Trying to understand
10-14-2013, 05:20 PM
#1
StephTL2580
Thread Starter
Trying to understand
Cliff notes version.
1. Known my male friend now for over 10 years
2. Lost touch and reconnected about 3 years ago.
3. Has 4 kids and at the time had been divorced for like 6 yrs
4. Wife cheated on him and was willing to give it a 2nd chance but she didnt want to reconcile.
5. We mess around a total of 3x in the last 3 years because he lives 4 hours away
6. Wasnt right timing for us to date
7. Last time we messed around was last July 4th
8. Gets married in Nov and I told him he was not ready, etc... he said well she practically put the ring on herself and I guess he figured he better settle since it would be hard to find someone to accept him with 4 kids. She has 3 from a previous and they agreed they would not have any between them.
9. He had stopped contacting me and then in May, he's like "hey whats up"
10. As soon as he contacted me, I knew he wanted to "hook up" and I was like oh no
11. So here we are 5 months later and he is still wanting to hook up.
Can someone tell me here from a mans perspective? Why? I have even called him out and said why do you want to hook up with me? That is considered cheating on your wife
HEs like no, we have a history, I feel comfortable with you and its not the same as if I would be with someone else, which I would never do... 
WTF does that mean??? I tell him does your wife not "satisfy" you? Hes like yeah, she's great in bed but I miss you and miss your company.
I'm lost and trying to understand what he actually thinks??
Anyone care to chime in?
and NO, I have not hooked up with him since he's been married and I have no plans on it. I believe in what goes around comes around..karma, whatever you want to call it.
1. Known my male friend now for over 10 years
2. Lost touch and reconnected about 3 years ago.
3. Has 4 kids and at the time had been divorced for like 6 yrs
4. Wife cheated on him and was willing to give it a 2nd chance but she didnt want to reconcile.
5. We mess around a total of 3x in the last 3 years because he lives 4 hours away
6. Wasnt right timing for us to date
7. Last time we messed around was last July 4th
8. Gets married in Nov and I told him he was not ready, etc... he said well she practically put the ring on herself and I guess he figured he better settle since it would be hard to find someone to accept him with 4 kids. She has 3 from a previous and they agreed they would not have any between them.
9. He had stopped contacting me and then in May, he's like "hey whats up"
10. As soon as he contacted me, I knew he wanted to "hook up" and I was like oh no
11. So here we are 5 months later and he is still wanting to hook up.
Can someone tell me here from a mans perspective? Why? I have even called him out and said why do you want to hook up with me? That is considered cheating on your wife
HEs like no, we have a history, I feel comfortable with you and its not the same as if I would be with someone else, which I would never do... WTF does that mean??? I tell him does your wife not "satisfy" you? Hes like yeah, she's great in bed but I miss you and miss your company.I'm lost and trying to understand what he actually thinks??
Anyone care to chime in?
and NO, I have not hooked up with him since he's been married and I have no plans on it. I believe in what goes around comes around..karma, whatever you want to call it.
10-14-2013, 05:50 PM
#2
Because men. Although...
Research has shown that men and women cheat about equally.
I'm no angel, but as I age the desire to taste fruit from another bowl is diminished. There may be a special bond between the two of you that he is powerless to resist. At this point I would be blunt with him and explain that there is never gonna be a hook-up.
Research has shown that men and women cheat about equally.
I'm no angel, but as I age the desire to taste fruit from another bowl is diminished. There may be a special bond between the two of you that he is powerless to resist. At this point I would be blunt with him and explain that there is never gonna be a hook-up.
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10-14-2013, 06:33 PM
#4
StephTL2580
Thread Starter
LOL, snuggle buddies. I have been blunt and told him straight out nothing will ever happen again. No, no no....Too bad so sad, you are married now dude. I agree woman cheat just as much as men. I know there are true loyal faithful men and woman out there and still believe in marriage. Just boggled thats all.
10-14-2013, 06:36 PM
#5
Because men. Although...
Research has shown that men and women cheat about equally.
I'm no angel, but as I age the desire to taste fruit from another bowl is diminished. There may be a special bond between the two of you that he is powerless to resist. At this point I would be blunt with him and explain that there is never gonna be a hook-up.
Research has shown that men and women cheat about equally.
I'm no angel, but as I age the desire to taste fruit from another bowl is diminished. There may be a special bond between the two of you that he is powerless to resist. At this point I would be blunt with him and explain that there is never gonna be a hook-up.
OP, men are like lions; always wanting to have pussy cats around them.
10-14-2013, 06:40 PM
#6
The sizzle in the Steak
Simple: He thinks you are an easy enough option.
I'm sure you have a large amount of self respect to tell him to piss off and never call you again. Hopefully.
He clearly has some serious issues....among them stupidity, immaturity, etc and so on.
Do yourself a HUGE favor: Don't speak with him anymore, and let this clown head down his own continued train wreck of a life.
You really want no part of this.
