Me and my current g/f have been dating for almost 5 months. We've done a lot together in that short amount of time. I drove us from NoVa to NYC so we could go see a show. She spent alot of money on the hotel. I paid for show tickets. I've met her parents. She's met my mother numerous times. As of the past few weeks, we've been short with each other. Our sarcasm has been borderline hurtfull to each other.

She went back to her parent's house in Pa for a week and a half for the Xmas/NYE week. She didn't invite me up for NYE. We didn't spend Thxgiving together either. She said that she wants to see her folks as much as possible before her busy season starts up because she's an accountant. We talked last nite and we aired our feelings. She told that her busy season will be for next 4 months which will have her working 55 hour workweeks and probably saturdays. She's a workaholic. She just started working as an accountant back when initially started dating. She said she wants to continue to make a good impression at work. So, she basically said she won't be able give time to our relationship. I told her I didn't want to make a decision right then and there because we have spent a lot time together in the previous months and to just let things go would ridiculous. She said she would really value my friendship if we decided not to continue our relationship.

I've gotten opinions for other female friends. The response I received was if she really wanted to make time for you, she would. While we were talking last nite, my g/f even told me that her roommates said that I'm the best b/f she has had. My g/f even said that I'm there for her when she needs me, that I do everything for her...which is what every normal b/f does for his g/f. But, she also said to me that since I said in Nov that I was moving out my mom's house and still haven't done so, she said that she's used to someone being more independent...because she's independent. I can't control things beyond my control which have hampered from moving out. But, she pretty much held that against me. I pointed out that I don't know where I am on her priority list. For example, out of ten things on her list, I felt like I was #10. She said it wasn't true and that this is most time she has spent w/ a b/f. she said I'm the only person she calls practically everyday. But, I still felt unimportant because she wouldn't ask me out to chill with her friends sometimes, just off of common courtesy. Like it would have been common courtesy to ask me up to her parent's house for NYE. Shit like that. I don't know if I'm more important than her college friends which she has hundreds of...because she would always be getting together some group of friends...sometimes leaving me out of the loop. She's met my friends, which I don't really have a lot of cause I didn't go to a big school. So, when I brought that up, she said she really cherishes her friendships and what-not.

So, all-in-all, I feel as though her respect for me has diminished. I'm not out running the streets. I've been in my career for 2 years, and working on my Master's degree. I'm doing my thing...but is it enough?

We just aired our feelings because we haven't really since we started dating.

Is there something I'm doing wrong to not make her not want to work on our relationship during the next 4 months, or is she so work-oriented and wanting to establish herself in her career that she's willing to put our relationship out to dry? She also said that she want to destroy our friendship if we decide not continue our relationship.

 

damm ron sorry to hear that brother... im sure things will all work out in then end. if your ment to be together you will be. but dont try to force it. and hey if you guys do break up next time we go to a big car show we can hit on the all the models.

 

yea def......she's giving excuses Sorry man......

 

yeah, I know. it's been crazy over the past few weeks because all we talk about are the general stuff. And it's like soon as we bring everything up last night, it's seems like her conclusion is for us to just stay friends and not try to really try to work it out our relationship. I think she is using her busy season as a scapegoat for her not to deal with us anymore.

I'm not forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to. Her personality was like "I'm going to busy for next few months and I don't want us to be in our relationship if I can't give you the attention that you need." It's not she can't give me the attention. She doesn't want to spread herself that thinly between work, friends, and me. I just want her to be there for me, like I would be there for her. If we were to stay 2gether, I would want her to call me every so often to tell me how much she misses me and she's tired of working her long hours.

My thing is if you want things to work, you will find a way.

 

it's over, sounds like a familiar story that i had with my ex. move on to bigger and better things....mainly someone who appreciates you AND the relationship.

 

she said last nite we are in different stages in life. she said I'm at the point where I could handle a serious relationship. And she's at the point where she's trying to establish herself professionally.

If I let her go, it won't be the end of the world. I just hate wasting my time. And I don't stay close with my ex's like she would probably want to do.

 

One of my good friends is an accountant. She works upwards of 60-70 hour weeks during their busy season. And she truly has very little time for her bf. Luckily her bf is extremely understanding and finds plenty to do when shes not around. I wouldn't say she's making excuses. But workaholics are a weird bunch. My friend only works the hours because she's forced to, she doesn't truly care about making a good impression. I've come across a few of those workaholics in my time and can't quite understand why they are the way they are, unless they just really really love what they do.

