update:

so she came to my house on saturday morning, she has a marathon prep course she takes so they run like 13 miles + on saturdays. i knew this so i asked her to call me when she was coming over. about 10 she calls me and says shes coming over in 10 mins. i draw up a bath, put in some bubbles and some epson salt for her and have it ready for when she gets to my house. she gets there, i tell her to get naked and jump in the tub. as shes relaxing, i turn on some music (sting) and go make her a nice breakfast with everything, eggs, toast, OJ, super nice of me. she didn't know i was making it, so i go back to my bathroom and shes complaining about how i should make her something to eat.. WTF?? so i dont say anything mean and just was like yah maybe if i was nice i'd do something like that for you, but i guess im just a meanie (i said it in a total joking fashion)
anyways i get her out of the tub, she wants to go jump in the shower and i pick her up and take her to the living room where i have breakfast all laid out for her..she doesn't really say much, but after she eats, doesn't say thank you or anything..

fast forward to lunch, i take her out, she doesn't flinch to attempt to pay, or say thank you after lunch either. needless to say later that day she storms out of my house but not before saying i should meet her at her house in a couple hours since shes going to be home and needs to clean before her guests come over (we were supposed to go a halloween party together)

anyways a couple hours later i drive over to her place and shes not even home. she went to this other event which we were supposed to go to but she didn't bother telling me shes going. needless to say i didn't wait around for her to get back home, and i left. i didn't see her last night.
this morning i went to her house and broke up with her. and now i feel like shit. WTF? why the fuck do i feel like shit? i did everything above and beyond and i go no respect, love, or even a simple thank you. am i doing something wrong here? i obviously know now that shes not for me, but why do i feel like crap? i know the whole thing about how your not going to get over someone in a minute, and its only been a couple hours since this happened, but i really am just so blah its not funny

sorry for the long post

 

She's playin you man. Man up and get over it.
If you really (why I don't know) want her back, play hard to get. Ignore her completely. If she really wants you, she'll come back.

 

and next time

 

you did all of that, even tho we told you not to.......
and you still feel hurt.
nsxnext said it best....man up. Dont give in to her.

now go find a fattie and bang it/her.

 

 

welp i feel a little better. just strange not to have someone to talk to/txt all day when im at work. just out of rhythm right now so i'm still feeling it..

and yes you guys were right, i shouldn't have done shit, but oh wells. can't cry over spilled milk. Guess it just goes to show that i actually cared about her, and well, based on her actions, she didn't about me..

 

Can't believe you did all that crap for her, but glad you came to your senses and saw her true colors and dumped her. You don't deserve being used like that, move on bro

 

Wow, talk about ungrateful! You'll find a girl that will appreciate it.

Take what time you need to feel better and then find a new girl

 

thanks guys..little better today but its super tough when i'm home alone at night..guess i gotta hit the gym hardcore so by the time i get home im dead and just wanna go to sleep

any other productive suggestions to keep my mind off things?

 

I commend you for already being able to start a new life. You're smart enough to realize that you need to keep yourself busy. Furthermore, hitting the gym is absolutely one of the best things you can be doing.

Now would be a great time to pursue or find your true passion, whether it's music, sports, cars, or whatever...I just hope it's cheap and healthy!!

 

^^ Thanks, im trying..its pretty hard, especially when im home alone at night, but im trying to keep busy

 

Go for a drive someplace new. Out of the city where you've never been before. It helps clear your mind.

And call up some close friends and go out to a bar or something and have fun. That's why you have friends, use 'em.

 

:ibwhiskers:

Gym is a great idea
Pick up a hobby
hang out with the guys

 

I lived with my ex for 6 years, and kicked her out in Sept, and you're right, it's weird being home alone at night, but I tell you what, enjoy the peace and quiet! I love not being nagged and bitched at every night

 

Threeway!

Hanging with the boys is always the best cure after a breakup. That and finding a girl who looks just like your -ex and then banging her out

 

welp i pretty much fucked any chances of recovery up today. She had some of my stuff so she came to my work to drop them off. as i knew she was coming, i left the office to go to lunch, she sent me a txt saying she did want to see me and that im not even in the office. i told her i'll be back in 15 minutes and she waited for me..FUCK. it was great to see her but now im thinking about her more and i had already made some progress

i need help :/

 

its super trippy since my house is already dead silent, so now i think its too quiet even with the bitching and all, just the fact that someone who "loves" you is at your house and your not home alone makes it that much better..

maybe i should consider getting a dog?

 

Damn, you're worse then me (not a good thing fyi).

Girls will fuck you up, hang and bang but nothing more

Edit - hand and bang with OTHER GIRLS

 

Was going to suggest this. But only do it if you have the time to truly take care of it.

Was the best thing I ever did.

 

Turn to celibacy and read all of Joel Osteens books.

