..must come to an end.

Not sure why I'm posting this, except maybe to vent. I haven't talked about it very much over the past couple days, trying to keep my mind busy on other things and focus on myself, but I feel like I'm ready to talk now.

I moved out of my boyfriend's place last week. He had expressed to me over the past month or so his lack of direction in life, his overall unhappiness, and, most importantly, his being unsure if I was 'the one.'

Just a bit of background information... I moved across the country from Austin, TX to Gainesville, FL in September of 2007 to be with him. I found a great job and made some great friends in Gainesville that I gave up in September of 2009 to move to Tampa after he was done with his undergraduate degree at UF.

Throughout the course of our relationship, I would say I did about 90% of everything. I cooked, I cleaned, I went grocery shopping, I did the laundry, I took care of the dogs, I scratched his back every night, I gave him a blowjob whenever he wanted it, I never turned down sex, I dealt with his immature antics and insecurities, I dealt with having to teach him how to behave in a relationship. I loved him more than anything, in some ways I still do, and I would've done almost anything to make him happy. In hindsight, I don't know how I didn't get resentful or pissed off for being so taken advantage of. Love can be pretty blinding.

Back to last week... I tried to give him as much space and time as physically possible while still living together, but I reached my breaking point last week when I left for work. I was upset, hadn't slept much, and had been crying when I kissed him goodbye. He told me, 'don't get upset. I haven't made my decision yet.'

This was truly the straw that broke the camel's back. I went into work to give my notice, I apologized for being unable to give more than a week, then went back to the house and started to gather my things to stay with friends up in Gainesville. I called him and told him it was over, I wanted to be friends, but I needed time and space. This was on Tuesday of last week.

He largely left me alone until he called me in tears last Friday telling me he had made a horrible mistake and wanted me back. I told him I would come back for the weekend and try to feel things out.

There was a certain euphoria I felt at being re-united, and despite masturbating at least 20 times that morning, we were having sex within 10 minutes of me arriving at his house. The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak....

As we took a shower together, I was just left with this empty, hollow feeling like my heart had sank to the lowest pit of my stomach. I told him there was no way this could work, at least not now. I foresaw myself getting hurt again in the future, but I wanted to try to be friends. We spent the rest of last weekend together, and pretty much didn't leave the bedroom except to shower and get food. I finished out my last few days at work, packed up all my stuff, and left for Gainesville. He got pretty sad and despondent before I left, and kept asking me if I was absolutely sure about my decision.

He still calls or texts me at least once a day to see how I'm doing and tell me he misses me and thinks about me all the time. I know he's just a few lonely weekends away from begging me to come back, but I feel like he really needs to grow as a person and become truly happy with himself before he'd be ready to get involved in another serious relationship. Trying to make him happy all those years, bending over backwards, sacrificing my own happiness... it was exhausting.

The ironic, paradoxical part of all this is in some ways I have never been so sad, but in some ways I've never been so happy. To not have to worry about him being in a shitty mood, to not have to worry about what to make him for dinner, to not have to worry about him at all; to only have to worry about myself, has been pretty liberating.

I'm ready to be alone by myself for a long time. And when I'm finally ready, I think I'm finally smart enough to not pick a douchebag for a partner.

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.

Cliffs: Fack off!

Edit: I took the pitbull too.

 

Sorry to hear that Bugeye.

I can somewhat relate: I was once in a relationship where I felt like I had given everything to the other person, only to have that person refuse to compromise on even the most basic things in life. For the last few months together I tried my hardest to convince myself that she could change, or if she couldn't, that I could change and learn to accept her uncompromising attitude.

In the end though, I had to end it. Yeah, when I ended it, I still wanted her and I even did the same thing you did - went back to spend some weekends with her for some sex, but afterwards I felt the same sadness you did - knowing that the same bullshit would repeat if were back in a relationship.

And yeah, I missed the comfort of having here there, but felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders - no more worrying about her mood swings, her depressing view on life, her constant insecurities about me cheating on her, etc.

And grats on the pitbull! I kept my Sheltie as well. :grin:

....

BTW~! Since you have some free time now... how bout raiding with my Guild in WoW? We're looking for a new main tank for latest content~!

