So apparently I get myself into bad relationships and force you guys to listen to them. Anyway dated a girl for 6 months, she broke up because I was too nice, then maybe half a month later met another girl that lives in my building. Knew her for about a year and never talked much but after a few drinks at the pool we were getting along great and since I was moving to different place the same condo building didn't bother me.

That was June and I things ended up falling through move wise so I am at the same building as she is. She is the nicest girl and wanted to get married in time (she is 31 so I can see that) and I was very distant because I wasn't sure if I was ready for a relationship right away. She said she was in love, I didn't answer, then mid December I said I needed time to think about things and maybe the gay ass break was in order.

She was devastated and missed work, couldn't function, etc. I was ok in the beginning but about two weeks ago I started to realize she was the one for me. Keep in mind I have two other girls that want to date me(not trying to sound cocky but they are literally begging which is odd), I have been busy with work, and kept extremely busy socially so I don't think it is because I feel alone.

Ex heard I was going out of town and volunteered to take me to the airport and watch my dog after no real contact minus an email I sent her a few days prior asking how things were. She picks me up last Tuesday, asks me to lunch, we have a few drinks, end up at her place hooking up. That's when I learn she is dating someone and she missed dinner with him since we passed out together. He has no idea but is pissed she missed dinner and I'm crushed. She flips when she realizes we hooked up (wasn't mad at me) but I felt terrible and leave. She calls me, we have a glass of wine and fall asleep together that same night.

Next day we hang out at the pool, go out with friends, he calls and she suddenly leaves. Next night she asks me to hang out with her and some friends, make out a few times and now she is unsure what she wants. I feel she is the one for me but she can't seem to shake him. She says she wanted me so bad for so long and now she is happy with the other guy.

To me it seems like the other guy is a rebound but she seems really happy. She says she has never cheated and I honestly believe it but is upset because she cheated on him a few times with me. She texts and talks to me but seems to try and avoid me in person now. She says she is unsure what she wants and is so confused. I feel if I just give up she will forget me and for a change despite the hurt I'm feeling, feel I should continue this fight for this.

Any insight? I texted her this AM and she came down to talk with me saying she is confused. We have talked everyday and she asked me to go have coffee with her in the AM and said she was free until early afternoon.

Cliffs for my long ass post

Dated Girl for 6 mos
Broke up because I was unsure
Want her back
We hook up
She has new guy and is unsure

Basically, took a big risk leaving to be sure I could see marrying girl before continuing to date and now I am positive she is for me.

Oh, I will save you all the typing, I'm an idiot

 

If you truly want her, and not just her ass, tell her. Give her a few days to decide. If she is still with the other dude then move along. Too much drama.

 

I agree with the last statement.



I think doopstr has it right. Give her time to decide what she wants. If you jump back into things you are likely to end up going through the same crap again, or worse.

 

Jesus, that's a shit load of drama in one post.

Agree with doopstr.

But it's not really if you just want it, she has to want it as well. You don't want to be distant for TOO long then lose the opportunity.

It's like a gamble, yet not like wsteven's gamble.

 

The only thing I would be worried about is that she is "happy with the other guy" and yet cheated on him with you. Once a cheater, always a cheater IMHO.

 

to me it sounds like she is weighing her options! just be careful with this.

 

^^

 

i would just tell her how you truly feel and see if she feels the same way..if she does, then great, then in order to move on, she has to break up with her b/f. if she doesn't feel the same way, then you'll be hurt, but it will save you alot of time and speculation.

 

Thanks. She actually just texted me asking if I wanted to go grab a glass of wine with her so of course I left everyone in Miami to get here.

Yes, of course she is weighing her options and while it sucks, I understand it. I honestly, don't know if I would take her back if things were the other way around. That being said, I know she really cares for me and hopefully she will come around. I feel she is slowly starting to trust me again and hopefully will realize I'm sincere for a change.

Sorry for the drama ha

Edit - Yea, she said she was happy and has never cheated before so she didn't understand it. I went with the approach of, if you cheated maybe you aren't that happy with him after all

 

tell her you thought about it. and u want her to be yours and youre not willing to share.


profit

 

Idea. Cut back on the drunken conversations. You can't make any true headway while you're impared. You already know that though. Talk about this very important life decision as though it were a very important life decision.

Go get drunk and fuck like bunnies after you're back into a monogamous relationship.

 

You hurt her by taking her for granted. She rebounded with someone that is probably more into her than she is to him...which makes her feel "safe" (read: happy) and she is unsure if she should take the risk of letting you possibly hurt her again since she is obviously very into you.

Tread lightly and make sure that if she is the right one for you that you are positive about that. Worst thing you can do is string her along or cause her to give up something stable with someone that appreciates her if you're not certain.

 

+1

 

 

Some sage advice: "It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never what you thought it was."

 

Not to be a jerk, but based on his story, in this case it seems he's realized that he's the "trash". Which is why he's probably considering it.

 

Yea, I def. am. There was really no reason for my break up other then the fact I wasn't sure I was ready to be dating again. She treated me like gold, gave me beyond everything she had, and really was a great gf. I like the analogy of the trash and I would agree with it. If I was her, I don't know if I would give me another chance but we shall see.

Last night we decided not to talk about anything, stayed in, ordered food, drank some wine, and played cards. While it may sound boring I really enjoyed silly little things like cards with her and it was a great night. We talked a bit completely sober this morning and hooked up. She blew her bf off tonight and we are making dinner now.

