OK, this might be long, but I'll have cliff notes if it is.

I started dating this girl about 3 months ago. Well, we became pretty serious really quickly. A month ago we went out to her birthday. A guy she used to see (for a month) is a typical hollywood promoter and she decided it would be a good idea if we went to a club he was promoting for her birthday. I didn't like the idea and fought going. But, because it was her birthday, I said fine.

I got a room at the Renneisance hotel in hollywood. After making a stop at a friends house before going, we get to this club. Fine, everything's dandy. We lose each other for a little bit and eventually re-group and dance and everything's great.

The end of the night comes and we're walking to my car. We walk inside and she tells me that her ex ( the typical hollywood promoter dirt bag ) tried to make a move on her and kissed her. Not only that, but when she was getting one of my friends in through the front, a bodygaurd kissed her and also tried to make a move. I was pissed! That whole night I was furious... But, eventually I got over it and learned to trust my gut. We should have never have gone. I told her we're never going to one of this guys' events or it's over.

I had trust issues over this because she didn't tell me right away that this happened. She waited till the end of the night and I had to DRAG it out of her because I knew something was wrong. That pissed me off further.

Fast-forward to last night. Another of her lame ass ex's has been texting her, calling her, e-mailing, whatever. Basically he's been trying to fuck her. Fine, she ignores him. Well, last night it turns out she had a whole conversation with him. I told her I was upset about that because I was under the assumption that she was ignoring him for good. OK, she said she was telling him she has a boyfriend and she's happy, etc. Fine, I'm over it.

BUT THEN, she brings up something. She brings up the fact that HE was also at that club the night of her birthday. I was like "What?!" She never told me. Here's the kicker: He also tried to make a move on her. He put his hand on her legs and what I suspect even tried to finger her. She wouldn't go further into details because she saw how pissed off I was at this.

So, I feel like a jackass. That whole night I felt like everything was great. Meanwhile, three seperate guys forced themselves on her and she wasn't even trying to tell me about it. We fought over it for like 2-3 hours last night. And, I feel like shit. I don't even know what to think about this anymore.

I wonder about the future and how often this type of shit is going to happen. I get jealous because I'm human, but my feelings about this aren't out of line. I told her that I would get over it, only because it happened so long ago, but that trust had fallen. I told her that I don't know how often this type of shit was going to happen and that it's not cool. I told her I dumped another girl over this type of dumb shit a long time ago because it would make me feel so horrible.

I need advice...

Cliff notes:
Went to a club over a month ago, gf got molested practically by 3 guys (2 of which were exs).
She doesn't tell me about 2 out of 3 of them until I force it out of her.
I feel like a douchebag for being oblivious.
I find out a month later another ex was there that night that molested her. She told me over a month later.
I was furious. I feel like an idiot.

advice please

 

Did she reciprocate to those moves - i.e., kissed back and allowed the ex to finger her?

 

No.

 

It seems like that crowd she is from likes a lot of casual sex.

To run into multiple BFs that quickly is odd. I don't have high hopes for you. Sorry.

 

Well, she's only been with 3 guys. Only had sex with 2.

It is bad that TWO of those 3 exs were there, but I'm just calling that coincidence. It's never happened before while we've been together. And, she's not someone that's into casual sex. She's too high maintenance for that lol.

 

I agree the actual act part isnt that bad overall, but the trust has definitely taken a hit. Some girls have trouble telling you stuff you probably don't want to hear like that because they actually like you and are afraid you'll get mad and/or leave them over it, even if they didn't do anything wrong. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside except what they don't realize is that 9/10 the lying, whether by omission, implied, or straight up, is a lot worse than the actual act in question.

 

knowing how these guys still felt about her, she still put herself in a position to be touched, by them, kissed, etc.

She sounds like she's into playing games.

Although the ex's don't sound great, she doesn't seem very trustworthy either.

But I dunno.

 

sounds like she was just trying to avoid having you get all mad and start a fight with the promoter dirt bag, then get jumped by bouncer and other guy, and thus ruining everyones night. if she didn't provoke it, then maybe she is just hot and guys are going to give her attention, not her fault, or yours so enjoy the fact that she is attractive.

 

That is a bit of a shitty situation, and it is a difficult place for you to be in.

Now, my question is, does she talk to all of her regular ex boyfriends on a regular basis?? Perhaps she is stringing them along to lead them to believe that they may have another shot at her... (only a thought) <-- Now, I only say this because I have a friend that has numerous ex boyfriends that she still talks to. She considers them all "just friends", but I know they are all hoping secretly that she'll go back to them - but she adds fuel to the fire by keeping them all around.