 

My condolences Bugeye. Now you have the knowledge and experience gained from this past relationship to make sure your next relationship works out better. Without failure, there can't be success I always say. Sounds like you're a great catch so no worries in meeting other guys. Have fun with the single life now and be a little more selfish in your next relationship, make the boyfriend work harder for Pete's sake LOL. No guy wants a high maintenance girl but a lot of guys, myself included, like some challenge in the relationship. Keeps things spicy.

At least you kept the pitt.

 

good decision you made. don't cave in.

 

So......How you doin....

 

But on a serious note, congrats to you for being able to do what you need to do.

I'm stuck in a failing relationship that I don't see as having much of a future with.

Beside being uncompromising, sneaky, and indifferent to me, she's not a big fan of my siblings or cousins (and I'm a HUGE family guy). Thing is, she's still living with me... but I definitely know the feeling of not having to be responsible for another person. Before 2 months ago, I was taking care of her AND her younger brother for over a year (and this is when I am interning and going to school full time).

Keep your head up and definitely keep a busy schedule!

Keep us updated!

 

Damn seems so much more difficult when both of you are living together. I offered my GF a spare set of keys but she declined the offer because she only comes over when I'm home. I guess I better keep it that way LOL.

 

you most def were very giving. You will find someone that will want to give as much as you have to offer.

 

This, more than anything else, is what is helping me to move on.

When we lived in Gainesville, his parents paid for his portion of the bills. He only went to class when he had to, and pretty much spent the vast majority of his time playing video games or watching TV all day.

I would work 40+ hours a week, come home, and make him dinner. Getting him to even help me with the dishes was like pulling teeth. It infuriates me thinking about his selfishness and his lack of motivation to help me in even the smallest of ways.

Once I get things settled in my new apartment, I probably will be actually.

I sold my previously decked out feral at the beginning of WotLK, but I've created a new one.

http://www.wowarmory.com/character-s...s&cn=Minnytaur

I can dish out 7k+ dps on Saurfang with my shitty 5200 gearscore and no warriors w/ trauma, and needless to say I'm pretty pro at tanking everything (I was MT in my old guild for all of pre-nerf Sunwell). I just need better gear, since the vast majority I've collected are with pug runs and this shitty ass guild I've been playing casually with. How far are you guys in ICC10/ICC25? And how often do you raid?

I'm down to my high school weight of 117lbs after all of this stress, and I've started going to the gym again. Decided I'm going to have a ridiculously banging body this summer. So I can't commit to a super serious raiding schedule.

Argh, I have such a hard time being selfish. It's just my nature. I love to please other people, even my friends. It makes me feel really good to make other people happy. I need to get over my desire to be so nice, it just leads to being taken advantage of. The shitty thing is that cognitively, I recognize all of this, but I can't stop my own desire to make others happy. :\

 

:ibpics:

 

:P I look kind of gaunt right now. I have pretty high/prominent cheek bones, and the anorexia has really taken its toll. I've dropped almost 10lbs in a week. My pelvic bones and ribs are very prominent right now; I look like an Ethiopian with novelty-size knockers.

Today was the first day in well over a week that I've consumed more than 500 calories, and I've just been doing light cardio at the gym. Once my appetite is normal again, I'm really going to start getting into it. May start spin class again.

 

We call ourselves a "casual-hardcore" guild, meaning we raid 3 nights a week for 25 man content. We're the third farthest progressed on our server and usually blow through Toc 25 HM (up to anub anyway) in about 15-20 minutes. We downed Anub HM once, but since then we've been restructuring. 90% of the raiders in guild are in between 22-30, with 3 other active female raiders (if that matters?).

As for commitment, if you cant make a night just post in our AFK thread and you're gravy.

ICC10 - we go Sunday nights. We're at sindragosa - who should be dead by now, but the guild's main tank has stopped showing up. The main tank you'd be replacing would be in my group (known as Group 1 or the "A Team" we pretty much farmed Rusted Protos for almost everyone in guild back in ulduar) and we'll probably downing the LK this week and begin on getting our Frost Wyrms after that.

ICC25 - Prof P down, Working on Blood Queen - best attempt is at 10%, and working on Sindragosa.

TBH, we've been restructuring lately with alot of ppl just moving in and out. We lost our Feral Druid recently and picked up a trial that's not doing too hot. So if all else fails and you're not up for tanking, you can just do what I do and DPS. The role of offtank has fallen on me since our MT is going to take a break in the coming weeks.

