Been with a girl for 1.5 years, good friend of mine first, then we started dating. First year was great, sure we had our fights, but overall it was normal. Last 6 months have been terrible. I'm honestly not happy in the relationship anymore. We had a huge fight a couple weeks back, I never thought it, but she mentioned breakup which I was surprised by, because I would figure we would work at things first before even entertaining breakup.

Things just are not like they use to be. She's gotten really comfortable and at the same time pessimistic about many things in life. I don't know if they are sources of the arguing, but she seems to be short fused. I don't want to be in a relationship where I am constantly walking on eggshells. I am too young for that IMO. We should be banging like rabbits, going out having fun, with the occasional fight, but not like this.

I've been thinking it over and over, it makes more sense to end things and be friends instead of continue being in this relationship. I know I'll be happier. Problem is I really don't know when to do it. I don't want to string it out, but I'm not cold where I can just do it over the phone or do it right this second. We have an engagement dinner to go to this weekend and a friend is getting married next week so it would be shitty to do it now. Not to mention she's a consultant and is out of town right now. Back on the weekends. Do I talk to her about it now? Do I wait till after the wedding? I've never really broke up with someone so its kind of new to me.

 

I feel worse cause she's trying to hang out more and more and be more affectionate and loving but I just can't seem to get back there. I feel like its too late to go back to where we once were. It doesn't help I got intimate with her recently I think she may have tried it to reel me in since I've become more detached from the relationship. I dunno.

 

never a good time IMHO...do it when you feel there's an opportunity if she is really making you unhappy. The way I see it, the sooner you break up, the sooner you two can move on and begin to find someone new and/or heal...or whatever it is that you wanna do...you may as well be fair to both of you and do it ASAP, that is unless you really think there's more to the relationship... gl!

 

Cheat...see if you feel any better.

 

 

Worst advice evar!

However, let's say he takes it, then decides he wants to be with her. Does he tell her? What if he feels guilty?... You can't give him a paddle without a boat.

 

I hear what you're saying, maybe right after the wedding. I definitely would like to talk to her in person about it. I just don't want to prevent her from having a good time with the events the next 2 weeks. I guess I'm hoping to change my mind, probably why I'm throwing it out to AZ.

 

Who's friend wedding is it? If you break up now will you both still be there?

And you absolutely have to do it in person.

 

Did you guys ever talk everything out after the fight? Or did you just make believe nothing happened? It needs to be talked about otherwise it will just linger get you to think about things like breaking up. Is it possible that you are thinking "shit I just bought this new condo, time for some new pussy" or it is something that you have been thinking about for a while? Have you ever talked about your issues with her? If you don't talk about things, you will wind up being miserable.

 

Talk about it a day or so after the wedding... I don't think you should do it before.

And yeah like Dom said it definitely should be in person.

 

You shouldn't wait, you've already made up your mind. Do it as soon as she comes back in town.

 

Both of us are friends. We will both be there.




We fought for 5 days straight. Nothing really got resolved. She wanted to agree to disagree. I told her that doesn't solve a thing. It was left open ended. I've talked and talked about the issues, she just gets defensive and we get into an argument.

 

What are these big issues if you don't mind my asking?

 

I should have said....
If you don't feel it anymore...put yourself in the situation where you could cheat and see if you can go through with it.

 

#1 I am anti friends with a girl after a relationship. Especially if it's serious and longterm. I dont care how bad or easy the break up was, I never remain friends with an ex. Just for sake of my feelings being messed with and it doesnt sound good with a new potential g/f. Even the NON controlling girls dont appreciate the idea of hanging out with an ex, no matter how much you tell her you guys are done with eachother.

#2 there's no real good time to end a relationship. Do it when you feel it's right. Dont wait 3 months if you already made your decision and feel it now. It's not fair to you and to her.

#3 About this reception dinner and wedding. Are they friends of yours or hers? If you're the one shelling out the money for the plate and possible split of a gift, then why go through with it? Break up with her before you toss out money you dont have to.

#4 Never, I repeat, never break up over the phone, email, etc. That is the pussy way out and even if you dont see your ex ever again, at least she will know you were man enough to do it face-to-face. It's a small world and that might come back to you and bite you in the ass.

Goodluck!

 

I like to do it in person and at the end of the evening. "Can we talk? Though this hurts me too, this relationship is not working for me any more...."

I must admit, I am kind of in the same boat as you. Have been with my g/f for almost a year and just do not feel like we are working. She says she wants the relationship but I do not feel it from her. But she also has alot on her plate...

 

Do it as soon as you find time. Perhaps parting ways would be the best for the best of you since you both are not happy together. Or maybe you just need space and in time, there maybe a chance for you to be back again. Dunno but just do the breakup.

