for starters, anyone like the ORIGINAL catchy title... lol

ok so i have been dating this girl for about 6 months. have known her for about a year. i am 20 she is 18. I really do like her, but sometimes wonder what the single life is about again. she likes me for the way i am which is nice, she doesnt control me, which i have had problems with girls in the past. also i have grown to love her and her family. when i was single i wasnt really happy going from girl to girl, but now i have a girl every day that cares about me. am i normal having these thoughts about breaking up with her just to play the field when i have a gem in my presence? we are going through a rough patch right now because i stupidly confronted her about missing being single should i stay with her because she could be the one, or should i go play the field?

 

sounds like you are happy with her, unless there is something else going on it sounds fine. You are probably just going through a phase wondering what single life was like again and it might pass, then again it may not...

Look at it this way, say you break up and are single again. Will you be sick of it after a couple weeks or months and regret leaving her?

just from how it sounds in your situation I would say makeup, unless you feel like it isn't going anywhere...

 

thats good advise. i can see the relationship going somewhere, i never actually thought about what if i did have the single life back. i would probably miss her and regret it. but i did froget to mention this... she doesnt want me to watch porn!! i know this shouldnt matter. but com'on

 

If you are curious at 20 imagine how you'll feel when you're 30 with kids. If it is meant to be it will be.

 

ahh the truth comes out... maybe you just gotta ease her into it...

that or just do a good job of hiding your stuff...

 

She's young; at 18 she wants to believe she's the only woman you could ever look at "that way".

 

This is why relationships aren't a good idea at 20.

By the way, get this concept of "The One" out of your head. That's a myth perpetuated by Disney and Hollywood - it's not based on any sort of fact.

The fact is you will undoubtedly run into countless women who are just as compatible and "lovable" as your current girlfriend. Assuming a couple things of course, like your ability to meet and date more girls, etc.

I honestly don't believe that you telling her you missed being single was a bad thing. It's the truth.

What is it about your girlfriend that you don't like or are looking for in other girls? EDIT: I just saw the porn thing. Anything else?

 

It's normal to feel this way. Of course making this thread might signify that you are not happy with her. Do you actually think you'll marry this girl?

 

grass is always greener on the other side......dont focus on the negatives of the relationship (i.e. what your missing), instead focus on what YOU HAVE.

 

fixed

 

If you are even questioning it... i think you know your answer.

 

if she doesnt want you to watch porn, does she at least let you hit it?

 

i was in your boat not to long ago.

If you get along,happy with each other, compatible,and of course if the attraction to each other is mutual. Stay together.

i love the word together to-get-her

 

you are 20. play the field. and take that damn santa hat off.

 

gotta move on before you cheat on her because it IS coming.

Oh be sure to check out the herpes thread too

 

Dude, this indecisive state is the quintessential example of why guys should not "settle down" with one woman at a young age. The variety of dating is a learning curve that all men (and women) should allow themselves the privelege of. The reason that you are in this state right now, is because you just don't know the type of woman that does it for you yet. Nothing to be embarrassed by. Just understand it, accept it, and grow with the knowledge that comes from the dating experience. It's not about promiscuity. It's about building socialization skill sets.

If you see other women, and yearn for their attention, then you are not ready to settle down with just one. Do yourself a favor and not hurt the youth by telling them that you love them, knowing that you still maintain an urge about variety. Infidelity is right around the corner when you don't allow your emotions and knowledge to reach their maturation level in the dating process. People in love KNOW they are in love with the one they want to be with. They don't ask, they TELL you that! Another woman? What other woman? There is no other woman for a man in love with the woman he wants to be with, or vice versa. Do they look good? Yeah, but just in passing.

Learn who you are, discover what you want (beyond emotional hunger pangs), and then go out and get it. You decide on a career right? House? Car? You do those things by making a choice. You make those choices by evaluating data. That's the same process when it comes to women. It is hard to understand them even once you get older, let alone with "insufficient data" dude. Go learn some more so you can be true to someone. And try not to hurt the flock while you're at it!

 

I mean, if you have doubts, its just gonna get worse


BUT

If ur gonan regret it, then no need to leave now..


I say stay wit teh lady

 

You are 20, you need to get out there and date, experience all types of girls/women. Then when you are done having fun meet, or go back to the one that is special.

 

20 and thinking of a 'relationship'??? damn... I think your too young for a any real commitment, but that is just me. However, if you are happy with her, then stay with her. The true merits of the relationship will come out eventually and you can decide then to pursue other interests. Don't break up with her because she doesn't want you to watch 'the pornos' or because you think something better is out there... either way your gonna be stuck wondering... if you break up with her, then your gonna end up wondering why you did that and what could have been... if you stay with her, then your always going to wonder what are you missing (trust me, not a lot)... better to be with that ONE girl that cares and loves you then to go stick your dick in a bunch of different chicks that really don't (check out the Herpes thread, hahaha)... but in the end you got to do with what makes you happy...