For fear of being labeled a geek and being an outcast on Azine.. I'll stop with my WoW talk, I'll PM you our website info and vent info when I get home later. My character's name is Ellie (on dethecus) and I go by the same name on vent.

You'll have a PM later.

Edit: As for gear, dont worry - we can get you geared in a couple weeks.

 

Sorry to hear. Sounds like you did much more than you should have and efforts weren't reciprocated or appreciated.

Out of curiosity, were you his first serious relationship? As you said, he needs to mature and learn to take care of himself before he can be in a serious relationship. It sounds like this might have been his learning relationship and you were stuck doing all the teaching.

and :ibtheleghum... nm, too late.

 

Who was it that had the major hots for you? He'll be stoked now!

All kidding aside, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I'd like to congratulate you on being able to realize when enough is enough. Also, to find that kind of a trait in a woman, it's rarely unheard of because you always hear of the proverbial "nice guy", but never the nice girl.

 

i just left gainesville! pretty place

sorry to hear about your relationship/. but you really never want such a dependent guy. he seems like it was all take tak take take and no give.

i honestly dont see why he wouldnt be sure about you. you seem very much in tune with putting him first and it seems like he couldnt do the same for you.

 

cliffs:

she weighs 117
big boobs
orally inclined
masturbationally open
drive an 05 RL

and no one on acurazine has hit on her yet

 

fixed

 

Her facebook page made me think she was lesbo

 

There's a place near UF called Bartram Luxury Apartments, they were running a deal for like 850 you can have a 2 bedroom apt, all utilites + Cable paid for, and the first 3 months are free. It's pretty decent, I'll be up there saturday if you want to meet up to look at the bartram actually since I might be moving up there...

My advice to you is to take care of yourself, you hurting yourself isn't making him feel any better or worse; he doesn't care at this point. In all honesty, you were the problem in the relationship (no offense), you catered to his every need and tried to hold the relationship together like glue. Glue has it's breaking point, and you reached that point the day you left. He mis-treated you and he still expected for things to work out? No, it doesn't work like that. Hell I clean my own dishes, Iron my own clothes, cook my own food and work for my money. He still relies on mommy and daddy, come on, he's a UF graduate!

 

Here's there website:
http://www.thebartram.com/index.php

 

Yes, I was. And yes, he required a lot of teaching. He's still a little boy in a lot of ways, and there's no way he could grow while still in the relationship.

Didn't know I was friends with you on Facebook. Heather is my heterosexual life partner.

I know I was the reason it lasted so long. It was my willingness to bend and bow to his every whim that made it last. If I hadn't put up with his shit, we would've been over a long time ago.

I'm actually going to be sub-letting a friend's apartment here in Gainesville. I have an 85lb pitbull, so finding an apartment complex that can accommodate him is a little challenging.

What time will you be in town? I have to take my mom to Jacksonville Airport on Saturday in the middle of the day, but we could meet up for lunch or something.

re: his (lack of) independence; he has no idea how to break free of his parents. His father is a dermatopathologist and a lawyer, and fanatically obsessed with money and power. His father has always set these ridiculously high goals for him, and I think a large part of his unhappiness is that he is perpetually trying to appease someone that will never be appeased.

My ex has no idea what he wants to do; he just goes with whatever his father tells him to be (first it was be a dentist, then a maxofacillary surgeon, then a lawyer... it literally changes every day).

His father took us out to Bern's steakhouse for dinner one time, and we somehow got on the subject of good kids vs. bad kids, and my ex said something along the lines of, 'well, I like to think I'm a pretty good kid.' And his father snapped back with, 'you want to know a good kid? A good kid is Harvard law. A good kid is Stanford medical. Graduating with honors from UF is not a good kid.'

I told him last weekend before I left, 'you will never make your father happy. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be happy with yourself.' I hope he was listening.

I always encouraged him to do what would make HIM happy, but he had no idea what that was. In some ways, I wanted to rescue him. I wanted to save him from his father, and I wanted to save him from himself. I realize now that's something he has to do on his own.

 

I'm glad people are being nice. I didn't post this thread to get hit on. I appreciate honest feedback much more than 'OMG TITS' comments.

