This might sound stupid, but... If anyone with some experience can offer some advice, I would appreciate it!

I want to get engaged. I know the ring I want to get. I know she will say yes.

Background:

Her dad passed away suddenly about 3 years ago.

She has a twin sister and two brothers (age 31 and 29 and not twins). Her and her sister are the youngest.

She is 27, I am 26.

Our 3 year anniversary of our first date is January 9th, and I'd like Jan 9, 2007 to be "the" day. I don' t think she will expect it then.

We would get married in the summer or fall of 2008 I am thinking.

She gets along great with my family and I get along great with her family.

She is very close to her sister (obviously).

Questions:

How do I handle asking her mom?

Do I talk with her sister and brothers too?

Teh Jesal will be my best man, so it is a tradition for him to come with to get the ring... How long did it take when you ordered your ring before you were able to receive it? My jewler said about 2-3 weeks.

How long were you engaged for before the wedding?



I'm sure I will have more questions soon too :o

 

How do I handle asking her mom?

I don't think you nessesararly have to do this but its a nice touch. Just tell her you love her daughters hand in marriage. Shouldn't be too hard.

Do I talk with her sister and brothers too?

I'd say no.

Teh Jesal will be my best man, so it is a tradition for him to come with to get the ring... How long did it take when you ordered your ring before you were able to receive it? My jewler said about 2-3 weeks.

I don't think its tradition? I'd start looking for the ring now if your set on January. Lots too see out there. And unless you want an overpriced German designed and built ring, I'd leave Jesal at home.

How long were you engaged for before the wedding?

13 months.

 

>> Teh Jesal will be my best man,

uh oh

 

Im looking for young girls who can shoot footballs out of their cha chas.

Please apply via PM.

 

 

bachelor party, duh.

:boobs:

 

I definately say ask her mom. Don't do it really long before the day you actually propose so nothing gets back to your woman. Personally, I would not tell all her siblings. Part of her excitement is going to be sharing the news with her family. If you tell all of them, you are taking that away from her, and again, the more people that know, the more likely something would be said by mistake.

I was engaged 5 months before I got married, but ours took the fast track due to the little guy in my avatar.
<------

 

:ibJen:

 

sicko, jen cant shoot footballs from out of there.

 

 

if you have a decent relationship w/ her mom already, it shouldn't be too hard. I just met my girl's dad at a restaurant close to their house. This was pretty much my only option because she lives w/ her parents and I didn't want her to know when I asked. We just bsed w/ him for a while and then I asked him. He's pretty laid back like me and had no problems with me being his future son-in-law.

Depending on your relationship w/ her mom, you could meet her for coffee, lunch, dinner, or just go over to her house and talk with her. Just relax, I'm sure she's expecting it at some point in time anyway.

Btw, I'll be engage for a year this December and am not getting married til Sept '07. The main reason we'll be engaged for so long is we decided to wait til after she's done getting her 2nd bachelor's degree before we get married.

Good Luck!

 

Loose the desi and ask the girls hand in marriage....

 

I figured it would be the polite thing to do. I would have done it either way, with her mom or dad...

The ring thing is just tradition in my family it seems... Some old Italian tradition...

13 months is a good amount of time....

 

Great point of view...

I would like to get the ring first, then ask her mom, maybe a month or so before?

Good thinking on the siblings, I will take that advice for sure... I dont want her to be disappointed when gets to share the news...

 

Thanks, that sounds like a good idea too.

I just know her mom will know why I am asking her out to lunch/dinner/etc though, since she knows that we are close....

 

 

i personally think you should be engaged 8-12 months before having the actual wedding....(i've never been married, but I have 5 bros/sis that have gotten married and i know how how stressful it is, yes, it's supposed to be a happy time, a beautifal time in your live, have fun planning the memories you will have forever, but there will be disagreements, about the amount of guests, the tuxes, the fittings, who's doing what, blah blah...it's manageable, i'm not trying to scare you, but you will need time to work it out & most of the disagreements will be b/w your parents and her mother)

DO NOT tell the siblings...

it's a nice touch to talk to her mother b/f hand, especially if she lost her dad...that will be big downer on the wedding the day, she will be thinking about how her dad couldn't walk her down the aisle, so if you have the mom's support enlisted in this, all the better...

 

Id say not that long, ask her mom on a WED, pop the Q on the F/S/Sun.
But dont wait that long.

 

I'd definitely get the ring in advance, especially if you have any clue about what type of diamond, setting, band design, etc.