Maybe common courtesy isn't her best attribute. But I'd at least give it a try through her busy time at work, if that's her only hangup about the relationship. If I understand correctly it's her first time going through this busy season, which is generally extremely stressful for first time accountants.

If you really like this girl, I'd do my best to make her as comfortable as possible during that period without being clingy. Go out with your boys!! As long as she knows how you feel about how she treats you, things shoud be fine, if they aren't fine, then she's not worth your time. But if you're just kinda so-so on her, then let her go.... do your thing..... maybe call her up in a few months and see how things are going.

It is my experience that if a guy is not really all about a girl, then he is only hesitant to let her go because he's afraid he'll stll want her around and at the same time he's afraid she'll get with someone else while he's doin his thing before he calls her up again. If you're afraid of that, then I think her problem isn't with a relationship in general, it's with you. In which case, just get out.

 

I just went through this bro, and it still hurts. It's hard not to see the signs when you're in the middle of it, but they're usually there staring right at you. The sooner you can try to move on the better. Hang in there.

 

ive experienced this sorta thing as well, but i was the busy accoutant so to say.. I work a 40 hour work load, and take full time college courses. It leaves me with little time for much of anything else.Hell, i didnt even see my friends that much anymore, in my free time i had to chose between friends or alone time with my girlfriend. Eventually i felt like i couldnt juggle them all anymore. For m e i realized that its all about balance.

we started to pick at eacother, the mean sarcasm emerged, and i just cut it off. She also left me out of the loop with her friends as well, it was a major issue for us that i never was invited anywhere out of common courtesy.

In my opinion she knows your relationship is starting to strain, she sees herself being extremely busy, causing more strain, and with all of this it will lead to a split.

I dont know some of you guys probably disagree with me but i think that timing is alot in a relationship, and right now it doesnt sound to me like she thinks things are going to work out for you two at this time.

 

i mean her not having time could just be a scapegoat, but everyone is different and some people just cannont focus or function properly with so many things goin on in their lives, she chooses not to make you a priority part of her balance so i think splitting would be best for you. If your in a relationship with someone they should definately be at the top, if they arent then its time to move on.

 

I am sorry but I am going to need to see some nude pics of her before I can counsel you on this issue.

 

I'm supposed to go see her tonite. I usually spend the nite, but tonite I'm not taking any overnite bags with me.

If she is adimant(sp) about us not working while she is in busy season, then I don't think her heart is in it anymore. With every relationship comes hardship, bumps, and rough patches. For her to just leave it up to me on whether I think it's worthwhile for us to continue is totally unfair.

 

in killer's case.... with age, comes wisdom

 

I wish you the strength to be strong. Love hurts more than anything. One way to look at it is, if she doesn't want to make much effort, and basically told you that so many other things come first, why would you settle for that?? I know its not easy, but cut your losses.

Plan B, if she truly is the one, do whatever it takes and make huge efforts to fix the things she doesn't like. Its a bad feeling to have a relationship end from lack of effort. When you can say you've given it everything you've got, it somehow makes you feel better in the end. Good luck.

 

Well, it's official. she broke up with me. she said that from us distancing ourselves over the past couple months, not talking about our relationship, and her feelings not growing like she thought they would have, she found it difficult to think we could carry on something serious since she will be extremely busy over the next few months. She even said since her ex-boyfriend is moving to this area in next few months, a lil part of her still is in love with him even though he is currently involved. She said they have always been friends since they broke up because it was mutual and she couldn't take the strain of their long-term relationship. I hope she is not setting herself for a big let-down.

She said for us that she would like for us to stay in contact because she doesn't know what will happen after her busy season is over. I told her I don't really stay in contact with my ex's because it always led to the backslide...Especially now that she told me her heart is somewhere else. She said she didn't want to lose my friendship because it was when we weren't with each other that our relationship strained. She also said we grew more as friends because we never talked about our relationship.

 

Very sorry to hear that. Finish up your Masters and focus on yourself. I can't believe she had the nerve to say she still has a little spot still fresh for her ex. That stuff will kill you. If girl that left me on that note, I would surely go out of my mind. Stay strong!!!!