I find it peculiar that two exes would even attempt to kiss her in the same night. How did this come about? Did she stop and have full fledged conversations with each? After the initial kiss on cheek and "how are you", the convo should end shortly after that with an ex - ESPECIALLY if you are there with someone new that you are dating. (just my on that issue)

As for her not telling you everything at the end of the night - you have to realize that this was her birthday celebration, and she did not want to end her night, in the club, in an argument. Besides, it is none of anyone elses business. She obviously knew that it was going to upset you, so I don't blame her for telling you at the end of the night. (...if they were situations she could handle on her own at least. If someone was all up on her and wouldn't stop, then she should have told you.)

I find it bizarre that she ran into 3 of her exes in one night though The fact that she told you about #3 weeks after, only after #3 has been contacting her, leads me to believe that she needs attention. She could have told you about this from the start, or not have even told you at all....

If you really like her, then try to make it work. If another situation like this happens again, then don't believe that this will be the last. Feel it out though, if you feel as if she is an attention whore, then it will not get any better, trust me...

Go with your gut feeling about her...whatever it may be.

 

you know the drill - pics

 

She didn't provoke it... She is really attractive, but that doesn't make it OK to me. She's not the first attractive girl I've dated... I'm just going to bank off the fact that this was just one f-ed up night and that this won't happen again.

 

She doesn't keep in contact with them on a regular basis. I wouldn't speak to her if she did. But, she brings them up in conversation almost TOO casually for my liking... I'm glad she feels she can be open with me but I don't want to hear about another guy all the time.

Well, I'm not entirely sure what happened with each of the guys. I wasn't there. We lost each other. But, she told me that they weren't full fledged conversations and that she was pretty much forced into being social by her cunt of a girlfriend. So, I'm not so sure about how this went down. I don't think she did though.

Fair enough. But, why did I have to force it out of her? And why, did she only tell me LAST NIGHT about the other one?

Sorry, no. She has two ex's that were there and a random bouncer that tried to kiss her. Her other ex wasn't there.

I would have appreciated being told about EVERYTHING that night. I don't like to be oblivious to these things. There I am dancing having a good time. Meanwhile some assholes are forcing themselves on my gf and I'm completely ignorant of the fact. It attacks my pride.

Oh ya, if this happens again I'm cutting it off. I can't handle this drama easily and I don't plan on it. It's a safe bet that if a pattern develops this is OVER.

Thanks

 

Yes, yes I do.

 

Basically you're fucked-sorry to be blunt. Any girl that would take her boyfriend to a club where there would be multiple ex's and dirty bodyguards was asking for trouble. My boyfriend knows that i have 2 ex's that i talk to-thats it. I would never ever ask them to hang out, meet up, etc. Its wrong and asking for trouble-is she an attention whore? Maybe she wants you guys to fight over her and make her feel special. Bottom line-she isn't interested in a real relationship with you, especially if she's lying AND still talking to ex's that you don't know about. You have every right to be jealous and upset, and it sounds like this girl isn't worth your time. If you have an uncomfortable feeling about something, go with it-trust yourself. The fact that she would allow herself to be seperated from you at a club is bullshit-when i go to clubs with my boyfriend, i like to be with him at all times and dirty dance-i don't go to meet up with other guys, which it sounds like she was. How do you know she isn't lying more about what has been happening? Any relationship that has trust issues is bound to be over.

 

EVERY club has dirty bouncers... it's Hollywood. I don't remember who lost who that night. But we both kept looking for each other. The ex's thing is inexcusable. I told her I didn't want to go. The only reason she insisted is because this was the hottest club in ALL of Hollywood that night. The ex/promoter happens to be well known. She thought she wouldn't even see him that night. It turns out she was wrong.

The other ex was a complete coincidence. She didn't know he was going to be there.

Well she doesn't talk to them on a regular basis. It was an annoying set of text messages that prompted her to talk to him in the first place. I was only upset because I was under the impression that she would never talk to him, PERIOD. But she apologized for this and said she wouldn't because she knows how much it bothers me.


Attention whore? MOST women fiend for attention like it was crack. She's no exception to liking it when guys look at her and compliment her. But does she want drama? Hell no. I'm sure she learned from all of this shit. If anything, she didn't tell me about what happened right away because she knows I would confront the assholes. The last thing she wants is me going to jail over her.