I had the advantage to going to my brother-in-law's cousin (he's a jeweler in NJ) to play around with what I wanted. It's definitely nice to have a hook up on cost and diamond quality. I'm one of those types that thinks you should go all out the first time, don't get a little tiny ring just to buy another later. I splurged and all of her friends/family are blown away by the ring. I DID have to wait about a month for it though, since he had to custom make it. It worked out pretty well though, I went out there in Late October to look and pick out what I wanted (not to mention get some parts installed in my car) and went back for Thanksgiving and picked it up. I popped the question a few weeks later.

 

Why can't chicks just want an engagement car, something that actually is useful(my grandmother just got a 40K 2 karat diamond, this was after she decided 10s were too big, no joke. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. This is why I wan't to mary a race car driver, I 'd rather not spend my money on a rock that is spontaneously decomposing into graphite. end rant)

I'd "ask" her mother first, not the siblings.

Congradulations and good luck,

Mike

 

I was in the same position as you back in March. My fiancee's father past away a few years back and so I went and spoke to her mom. SHe appreciated it I think. No need to tell the siblings.

Good luck!

 

Dont do it man

 

2 different points of view...

I'm more the person to get the ring and sit on it for a while. Mine will take about a month to have done as well. I'm not in it for the upgrade, so this is "the" ring and I'm not all about buying another bigger one later, she knows that and agrees with me too....

 

Thanks, I agree!

Thank you, I agree as well. Looks like I will just talk with her mom soon. I want to order the ring in about a month. Give's me another month to save more

 

Know your future wife. Do you know her tastes? Although I'm sure she'll love it, make sure you know what SHE wants.

Even though my wife and I picked out the stone and designed the engagement ring, she was still totally surprised when I proposed.

 

Just ask. All depends on your relationship and how conspicuous you dare to be...

No. Definately no.

My jeweler (Scrib's jeweler actually) got me the ring I wanted + custom setting in about 3 days.

He FedEx'd it to me from Chicago area.

Will be about 1.5 yrs for us.

 

- Talking to the mom is a good idea.
- Talking to the siblings isn't the greatest idea (especially talking to the twin sister)
- engagement of about 12 months is usually good.

As NSX mentioned, make sure you know what the woman wants/likes. Perhaps do some window shopping with her while running other errands. Tell her you want to look at watches or something then follow her as she gravitates to the diamonds

Good luck.

 

good luck with your decision, and TWIN SISTER FTW

 

What's the name of the jeweler?

And to Scrib: How did you come to find this jeweler?

 

Shouldn't Dan be asking these questions?

 

Fixed.

 

He doesn't venture into D&R, so no...I'm really asking for myself.

 

yeah where in Chicago!?

 

 

Good lord, if you've been together for three years, your girlfriend's mom should view this with singular relief, and absolutely no surprise. I'd ask her for her blessing, not her permission, since both you and your girlfriend are well into the age of consent. I'd make it a nice occassion, but hardly go overboard.

As for the ring, given that your girlfriend is going to wear it, you might want to screen the final selection down to a basic two or three, either already made or designs, and seek her commentary. Might not be a surprise, but would certainly guarantee that the ring she wears is one she likes. and, at the risk of being utterly radical, a ring is the standard because of extremely skilled marketing by DeBeers starting in the 1890's. I gave my wife a strand of pearls, partially because she inherited a ring the size of the rock of Gibralter, and I could never compete. The pearls, which are perfectly matched, are something she wore constantly during her professional career.

 

must... resist... pearl... neklace... jokes...





If it were anyone other than Ric, the jokes wouldn't be withheld.

 

Asking the mom is not required but a nice, respectful touch. Like dom said, tell her you love her daughter very much, that you are asking for her hand in marriage. I would not tell her siblings anything before you propose. Leave that to her when she says yes.

We were engaged for about 14 months. We spent the first few months just enjoying being engaged and then got into the wedding planning.

 

Can you make that run smile run faster?

 

For Dan's health, safety, and sanity, I think he's probably opting to stay out of the rest of this thread

 

I'm in a very similar situation, been with my gf for 3.5 years.

Just last week, I asked my gf's Dad to meet me for dinner (I had his cell #) and said I would love to have her mom there as well if she'd like to join us, knowing that he knew what this was all about...

Well, I took them out for a very nice dinner, talked with the front desk to make SURE that the bill was put on my credit card before it even reached the table so as to avoid the awkard "I'll pay", "no, I'll pay" deal...Asked for their blessing and it was easy as pie. Defintely a way to win points with your future in-laws.

I would NOT talk to the siblings about any of it, they need not know...

A good jeweler will get you what you like in a week or less...

Once I ask her, we will be engaged for 10-12 months before the wedding (church is already reserved)