 

Stop being a wussy and being so damn needy. Don't talk to her every frickin day, let her wait a couple days................start giving her the cold shoulder and treat her like shit a litttle bit. Back off, you're too damn nice = boring. Good luck, sounds just like one of my old realtionships when I was 19 and didn't know any better. So, if things don't turn around in a couple weeks move on, and really as of now I would be looking for her replacement. Good luck.

 

My bad, didn't read far enough. You did this to your self, you got to get out of the nice guy mode. 1st of all, long distance sucks........mistake #1, second, you slotted yourself into the friend role and once you do that it is very hard to get out of. As far as the friendship bullshit goes, fuck that. Drop all contact now like a hot potato. Been there, done that, you are going to be her shoulder to cry on when the guy she is now fucking instead of you is treating her bad, bla bla bla,.........leave this slut in the rearview....in fact, see if one of her friends close by would like to hook up.

 

BEWARE--------------Long Post

How To Lose A Girl Fast

By David DeAngelo
--------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------

HOW TO LOSE A GIRL FAST

Now THIS sounds like an interesting topic, doesn't
it?

Why would you want to know how to LOSE a girl?

Well, I'm going to propose a DANGEROUS IDEA.

I'm going to suggest that you are probably already
an EXPERT in LOSING a girl.

You might even be a "natural" at it.

Most guys are.

But the PROBLEM is that most guys don't UNDERSTAND
why they're so good at LOSING women.

In other words, they walk through the world screwing
up one situation after another, and never realize JUST
HOW GOOD they are at being bad with women.

And they don't realize that by just changing a
few key things they could change their level of success
DRAMATICALLY.

One great way to increase your success in life
is to start REALIZING what you're doing. Once you
actually understand what you're doing and the results
you're triggering, you can CHANGE.

So open your mind. Listen up.

TYPICAL THINGS MEN DO

As you've probably heard me say about a million
times, MEN ARE PREDICTABLE.

In fact, we're PAINFULLY predictable.

We all do basically the same things when we get
into common situations with women... but we don't
even realize it.

I call this the Originality Paradox.

In our desire to be "original" and "unique", us
guys tend to do the SAME THINGS! Said differently,
while you're doing something that seems thoughtful
and original, the attractive woman on the other end
is thinking "He's just like all the other guys".

Ouch.

So why is being predictable so bad?

Look at this formula:

Predictable = BORING.

Boring = NO EMOTIONS.

No Emotions = NO ATTRACTION.

No Attraction = NO GETTIN' SHIZZY WITH THA NIZZY!

One of the VERY BEST ways to lose a girl is to
be PREDICTABLE.

Another huge mistake men make is GIVING AWAY OUR
POWER to women.

I'm not going to go into it, but the reality is
that women are NOT attracted to WEAK men. And I'm
not talking about muscles here.

If you act like a Wuss, you are shooting yourself
in the foot.

Here are a few examples of how us guys act PREDICTABLE,
give away our power, and make about 147 other huge
mistakes with women we've just met:

1) Call Her All The Time

If you like someone, it's logical that you're going
to want to let them know, right?

Well, only if you like the idea of coming across
like a total Jack-Wuss. I just made that up, by the
way. Combination of Jackass and Wuss. Not sure if I
like it, but I'm going to go with it.

Where was I?

Yea, calling her all the time.

Calling all the time is usually triggered by INSECURITY
and NEEDINESS. It sounds like a good idea, but it
almost NEVER is.

A great way to lose a girl before you even have
her. We might call this one "Have Prevention" even.


2) Offer To Take Her Somewhere "Nice"

What do most guys do when they meet a girl that
they "really" like?

Well, they call her up, and they get into a boring
conversation about schools and families and jobs and
100 other painfully boring things... and when they
finally realize that they've been on the phone for
an hour, they realize that they'd better do SOMETHING
soon... because she's starting to talk about having
to go wash her dog...

So what do they do?

They think to themselves "Self, you'd better get
up some nerve and ask her out. Hey! Self! I have a
GREAT idea. Ask her to go out with you to a REALLY
NICE place. She'll be far more likely to want to do
that, and besides, then she'll know that you REALLY
like her...".

And what does this REALLY communicate?

Right, right.

