Originally Posted by cu2wagon

Okay OP, here's a story for you to use about getting screwed at the dealership. This happened around 2000 or so, back before everyone had a smartphone in their pocket and could quickly and discreetly record video to back up their stories, so you'll just need to take my word for it.

At the time I was driving around in a 1992 Nissan 240SX. It was a coupe, red, with the automatic seat belts that had been federally mandated years prior. It was a fun little car; unreliable from time to time, but weren't we all! I had just finished up a workout at the gym and didn't have time to hit the showers like I usually did. The sweet burn of endless ab-crunches and ache of agonizing miles on the elliptical was fresh on my body as I haphazardly tossed down a towel on the driver's seat. The sweltering summer sun shown down, unrepentant, as I pulled out of the lot catching the eye of the taut Latino adonis selling oranges out of his hatchback on the outskirts. "Probably the only one here that doesn't *need* to be at this gym!" I smirked to myself and I gave him a hasty smile and a brief hand wave. I rolled both windows down and shifted into second gear, desperate to pull as much of the stale air out of the cabin as possible.

My air conditioner hadn't worked for a few months, and while it wasn't so bad during the winter and most of the spring, the excruciating fingers of summer had started to creep their way into Tucson making the absence of cooling an unbearable, miserable, existence. I knew it was still early in the day and that bastard sun hadn't risen enough to unleash its full fury, but I needed to be quick if I was going to make it to [REDACTED] in time to drop off my heap, pick up a loaner, and get home in time to shower and be at work. Every unnecessary minute I took getting to the dealer would be another ounce of glistening sweat dripping from my brow, down my chest, and soaking my already dampened gym shorts. Glancing down, "oh god, my shorts..." in my haste to leave the house this morning, I had grabbed an old but comfortable pair and was just then realizing they were a bit threadbare and tattered. No one in my gym judges anyone else for their workout attire; in fact, catching a glimpse of someone's package during a set of max lifts can be invigorating and can give you that extra motivation to push out the last rep, you know? But Jesus wept; this probably wasn't something I should be wearing to the dealership!

Anyway, I made the short drive to the dealership, must have listened to All Star by Smash Mouth at least 3 times because Astro Lounge had been in my CD player nonstop for the past year, and by the time I got there I was super hyped. It was probably 50% post workout pump, 50% bitchin tunes, and 50% creatine shake, but I was super on edge when I rolled up to [REDACTED], popped the clutch, killed the ignition, and coasted into the "customer only" spot in front of the service department.

I opened the door, let the automatic seat belt power forward, deftly slid out of the car and grabbed my towel in one smooth motion wiping the sweat off my face before heading inside to the gloriously frigid waiting room. Such ecstasy was awaiting inside those double glass doors! Instant goose pimples rose on my excessively exposed skin as the chill hit me, my worn workout attire doing little to slow the frigid advance. Walking to the service counter, I spied a set of gloriously brown eyes that I had not previously had the pleasure of meeting. According to the nametag attached to the shirt lithely hanging from his broad shoulders, his name was "Cullen".

Cullen had the faint musky aroma of motor oil and patchouli but with a septic hint of soap that just wafted into an amalgam of manliness. "Hey, guy!", I half sighed, half whimpered as I approached Cullen, clicking away at his computer terminal "haven't seen you here before. You gonna help me out with my hoopty?" I said, nodding my head over my shoulder to my red beast parked outside the doors. "Guess so" he replied, "just transferred over from [REDACTED] over on [REDACTED], still getting used to things here. What can I do you for?" he asked. What can't you do me for, I thought to myself; I wondered if Cullen could bench press as much as I could. Wondered if he'd want a workout partner, wondered if *I* could bench press as much as him...

"I need to get my AC looked at," I said "it's been blowing hot for a while now and I can't stand it any more - I feel like I'm gonna explode." Cullen took my keys, told me to chill in the lobby, and he'd have a tech look it over and get me an estimate. "Nah bud, I need to get a loaner so I can get home, clean up, and get to work" I cut him off. "I'm overdue for a shower right now and you don't want me stanking up your waiting room right now like this" I said, gesturing to my swole pecs popping out of my Crazy Town Gift of Game t-shirt and my totally inappropriate gym shorts. "Oh, shit." I thought, can Cullen see my trouser beast swole-ing up under my shorts? "Shit." I don't know if he noticed or not but if he did, he sure played it cool. "Yeah, the problem is, we're out of loaners right now. We were supposed to get one back an hour ago but the guy hasn't come back yet" Cullen said, "if you can chill for a couple minutes, I'm supposed to go on break and I can grab a demo Altima and run you home if you'd like."

