So I just got into a slight dispute with someone I'm dating.

The topic came up over religion. I always try to avoid discussions of religion, politics etc as if the other person does not follow similar views, they will butt heads. I for one don't care for religion for a variety of reasons. She is Christian, and does hold religion highly.

She's upset because she indicated she doesn't want to fall for someone who doesn't share her beliefs.

I personally think this is so trivial as there should be more important factors that should determine compatibility. Not the fact that I don't believe in a higher power. I follow the basic principles and guidelines that would be associated with being a good christian (good morals/character strong family values etc).

I was raised catholic as well. I would think it would be more of an issue if I were a vastly different religion.

 

I typed out a bunch of crap, but I can sum it up pretty quickly.

Are you atheist or agnostic? Agnostic, you can make it work; athiest, not a chance in hell (not that you believe in hell anyway).

 

Looks like this person is getting WAY ahead of herself. You make it sounds like you're just two people that like to have fun together. Nothing serious is happening, correct?

If so, I don't see why she's making a big deal out of it. It'll only really be an issue if you two plan on getting married.

Otherwise IMO it's kind of stupid. Would this mean she wouldn't want to be friends with anybody that doesn't share her religious views? Pretty narrow-minded if you ask me.

 

You feel that way, but she doesn't.

I think it's something that you SHOULD talk about with a serious mate, not something you should avoid, as you prefer.

Sounds like it's an eventual deal breaker for her, so perhaps an honest, open conversation can clear things up rather quickly for the two of you about how you see the future between two people with different priorities and beliefs.

 

+1

 

Sounds like it isn't trivial to her.

 

It's important to her and thats all that matters..

 

 

I believe Ken hit the nail on the head

 

Just remember this advise and listen closely because I will only say this once and in all honesty....this is likely your only chance anyway....but....Before you have this conversation with your mate described above....PIITB.

 

In all actuality, you can have a perfectly normal relationship while having different views. The issue is, if SHE wants you to share her views then like others said, that's a game breaker. If she values that above your relationship, say goodbye.

 

She really needs to examine herself 1st. If she really held this belief, she would know the bible warns of mating with the unequally yoked,(believer & non believer). So if she really felt this way she wouldn't be dating you in the 1st place.
So she's a hypocrite. And she's selfish wanted to change your beliefs to hers, & she's ignorant of her true feelings/wants in life. All that points to find another woman.

 

Run.

 

double

 

Christian is very different from Catholic...

Does she want you to "get saved" and believe in Jesus, etc. etc.? If you aren't willing to do that, just get out now, because it will be a major issue in the future. Trust me on this.

 

But like I said....make sure you PIITB before you have that conversation with her. At least after its all over...you will have that going for you?

 

Get out. I have the same problem with the religious groups....they seem to be tolerant of everybody except those who don't believe. I'm not saying they're all that way but I have a knack of attracting those that are.

 

^^^Avatar, Full of win!

 

Thanks, man! It's an actual mugshot of a guy who was arrested in Portland for throwing rocks at a woman. I knew immediately it was my new av when I saw it on the news website.

 

you think all christians follow 100% what bible says? or even be able to do that? it's not like when you go on the first date, you ask their religion.. and likewise, OP didn't know she was christian
so you can't claim that it was wrong for the girl to date the OP in the first place
it's rather the girl found out about this later, and she's frustrated about it because she has interest in the OP but stuck with this religion problem

but i agree, better find someone else if there is difference of religion involved

 

Judging from his dental work, I'd say he's ready for prison.


OP - time to move on.

 

........ On to the NEXT ONE! your not gonna change her beliefs just like she isnt gonna change yours... it will be constant drama..find someone more like you

 

this is why i just believe in the bible and not religion. mans interpretation is always going to be selfish and bias in relating to others with different beliefs.

you dont want this woman

 

Having been around some churches. I do sound engineering for some, I can say yes. Most of the churches I do attend most of the members do what the Bible says & follow the best they can. That includes dating. The girls in these churches are hard core, they don't date outside of their beliefs.

 

Now thats an excellent idea.....and can be fun to watch, I guess?

I kid....I kid.

 

 

LMAO

 

a lot of couples go into a relationship with this issue... what usually happens is.... they both figure they don't know where their relationship is going... maybe it's serious, maybe not... so they'll worry about the religion thing later... (if the relationship gets serious at all). Then they get serious, and even get married... and then the religion becomes a problem... If they have kids, how are they going to raise the kids?! It really IS something to deal with early on in the relationship (but in this day and age... most people just don't)

 

It's very important to understand that Christianity and marriage overlap in a very significant way. There are many biblical commands related to being married. In fact, a true Christian marriage has the shared belief in God as the absolute foundation of the marriage. So this is not a trivial area for a practicing Christian, and marrying a non-Christian is something they would not take lightly.