That you have the confidence to just ask her to
spend time with you for NO REASON other than the fact
that you want to... and that you must not be WORTH
spending time with - without some kind of "meal incentive".

Meal Incentive... lol... I crack myself up.

Well, this is one more example of something that
"sounds good" in the moment, but is BAD BAD BAD for
business.


3) Do "Thoughtful" Things From The Beginning

What's better than a nice, thoughtful guy showing
up at the door with flowers and candy for the first
date?

Well, to quote an old Saturday Night Live episode,
"Throwing an entire box of thumb tacks on the floor,
and rolling around in them naked".

Or maybe taking one of those... you know... SERRATED
KNIVES... yea, that's it... and putting it between your
big toe and second toe and slicing back and forth really
fast... and then pouring... you know... HOT SAUCE...
yea, that's it... on the wound!

I hate it when that happens!

But we men do this kind of thing all the time...
because it sure sounds good in the moment.

By the way, don't try the thumb tack thing or the
hot sauce thing UNLESS you're considering purchasing
flowers and candy to bring to a first date. In that
case, please take these measures to prevent yourself
from acting on the uncontrollable urges.

If you come on too strong, you appear just like
every other predictable Wussyboy that has ever tried
to make himself look better by giving gifts and food
and favors in exchange for attention and approval.


4) Tell Her How You "Feel" About Her Early On

This might be one of my favorites.

I'm starting to think that us guys must come stock
with a mechanism that actually compels us to open
our BIG FAT MOUTHS and screw things up with only the
BEST women.

I'll call this the "Feeling Confessor" mechanism.
It is triggered by strong feelings of attraction and
emotion toward an unusually attractive woman.

I've talked to A LOT of attractive women in my
life. And they all have one similar experience to
share...

For some UNKNOWN and UNGODLY reason, men just seem
to LOVE telling SUPER HOT women how they FEEL within
the first couple of dates.

And I also get a lot of emails from men, as you
might realize.

One of the common emails I get goes a little something
like this:

"David, I met this unbelievably hot girl... she's
smart, interesting, successful... everything seemed
to be going well... so I decided to tell her how I
felt... and for some reason she said that she needs
some "space" and some "time to be alone"... I don't
get it..."

Again, when you do this you're making all kinds
of huge mistakes... and basically doing everything
you can to LOSE her.


5) Keep Telling Her How You Feel When She Needs Space

And if the last example wasn't painful enough,
most guys usually like to use this final "nail in
the coffin" technique as well...

Here's the situation:

You've met a girl you really like. Maybe you've
gone out with her a few times. Doesn't matter.

You do all the things you can think of to SCREW
IT UP, and you finally succeed.

You prove to her that you just don't get it, and
you don't know how to handle a woman like her.

So she says "I need some space" or "I need some
time to myself".

And what do most guys do?

Of course. They KEEP telling her how they feel.

And they do it in 100 annoying ways.

The thought most guys have is "If she only understood
how I REALLY FEEL ABOUT HER, then she would LOVE ME".

It's painful just typing the words.

So there you have it.

Part of the magic formula for losing a girl fast.
Interesting, isn't it?

But there's a much DEEPER message here.

The message is this:

If you don't understand the process of how to make
women feel ATTRACTION for you, including the things
to AVOID doing, then you're not going to have success.

Not knowing the rules of a game makes it very difficult
(or impossible) to win.

And, unfortunately, us guys have a HUGE disadvantage
when it comes to women and dating...

We have emotional responses to situations that take
over our "thinking", and make us do all the wrong things.

We usually sabotage OURSELVES.

Well, the good news is that it does NOT have to
be this way. There is a BETTER way.

If you found this particular discussion interesting,
then you're probably read to learn the DEEPER secrets
of how to be more successful with women and dating.

If you're ready to STOP losing women faster than
you can meet them, then it's probably time for you
to step up and get yourself an education about how
to attract women and KEEP them attracted.

 

I was going to email her this morning about the fact she brought up her ex-boyfriend coming back into her life and that they had been in contact for the past 2 months...which is totally unfair.

But, then I thought to myself and figured what good would it do right now if I told her it was unfair for her to start thinking about someone else while were together and things weren't right with us.

