BERLIN (Reuters) - A leading German dictionary publisher plans to launch a guide it says will help men translate the subtext of female conversation.

The Langenscheidt publishing group, best known for its well-respected yellow foreign language dictionaries, will launch sales of a 128-page book to translate such baffling female banter as: "Let's just cuddle" into "No sex tonight please!."

See http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp..._dictionary_dc

 

In my limited knowledge of the female species I have learned one thing:

Women never ask questions. They disguise statements as questions.

Example: Do you want ice cream?
Translation: I want ice cream.

or

Example: What do you think of this dress?
Translation: Tell me you like this dress.

 

I've learned to read my wife pretty well now. My encoder ring is almost complete

 

Here's one of our best waking-up scenes. This is a true story.

Wife: I dreamt of you last night, dear.

Me (in weasel mode): I dreamt of you, too.

Wife: Oh yeah? What was I wearing?

Me: uh, uh, uh...

 

the correct answer for you would have been - nothing

 

I hope the english version comes out soon, cuz I've been meaning to pick up another language.

Junkster, who is bilingual

 

What would be the other language?

 

English and Korean... I know a little ASL (American Sign Language) but only enough to make a fool out of myself.

Junkster, who knows bits of French and Japanese as well

 

American Sign Language? You mean there are different versions of sign language?



That's seriously dumb. I mean it's got to be hard enough to communicate with your hands yet alone having to worry about what language the other person "speaks".

 

SO true!

 

I used to think that was stupid, too (if everyone's speaking with their hands, doesn't it make sense to have them all speaking the same "way"?). But I talked to someone who knew sign language, and they told me it's because each spoken language has different words, phrases, grammar, etc. and that has to be reflected in the signing. So I guess it makes sense, but it still sucks that a deaf english speaker can't communicate with a deaf chinese speaker.

 

Even more interesting is the fact that American Sign Language has French roots instead of British... ASL has more in common with French Sign Language then it does with the English.

Every language has varying words and definitions, along with culture differences. Plus, most countries developed their deaf cultures before the whole global connection occurred. So you have some fracturing of sign language cultures.

Junkster, who still has his course material

 

I know American Sign Language too, just not the official kind.

 

<----- Canadian sign language.

 

At least some sign language is universal.

 

The good news is, the only three phrases you will ever need to know:

"Sorry, dear"
"Yes, dear"
"Use MY credit card, dear"

 

If only that were true... Unfortunately is primarily a NA "sign". In the UK, give them the peace sign, palm facing you....

 

How interesting. Why would that be considered offensive? Is it a sign of trying to poke out the other person's eyes?

dnb, who saw too many Kung Fu movies in his childhood

 

I believe it means "up yours" in England and Australia. If your palm is facing away from you it means victory or peace.

 

I learned something new today.

 

it is the universal sign for "I am the evil corrupt provincial governor with the long white beard and superhuman strength, and now I am going to kick your ass, crane style." at least that's what my Kung Fu Flick Dictionary is telling me.

 

Dan, who has an awesome story about fighting in the style of the tiger but can't tell it here or he would be killed.