 

true

 

So he focused all his energy on trying to please his father and almost none on you? I don't get it unless his father gives better bj's than you.

Sounds like this kid has a bunch of issues to work through and it's going to take years and several failed relationships to do so. Getting out was the best thing for both of you, even though he won't realize it for years.

Good luck with everything - especially keeping your PM inbox cleared. just a guess that it will be getting flooded with all kinds of thinly veiled attempts to "console" you.

 

^ Why you gotta spoil the surprise like that?

 

Still, I get the feeling that the PMs come regardless of whether the women are in a relationship or not. We'll have to ask the 5 women we have on AZine to confirm or deny this.

 

Or the numerous men who uses women as their avatars.

 

I can confirm that I have not received a single one.

Bugeye -- sorry to hear about your relationship ending, but it sounds like you did the right thing. Here's hoping the next one will be better. There are many many fish in the sea.

 

Its the common story where the son tries to please pops and screws up the rest of his life because he doesn't know how to live his own life...

I'm sorry you had to be caught up in it, however everything happens for the better in life. I hope you have learned a few lessons from this experience and not just apply them to your relationships, but through your life to help avoid situations such as the one you have been dragged though. Hopefully he can learn that life isn't what pops tells him what it is; life is what you want it to be. Also a on what you said while leaving, as cold as it may sound in retrospect to you, he heard what he needed to.

I'll be Gainesville the whole day, visit a few buddies at UF, look at those apartments, tour campus, etc. I believe the Bartram is pet friendly as one of my friends has a few ferrets, turtles, lizards and some other odd creatures and keeps them in his apartment.

Also guys, lets not harass bugeye after her experience, I'm sure you don't want a vacation from the admins for tormenting her...

 

 

you sound like my ex!! are you her? j/k....

seriously my ex would do whatever i wanted for the first year, BJ, sex, backrubs, clean my feet, basically whatever i wanted and i really took advantage of it.. it was so easy..i broke up with her a few times and went back to her after 2 weeks, because i knew no one else would do that shit for me... the last time i did it and went back i knew she was the one for me, well that was the beginning of the end, she won!! she took me back and then knew she had me, and that is when everything went to shit 6 months into it.. she packed her shit up and left also, i text her once a week to let her know i care about her happiness and to take care... thats it.. i told myself last night that i'm going to just stop communication all together...

good luck

 

Whoa isnt the batram where they say the kids were killed back in 90?
I think thats why they have such great deals right now, noone wants to move in there (if thats the one on archer by the vet school)


And bugeye, If you ever want to hang out, goto lunch, talk or party or what not hit me up. Well raid a house party and steal the keg!

 

and wtf phee, shoulda hit me up if you were in town

 

Nope, the Bartram was just built a few years ago, I think 2005 or 2006...
A quick google search has a kid at Bartram High being killed and some guy with the name of Bartram de shotts being killed...

 

That sucks Bugeye.

It sounds like you were doing all the work in the relationship. What I have realized is that when that happens, most of the times the other person gets to a point that they stop appreciating all you do.

Surfer Rick is right....I think you need to take some time and be a bit selfish. Stop looking at it as a character flaw. Look at it as learning to care for yourself first. You will find someone that will appreciate you for that.

Most importantly....who got the Big Green Egg?

 

i thought about it but i was only there for a couple of hours

 

Bugeye has epic tits?! I thought you were a guy. Gainesville blows.. move back to Austin. Definitely find a guy that appreciates you & doesn't leech on you.. that's pretty pathetic. He fucked up but it was for your benefit. Sounds like you're a definite keeper, but I'm curious, was the sexual benefit mutual? you make it sound like the sex was only good for him.. that alone should have ended it.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm going to Master Pancake tonight with my fiancee & my friends, then hop on over to The Library to keep the buzz going.. followed by some drunken stupor down to the Warehouse district..

 

facebook link?

 

Well I know the batram has only been there for a few years now but what i meant was the property. I think that area was where the kids were killed. Everyone I talk to says that its either too expensive or they just felt terribly uncomfortable knowing that those kids were killed there

And sorry about the Off topic discussion

 

I'll be up in G ville in a little bit, if you see a white 760 rolling around making a few to many u-turns that's me!