I'm sure you have a large amount of self respect to tell him to piss off and never call you again. Hopefully.
He clearly has some serious issues....among them stupidity, immaturity, etc and so on.
Do yourself a HUGE favor: Don't speak with him anymore, and let this clown head down his own continued train wreck of a life.
You really want no part of this.
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10-14-2013, 09:46 PM
#12
Team Owner
Like others said, he asked because he figured it be easy. Hooking up with a previous is considered safe. You are less likely to tell his wife or cause him headache. Plus he knows he can just disappear for a while and you don't care. You can be his once/twice a year thing.
10-14-2013, 10:02 PM
#13
StephTL2580
Thread Starter
Like others said, he asked because he figured it be easy. Hooking up with a previous is considered safe. You are less likely to tell his wife or cause him headache. Plus he knows he can just disappear for a while and you don't care. You can be his once/twice a year thing.
I dont think shes bad looking either.
10-15-2013, 02:14 AM
#15
Go Giants
You've come to the right place to ask this
How you doin'
How you doin'
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10-15-2013, 07:18 AM
#20
Senior Moderator
10-15-2013, 07:28 AM
#22
Go Giants
Men....
/thread
/thread
10-15-2013, 07:47 AM
#23
Team Owner
iTrader: (4)
Because boner.
10-15-2013, 07:51 PM
#25
Moderator
Simple: He thinks you are an easy enough option.
I'm sure you have a large amount of self respect to tell him to piss off and never call you again. Hopefully.
He clearly has some serious issues....among them stupidity, immaturity, etc and so on.
Do yourself a HUGE favor: Don't speak with him anymore, and let this clown head down his own continued train wreck of a life.
You really want no part of this.
I'm sure you have a large amount of self respect to tell him to piss off and never call you again. Hopefully.
He clearly has some serious issues....among them stupidity, immaturity, etc and so on.
Do yourself a HUGE favor: Don't speak with him anymore, and let this clown head down his own continued train wreck of a life.
You really want no part of this.
Don't make yourself look easy and don't make it easy for him.
10-15-2013, 09:29 PM
#26
Senior Moderator
Gotta love how a girl gives up the goods three times in three years and the majority assessment is that she is easy. 
Maybe guys here wish they could find an "easy" girl.
Maybe guys here wish they could find an "easy" girl.
10-15-2013, 10:05 PM
#27
Moderator
I don't think anyone assumed, at least I didn't, that she is easy. What I strongly believe is that the guy that hit her up for a booty call thinks she's easy and thus the reason why he hits her up out of nowhere after not talking for awhile. He thinks she's a good rebound.
10-16-2013, 07:50 AM
#28
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Some people keep a backup plan
10-16-2013, 08:54 AM
#29
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
I think why is pretty easy. He's not getting something he needs from his marriage, so he's looking for a thrill and given your history he's banking on a consequence-free way to get it out of his system.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
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10-16-2013, 09:11 AM
#30
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^ 
10-16-2013, 09:32 AM
#31
StephTL2580
Thread Starter
I think why is pretty easy. He's not getting something he needs from his marriage, so he's looking for a thrill and given your history he's banking on a consequence-free way to get it out of his system.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
10-16-2013, 09:44 AM
#32
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10-16-2013, 09:52 AM
#33
I think why is pretty easy. He's not getting something he needs from his marriage, so he's looking for a thrill and given your history he's banking on a consequence-free way to get it out of his system.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
10-16-2013, 10:20 AM
#34
Safety Car
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No, not at all. A 'famous' number of a girl (Jenny) a guy called for some closeness.
Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?
You give me somethin' I can hold on to
I know you think I'm like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall
Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?
You give me somethin' I can hold on to
I know you think I'm like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall
10-16-2013, 11:13 AM
#35
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ohhhhhhh 867530niiiiiiyeeyiyine 
Last edited by 97BlackAckCL; 10-16-2013 at 11:20 AM.
10-16-2013, 11:15 AM
#36
Race Director
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Wow Justin...I hope you're not serious.
And that's Heroes, a TV show.
And that's Heroes, a TV show.
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10-16-2013, 11:17 AM
#37
Team Owner
10-16-2013, 11:21 AM
#38
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Undying Dreams (10-26-2013)
10-16-2013, 12:26 PM
#39
Earth-bound misfit
I don't see much to dissect here. He's expressed zero angst about cheating on his wife - thinks it's totally fine to have you on the side. He's not even pretending to think of you as a serious partner. At least he's being honest, I guess?
He's a dirty dog who is completely undeserving of your time and energy. I'm glad you say you're not considering hooking up with him, but I don't know why you're wasting effort trying to figure anything out. What's to figure out? Delete him from your life and move on.
He's a dirty dog who is completely undeserving of your time and energy. I'm glad you say you're not considering hooking up with him, but I don't know why you're wasting effort trying to figure anything out. What's to figure out? Delete him from your life and move on.
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