I can't understand how families can have 4 or 5 children. I have one 14 year old daughter, and then you begin adding... braces $7000, soccer camp each summer, $400, band camp and uniform, $850... and the list goes on.

Would you rather have a small family and provide for all of their needs, or a large family and spread things a little thin?

 

 

I'd rather have the small family and provide. But then I came from a family of two kids as did my wife, and we also have two kids of our own. So arguably its all we know, which would also make it our preference. But having three never entered into the discussion. Two was enough for us so we could provide for them the way we wanted.

Things get very expensive once you go over three kids because it impacts the house you live in, the kind of car you can own, not to mention the costs of college, marriage, and just raising them.

I'm all for families being of whatever size, so long as they either a) have the means or b) are willing to live within their means. I get rubbed a bit raw when a family has seven kids and their only plan is to depend on public assistance to get by.

 

<-Four kids, single income

I tell them "no" a lot. I also drive a 13 year old car

 

Nuclear family..... Five kids.

We don't do a lot of expensive activities. But we don't want for anything to do either. There is plenty to do that doesn't cost anything at all.

I also don't believe that it should "cost" anything to entertain yourselves. We have a great time doing stuff that doesn't cost a dime.

 

I would prefer a small family 1-2 if any at all. Also would prefer being able to provide (hubby/I) for them verses not be able to or getting spread too thin!

 

Just to clarify ...... Not spread thin at all...

 

I don't think people with more than two children necessarily AREN'T able to provide everything they need to for a VERY happy family life and children who are very well adjusted. What it really comes down to is YOUR definition of what you feel you NEED to provide for your family and what you think they need to be happy. That varies greatly from person to person, as do the amount of sacrifice they need to make, want to make, and are happy to make. ^ All of this not even mentioning that some people have enough income to be just fine regardless.

 

FWIW, that large family of 20 children has ZERO debt including NO MORTGAGE. They also have multiple vehicles, a huge property, a home that is large enough for ALL of them and is paid off, do just fine feeding and clothing their entire family, run businesses and make business property income. They aren't struggling and don't take a dime from government assistance. IMO, they're far better off than 90% of people with OR without any children.

 

^its kinda hard to find a mate that shares the same fiscal responsibility mentality as I do.
everyone my age just wants to spend money!

 

I've got two kids and am looking at college costs. My wife occasionally mentions a third child-- the anticipated education budget would then be an enormous drag on our finances, let alone normal dental costs, summer camp costs, etc.
We'll still make fun of them, even if that's the case. [Insert hot dog in hallway pic here]
I want to spend money too, but my wife and kids won't let me.

 

Have a a whole mess of kids and then have TLC pay the bills

 

Raised with 3 other siblings. I would prefer a smaller family(1-2kids) but I feel that growing up with all those siblings gave me chararcter. I know how to deal with a bunch of different personalities at once, penny pinch, and I knew ALOT before anyone else my age did because all of my siblings are older. I also learned from their mistakes and have yet to make any colossal ones on my own like them.

Sure my mom didnt drive the best car, we moved alot, and we didnt have the nicest things. But my mom worked her ass off to make sure I went to private school and that we had everything we needed even if it was a little late. All of that made me who I am and I have one hell of a work ethic because of it.

 

Another alternative is no children at all. Years ago I made the decision to never have children, and over the years haven't changed my position. As the OP stated, children are very expensive to raise and take a tremendous commitment. This sort of commitment, both financially and emotionally, isn't one I'm prepared to undertake.

I'm not saying children are bad or undesirable. Not at all. But I think there are some of us (increasing noticeably throughout the years), consider the sacrifices made to have children isn't something that appeals to us. I've actually been told by people that this is a selfish thought, but I think otherwise. Raising children isn't an easy thing, and if myself or others aren't willing to undertake this responsibility, it would be unfair to everyone to even consider it.







Terry

 

I'm used to big families being one of seven myself. We never went on cruises, or annual trips to Disney or anything like that. My dad never had a new car - always used. But I'm pretty sure that if you asked any one of us what we would change if we could, you'd get the same answer from everyone.

Nothing.

We're all still really close. Just this past Easter my dad's sister, husband and kids were all at my mom and step-dads place on the lake. Probably about 27 - 30 total (we don't really count anymore). After the day was done, my aunt commented to my mom how she couldn't believe that many people were all together for an entire day, and at no time did she hear anyone say anything mean, hurtful, or remotely disrespectful to anyone else. It really was a great day.

Now I don't want to paint us as though we're the second coming of The Brady Bunch or anything like that. Far from it. We've had our moments, like how my younger brother tells everyone that his older brothers taught him how to swim AND jump off the high dive at the same time...... and we'll have more.

But for the most part we all get along great. And it shows in our own children as well. Hopefully we'll keep this going....

 

I'm one of four also, my Mom is one of ten. I wouldn't have changed anything growing up.

We never had much money at all, but you couldn't tell by looking at us. We had a nice house because my Dad built the majority of it himself. Anything mechanical like vehicles or appliances that needed fixed, he would do. We would grow a garden, can our own food, etc. And all of that was passed on to us.

You learn to do things to save money, and those things add up. As kids, if we wanted anything we'd use our own money to get it from whatever jobs we had (for example, my brother and I would cut grass and tobacco for our neighbors before we were old enough to get "real" jobs as teenagers).

We knew from the beginning that if we wanted to go to college we'd be paying for it ourselves, and every one of us has.

People require way more money to live than they need.

 

I agree with you. Having children for any other reason than actually wanting them in your life and accepting the responsibilities that come with it would be selfish.....not the other way around. I think it takes a lot of insight and is the responsible thing not to have children if you're really not in it for all the right reasons. I think your friends have it backwards.

 

It disappoints me that people would think that's selfish.

What is in our culture that makes everyone think they need to be married, and everyone needs to have kids? I think a LOT of people get married because society tells them that's what's expected. So that's what they do. Likewise, I think the same message goes out to couples that kids are also expected. And if you don't have any, something is wrong.

I could not disagree more with that - especially with kids. I have a lot of respect for people who know enough about themselves to admit kids are not for them. A lot more than parents who had kids for no other reason than it was the next thing they were supposed to do, and wind up being terrible parents.

People know what's right for them.

 

I've come to determine that having kids is extremely selfish. What other reason is there to have them other then "I want to have kids"? I myself have 3, the oldest being 7. A previous poster nailed it when he said over 3 and you start worrying about car/house, etc. I can fit 3 kids in 2 out of my 3 vehicles. Go to 4 and it drops to 1. Each of my 3 kids has their own room (of course we are now out of a dining room ) but go to 4 and someone's got to share. We've limited it to t3 kids for those reasons. I don't want to have to force them to give up things like karate because WE chose to have more kids.