Dude...

 

Homie?

 

 

 

That's where you go, on your own time, to senior citizens' homes and clean their dentures for them.

 

Well the OP did ask for a guy's perspective.

Soooo, if you want serious advice from guys in healthy relationships and happy marriages, yes full disclosure first please.


Cuz your lovin' is strong and Sara got it going on, but she ain't too proud to beg...

 

If you are on here begging for Sara to give you details of her sex life, then your home ain't that happy! Hahahahahaha! What a loser!

 

I'm just teasing jackass, go away before I sic The Sarlacc on your lame ass.

 

I already schooled him...you as well before...your memory getting that bad?

And you werent teasing. Go beg your wife...or is someone else doing that now?

 

You have all the self-awareness of water-s, wake up and realize that you are persona non grata because you shit in every thread Azine has the misfortune of you stumbling upon.

Come back when you grow up and get your big boy pants little boy, shoo now...

 

Damn you and your gay avatar. I can't spell good. That's why I be a chemist/engineer. No have to talk good to do dat.

Holy Crap....I'm retarded.

 

Nah, but I did just shit on you by calling you out. Go back to your wife and stop chasing online...

 

Boys!! Stop it. Please don't get this thread locked!!

Ok..so..I have a story. This is just bizarre:

So after reading all these posts about getting a life and doing my own thing, I am feeling kinda better about having some ideas on what to do to stay occupied. I have to leave my office to go meet a client who I have only talked to on the phone. When I meet her, she says "you look familiar." All of a sudden I realize I met her a few times through a friend of a friend. She remembers that I recently got separated from my husband and starts telling me her long-term boyfriend of 5 years just told her to move out and the relationship is over. She tells me the whole long story and then says "give me your #..we should go out!!" She has a whole bunch of friends and she says she'll be happy to introduce me to them and invites me to 3 different social events in the next 2 weeks. WOW! Isn't it crazy how life has a way of working out when you least expect it???!!

On the boyfriend front, he has been messaging me with "how are you" and crap like that. He talked to me today and basically keeps messaging me to tell me all my bad qualities and to keep telling me why it's never going to work out. I finally said "why are you trying to convince me it won't work? If that's what you believe then fucking go already and let me get on with it." Whew. That was so hard but I feel better already.

I can't tell you how much just being able to come here and vent this stuff has helped me. All the advice and just the fact that I had a place to come and put this down in words has really made a difference. I just keep saying thank you because I needed a neutral place to speak my mind and you all were there to let it fly. Let's all have a big ghey hug and spread the love. :gheyhug: Ok, I'm kidding about the hug, but really...thank you.

 

Ah, Sarah - I wish you lived closer so I could buy you a beer. As you know, I was in a very similar position - being over a relationship/divorce some time before it was formalized. I've been living alone since last October and I LOVE it. I, too was eager to move on and get back out there to prove to myself that someone would still want me. I wasn't looking to get seriously involved right away, but things don't always work out the way we plan, eh??

I dated a couple of men very casually, but then I met someone amazing while I was on vacation. The good news and the bad news has been that he lives in another state. It hasn't made things any easier, but honestly I think it's been a very important part of the equation that I don't see him every day. I've had some time to do exactly what everyone's advising - spend time with myself, and live MY life. If I want to stay up until the sun rises the next day, I do it. If I want to fall asleep on my couch with my dog, who's to tell me I shouldn't. Leave dishes in the sink for a whole frikkin day (or TWO )? No problem.

Until now, I've NEVER lived on my own with my own schedule and no one but myself to answer to. I was afraid, like you on so many levels. It's okay. Embrace your open choices and your wide open future. Want to blare the radio and sing as loud as you can? Eat popcorn while watching a chick flick buck naked on your couch?

I have ended up in another relationship sooner than I intended, and I can't regret it. He's moving here soon, and I'm thrilled. Can't wait actually. BUT. The time I've had alone has been priceless. And even though my marriage was over long before the courts declared it so, I still needed time to mourn the loss of a great friendship and a hugely significant part of my life. We were together 13 years. We had plans and expectations. That's a loss no matter how I look at it. Allow yourself the time to sort out your feelings about your loss. Even if you don't want him back (I absolutely believe you) there are probably still ways that his absence affects you, and that starting over affects you. Change is not always bad, but even when it's good, it's stressful, and it impacts you. Give yourself some room.

And yes! Work on those friendships. This divorce has given me huge, and sometimes heartbreaking, insight into who my true friends are. Some important relationships have been damaged - some irrevocably. And not just the ones who were mutual friends of both of us. It sucks. Chin up, chest out as one of my favorite gutsy gal pals likes to tell me. You'll be just fine.

 

Fan-fucking-tastic!!

