Trying to understand
Thread Starter
StephTL2580
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 76
Likes: 8
From: Dallas, TX
Trying to understand
Cliff notes version.
1. Known my male friend now for over 10 years
2. Lost touch and reconnected about 3 years ago.
3. Has 4 kids and at the time had been divorced for like 6 yrs
4. Wife cheated on him and was willing to give it a 2nd chance but she didnt want to reconcile.
5. We mess around a total of 3x in the last 3 years because he lives 4 hours away
6. Wasnt right timing for us to date
7. Last time we messed around was last July 4th
8. Gets married in Nov and I told him he was not ready, etc... he said well she practically put the ring on herself and I guess he figured he better settle since it would be hard to find someone to accept him with 4 kids. She has 3 from a previous and they agreed they would not have any between them.
9. He had stopped contacting me and then in May, he's like "hey whats up"
10. As soon as he contacted me, I knew he wanted to "hook up" and I was like oh no
11. So here we are 5 months later and he is still wanting to hook up.
Can someone tell me here from a mans perspective? Why? I have even called him out and said why do you want to hook up with me? That is considered cheating on your wife
HEs like no, we have a history, I feel comfortable with you and its not the same as if I would be with someone else, which I would never do... 
WTF does that mean??? I tell him does your wife not "satisfy" you? Hes like yeah, she's great in bed but I miss you and miss your company.
I'm lost and trying to understand what he actually thinks??
Anyone care to chime in?
and NO, I have not hooked up with him since he's been married and I have no plans on it. I believe in what goes around comes around..karma, whatever you want to call it.
1. Known my male friend now for over 10 years
2. Lost touch and reconnected about 3 years ago.
3. Has 4 kids and at the time had been divorced for like 6 yrs
4. Wife cheated on him and was willing to give it a 2nd chance but she didnt want to reconcile.
5. We mess around a total of 3x in the last 3 years because he lives 4 hours away
6. Wasnt right timing for us to date
7. Last time we messed around was last July 4th
8. Gets married in Nov and I told him he was not ready, etc... he said well she practically put the ring on herself and I guess he figured he better settle since it would be hard to find someone to accept him with 4 kids. She has 3 from a previous and they agreed they would not have any between them.
9. He had stopped contacting me and then in May, he's like "hey whats up"
10. As soon as he contacted me, I knew he wanted to "hook up" and I was like oh no
11. So here we are 5 months later and he is still wanting to hook up.
Can someone tell me here from a mans perspective? Why? I have even called him out and said why do you want to hook up with me? That is considered cheating on your wife
HEs like no, we have a history, I feel comfortable with you and its not the same as if I would be with someone else, which I would never do... WTF does that mean??? I tell him does your wife not "satisfy" you? Hes like yeah, she's great in bed but I miss you and miss your company.I'm lost and trying to understand what he actually thinks??
Anyone care to chime in?
and NO, I have not hooked up with him since he's been married and I have no plans on it. I believe in what goes around comes around..karma, whatever you want to call it.
Suzuka Master
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 8,490
Likes: 609
Because men. Although...
Research has shown that men and women cheat about equally.
I'm no angel, but as I age the desire to taste fruit from another bowl is diminished. There may be a special bond between the two of you that he is powerless to resist. At this point I would be blunt with him and explain that there is never gonna be a hook-up.
Research has shown that men and women cheat about equally.
I'm no angel, but as I age the desire to taste fruit from another bowl is diminished. There may be a special bond between the two of you that he is powerless to resist. At this point I would be blunt with him and explain that there is never gonna be a hook-up.
Thread Starter
StephTL2580
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 76
Likes: 8
From: Dallas, TX
LOL, snuggle buddies. I have been blunt and told him straight out nothing will ever happen again. No, no no....Too bad so sad, you are married now dude. I agree woman cheat just as much as men. I know there are true loyal faithful men and woman out there and still believe in marriage. Just boggled thats all.
Because men. Although...
Research has shown that men and women cheat about equally.
I'm no angel, but as I age the desire to taste fruit from another bowl is diminished. There may be a special bond between the two of you that he is powerless to resist. At this point I would be blunt with him and explain that there is never gonna be a hook-up.
Research has shown that men and women cheat about equally.
I'm no angel, but as I age the desire to taste fruit from another bowl is diminished. There may be a special bond between the two of you that he is powerless to resist. At this point I would be blunt with him and explain that there is never gonna be a hook-up.
OP, men are like lions; always wanting to have pussy cats around them.
The sizzle in the Steak
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 71,436
Likes: 1,877
From: Southern California
Simple: He thinks you are an easy enough option.
