Well he dumped her so the fact that she is now playing him is all on him.

 

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Sorry to hear man, definitely were treading in a minefield with her blowing off bf and hanging with you. You're lucky he didn't show up after she blew him off to hang out with you. All I can say is give it time, if she wants you, she'll come back. Sorry to hear, it's a tough spot.

 

I wouln't say you deserve anything. You appeared to be genuine with her the whole way. You feel how you feel and acted accordingly. If this stuff was easy we'd all be married at 25 and divorces would be few and far between. I don't think a lot can be said to make this kind of thing easier - I hope time heals it sooner than later. Sorry you have to go through this.

 

Thanks and you are right, glad I don't have to see her at work but I do live in the same building which is no fun. My unit faces the pool so I will see her and her new bf down there or I run into them while I'm walking my dog. The worst part is having to pass her parking spot and see she isn't home at night or in the morning. Yes, silly but it just makes me see she is a bed with someone else right now (literally right now).

On the plus side, the front desk asked if I knew the douchey short guy she was hanging out with and after the facebook incident, I saw a pic of him and he isn't good looking ha

 

- post up his fb or at least his mugshot..

 

I went thru this with an ex myself...she left her fiance for me...we dated for a while (we were friend for a few years prior)...hung out had great s*x...had a bunch in common. But the ex was an accountant and made more money than me and she wanted that sort of thing (ps...I own a home and just fine with my salary but money is not my main aspiration in life) so she went back with him. On more than one occasion she would contact me after they were back together because she wanted to hook up because she claimed I was much better etc...

I told her she had made her decision and I'd rather take care of myself than continue this charade. I moved on and have a very lovely and gorgeous sweet girlfriend that loves me with all of my quirks and my need to be on a car forum. I couldn't be happier. Just focus on you. That's it...when you see dog shit you don't eat it because you know it's not good for you and disgusting and that's just what this type of stuff is. It's self depricating.

Also, you had a change of heart, but you probably only remember the good right now...the reasons why she was perfect. Be honest with yourself and you'll remember the reasons you felt she wasn't the right thing for you to begin with. It's only after an ex is unatainable that they become so super desirable and then you put yourself in a position to be played and they reach angelic status.

Trust me...I'm sure she'd love to have you, her ex love, continue to bash yourself for what you did and continue to be her sexual doormat. Forget about seeing her and her ex sitting by the pool...imagine how she'll feel when she sees you casually sunbathing with Mila Kunich!

 

Rockstar143 that was superb advice.

 

receiving uncertainty from a woman is as good as rejection. it hurts all in the same, maybe even more because of the emotional suspense it keeps you in. i think in the end this is the best decision she has made for the both of you. this doesnt mean shes not still in love with you (from what i read she definitely is), but this only keeps her own emotions in tangles, but it has freed yours. congratulations on a step towards moving forward in your personal life, maybe your paths will cross again, maybe not. the important thing is that you do whats best for you, and only you at this time emotionally speaking.

 

quick update before work. Ran into her at the farmers market downtown, she was with the new bf who was starting me down and I was with another girl. She texts me later on in the day and ends up coming to my place given me a hug, saying she misses me, and then has to run.

Texts me happy v-day and tells my friends she wants to come out with us, they say im there, she's cool, and then cancels at the last minute saying we should do coffee. Text her the next day for coffee, she says later, and she will contact me. She never does then says she is hurt I didn't call her WTF.

Write her and email saying if she can't see me sometime yesterday, I think it would be better if we didn't talk again. She is upset says she will, sends me xoxox crap and "kisses" but then has to run because I was getting home late. She texts me sad but I leave for Atlanta today and really don't care to speak with her anymore if this is what she thinks of me.

Yes, drama filled. Hence me saying I can't do this, to stand me up is wrong and hurtful.

 

^at this point it looks like she just wants to know that you still like her and enjoys the attention but still doesn't want to leave her current boyfriend.

 

it must be hard living in the same building and not seeing her car there, i understand that part of it.. seeing the ex at work is bad enough and watching her come into work late looking hungover just reminds me that she was prolly up late having sex with her new guy. But i can only assume that is what happened, and that is how the mind works, we always assume the worst.

since you are still talking to her on a more than friend basis, its going to be tough to move on with her stringing you along. Everything takes time!! your feeling won't change overnight, but they will start to get better each day.. I have a thread in here also about my ex, and what i did was eye opening, i was still sad, but i talked to her face to face a couple of days ago, to see how it felt, and it felt weird and awkward.. i knew then that it was done!! i woke up the next day and with a good feeling in my stomach like i'm moving on from her regardless... So i asked another girl out that is just as hot and possibly cooler, and she said yes and seems to be all about it.

best thing to do is, keep on hanging out with other girls, it will help! she saw you with another girl and was jealous so she tried to keep you interested in her, but she is doing the same thing to you everyday with her current b/f and that should be enough for you to stop and move on.. shit is hard, but once you stop having sex with her and let a few weeks pass without having sex with her or her being around you everyday or hearing her voice everyday, you will start to get use to living without her and it will feel normal and you'll see that you can move on... good luck

 

+1

 

Her standing you up knowing how you feel about her is absolutely wrong. Either she still doesn't get it, or like p.diddy says she just wants the extra attention. I think you're taking the right path by cutting off the drama completely.