 

Ugh, she pissed me off tonight. We got into an argument and everything I said she just kept throwing it back to me. Reminds me of passive aggressive behavior. I had told her in the past that none of us should use vulgarities towards each other, even in the heat of the moment because it only warrants ill thoughts. She did it twice and I forgave her both times (over the course of our past arguments in the last couple weeks), the last time she said it wouldn't happen again. She goes ahead and drops a fuck you to me tonight, and at that point I said, "done" and that I don't have to put up with that language towards me from you and hung up. I didn't mean to end the relationship, I'm just really mad now and rather end the conversation and pick up when we've both cooled off. I texted her that I meant the convo and not the relationship because I'm not in a position to talk to her.

Unfortunately things may be accelerated at this point. bah...

 

Intimacy for one, was very healthy and became non existent.

Money, we don't agree on how to spend money, we're just dating and she criticizes me for most things I buy. I.e. Washer and Dryer for my condo. (Sorry I spent a couple hundred more for features I would actually use and researched before I took the plunge)

Selectively is supportive about moving closer to her and buying my own place. She says she's sick of hearing about my condo. I'm sure most of you homeowners know, its a huge step, there are a TON of things involved. Before and AFTER you buy. She must not understand this cause she rents a place with her sister.

Taking steps in life, we have talked about our future, where we see ourselves. We have talked about marriage, she throws me this wild card that she doesn't want to take a step (i.e. engagement) until her sister is happy/in a relationship. I understand her concern for her sister, but what does she have to do with my relationship? What other things will she stop or slow us from doing? I can't put my life on hold for someone outside of my parents or significant other. Heck if my sibling wasn't set, its unfortunate, but I wouldn't wait to progress on my life.

That's some of the big things going on.

 

I think she's still happy to some degree, I'm pretty much not. I offered up reasons why we must not be happy, she doesn't agree with them and can't offer alternate reasons. I honestly don't know how to respond to that.

 

Now that, right there, takes a man to do. By saying something, and actually following through. But depending on how she takes it now, that right there may have ended the relationship, unless she thinks it was just the conversation you had ended.

If you dont have that in a relationship, then there isn't much for a reason to be in one.

Obviously not. Not trying to sound like a dick here, but it IS a huge step, and you want to have nothing but the best for your house, cause its your investment, and your future.

I'm sorry, but I can't seem to understand that as well. It looks as if her sister being in a relationship has a big priority over YOUR engagement, and its her sister but your the one thats going to end up living with her. She doesn't plan on inviting her sister to move in with you guys once you get married, right?

I'm not tryin to talk down or anything, just trying to tell things from a different perspective. What do you think about all of this? And as far as breaking up, I'd suggest to break up AFTER the wedding, so that no bad mouthing, or bashings take place during, or after the wedding. If you do talk to her, tell her how you feel, and that the spark you guys once had, is gone.

 

I say do it when there is time to do it face to face, it can be hard breaking up with some one over the phone. I also say don't lead her on, if you want out then tell her so you both and pick yourself up and move on. If she is not doing it for you anymore just move on and spare you and her the long drown out unhappy relationship.

 

She is basing her happiness on her sister's happiness, and that is not good. She will for ever be depending on her sister for her happiness. I don't understand that, why would she risk not be happy because her sister is not happy? I say brake up now you can't risk putting your life on hold.

 

If you intentions are breaking up with her, please do it after the wedding! Nothing worse then going to an event that both of you are attending after a breakup.

A girl can tell when the relationship is taking a toll for the worse, they always seem to be more AFFECTIONATE to keep us guys around. The problem is that it does work most of the time but it gives the girl the wrong impression on where the relationship stands.

 

Both bits of advice here are very correct and very sound.

 

No joke, she has become very affectionate and throwing intimacy advances at me. I unfortunately accepted them. I did tell her last night that perhaps doing that was my mistake. So I hope I made some clarification. I'll have to make sure not to accept them anymore.

I'm definitely waiting to say something AFTER the wedding. I'm not gonna be an ass and do it before.

 

There is a perfect time to break up with a woman.... BEFORE you marry her.

Breaking up with a girlfriend is a lot easier than a divorce.

Decide to do it then do it, it sucks and there is going to be a period of time you're going to feel badly. All you can do is accept it and go on.

This is very typical. Men are easy to lead around by the gonads. Oh well one of the things that makes us men.

As far as friends after the breakup... That is up to you and her and what kind of people you are. Personally I am friends with only one of my former girlfriends and we are very good friends, but it was a long road to get to that point.