I'm sure you have a large amount of self respect to tell him to piss off and never call you again. Hopefully.
He clearly has some serious issues....among them stupidity, immaturity, etc and so on.
Do yourself a HUGE favor: Don't speak with him anymore, and let this clown head down his own continued train wreck of a life.
You really want no part of this.
I'm sure you have a large amount of self respect to tell him to piss off and never call you again. Hopefully.
He clearly has some serious issues....among them stupidity, immaturity, etc and so on.
Do yourself a HUGE favor: Don't speak with him anymore, and let this clown head down his own continued train wreck of a life.
You really want no part of this.
Chapter Leader (San Antonio)
iTrader: (3)
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,022
Likes: 437
From: Houston, Texas
If he has money, make a secret pact with his wife, fuck him, video tape it, and get his wife to file for divorce. Take half of what she got and prosper.
If he doesn't have money, you're fucked.
If he doesn't have money, you're fucked.
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Team Owner
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 25,967
Likes: 2,685
From: Jersey
Like others said, he asked because he figured it be easy. Hooking up with a previous is considered safe. You are less likely to tell his wife or cause him headache. Plus he knows he can just disappear for a while and you don't care. You can be his once/twice a year thing.
Thread Starter
StephTL2580
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 76
Likes: 8
From: Dallas, TX
Like others said, he asked because he figured it be easy. Hooking up with a previous is considered safe. You are less likely to tell his wife or cause him headache. Plus he knows he can just disappear for a while and you don't care. You can be his once/twice a year thing.
I dont think shes bad looking either.
Moderator
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,578
Likes: 322
From: Orange County, CA
Simple: He thinks you are an easy enough option.
I'm sure you have a large amount of self respect to tell him to piss off and never call you again. Hopefully.
He clearly has some serious issues....among them stupidity, immaturity, etc and so on.
Do yourself a HUGE favor: Don't speak with him anymore, and let this clown head down his own continued train wreck of a life.
You really want no part of this.
I'm sure you have a large amount of self respect to tell him to piss off and never call you again. Hopefully.
He clearly has some serious issues....among them stupidity, immaturity, etc and so on.
Do yourself a HUGE favor: Don't speak with him anymore, and let this clown head down his own continued train wreck of a life.
You really want no part of this.
Don't make yourself look easy and don't make it easy for him.
Moderator
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,578
Likes: 322
From: Orange County, CA
I don't think anyone assumed, at least I didn't, that she is easy. What I strongly believe is that the guy that hit her up for a booty call thinks she's easy and thus the reason why he hits her up out of nowhere after not talking for awhile. He thinks she's a good rebound.
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 92,745
Likes: 4,679
From: ShitsBurgh
Some people keep a backup plan
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 16,973
Likes: 7,362
From: Seattle, WA
I think why is pretty easy. He's not getting something he needs from his marriage, so he's looking for a thrill and given your history he's banking on a consequence-free way to get it out of his system.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
Thread Starter
StephTL2580
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 76
Likes: 8
From: Dallas, TX
I think why is pretty easy. He's not getting something he needs from his marriage, so he's looking for a thrill and given your history he's banking on a consequence-free way to get it out of his system.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
I think why is pretty easy. He's not getting something he needs from his marriage, so he's looking for a thrill and given your history he's banking on a consequence-free way to get it out of his system.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
I don't even know that I'd give it much thought. Unless he has an open marriage it's a solid douche-bag move. My advice would be to tell him that if he contacts you again you'll send all of his messages to his wife, and wash your hands of him. You don't need some guy creeping around looking for recreation, especially if you start seeing someone.
Safety Car
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,644
Likes: 313
From: The Woodlands, TX
No, not at all. A 'famous' number of a girl (Jenny) a guy called for some closeness.
Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?
You give me somethin' I can hold on to
I know you think I'm like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall
Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?
You give me somethin' I can hold on to
I know you think I'm like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall
Earth-bound misfit
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 31,704
Likes: 608
I don't see much to dissect here. He's expressed zero angst about cheating on his wife - thinks it's totally fine to have you on the side. He's not even pretending to think of you as a serious partner. At least he's being honest, I guess?
He's a dirty dog who is completely undeserving of your time and energy. I'm glad you say you're not considering hooking up with him, but I don't know why you're wasting effort trying to figure anything out. What's to figure out? Delete him from your life and move on.
He's a dirty dog who is completely undeserving of your time and energy. I'm glad you say you're not considering hooking up with him, but I don't know why you're wasting effort trying to figure anything out. What's to figure out? Delete him from your life and move on.