 

Thanks man.

To OP, dude step back and try and reread your last post as an outsider. The writing is on the wall. You probably know what you need to do but doing it is difficult. What she did to you this last time couldn't be more blatant and to the point. Jealous, made sure you were still into her, then peace!

You sir, are not a friggin puppy. Move on.

To Evolicars, I thought it ironic to see you on this thread because I was getting confused between the two . Glad you're doing much better and you're moving on!

J.

 

Sounds like she's just playing more games, coming for random attention, hugging, sending xo's that's all just games, especially if she is blowing you off on top of it. Screw it, have fun in ATL

 

Was thinking the same

 

After reading the thread on your love life you are in NO POSITION to give ANY ADVICE in this forum.

 

Again, manage your own shit before you try and manage others.

 

man if there was ever a reason to do a plus one on someone elses comments this is the time.

+1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

OMG...you guys are brutal. lol.
This just brings to light my point.
From inside the kill zone, we are all blind. But once you're outside of the grip of pain and hurt and missing someone...everything is very clear.
Evo is struggling with a very similar situation IMO...and he gives good advice to someone else...but if you read his thread, he is not even taking the advice he's simultaneously given.

I think love makes us dumb. Like, eat lead paint chips and shit down our legs while flogging our dolphin in front of an oncoming train dumb. Never again. I love a lot...and I would miss the heck out of my girlfriend if it ever didn't work out for any reason. But I refuse to let my life feel destroyed by someone else.

You have to LOVE YOU first...Go stand in front of the mirror...and look at yourself and tell yourself you love yourself...and all the things you love about yourself. Do this every day until you start believing it.

 

I'd say it a bit differently. Love, when done correctly, makes us strong - stronger than we'd ever be by ourselves.

What makes us dumb is getting caught up in the imaginary vision of how we want things to be in our mind, blinding us to see things as they really are. We want things to be a certain way so badly we do all kind of crazy things to try and create a situation that fundamentally isn't there. This is a function of maturity and judgment, not "love". Love, in the simplest way I can put it, is the act of placing the interest and well-being of someone else ahead of yours. Now if you are the only one in the relationship doing that, it's a problem. Not recognizing it when it's happening is not "blinded by love", it's not seeing things as they really are (which happens in all kinds of scenarios, not just relationships). Maturity and judgment are the culprits. I work with people every day who imagine themselves to be much better employees than they really are. Love is not part of that equation - it's something else entirely.

I think people who are in love, and also see their relationship for what it is and not how they imagine it to be, have the kind of bond that can last a lifetime. Couples married for 50+ years are not "dumb" Quite the contrary - they are strong. However every single couple I've met like that know who they are married to - they don't carry around an "idealistic" version of that person in their head that they wish they were married to.

 

UPDATE: Well from last post on out I have pretty much kept no contact. She parks by me and her car is never here and she is moving out next week. She has pretty much been living with the new bf and got a new job by him (his place is like 20 mins from here). She claims to be moving into her parents extra house which is by him but lets be real here, moving with him.

She says she still misses me and thinks of me a lot but I only talk to her everyone once in awhile. I emailed her the other week because I know the bf goes through her phone (texts and call logs) and he found it on the computer but she wanted to meet up. It didn't work out but said she would call me. Prolly won't see her again and I guess I'm ok with it.

Recently, I have kinda started to see a girl I haven't talked to in years but she seems to be a bit immature (23, has no problem standing me up, etc). Just thought I would update this, in closing dating blows

 

1st gen i feel for you. When this thread first started i was in the midst of a relationship heading downhill, maybe it was subliminally for the same reasons yours ended. she wanted to marry me, and i didnt even show any outward interest in actually having plans to propose (among many other reasons, but youve responded in my thread so you've read the story).

I can tell you with complete confidence that if you guys arent working to reconnect your relationship, just let it die. Someone you realize you want to spend your life with cannot be just a friend, acquaintance, or anything other than your girlfriend/fiance/wife. Even small talk will remind you of what was once there, and now isnt. Having her in your life as something other than your significant other will not make you feel better, it is worse than no contact at all.

