rossv1

Don't really know how to start this off.

Me and my ex gf broke up about 2 years ago. She ended it but literally 2 weeks later we were back together just without a title of bf/gf. We continued to do everything together and still talked all the time. She had asked me a time or two to officially get back together, but both times when she did it, right before she'd tell me she had gotten me a gift. It seemed almost as if she was bribing me into it and I didn't feel that as right so I said no both times. Feel stupid for not saying yes now but it is what it is I guess.

Now fast forward to about a month ago. I sat down with her and told her how I felt and that I really wanted us to get back. Long story short she tells me no but that if I had said it a month ago she would have said yes. Now she's started messing around with my roommate (someone who I thought was a good friend) and has totally ceased any communication. She won't even look at me or say anything when she comes in the house.

I'm not totally okay with her telling me no because I thought we had proven that we were a couple through our actions but I guess she didn't. I just feel at a total loss because now not only have I lost someone who I regarded as a good friend (my roommate), but it's like I've lost my closest friend and someone I cared so much about. I'm so confused as to how we could have gone from being so so close to being so distant.

Don't really know what I'm looking for in this thread. Maybe some advice or support or something. The whole situation has me feeling pretty down and alone.

04WDPSeDaN

iTrader: (1)

I'm sorry about your situation. As I'm passing it forward, since this forum had also helped me very much with my Ex situation as well. You're young, you got a lot of time ahead of you to find the right person. I don't agree with the title part with the younger generation of today. Don't get me wrong, not saying there's a right or wrong way or has to be a specific way to say "Ok we are a couple now". The main issue is people don't want to commit and have a title attached to their relationship, which again, is alright if it works for others but I'd rather know either you're in it or your not. I'll tell you something simple, just having being with each other for XX amount of years, or best friends means ZERO. I dated my ex for 9 years. It was our 3rd time back together.

Long story short, she ended the relationship over what I said about her getting her life in order and start looking at the bigger picture of being an adult. 9 years tossed, which I don't regret, we learn and move on. However, I got a facebook chat from her and her current fiance that they wanted to send pictures to my phone of them having sex with each other. Go figure, 9 years and what It meant to love someone, meant nothing.

You can't always hold on to something not worth holding on to. I would have been stupid to chase someone who made me feel like total crap. You feel the same way and what went down is terrible. I wouldn't, EVER chase after someone that has moved on. Your eyes open up once you remove yourself away from the situation. I signed up to the gym, got into the best shape of my life. I had my phone and facebook blow up with girls who now all of a sudden noticed me. I wasn't going to put myself into a fake relationship. I'm currently engaged and in 9 months from now is our wedding. I wouldn't trade the world for my fiance. When you move on and find the right person, you look back at the situation and say that you're blessed and dodged a bullet.

rossv1

Thanks for that. I keep telling myself that I deserve someone better than someone that that could start treating someone they were close to the way she has. But it's hard because I keep thinking about all these good times together and it makes me want it to work out even more. All these life experiences that I'm going to have, I always pictured that she'd be there too, and it's hard to realize that now she isn't.

rossv1

And it doesn't help that, because we run with the same group of friends, I'm going to be forced to keep being around her.

04WDPSeDaN

iTrader: (1)

It's fresh, memories will always come and go, we are humans. Nobody knows whats going to happen tomorrow. There is nothing written in stone. You need an honest, loyal and dedicated women in your life. Honestly man, this goes back to what I was saying about "Titles", someone always catches feelings and gets hurt. Your ex is messing with a room mate, that's not wifey material. You need to find what makes you happy, but with time because now it's time to reflect on yourself and work on things. I won't lie, you're going to have some tough nights ahead, some memories that won't let up, just emotions running wild. As you build self confidence, and start to focus on yourself, you will look back and laugh about the situation. Stay strong, this is where your boys come and help you get past this hump. There are worse things in life to be down in the dumps about, you just dodged a bullet buddy, count your blessings.

rossv1

Yea. I guess I'm finding out that she isn't really the type of person I thought she was after all these years.

It just sucks to go from having someone that's always there for you, always down to hang out or keep you company when going somewhere, and always wanting to talk on the phone and text all the time to, like I said, not wanting to have anything to do with you. It's quite the sudden transition.

04WDPSeDaN

iTrader: (1)

I know it's a huge transition, however I did it with my ex. I closed all communication with her, most of her friends and most of her family. Never after 3 years have I asked how's she's doing to her friends or family I still communicate with. It's a line I do not cross, nor do I care. All I wished was for her to go find herself and find whatever makes her happy. You're always going to have a few of those mutual friends that will tell you things about your ex without you really giving a fuck to care. You hear more shit and start to laugh because you realize their true colors. It's not a terrible thing to completely shut the situation out of your life. You won't be able to move forward, if you're stuck thinking about her. Best of luck, time to sign up to the gym, get a trainer and they will motivate you into a positive state of mind. As soon as you start seeing the attention you get others, You will be saying "ex who again?".