 

i've kinda been wanting a dog for a while..i think i'm gunna go look for one

 

I forgot to mention, my house is never quiet because I have 2 dogs, they sure make coming home to an empty house much more bearable since I'm never alone. Get a dog bro

 

I think you made the right decision of breaking up with her even though you still care about her. That was brave of you to recognize that you can't have a healthy relationship with someone who is still not "whole" and actually act on it...

It hurts to let go of a loved one, but as they say, time will heal the wounds.

 

Thanks Sasha

 

I feel for you brother.

My girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago and I am still trying to get over it. It seems like a long time ago but I am still struggling because she was the only one that I actually loved. She loved me too and we even thought about marriage. I think it is emotionally harder when you are the one dumped. I really wish the break up was somewhat mutual, but that's too late now.

I am just trying to think positive. She had to move 4 hours away because of her kid having too see his daddy and I am not sure if I could do the long distance thing and act like a step dad at the moment. It just hurts me if I think about all the good times I had with her.

I have seen so many people around me (friends or co-workers) just break down completely after relationships and I am not sure if they are worth it right now. A close buddy of mine told me the other day how it took him about 2 years to get over someone and he had to take antidepressant.

As others suggested, find a new hobby, keep yourself busy. Finding a new girl might help too. I am trying.

 

Good luck Jungy..

my life seems to be in a downward spiral..everything seems to be going to shit at the same time all at once..i dont know what to do with myself anymore like a house built of cards thats collapsing in slow motion right infront of me, and there is nothing i can do to stop it

 

AkuraCLS,

Sorry I'm late to this thread. Took some time off.

My take on the early parts of your thread is that you were getting too preoccupied with the idea of what the relationship could be, rather than what it was in reality. It's always dangerous to be with someone based on "potential" or "they are trying to change". Almost never works out that way. Always evaluate a relationship on what people do, not what they say or what they intend. Actions are always the truth-teller.

So good for you to move on, as hard as it may be. Not meaning to be a jerk here, but are you feeling bad about breaking up with the girl she "could have been", or the girl she actually was? Don't beat yourself up over some romanticized version of what she could have been. From what you said she treated you pretty rough at times. Clearly there were good times too and aspects of her you cared deeply about. So mourn that loss, but don't spiral too deep over it.

I'm very sorry to hear that things are not going well on many fronts. I wish there was magic advice to give, but there isn't. Sometimes things get rough until they aren't rough any more. My only recommendation is to stay focused on some basic needs - your health, your job, your immediate goals. Maybe put women on the back burner a while - including her. You can't be fully in a relationship when you are battling on all fronts of your life. Pick some battles and go win them, and move on to the next.

Best of luck to you -

 

^^ exactly what i needed to hear...thanks!

 

Easy: Think of your future, the kind of future you want for yourself. Imagine how she or her influence might prevent you from having the life you want to make for yourself. Seriously. Don't daydream -- think of your true reality, desires, goals, accomplishments, hopes - present and future. Will drama, instability, and uncertainty get in the way of that? Will it be worth it?

 

^^ very true. just for whatever reason, she's really hard to let go, even though i know she's not the one for me, and its all drama...everytime i think i'm ok and getting over her, something happens..like she calls me, or sends me something in the mail or whatever. She sent me the sweetest, most moving card the other day..how do you let someone go when they do stuff like that??

 

You let them stop manipulating your feelings (she knows you're on the fence) and you stop opening the mail she sends you, stop letting her talk all sweet to you ("...You need to stop. We're just friends.") or you need to cut all ties.

 

Why the F is she mailing you cards if you guys aren't together anymore? Sounds like she's trying to get attention, or get a response out of you.

You need to let her go, and not let her make you think "she did the sweetest blah blah blah." She's gone, let her go. I don't answer my ex's calls or texts anymore.

 

good point. i should stop. its not good for me, and i know its not good for me, yet i do it anyways. i guess at this point im still trying to help her which i shouldnt. i dont owe her anything, but im just trying to be nice..why? i have no clue. i wish someone would be as nice to me as i am to her :/

 

I'm with SS on this one. A nearly universal trait for all men is the need to feel needed and appreciated. So the problem is her actions like this play right into need, which can give a man a distorted sense of what's going on. She's also a damsel in distress, which is yet another draw for most men. I think this is why you are feeling like, "how can I walk away from this". This situation is tugging at your basic male wiring - keep that in mind. If she is a manipulator, she knows this stuff and she knows it works.

She strikes me as being more interested in the chase at this point.

If you've resolved in your mind that this is over, get away from it. If she's the manipulating kind, her doing this kind of stuff is going to push all your buttons and continue this conflict inside of you. You just need to distance yourself from it, as hard as that may be.

 

See above.

But to add, I think the reason you (and most men) do it is because the response you get plays right into the male desire to be needed. You're nice to her, she needs you right back. The problem is that it sounds like underneath that exchange, there isn't much there.

 

well said, i'm goin gto try and back off as much as possible..thats the only thing i can do at this point