Compare it to picking a scab every single time its starting to heal. Not only will it keep opening the wound, eventually it will just be a scar that you'll always live with.

With that being said, don't date just to distract yourself. Take time, figure yourself out. What you want from a girl, what you want to give to her. Take what went wrong in the past and fix the issues before you attempt something with someone else. If you start focusing on a new girl at this moment, it will mess with your emotions big time. Plus, if she isnt all that into you, you will just be following her around looking for acceptance, looking for comfort, and you will just be torturing yourself.

Get comfortable with yourself, with being alone. Without someone in particular to text during the day or call before you go to sleep. Learn to love living with yourself, because then you'll be best suited to be in a relationship. You will have emotional independence and it will be all about wants rather than needs. Good luck to you. Things can be rough, I'm going through my own things too still, so I truly do empathize with you.

 

dating does suck, but at least you've moved on from the other drama/bs. Keep your head up

 

Very very good advise 03. I actually did that after a bad relationship and was so so happy with myself. I could go out to bars, dinner, movies alone and really enjoyed it. Between dating her and having met so many people, I rarely have time to myself and kind of miss it. I actually tried a movie alone the other day and was nervous haha I of course ran into someone there, which killed the alone but...

Yea, I think I need to let it go. I feel I am over it now because I told myself I had to be and wouldn't stand to be the "other guy" any longer. When she wanted to meet, I was in a hurry but could have made time but it seemed she wanted to see me badly. I was a bit worried it would make it harder on her if anything.

03 - whats the update with your situation (don't tell me search is my friend...)

 

^Hey man hang in there. Seems like you have the gnarliest girl drama since I've been on AZ You have a good head on your shoulders, a phat crib, and call south FLA a home so that's a lot going for you. +1 on spending time alone. I feel so suffocated sometimes from talking to 35 patients everday that I cherish quality time alone with my PS3 or going to the movies by myself. I mean sh-t, it's not like I'm going to be talking to anyone during the movie so flying solo is no big deal.

You're comfortable living within your own skin and that's always step #1 towards any viable relationship

 

from my own experiences ive learned that just because they want to see you doesnt mean you need to drop everything. you made a good decision, and i hope you continue to keep it moving in this direction. unfortunately when relationships turn sour like this, it becomes a psychological game. Even in my situation as soon as i made myself a little unavailable it ironically opened our communication a lot more.

as for my situation, long story very short i moved, got a job selling cars, and am currently working things out. its still hard for me to not officially call her my gf, but she assured me she wants to get back together because she sees my changes, but just wants to take it slow. its a lot more in depth than that. i plan on updating my thread one of these days.

feel free to pm me though because i dont want to take over your whole thread haha. i can def relate, give advice, or just listen, and share my problems because even that sometimes makes people feel better haha. i know it can be easier talking to people who dont know you personally sometimes. Again, sounds like you have been improving yourself and that is awesome. keep it up

 

Haha thanks Rick, I gotta say I must like the drama. I met up with a gorgeous girl I haven't seen in years and she spend the next few days at my house, went to her moms had dinner, she wouldn't go anywhere without touching my hand, non stop texts, and now I'm lucky if she answers a text after 5 or 6 hours of sending. I don't know what I do...guess I should just post pics haha

 

 

 

give her the and then let us know how she reacts.

 

and i am glad i'm married to not have to deal with things like this.

 

she's just using u.. ur the rebound/back up guy if she and her new bf falls through

there's no point worrying/thinking bout her, ur just wasting ur time. go find a new one and screw her in the hole if she comes lurking around and post pics afterwards.

 

Easy fix- Joran van der Sloot
Get rid of both and find others. Neither seem to be at your point in life.

 

Well if they are on FB I guess I can post them....

Current girl

 

 

In for nudes..

 

yea just keep the current one , im guessing you know your sht in picking up girls

i understand it's tough to forget the ex, but you'll see, there's plenty of chicks to choose from, there's no point wasting your time on a chick that doesn't even put you first on her list.

and u'll be surprised, keep everything short and brief...phone calls, sms, fb messages etc..., she'll be more interested in u... bang her and take pics

 

Banging her isn't the problem, just the on/off-ness of it all. Every girl I'm not interested in staying with more then a day, wants to get married but the ones that I actually like, just want to have fun. Current girl (pic) I treated terrible in the past and she wanted me, left her for another girl a few years ago, she asks me out recently, have great time, I actually am nice, she doesn't seem to want me.

Back to hanging and banging

 

Damn brotha I'd put with her drama just to tap that ass. Just keep her as a side dish and keep pursuing other girls