Why is doing the dishes such a HOT topic?
#41
I got the Shifts
iTrader: (5)
I think she has always wanted you to do the dishes more frequently than you thought but she couldn't tell you directly. It may sound weird (maybe not
) but some girls wish the guy can read their minds and offer help with household chores. I admit I was like that when I was much younger, but I have learned that I have to speak out my mind and stop having these expectations.
My fiancee and I agreed that if I cook, he'll do the dishes. And if he cooks, then I do it.
![Tongue](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/tongue.gif)
My fiancee and I agreed that if I cook, he'll do the dishes. And if he cooks, then I do it.
this is true advice from a woman that understands her man. maybe you need to talk to your girl and explain to her how you feel. make sure not to point the finger or blame her for anything, just tell her how YOU Feel.
Im with sasha, she is setting expectations that you dont know about. then you dont deliver and its a shit storm. she probably does it unwillingly.
edit: why the hell did someone bump this old ass thread.
![Rant](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/rant.gif)
Last edited by phee; 09-08-2009 at 10:03 AM.
#43
Team Owner
We have our daily and weekly duties pretty much spelled out. She cleans the floor and picks up the girls mess every night and I do the dishes every night. Both are important so that you don't get roaches and shit from the neighboring townhomes. Weekly she cleans all the rooms but I do the bathrooms and keep the girls out of the house. Sometimes if one of us can't we'll pick up the slack. Same with the kids. I feed one, change one, etc and she does the other. It's really no biggie.
![Shrug](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/shrug.gif)
#44
an asshole from florida
the whole "men dont have an eye for this stuff" is nonsense.
I cook, and what I dirty will be clean by the end of the day. The way I see it is that if you keep the dishes clean on a regular basis it wont seem like a chore at all. You use a plate and get some mustard on it, grab the damn sponge apply the soap wipe down and dry off. BOOM youre done. It just becomes a fucking bitch for me since I have a habit of staying on top of that (as well as I can since I need to study so Im not saying that Im 100% perfect) and he just cooks and lets the dirty fucking dishes sit for days
I also hate when people cook and shit gets on the stove top and counter and it sets there to crust up. If you make a mess wipe it up, it makes cleaning up later on much easier since you dont have to sit scrubbing the same spot for hours
I cook, and what I dirty will be clean by the end of the day. The way I see it is that if you keep the dishes clean on a regular basis it wont seem like a chore at all. You use a plate and get some mustard on it, grab the damn sponge apply the soap wipe down and dry off. BOOM youre done. It just becomes a fucking bitch for me since I have a habit of staying on top of that (as well as I can since I need to study so Im not saying that Im 100% perfect) and he just cooks and lets the dirty fucking dishes sit for days
I also hate when people cook and shit gets on the stove top and counter and it sets there to crust up. If you make a mess wipe it up, it makes cleaning up later on much easier since you dont have to sit scrubbing the same spot for hours
#46
the whole "men dont have an eye for this stuff" is nonsense.
I cook, and what I dirty will be clean by the end of the day. The way I see it is that if you keep the dishes clean on a regular basis it wont seem like a chore at all. You use a plate and get some mustard on it, grab the damn sponge apply the soap wipe down and dry off. BOOM youre done. It just becomes a fucking bitch for me since I have a habit of staying on top of that (as well as I can since I need to study so Im not saying that Im 100% perfect) and he just cooks and lets the dirty fucking dishes sit for days
I also hate when people cook and shit gets on the stove top and counter and it sets there to crust up. If you make a mess wipe it up, it makes cleaning up later on much easier since you dont have to sit scrubbing the same spot for hours
I cook, and what I dirty will be clean by the end of the day. The way I see it is that if you keep the dishes clean on a regular basis it wont seem like a chore at all. You use a plate and get some mustard on it, grab the damn sponge apply the soap wipe down and dry off. BOOM youre done. It just becomes a fucking bitch for me since I have a habit of staying on top of that (as well as I can since I need to study so Im not saying that Im 100% perfect) and he just cooks and lets the dirty fucking dishes sit for days
I also hate when people cook and shit gets on the stove top and counter and it sets there to crust up. If you make a mess wipe it up, it makes cleaning up later on much easier since you dont have to sit scrubbing the same spot for hours
#48
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
no i mean i've talked to her about this, im a pretty straight forward guy and dont like to leave conflict lingering. she is just going through a lot of hard stuff lately and i think its just frutrating for her because shes OCD about cleaning up and feels like shes the only one who ever notices its dirty. Maybe my standard of dirty as a guy is different but she always beats me to it and then when i try to help she doesn't think its genuine.
Bits and pieces of good advice have already been said. First, make sure she knows you appreciate what she does. Increasing the amount of "I really appreciate that you do that" will reduce the amount of nagging over small stuff. Second, clear the air on a fair division of labor around the house. In our hosue, there are things my wife does exclusively (clean bathrooms, empty trash, laundry) and I do exclusively (mow lawn, clean garage, do bills). There are the things we share (vaccuum, dishes). Just make sure the things you share are done in balance - so yes this may mean you have to get up and do the dishes a couple times a week without being asked.
But really, I think the two in combination (more verbal appreciation, and a small increase in doing a chore without being asked) will keep things even most of the time. With my wife, it scores big to do a chore without being asked.
Last edited by 1Louder; 09-15-2009 at 10:02 AM.
#50
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
Thank you! Only took about 10 years to figure out... ![Smile](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif)
I was short on time before but I'll make one more small addition for the OP.
Resentment that builds up in a marriage or relationship can blow up in very bad ways if not recognized and dealt with. It can build up over what seems to be small stuff (like dishes), but it's never really about the small stuff. It's always about a larger issue (I don't feel appreciated, I do all the work around here). I will bet you if you asked her, she's not mad about the dishes, she's mad about not being appreciated or feeling like everything falls on her. Most importantly, there are lots of ways to make an improvement that has nothing to do with dishes. Find and address the underlying cause. Also, do the dishes now and again.
![Smile](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif)
I was short on time before but I'll make one more small addition for the OP.
Resentment that builds up in a marriage or relationship can blow up in very bad ways if not recognized and dealt with. It can build up over what seems to be small stuff (like dishes), but it's never really about the small stuff. It's always about a larger issue (I don't feel appreciated, I do all the work around here). I will bet you if you asked her, she's not mad about the dishes, she's mad about not being appreciated or feeling like everything falls on her. Most importantly, there are lots of ways to make an improvement that has nothing to do with dishes. Find and address the underlying cause. Also, do the dishes now and again.
![Smile](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif)
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