CanopyFlyer

 

Since all of my time posting was left unanswered, I will try a little more. Who's friends are they? Yours? Hers? If they are yours are you afraid of not having a date to the wedding?

If they are hers, why the fuck would you care. You're the one probably shelling out the dough.

 

I don't know if I think that accepting her advances are totally wrong. You guys were together for a while. There is some level of affection you will feel. Giving in is not the worse thing in the world. In her eyes you are still "together," correct? If you tell her you were wrong to sleep with her, then it is almost as good as ending your relationship.

I think you are doing the right thing waiting for after the wedding. No need to add drama to someone elses day.

Good luck.

 

As far as ending a relationship, the best time is ASAP. The fact that the two of you are attending a friend's wedding makes a little dicey. Doing it now is better for you; doing it after the wedding is better for your friend.

The only danger in waiting until after the wedding is that many times women start thinking about marriage when they're at a wedding, potentially making the breakup that much harder.

 

I agree that ASAP is best. But like you said....doing it after the wedding is better for your friend. The last think anyone would like is for drama to mess up the time you have at your wedding. I think he's right for waiting.

And his mind seems made up. Whether his woman is thinking marriage to the point of wearing a big white dress, I think it's not likely to change his mind. It may be harder for her. But then again....it's a situation of 6 one way, half a dozen the other....she is going to be upset either way.

 

What are you talking about man? I told you and others, and others have repeated it, the wedding is for a mutual friend. In retrospect, they are probably more my friends than hers, but we were all college friends together. We didn't discuss the gift situation. I'm sure we won't agree on that either, the person getting married is like a sister to me so obviously I will shell out $$$ for her. My gf would not want to contribute as much.

 

So shouldn't that somewhat fix that issue? Or have you not taken advantage?

 

I'd say ASAP - i'd rather break up with someone before a wedding than go through the wedding being all fake and then break up right after...

but that's just me...

Although it sounds like in your head you've already made up your decision

 

If it is indeed your friend the most, then the only reason I see him still bringing her is because he doesnt want people to ask "hey, where's your g/f at?" Well, it's gonna happen sometime or later.

 

One of many issues. Having more sex won't solve all our problems. At this point the rift is large enough that I'm not sure things can be how they once were.




I don't want my friends to deal with break up drama, rather leave that for AFTER the wedding. I don't want any attention brought to me, its my friend's day, I don't want my issues to arise that night.

 

I agree with you on this one...there's no need bringing added tension/drama to the wedding. I'm sure there will already be enough tension between the two of you at the wedding.

I've been in a very similar situation to you and w/ my ex it was getting to the point where I just wasn't feeling it anymore. We had a couple fights which she tried to spin back on me and then one night, in the middle of a little bit of a fight over the phone she pulled out the "F*** You!!" Needless to say, I ended the relationship completely w/in 2 days. I still continued to talk to her after a few weeks, and we hooked up a couple times, but after we had our space, I found my fiancée and I haven't been happier. We've been together for almost 4 years and have never had a big fight, are still completely all over eachother, and still spend as much time together as possible.

The moral of the story: if you're not happy with your current situation (which after reading through this thread, it's pretty obvious you're not), it's time to move on. Compromises happen in every healthy relationship, however, when it changes from compromise to one person completely trying to change the other, it is no longer a healthy relationship. Sit her down sometime after the wedding and let her know how you feel and why you're not happy with the current relationship. It's time to move on and you can still be friends, but it will take time for that to take place. By the way, I still talk to my ex occasionally, and she's with someone else now and has a little girl. Sometimes, we just need to let each other go and move on to what else is in store for us. Good luck!

 

if you know deep down theres nothing left then i would do it asap. put yourself in her shoes: would you wanna be at a function with a girlfriend whos just counting down the minutes till she can get rid of you (whether you realize it or not)? i wouldnt. don't lead people on.

just make sure its something you dont want to do what you can to make it work. if you know for sure that all's lost then just be done with it.

 

I'm going to respectfully disagree here. it's not just any other function, it's presumably the biggest day of 2 people's lives. It would make it very awkward if they broke up before hand and then both showed up. The married couple would sense the awkwardness.

I'd say break up after the wedding, just for the respect of the bride and groom.

You said intimacy was a big part of hit, and now after she let you hit buns you say a lot more sex couldn't fix it It sounds like she's making a last ditch effort, but if you're not happy then you're not happy. You can't please everyone.

 

unless you two just can't keep your differences at bay whatsoever, then I suggest you break it off, be adults about the situation and agree to be civilized towards one another or "pretend" to be normal.

I am usually not one for putting up fronts, but really, you have to respect the fact that your friends are going into one of the biggest moments of their lives and although you're probably not the first thing on their mind, it will still ruin the fun.