I've seen your situation work, and I've seen it end badly. Depends on her attitude, and yours.

For her, she'll need to decide how important this is to the foundation of her marriage, and whether she thinks being with someone of the same faith is an absolute must have. If not, then she needs to undertand who she is marrying, and not marrying someone based on some potential or "dream" of converting them one day. That's marrying an idea, not a person. So if she decides to live with it, that is potentially a life-long decision.

For you, it will be to decide to what extent you can respect her beliefs and allow her to practice her religion. Expect that she will try to influence you over time. Expect that she'll want to raise children Christian and have then baptized. Expect she'll want to go to church and be involved somehow with church activities.

Think about those things - something you both need to talk openly and honestly about. The last thing you want is to enter a long term relationship talking yourself into thinking you have this worked out, only for it to be an issue 10 years down the road.

The bottom line: can you two see yourselves building a life together if neither of you changed?

 

Yep, its a wrap. Seems most girls in this area live in lala land and think relationships should be perfect like in movies and there is common ground on all views. They're so irrational and place value on things that should be lower on their priority list. Bat Shit crazy I tell you.

 

If the girl likes, dare I say loves, you then the religious factor is one that can be easily overlooked. People arent changed over night, unless of course their in the face of death, and if she is willing to work with you in either helping you see her ways, or willing to see yours then it could be a good relationship.

If she is basing your future on your current religious views then it might not just be her, but also the fear of what her parents may think or feel about her dating a non-christian. As some of you may know, a lot of Christians tend to be fanatical and absolute (not all but a lot, this is coming from someone whos family was Christian and raised Christian from birth to 16) when in reality nothing is absolute besides death.

 

+100

 

Doesn't mean that Christians aren't prone to being human - I think it's kind of harsh to just label her a hypocrite. I'm christian myself and I've dated non-Christians; however when it came time to being serious (i.e. committed) if I knew she and I would never come to some sort of agreement with beliefs I knew it'd be time to end it.

Yep. And despite some people thinking this chick is stupid for sticking to her religious beliefs, she's entitled to look for something in a significant other, just like all of us are.

 

Are you suggesting Christians have the option to not be humans? Neat.

 

I can't help but believe that you only say this because she values her religious affiliation.

If she was concerned that they could not be together over their incompatible favorite TV show schedules, something you probably don't value, you would probably find her pretty foolish. It's only because you identify with her values that you respect them.

I actually think it's pretty easy to judge a religious person in a negative light. If the OP was objectively an incredible guy in every other respect, and she was in love and powerfully attracted to him, she would be a fool to neglect herself for the sake of a dictatorial invisible man in the sky.

 

Have her wach this show...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geRUTfgTQlo

Or just for laughs....perhaps this one....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

 

Lol no - was trying to say that Christians make mistakes and do not always live up to the "Godly" standards that some people believe.

Its not necessarily that I identify with her values that I respect them; I think I just understand that some things are so ingrained in a person that they can't simply be brushed off as unimportant or stupid. Religion being one of those things, regardless of what religion the person may believe in.

OP could have said something else, like this chick was hardcore anarchist, a tree hugger, into weird stuff like S&M, whatever - the fact is if her beliefs are important to her, and its not to him, it's not gonna work out.

 

If she believes in the tooth fairy and all powerful spaceman....and you dont....its not gonna happen long term simply put.

She will constantly be looking for money under the pillow and you will be constantly questioning why she is looking for money under the pillow and making fun of her.

Ok...perhaps that is a little over simplistic. lol

 

I agree with BraveDemon's reply. We all value different things, but the important element to a long-term relationship and/or marriage is either having shared values or if they differ, a fundamental respect/understanding of the other's values. If the OP and his gf differ in religious values, and that created the wedge, then its no different from any set of mismatched values that people can feel strongly about (differt race, different politics, whatever). I've seen people seperate over something in the category of "I'm a dog person" versus "I'm a cat person". If there is an incompatability that will put a wedge in a relationship then it doesn't matter what I think of it - it matters to the couple.

 

If the OP did say something that is ingrained in her, like her favorite TV show schedule, you would respect that value just as highly? I doubt it. You don't respect her convictions, you respect her religious affiliation. But that's just my feeling, I doubt you'll admit to it

I only bring this up because I don't find it disrespectful to condemn someone for their religious beliefs. I'm not the type of person who thinks that someone with strong religious beliefs is virtuous, and so I can judge it as harshly as a lot of other things that aren't based in science or philosophy, like Greek mythology.