I know she is still unsure and like someone else said, she feels safe with him and I am a HUGE risk. She is at the point of feeling incredibly guilty and I know this is killing her so she will decide soon.

 

Don't mess it up again. Just be good to her. If she's what you say she is, keep her. You both deserve to be happy. You're geting to that age where settling down seems like a reasonable idea, so do it.

It sounds like she really wants to give the two of you another chance.

 

Watch. You'll be next on here picking a ring.

 

Walk away date the other girls

 

You maybe right, just wish I could do it. Seemed like we were going to sleep there and then after some texts from the bf (im guessing) she says she doesn't want me to leave but we can't stay in the same bed again. This is after we had freaking sex this morning and she told me she still loves me.

Back to initial thought, I'm an idiot

 

Almost sounds like she's getting revenge now. Like now you're interested and she's like "hmmm, I don't know". She's probably got a big internal conflict because she sounds like she's not normally the type to cheat.

Now you're in her shoes. I think you should have 1 big major serious conversation with her and then that it's. I know I messed up...I realize it and am so sorry. You are amazing and I want to be with you. The ball will be in her court to make a decision. There has to be a statute of limitations. Also...it's quite possible she likes the bond and love and s*x she had with you and she's trying to have her cake and eat it too. I would politely decline (other than for above mentioned convo) any further hangouts/intimate time with her until she has dissolved her current short lived relationship.

 

I agree with rockstar143. Her heart belongs to you but her mind tells her she should be cautious about getting back with you (she's afraid you won't treat her the way the current bf treats her now). I think you should stop seeing her and give her time to decide who she really wants to be with.

 

You need to flat out tell her you want her back and that she needs to dump the other dude. It's not fair to him that you are nailing his GF. If she won't dump him then you are just her side piece.

 

x2 on outside dick

 

Well done, Rockstar.

 

Thanks gypsy...and sasha...

I guess as I get older I'm finding the virtues in mainly growing up in a household with my mother and sister.

 

doopstr + gypsy + rockstar = all the advice you need.

One of the pillars of a relationshiop is trust. You broke that trust when you got "unsure" and wanted a break. She will, and rightfully so, continue to hedge until she knows you're all in and "safe" for her to be vuneralble again. I think if she's back to "I love you" you're on the right track.

Just be honest and genuine with her. Acknowledge that you hurt her and betrayed her trust. Ensure her that if she gives you her heart again, you'll protect it. Over time, trust will come back and you'll be good to go.

BTW, I had a decent amount of girlfriends growing up but could always imagine not being with them, and always got over them. I knew my wife (of almost 20 years) was the one when the thought of not having her in my life broke me in half.

Best of luck to you both!

 

Such a romantic you are.....

I want one like you, Louder. Terry won't marry me though. lol

 

Thanks all, I think you are right. I wanted to let her know I cared and I told her how I felt, admitted I was wrong, wouldn't hurt her again, etc. I walked down to the farmers market, picked out a bunch of flowers, got a vase and a nice card saying how I felt and implied it was up to her and I would leave her alone. Left the flowers at the front desk for her and once she got them we ended up talking more, maybe I need to try harder with little or no contact to see if she decides what she wants.

Louder, I realized this. I was so ok at first but quickly realized I really don't want to live without her

 

Good luck. I wish you the best.

 

HA!

 

That's great! I hope she sees that - keep us posted!

 

Glad I could help!

 

Whelp, it is over.

She texted me out of the blue last night saying she was thinking of me and alluded to me coming to sleep with her. She has done this before and usually says no at the end and after the other night where she didn't want me in her bed, I didn't ask to come up.

Text her good morning, hour later she says "i need to talk to you." I go up she says her bf saw two pics of us on FB with a group of ppl (thought it was weird she would post them but thought it was good for me) and he flipped the fuck out threatening to break up with her. She told me she wasn't sure if this was the right decision but she couldn't talk or see me anymore. She cried and told me she cares for and loves me but had to do this. She said their relationship is perfect and she needed to hook up with me to figure out what to do. I think it is a rebound and BS still but oh well.

I told her how I felt and it seemed to be a rebound (she said her friends said the same) but I would respect her wishes. I said I won't contact her anymore and won't tell him what happened.

Now this guy doesn't know we have seen each other but knows she has ditched him and been shady. After seeing the pics, In my mind he will figure it out and not trust her but that is just me. Just wanted to update everyone, real shitty day today but I guess I deserve it

 

Something tells me this saga is far from over..

 

I'm so sorry 1StGen. You're hurting pretty badly I'm sure. I'm not going to dump all that "fuck her" bullshit on you. This is obviously someone you love, and even through all this, I'm sure you don't want to hear her trashed.

You did the honorable thing. I will say that. You're a good guy. Keep your word now and distance yourself. It'll be best for both.

Again, I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

Thanks GG

Meant to add in my post that she was alluding to me coming over and then this morning said all she wanted was me in her bed last night but I never asked. I don't get it, on off like a switch but so much drama. I guess in a way it is better because now I don't have the unknown factor but it sucks hardcore

Plan to stay away, wonder if she will go thru with it

 

Too much drama.

 

sorry for the pain that your going through! its hard to let them go when you love them, or even when they use you, you still love them, but we have to relize, if they really loved you they wouldn't do this. at least you don't have to see your ex everyday at work...