 

Okay, sorry for teasing ya. But when another girl gives mad props for being a terror in the sack...

 

Wndrlst, you're my new hero, girl. I hope I'm at that point sometime soon. Thanks for the post...

 

well I don't kiss and tell. I personally think the people who go around bragging about their sexual prowess are the ones who don't know their who-ha from a hole in the wall.

 

Wow, way to go Sara...in a New York minute!

 

Wow! Congratulations on connecting with a new friend - sounds like a fun new adventure. Glad you found some advice here that was meaningful. Keep us posted on the progress!

 

I agree with wndrpanzies. There are advantages to being able to do what you like. And being on your own is important.

 

Let me know if you're ever in the DC area.

 

Remember SaraWI it is always easier to make yourself happy than to make someone else happy. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, the SO in your life will be miserable.

 

She should come down for Rambling Meet Part 2.

 

I think you should hook up with that girl and tell us about your new advanture haha

 

Like I said..I don't kiss and tell!!!

 

Ugh..some days are worse than others. I was feeling strong yesterday but today is a different story. Having a rough one for sure.

Plus I have to see him tonight. I had a lot of his stuff at my house and he has my car keys so I said..before we don't talk for months and it gets all werid..maybe he should come get his stuff and that we're both adults and will just have to deal with it. This is gonna suck...

 

^^^^

Just keep working at it. It will get easier. Humans are mostly codependent creatures. So you're not feeling anything unnatural. But you do have to learn to be alone so you both can decide if you are with this person because you want to be or because you have a need to be codependent.

As for tonight, if you really can't see him, ask him to leave the stuff in a box outside his door or something. And in the future, try not leaving anything you can't do without.

 

hang in there and be strong when you see him tonight.

 

You like the abuse


And you know this avatar isn't by choice

 

Yes, it is gonna suck.

Do you have any hobbies or activities that clear your mind and make you feel strong? Yoga? Running? Painting? Writing? If you do, maybe you could set aside some time, before he gets there, to do whatever it is that you do so you're in a good place mentally.

Not to mention that further developing your strengths/talents can only bolster your self worth and remind you why you deserve nothing but the best.

 

Thanks..yeah, I'm a big girl so I think I can handle it. Will be sad, but I'll live. Maybe it will help give us a little closure.

As for doing things that make me happy, I really don't know what I like to do. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do with all this "alone time"-- discover myself and find out what I like?

I know I want to get to the gym because they have an indoor and outdoor pool and I love swimming and it's supposed to be 90+ here this weekend. Would be a good time to lay out by the pool in a bikini and get tan, soak up the sun, and look hot..LOL Plus the desire to get toned up a little for the next guy (plus just getting healthy in general!) is pushing me to get going. I used to dance ballet and would love to get back to that, but gym first or I'll hurt myself!! haha

Thanks yet again for all the suggestions.

 

this may be obvious but do notttt have sex with him... it will be the equivalent of a recovering alcoholic having "just one drink" lol

 

 

How did it go?

 

Ok..update. Well..it was so sad and hard to see him at first..was fighting tears the whole time until he took my hand and then I lost it. We talked for hours about what we wanted out of a reltionship and cleared up some misconceptions that we both had about each other. We talked about what went wrong and why. And then it was like "now what do we do?" It's obvious we still care a lot for each other and have a connection so neither of us wanted it to be the last time we saw each other. We agreed to continue seeing each other and I agreed to continue having a life and making new friends to curb my neediness and feel good about myself. The way I see it, we are taking a step back in the relationship but a step forward in positive self discovery. If I have other things going on in my life, I won't feel like I have to be with him every waking moment and maybe we can have a chance.

I know I will probably get chastised for deciding to keep seeing him, but I want to know I tried even if it doesn't work out. This time, I will not fall on my face because I'm doing things for myself. Tonight is a good example..he asked me last night if I had plans for the evening and I said "yes--I was invited to an event with the girl I just met". Now a month ago I would have dropped this girl like a hot potato if he asked me out but not this time. I want to go out with her and I'm excited to have time with a friend.

So I guess we'll see what happens. I'm happy to have him in my life again and I'm going to make sure he doesn't BECOME my life this time. And, no..we didn't have sex..lol

 

I think the dog and a dildo suggestion would be an easier route.

 

lol..well I've already got one of the two and believe me, neither are an acceptable substitute.

 

Good for you Sara.

I don't think it's a bad idea to still see him. But slowing it down and enjoying dating him (and others) is a great idea.

 

when you take a step back and make a thought out mature decision about the relationship (regardless of what the choice may be whether its make up or break up) its always progress and a step in the right direction. The first step towards a healthy relationship that will work is both of yo establishing your independency and being able to cope without each other... dependency destroys everything

so in short ... im saying congrats