 

i hate when females pull that shit. oh we can be friends right even if im fucking some one else. that shit is so fucked!!! im sorry if i was with you i dont want to know who else is fucking you, you know. i cant be friends with ex's it just dosent work like that

 

her ex is not up here. she talked about him because she said when they were together she was totally in love with him, and that she didn't feel her feelings were on the same path to love for me like they were with him.

 

how long were they together? besides next year at the next car show we go to you can hit on the hot models.

 

not sure how long they were together, but it was a while before she graduated from college in May 2004. Maybe the end of her junior year. She was up here at JMU and he was down in NC.

 

simple.... she is pushing you away.....

girls have this retarded way of showing that they care.... they set you free just to see if you would come back to them...... or, she got a gut feeling you are not the guy for her and she wants to see if you will bend for her...

take your time... lay low...stick it out.... but if you get all fired up and push her, expect it to end.

 

wise man......

 

Smitty, what you say is exactly what is going on with me. I am not getting fired up, I am sticking it out, and I am laying low, so I sure hope I get her back!!!

 

I hear ya. Good, wise words. We are still discussing it via email. One thing email is good for is getting your point across without being interrupted.

I think she is starting to understand my point of view. I think she is starting to understand that because we never talked about relationship, we fell in too deep on establishing our relationship. she says she's confused about everything right now. She said her and her ex are just friends, nothing more, but I don't know how much her feelings for him manipulated her feelings for me. Too complex. Oh yeah, she hasn't talked to him in 2 years up until a few months ago.

I'm leaving her alone after we finish talking today. She tried to put the ball in my corner, but I feel I'm pushing the ball to her side.

 

Sorry to hear about this. At least, she was honest with you about how things have turned out between the 2 of you. I'm glad to hear that you are handling this maturely.

If only all people can be honest about their feelings and just tell things the way they are, no sugar-coating on top... there would be less heartache in this world.

 

I wouldn't necessarily say she was completely honest. It seemed like their were 3 of us including her ex cause she pretty much compared our relationship to her previous one...which IMO is totally unfair.

This is how it went down in short: Since we have not talked about our relationship in past few months, her feelings for me have not grown like she wanted, thus she doesn't feel it's worth it to try to repair our relationship by trying to devote time during her busy season to us. On top of that, while she's been in contact with her ex over the past couple months practically unbeknownst to me, her feelings for him have started to grow and she compared her path to following for him with our relationship. So, that pretty much ended any efforts for her to try to reach out in relationship.

Here is her last email to me yesterday:

"I'm so sorry everything has gone down this way but I feel that this is the right thing. I hope you can someday accept my wishes and understand that there is someone out there so much better for you than me. I understand that you probably have no interest in talking to me for awhile but I really really hope that you will want to try a friendship with me. I will miss you very very much until you are ready."

Why does she think I will want to be her friend after knowing her ex ultimately (unbeknownst to him) sabotaged our relationship?

On the next email I asked her have her feelings for me been replaced by feelings for her ex?:

"I guess the only thing I can say is yes, my feelings for him have changed the way I feel about our relationship. I can't help the fact that I think about things like that. Overcoming them for the time being would be easy and I could focus on us in the present, but I can't say that they would go away and that things could get indefinitely better for us. I just think that you and I are such different people and that we are both looking for opposite characteristics in someone we want to be with. I cannot deny how great you have been to me, but I don't think we are right for each other."

Tell me she doesn't sound a lil hypocritical in the email above...I've been so great to her, but we aren't right for each other.

Despite her telling me that she didn't have strong feelings for her until recent, I think she had these feelings when they got back in contact with each other. She really can't understand being in contact with your ex's ultimately affects your future relationships. If she hadn't been in contact with him, she would have probably given us a chance to repair our relationship. So, ultimately, her not giving us a chance is her fault.


I hate wrong bishes...but I love the right ones...even though I haven't met the right one yet. I had some offer to solve some problems for me...but I felt it wasn't worth it.

 

dammt hats shitty ron!!!!!!. i hate when girls are like you will find some one better for you than me. that is such a line. well how much did you care for her? are you all fucked up over this or is it just kinda like what ever?

 

the more I learned about how she still felt for her ex, it kinda fucked me up. We had spent countless hours together and she didn't have the decency to tell me that she had feelings for another guy. I would have had more respect for her if she had told me when she first started have strong feelings. I lost all respect for her and its a slap in my face that she just dropped me. Fuckin Bitch!!!