No, I think she does want a real relationship. She lied because she was scared of my reactions (like what NeveraDullMoment said). But, this has only happened once, and if it happens again it's over. A pattern won't be tolerated.

I think she is, actually, worth the time. But not if it happens again and again and again. I just wouldn't be able to take that emotionally.

Well I can NOT trust her, and say that she initiated all of this. But I don't think that's fair. She might have accidently lost herself in the club, or I might have lost her. The truth is, neither of us remember. It was a while ago and we were drinking. I had a couple of my friends there and she had a couple of her friends there.

She wanted to be with me, but after we were lost, in that huge club, we spent half the night looking for each other. That's when all the drama went down.

And I've heard about this "trust issues = over" thing, and I generally believe in it. But trust isn't always %100 from the get go. I wish it was, but it's not. Sometimes trust takes a hit and you have to work at getting it back up. That's what this is...

 

 

I vibe with the previous 2 points. totallynaked is right but amis you'll be ok as long what you say is true too, just don't forget to look out for #1....

 

Something sounds awfully fishy about her story, it sounds to me that she is not being totally honest with you. She's only been with 3 guys and coincidentally she ran into 2 of them at the same club at the same night and they both tried to kiss her? Something doesn't add up,being a female, when my friends and I run into somebody from our past at the club, we either completely avoid/ignore them or politely say hi, not get ourselves in a situation where we can get kissed!

Sounds to me like she's just trouble

 

it's either that...

or she's deceptive and evasive cause she likes the attention..

(i dated a guy like that...just loved it when his ex hoes would try and pull shit like that, loved the attention, let his friends tell people he was single ("i didn't tell them that, why are you mad at me!?!))

scumbag

 

my money's on # 2 of my response...she likes the attention the exes pay to her and she likes the attention of you getting stressed out about it....

 

If you cannot trust her you need to get out. Do yourself a favor and move on.

 

 

+1

You need to take the boot and lay it in her ass.

You can do better judging from the pic

 

Well, to her credit, these guys are the ONLY guys that she's ever brought up, even before that night. I knew about them all already... It really is a coincidence.

 

lol. she sure doesn't seem happy about me flipping out about it.

 

I think she's gorgeous... I don't think I can't get another girl... But other than this b.s., I like her a lot.

 

Here's what I've found dude....if the girl doesn't have respect for this stuff BEFORE it happens, nothing is going to change it. She just won't tell you at all next time - so you won't know, you won't flip out, etc.

Maybe it was just one night, I'm all for giving people another chance.

If it happens again -----> here's the door, don't let it hit you on the way out!

You aren't jealous, girls lie!

 

run for your life man . too many ex bf's trying to finger her . If she wasnt so easy nobody would try that kind of shit . Get out while you can man .

 

What a liar. That chick would make me pretty angry.

 

Well, there is a glaring problem right there you don't think you can get another girl. That statement proves that you are blind to what she is really like.

I suggest you really look at the reality of the situation; your gf has too much baggage and she is not willing to give it up for you. She enjoys the attention from the exes and especially you. Your anger gives her the pleasure and gives weight to her apparent assumption that she is held in high regard in your heart, so you are a safety net for her.

Again, but you should open up your eyes a bit more

 

you may think she doesn't like you flipping out....but secretly, deep down inside, it reassures her pathetic self-esteem that you want her...

some people are pretty screwed up.....NEVER take anything at face value, there's always something more..

 

I think you misread that...

 

No, you big dummy, re-read what I wrote.

 

I worried about that, but there's nothing I can really do because...

I firmly believe in giving people a second chance. She didn't directly initiate what happened ( I believe her, I do have SOME level of trust in her ), but if it happens again I will definitely not hang around to be hurt and frustrated again.

 

That may be a possibility, but I'm no psychologist and I've decided to take this for what it was: One f-ed up night. If it happens again it's over.

That's all, thanks everyone for listening to my b.s., it helped a lot.

 

It made me pretty damn angry

 

And I'm a virgin

 

Hehe, my bad

I assumed the worst and thought you were like some of my boys who have been in this type of situation before, but my statement regarding the baggage stands. I hope things work out for you whether it's with her, or without her

 

Thanks

 

Well hey, I'm not going to sit here and wonder how many OTHER guys she slept with. First of all, it's in the past. Second, unless she divulges that info to me, there's no way I'll ever know anyway. So why bother worrying about it?