You're missing the point that there is more to people than just their physical appearance. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to whomever you find attractive. People aren't some sort of possession or anything to be discarded for a flaw or overlooked because they don't 100% meet your expectations. Take it for what it is. It's an opinion. Stop getting your panties in such a bunch over it.

Rockstar21

iTrader: (1)

im not upset at all.. on the contrary i like seeing other points of view..

there may be more to a person than their cocaine habit as well.. but that doesnt mean they deserve to be looked at as a potential husband/wife. (i know they arent the same im just using an example)

again, standards are needed...
could this person who is overweight be just as good of a person as her peer who is better shape? (not using health here b/c a little overweight can be perfectly healthy)
of course!

again, shallow would be more of an instance where one chooses a physically attractive man/woman with terrible personality over somebody with less physical appeal and better qualities.

but i dont believe its at all wrong to ask for both...

a bit picky? sure.. shallow... no

cabanalane

There are alots of good advice. I'm not the side of - don't try or expect her to change. In fact, what you should do is think about her gaining another 20-30lbs. Are you going to be ok with that? We all know that is the truth. She will only gain, not loose weight as life goes on.

Yes, she will gain weight. And guess what? We will loose our hair on our head, or grow hairs in our ears. So life evens out.

However, ask yourself this question too. How many people in this world are alone? Just wanting someone to share their life with? We all been single and dateless. How does that feel? Sucks big time. And we wish we had someone next to us to just share a story, or just wonder how your day went.

You been given this (potential) relationship. It's up to you.

UA7_ChicK

LOL if saying a person needs to "deserve" being looked at as a potential ANYTHING in your life is what is normal to you, that says a lot.

Rockstar21

iTrader: (1)

personally, i think you sound bitter about something yourself...

you're dancing around my points and always going back to the whole "everyone should give everyone the same chance" and people who dont are "shallow"

a chance, shot, opportunity, are all forms of deserving something....
you're twisting my words in order to help your cause..

my basic point is simple, anyone can sympathize with.
we all have a "type" and b/c one person has a more direct type does not make them any worse of a person. its a personal preference. nothing more, nothing less.

My blunt view of things? i like to be in good health, and active.
why on gods green earth would i want to date somebody who is a lazy slob?

friends? absolutely.. but nobody is "owed" anything other than respect for who they are and what they are about..

just b/c you are nice to me doesnt mean i have to look past your obesity and love you for the "inside" sorry....

UA7_ChicK

LOL I'm not bitter about a single thing. You have your view, I have mine. Like I said, stop getting your panties in a twist over it. I don't think myself above anyone that I need people to "deserve" anything from me. But hey... it's an opinion. We all have one.

Rockstar21

iTrader: (1)

i'll take it.

1Louder

Interesting discussion.

There are two things going on here that I think need to be discussed seperately: why you start seeing someone, and why you stay with someone.

You start seeing someone because they initially caught your eye as being phsyically attrative, and maybe you went on to get to know them and determined there was a enough compatability/interest beyond the physical to start a relationship. I don't think any of that is being shallow.

Initially you might stay with someone for the same reasons. However we all know that over time the physical side will change. Here is where its important to know why you are really staying with someone. If the why is tied to how attractive they are to you, then you set yourself up for all kinds of problems. What if they get sick? What if they gain weight? What if they get in some kind of accident? Even without something unusual, time will take care of making us all old and wrinkled. Ultimately, you stay because of who someone is, not because of what they look like.

I think its asking too much for a 20 year old to take the long view and start a relationship with someone who is only marginally attractive to them, even if she has a perfect personality. But its also very important to understand that over time, you need to adjust the value you put on looks and understand that ultimately who they are, not what they look like, is what will sustain a long term relationship.

UA7_ChicK

See this is what I'm saying tho. There is NOTHING wrong with someone catching your eye because they are physically attractive to you. Never ever did I say that's wrong or shallow. But to discard someone because of what your friends or family may say? Or to place SO much importance on weight like that??? I disagree... But everyone is different so... to each his own.

1Louder

I think your final comment there is right on - to each his own. Everyone is different. Some people have a very strong emotional tie to what friends and family think. I don't always understand it, but they do. I think it's unfortunate that someone would be "teased" out of dating someone they liked. Then again, valuing your friends opinion over your own feelings toward someone is a larger issue in general.

As for the topic at hand, weight is a funny thing. Lots of people are turned on by a few pounds or lareger body styles. Some are not. There are a list of things that I would pass on (if I were single) regardless of how good the other things were.

nbennettksu

iTrader: (2)

I don't think he is missing the point, I think you are taking a personal intrest

Saintor

You don't change people, just like this IMO

1Louder

I think leading by example can influence someone, but I think it comes back to motivation.

I exercise regularly, and my wife did not initially. Early in our marriage, she picked it up because I was doing it. But it only lasted a few years, then she stopped. I didn't fault her for that, because I was placing no expectation on her. I was happy for her when she did, but I didn't make an issue of it when she stopped.