Oh yeah, for the sake of being a man... grow a fuckin' pair and just watch porn during your alone time... Don't be one of those pansy little fawks that have to tell everything to their girl or has to share every damn thing with them...

Good Luck.

 

youre perfectly normal.

the relationship wont be healthy if little by little all you begin thinkin about is getting with diff girls. not saying you'd cheat, but it becomes unhealthy when youre completely distracted by any girl other than the one youre supposed to be committed to.

breaking it off may be necessary even if just temporarily for your own curiosity's sake. if you two are meant to be you will find that being with this one girl is far better than playing the field, and if you both equally care about one another you will find yourselves back together after all of your doubts are erased.

 

i think you should play the field, i'm in the same boat as you, but i don't have any reason to break up with my girl... she's somewhat like you described: uncontroling, nonbitchy, pretty cool, doesn't try to change me... but i'm not going to play the field until i have to.

but i think its healthy esp. at our age.

 

I can't believe the advice on this forum sometimes. If you're 20 and not screwing everything that moves somethings wrong...

First, no one knows where you are at besides you. I met my wife at 20, and we're coming up on 18 years married. There is no hard-and-fast rule that says because you are 20 that you are incapable of finding someone to build a life with.

I have 40 year old friends that still have not found someone that meets their needs the way you described how your gf meets yours. I would not cast that aside so casually. Also, it's normal to wonder, and it's another thing to act on it. Don't evaluate your situation based on who else might be out there. Evaluate it on the merrits of who is sitting in front of you right now. I'd just ask yourself a few questions:

- Are you in a spot in your life where if you found a wife, that would be a good thing? Is that what you want? Would you want that now, or not for another 10 years?
- If she dumped you tomorrow, would you let it happen without attempting to fix it? Can you see yourself not dating this girl, and that would be OK to you? Can you imaging yourself being single and happer than you are right now?

I think people are either in relationships because they are looking for that person to build a life with, or they're looking for temporary amusement. Only you know which you are, and where your gf falls into those plans. Above all, follow what you feel, not what others think 20 year olds should or should not be doing with their time. It's about you, her, and where the two of you want to go.

 

I take it you don't enjoy sex very much?

 

By your comments, I think that you misunderstand what has been previously stated. While it is true that in any particular case, one can find love at the age of 20, it is also true that there can be problems that arise from not knowing "what's out there" when you decide early on in life to go with the first thing that makes you feel good. It's those "averages" that are my concern, not what happens in any one case. I am sure you have heard the phrase "exception to the rule"?

Plus, you have to admit that you are prejudiced against that theory because you had success at 20. Again, no one is saying he can't do it, it's that he has better odds once he has had a chance to learn about himself and women, as well as what he likes so he can be true to that, instead of feeling maybe he made a mistake after an argument or two, or when his neck becomes a "Lazy Susan" because other women are comng out of the woodwork. I really don't understand why allowing yourself to mature physically, emotionally, and spiritually prior to serious or long-term commitment is a hard concept to grasp.

It is more likely that the scenario we have indicated, those of us that agree it's too early, will play out, than the one you have depicted. Just look at his (the OP) comments. Want an analogy on the odds factor alone? Just because someone uneducated about herpes, has sex with someone that has herpes, doesn't mean he will get it if he has unprotected sex. There are people that have overcome those odds. But those odds are significantly increased when he does it. As for an educated person in the same scenario, his odds are significantly decreased when he applies what he has learned in the way of preventitive measures. Both can get it, but one of them stands a greater chance.

The OP may live "happily ever after", but it is more likely he will run into an old aquaintance, or a new one...and cheat. If the question is on his mind, then so is the act. But if he takes his time, learns women and what to expect in living with one, just that one, for the rest of his life, then he may find he made a mistake in wanting to play that card too soon. That's just plain common sense. It's also more the rule, while love at first sight and high school sweethearts are the exception...

 

Fair enough. It's worth adding to my comment that I dated a LOT of women before 20 and made a LOT of mistakes in the process, prior to meeting my wife (in fact I was dating someone when I did - so was she). To say it was dating may be over-stating it - may be "sampling" is more correct as I didn't "date" many for very long. Not in a terribly reckless way, but enough to refine my sense of what I was looking for. That said, there is value in having the opportunity to have that process play out.

I would just urge the OP to think about it. Throwing away a good thing for the lure of the unknown can always come back to bite you. And I wouldn't say he has to find out right now either. If he's got a good relationship - let it play out. At 20 time is on his side. She's going to change a lot in the next 12 months and so will he. In the off-chance she's "IT", then he hasn't thrown that away.

 

Um...no. I don't know how you'd conclude that - what, because I allow for the possibility for someone to find what they are looking for without having to screw 20 women first?. Sex is not everything, and having that be the foundation of your relationship will ultimately lead to it's failure. I don't entirely disagree with dating enough women to refine what you are looking for, but I don't think that's an absolute precondition either.