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

Just tell yourself that she's an ex for a reason. It didn't work out, and try to move on. It's really sad that your friend/roommate would do that to you, but it sounds like she has a part in it as well. Basically, they're selfish and don't care about your feelings. All you can do is ignore them the best you can, and try to move on with your life. See how she acts when you get over her and bring another girl around.

oo7spy

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine losing all contact with someone you have built a relationship with, but seeing them with your roommate and having to be around them must be unbearable.

I don't know enough about your situation to give you advice regarding distractions, but I can assure you that there is no need to consider going back. As 04WDP said, she is obviously not someone worth investing any more time into (not wifey material). I don't see a lot of "losses" you would be cutting, so just do your best to remind yourself that there are others out there who won't treat you like crap. You can find them, and when you do, you will become a better person yourself. They don't call them "your better half" for no reason.


(Of course there are others who will treat you worse, but optimism is the key here.)

1killercls

I would beat the fuck out of your roommate and throw them both out on their collective asses.

But thats just me.

ggesq

iTrader: (1)

^

Ross- the best thing you can do IMHO is to live well. Take care of yourself. Do healthy things. Everything else will fall into place. Good luck.

mdkxtreme

What the fuck man, that's infuriating. Like mentioned above, the best "revenge" is for you to live well, and you already got that down so I'm sure that's not bothering you one bit.

ggesq

iTrader: (1)

Gus, you should have said yes and then posted them here.

cM3go

Cut your losses now. I know letting go is always hard, but you have to realize it's pretty cut and dry here. The fact that she's messing around with your roommate on top of that would be a deal breaker for me right there. You're young, just be smart on the next girl and grow from this EXperience. Good luck.

rossv1

^
Lol at killercls.

Thankfully I'm out for Christmas break so that's 3 weeks that I don't have to be around them.

It's weird. Some times/days I think, "Fuck her for doing this shit and being so disrespectful" and then other times I'll go somewhere that we always went to or remember something and I think to myself, "What happened between us that would make her feel like she needed to do this. Was it something I did?"

Trying to figure out if it's actually her I'm missing or just having somebody there.

Edit:
I know it seems pretty cut and dry, guess I still am kinda wanting to hold out hope that it would go back to how it used to be.

YeuEmMaiMai

ask your roommate if he ate her pie yet.. and when he says yes, ask him how your manhood tastes lol

1killercls

^

Whiskers

Pics?

rossv1

Plenty of pics. Just none of the type ya'll want.

d1sturb3d119

iTrader: (1)

Cut your losses and move on. It's hard but enjoy the search again. You're extremely young and you have time. When it clicks it really clicks. Its sad when I see sweeping generalizing statements from women claiming that all guys are assholes and shit like that. Honestly just make a list of all you want from your spouse and remember you are worth all that. You'll attract the right person. Part of that involves feeling "full" so to speak. Where you don't need someone to validate you. The upside is you have a typeS and it looks clean as hell! Thats one thing that can put a smile on your face! Lol I only have a 6spd

04WDPSeDaN

iTrader: (1)

Not a single fuck to be honest. After 9 years and after reading that made my view of her very clear.. I count my blessings.

LOL! that would be some shit.

1StGenCL

Didn't read all the replys but your situation blows and I've been there. The best thing for you to do is just move on and forget her, you're young, go have some fun! You will quickly learn that most girls, early in there twenties, are insane. Yes, there are exceptions but just have fun and don't get too attached too young. If you broke up, there is a reason, don't look back.

TLDude876

iTrader: (7)

You're 22, go explore women.

350

iTrader: (4)

Other than time you don't have a vested interest in it, no shared property or kids, it'll sting but move on.

KaMLuNg

iTrader: (5)

these guys speak the truth right here...

it will be hard for you now because you are knee deep in it, but in a few years, you will look back and realize all the b/s isn't worth it... I have been there too with an ex, and it makes me appreciate my wife more and more whenever i'm reminded of the ex...

you are young & in your prime... go out there, get balls deep and just have fun... then post the pics here for us to see them...

and if possible, find a new roommate or move out... removing the daily reminder/interaction will help loads... 'outta sight, outta mind.'

maharajamd

iTrader: (1)

1Louder

I knew where my reply was headed by the time I read the second paragraph. Rest of the thread confirms it.

When it comes to relationships, humans have the tendency to get an ideal in their mind about how they want things to be, and then take the person they are with and try to convince themselves those two things are equal. If you tell yourself "she's the ideal" long enough you'll eventually believe it, even when the data suggests otherwise. And that's not a healthy place to be.