...Karma is a muthafucka...it will get back to her somehow, someway

 

yea no doubt she will fall back in love with her ex only to find that he is going to marry his current g/f.

 

MisterMehoff,

Go back to page 1 and read 2003type-s6's post. Then, read it again. Then a 3rd time just to commit it to memory.

In relationships, it all boils down to simple economics - supply and demand. Women (and men for that matter) only covet that which is RARE. If you are always available to her by phone, e-mail, in person, whatever, then you are an OVER ABUNDANT COMMODITY and therefore, not very rare or attractive. Therefore, you have to make yourself a RARE commodity.

The absolute best and ONLY way to get a chick back who is losing interest in you is to BLOW HER OFF. IMMEDIATELY. RIGHT NOW. Stop taking her calls, e-mails, etc. and NEVER call yourself. You might want to take maybe 1 out of 5 calls. And, when you do take that call, try to get off the phone as soon as possible. Treat her like an annoyance. Trust me. You will suddenly become absolutely fascinating and intriguing to her.

Now, if you are at that stage where you are just mad at her b/c she seemed to have led you on or that she keeps comparing you to her ex, well, just cut it out. Realize that YOU were the one who allowed YOURSELF to get to this situation. It has NOTHING to do with "fairness". So, the solution is to follow my steps above. Yes, even now, you should practice this. There are 2 reasons for doing this:
1) It is the ONLY way you have to get her back if you want her back. If this doesn't get her back for you, it most assuredly will allow you to get over her in the shortest amt of time.
2) Even if you don't want her back, wouldn't it be nice for YOU to have the option to decide whether or not you want to be with her?

Finally, a little food for thought. What is it that makes you so damn attracted to her at this point? Think about it. You already know the answer. You want her more than ever now b/c she has made HERSELF a RARE commodity! Once you realize that a big part of the emotions you are feeling now are due to her pushing you away and the thought of her being attracted to another person, then you will see that you really don't want to be with this person.

 

I haven't been in contact with her since Jan 3. That was the last time I saw her. The next day I asked for the necklace back that I gave to her about 3 weeks before that. The necklace was something special to me because I went to San Fran back in mid-Dec and I picked her up a sentimental gift(something that I didn't have to do). You would think something one-of-a-kind like a handmade necklace would hold a place in her heart. It didn't. I asked for it back the day after she broke up with me. She didn't even put up a fight. That was a test to she how much she really cared for me. She failed that test. So, I deleted her AIM s/n from my buddy list, her number out of my phonebook, threw away the necklace, and deleted all her emails.

Like DMX once said, "If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to you, it was never yours." Apparently, her ex boyfriend has the majic touch. I don't care to hear from her ever again.

 

I have been in a similar situation...not at the top of the person's list and wanting to remain friends after the breakup...The whole friend thing is a cop out...that's a I want to keep you in my life anyway that I can but I don't want to make a committment to you! That my friend is BS...I know how busy my life is as a single parent of 4 kids and working 48 to 60 hours a week...I never make sith feel like I don't have time for him or his son. If you want it to work, it will. I am sorry that you didn't get to spend the holidays with her...I know first hand how lonely and hurtful it is not to spend those special times with the person who is supposed to love you more than anything....hope you spent them with Christ, I know I did.

 

Don't settle for anything less. You deserve the best. She's not worth all the trouble if you are not the 1st in her heart. Hope the days ahead will be better...

 

I really appreciate both opinions. It realys gives insight to a woman's way of thinking. I knew it, I just needed validation from a woman and I truly from my heart thank both of you.

DarkSithGirl, you are a ride-or-die chick. That's love you are talking about w/ your b/f. That's a beautiful thang that you have so much going on in your life and still make time.

 

ouch - kiss of death. She's not over the ex and he's in the background working the sabotoge.

avoid her like the plague man, nothing good can come from this one. Now pick up and move on and never contact her again.

she's already given tons of excuses and there is no need to figure out why. It just didn't work out and shes a selfish SOB nutjob with no ability to give. that's it in a nutshell. Sounds like a little girl and not a woman to me.

but that's just MHO

 

thanx..wish he could see it or even give me the same...Hope everything works out for you...let us know!