"Uh, yeah" my brain barely managed to dribble out of my mouth, "yeah, that would be cool". What the hell brain, what the hell kind of lame response is that. And how the hell am I going to get to work if Cullen just drops me off? I wasn't thinking; well, I wasn't thinking with my big head at the moment. All I could think about was Cullen's pecs brushing my deltoids as he spotted me in the squat rack. But before I could transfer my thoughts into actual words, Cullen had grabbed some keys from behind the counter, skipped out of the little alcove, and was heading for the doors. "Come on, slowpoke" he teased. I stumbled after him back out into the oppressive heat of the morning and around to the side lot where a sleek green Altima GXE sat waiting.

Sliding into the passenger seat, I checked my nerves and glanced over to Cullen who was sitting confidently in the driver seat, AC blowing through his spiked and frosted tips. "Hit?" he asked, holding a piece of foil out to me. "Sure!" I said, taking the sheet and lighter from him. Cullen turned up the radio as Steal My Sunshine by Len came on the radio and I proceeded to take a deep breath of the vigorously bubbling line of meth. I was fully relaxed and feeling good, I mean who wouldn't be? Len on the radio, cold AC, my friend crystal, and my new friend Cullen. "Hey, so, I don't mean to be too forward" Cullen started, "but you seem cool... And, well I figured I'd take a chance and see. Would you be up for a sweaty adventure in the bosses office?" "Holy shit" I thought, "did he just..." Before I could finish my thought, Cullen wrapped his meaty palm around my thigh and continued, "I mean, I know you said you need to get into work or whatever, but could you be a little late? You are having car trouble, right?"

I laughed to myself and then chuckled out loud. "Yeah," I said to Cullen, "I think I can be a little late."

And that was the time I got screwed at the dealership.

Originally Posted by Harper

He's just a raw-gerl.

Originally Posted by justnspace

Best thing ive read all day:





:slow fucking clap:

Originally Posted by Harper

tl:dr Sweaty from gym, went to dealership to get AC fixed, gay sex with service rep.

Originally Posted by iCrap

It looks kind of like an NSX?...

Originally Posted by Jaheri_cbp

I would have bought the PCD lol

Originally Posted by iCrap

I still want it but i can't deal with that fart rice exhaust noise.

Also i made all my $$ back by selling 3d prints lol, printer paid for itself.

Originally Posted by opboarding

What kinds of things did you sell?

Originally Posted by iCrap

ya sure just send me like 3-4 bucks for shipping

what color? right now i have orange, translucent green, black, blue

Originally Posted by rawger

I totally thought you were lying until I ended up reading the whole thing.

Originally Posted by iCrap

That was fantastic though. Did you actually write that or just find it online somehwere?

Originally Posted by xtcnrice

If you recall cu2wagon's build thread, the writing in his first post was both amusing and extremely good! I asked him if he considered becoming a writer.

Originally Posted by opboarding

So this means my attempts at your butt will be unsuccessful?

Originally Posted by Harper

No I want a watch, real or fake Rolex please and thank you.

Originally Posted by cu2wagon

So, full context, the OP was ranting about god knows what and was asking for stories to use so he could libel spam a dealership that he thought wronged him. He was ranting about torturing cockroaches and how he'd kill someone if he ever got in a fight and how he was stacked like a redwood in highschool, etc. (No, really)

I figured I'd give him a story- was gonna find some homoerotic Twilight fan fiction and change a few things up to make it fit. Well, that didn't go so well unfortunately. After reading far too much twilight fanfic (shutter) I had to craft my own story, which was quoted above.

I lost interest in writing halfway through. Well that and I started to feel slightly ill. And what if I run for president and someone drags that up?

Here's the full context: https://acurazine.com/forums/ramblin...ership-931547/


:seriouslyIwasn'tserious:

Originally Posted by cu2wagon

I really really really wanted to find something online, but nope... After about 30 minutes of reading some terrible vampire J/O stories () I had to buckle down and crank one out. A story that is. Wrote that in about 30 minutes while watching Rise if the Planet of the Apes. Not a terrible movie. Kept the name Cullen in the story as an homage to Twilight.



Thanks man. It's an interesting possibility but not right now though. Gotta pay the bills for reals.



Thanks man. It's an interesting possibility but not right now though. Gotta pay the bills for reals.