My gut reaction is that if the two of you were meant to be, you'd be there by now. I think your not because in the back of your minds both of you think there is someone out there who is better for you. Otherwise the thought of just being friends or this conditional "I'd be with you a month ago but not now" would not even occur to you. After two years - whether friends or gf/bf - you know what you've got. Plenty there to make an informed decision.

I think the longer you hang on to any romantic idea of winding up with her (friends or otherwise), the more risk you run missing out on the real "one". What you'll observe as you get older is friends will come and go. Friends of mine that were extremely close are now just Facebook friends. And that's OK. It's OK to have friends that are close for a time that aren't so close later on. It's the way life works. You get older, you enter a new season of your life, and you move on. All perfectly normal.

I think you are on to something by asking yourself if you miss her, or the idea of her. From your replies I think it's the latter. Also I wouldn't give a lot of thought to "what happened to us". I think you may be tempted by that because if you can identify what happened, you can fix it. It's not worth your time.

I had an absolute best friend from the age of 10 until I was 22. Today I'm not sure what town he lives in. Nothing bad happened - if I saw him today I'd be thrilled. But life just took us in two different directions and we moved on. Happens. I think it's OK, and healthy, to give yourself permission to let go of the way things were, and move on to something new and better.

d1sturb3d119

iTrader: (1)

Perfectly put. Its not bad to lose touch. Social media has extended the life of unnecessary relationship but we can't all be friends forever. I love for it to be true but we just become different people. There will be better in store. Believe it!

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

You miss being with someone, not being with her. She's an ignorant bitch. Move on and find something new

NBP_BALLER

I think she is being immature. From my experience, breaking up and getting back together is not good. You miss that person, but then go right back to them even though you broke up for a reason. So two years you've been together but without a label. I would guess that she thinks your not committed when you declined to "officially" get back with her and it hurt her. I don't know how the gifts really plays a part, bribe or not. I think she wanted to show you that she cares. She was probably damaged by you saying no, and is now being a conniving bi*** by tearing your life apart. She knows what she is doing. Regardless if she wants him or not, I'll bet she's doing it more to hurt you because you've hurt her. I'd say at this point, you have got to move on. She burned bridges that cannot be rebuilt. Go get another girl and tear u her little heart by getting physical in front of your ex, it will help you move on and give her a taste of her own medicine. Once she realizes you've moved on she will want you back. Don't get back together tho. If she will do it now, she will do it again. It sucks, im going through some shit myself this week, different situation tho. I don't think you have any hope left with her.

oo7spy

^Seems like a big waste of effort, time, and emotion. Be the bigger person, wish her the best in her life, and move on. That petty shit will just end up with more pain.

YeuEmMaiMai

^ he's got snatchitis

Majofo

The only thing that will help in this situation is posting her nudes..

Nudes list
Whiskers
Majofo
Maker
BlackAck the Azine Pimp
Mizouse

rossv1

Lol. I surprisingly have no nudes. If I did they would be sent around.


I'm feeling a bit better since I've been home and been able to remove myself from the situation somewhat. Just need to find something to keep busy with next semester once I go back down to school.

oo7spy

Get a serving job in a college area. You won't have time to be at home, you will always have cash, there are always girls to talk to, and all the servers party pretty much every night.

XLR8R

BALLERz is too sexy fo paragraphs yo.

MySoCalLife

^ lol

MySoCalLife

A lot of people have given you some great advice. You are still young, that's probably one of the reason why its hard for you to move on. Like BALLER said, she did it to hurt you on purpose for saying no to her. You don't want to be with a girl like that.

With a few more dates ahead, you will see the big picture. Sometimes it just won't work out no matter how much you like a girl. Just remember there's plenty of fishes in the sea. Once you start dating again you will forget about her. Sure you might not find the "one" right away, but you will realize that Love takes works. It could be hard to find someone that's compatible with you or it could be the next girl. The fun part is finding out.
After the 3rd date, when your date dump you. You probably couldn't careless and keep on searching. Just remember to keep your head up and have a good time. If you do that, I can guaranteed that you will be happy in the future. Then you can easily spot a girl and know if shes worth fighting for or just have fun while it last.

As for now I know its tough, so go find some activity to do to get your mind off of her. Like someone said, go to the gym. Go to some yoga class, a lot of hot chicks in those sexy ass yoga pants. Put on your poker face, don't show her that you're hurt because it will make her happy and will rub it in your face even more. There's nothing like making a girl feels undesirable when shes the one trying to make you jealous. haha.

Majofo

lies!

If I took 5 minutes to look, I'd find them.

oo7spy

When I get down I like to think about the mooses in the forests and the deers in the woods. There are so manys out theres, I can help but feels betters.