if you are going to give me immature advice then please dont read:

back in december me and my ex broke up due to diffrences that couldnt be solved and it just wouldnt be right for us to stay together. my best friend at the time was OK friends with him as well and was trying to help me get over him. i didnt care that they were friends at the time..i started to talk to other guys and all that..then me and my ex startd talking again in march and we ALMOST got back together until i got news from a friend telling me that my ex and best friend were hooking up and he was telling her he loved her and wanted to be with her...i let it go...

then on my birthday a few days ago one of my friends contacts me and asks me if im ok...i say yes and continue getting ready to go out with a few of my friends...he then goes on to tell me that a girl i called my best friend was asked out on my birthday by my ex....great bday present to me...ex texts me and says he fucked up and all that...and he forgot my bday...how can u forget when ur 8 days apart??

the girl that i called my best friend and sister basically did everything to get my ex...it really has been pissing me off that she could betray me like that...like really, ur going to be my best friend and complain to me about ur EX and i helped you, and now ur after my ex...

theres been another guy in my life for the past 4 months, he wants to be with me and is doing everything and anything to be with me...but something is holding me back...i dont know what it is...hes the first good guy in my life but something is just holding me back from dating him..and the fact we would be a long distance realshionship just scares me...

..i just need someone to give me some good advice...
..thanks in advance...

 

Drop your best friend and ex.
There are more important people that will look out for you and care for you than these two did.

 

kinda hard to drop them when i see them a lot..and he is being spiteful and making car events happen so close to here...and she is basically showing off to everyone that shes got him now and i dont have anyone..

...worst part is all of "my friends" decided that hes the better person and took his side in everything...

 

Agreed^. They are toxic people that will suck the life and fun out of you.

Put some faith into your new relationship and just have fun with it. Experiment with different kinds of dates, and you will have fun.

For example, a couple of my dates with my GF (now wife) involved playing tennis, doing a Boy Scout ropes course (which was fun as hell), theme park, etc. Mix it up and see what you have in common. If you find you both have nothing or very little in common, break it off before it becomes too serious.

 

^^im so used to being used and abused by people that i dont know if they are ever truly genuine to me...in my 21 years of life i cant name ONE person that i have trusted and havent been hurt by..

we get along amazingly...its like were best friends and have a great time all the time..but hes so so so much more innocent then me and idk..i dont want to hurt him somehow...

and mayb its just the fear of him being so great and then the next thing you know he changes and turns insane..

 

Well, it sounds like you have trust issues based on your previous relationships. You might have to talk with someone about that before you invest your time and effort into a new relationship.

 

i have trust issues towards everyone and everything...im surprised i typed out this thread since i dont like to give away personal information too often...someone like who? ..i have no one here close to me..

 

Like a professional.

 

tried that....didnt really go too well..

 

I've got nothing else.
If it were me and my so-called friends did that to me, I'd drop them.
It's fine to be a hermit crab, and focus on YOU first.
After figuring yourself out, then pursue relationships, be it romantically or friendships.

Find better friends.

 

^^ wish i could find better friends...in the 2 relashionships that ive had both groups of friends just leave me for the guy..i dont know what is wrong with me so i just blame it on myself..

 

So, focus on yourself. Become a better person.
Be a hermit crab. Go MIA. Do things that interest YOU.
Once you've done those things, friends and or lovers (sometimes both) will fall into place.

 

^^ would help if i ever did focus on myself...i dont care about me...i care about others and trying to make sure that others are happy and satisfied with life and themselves..

 

you're not listening.
I'm done, hope everything works out well for you.

 

This is your problem, the only thing you have in life is yourself. You were born into this world with just yourself. Your friends and ex's are all external, you need to care about yourself and YOUR life because it is what's yours. Your so-called best friend is not really your friend if she stabbed you in the back like that, real friends would not do that. I would just let it alone and focus on yourself. Your ex is your ex for a reason as you stated in the begining of this thread, you 2 chose to go opposite ways, and no matter how much it hurts for him to be with your friend, there's nothing much you can do about it no matter how much it may upset you. I can tell you from experience that once someone becomes an ex, that's all they are. And being a nice guy myself, I have been in several situations like yours and you really should try to give the nice guy the benefit of the doubt. If he really likes you and tries to make you happy, then see it as a gift, don't push him away. The distance thing is hard, but you can make it work if you both can sacrifice and make time for each other. I hope things work out for you, sorry to hear about your friends, but people especially at your age can be very petty and immature. Like I said, your life is what you have and what you make of it.

 

Couple random thoughts from an old fart.

People people deal from strength not weakness

If you give love, You'll find love

Start being a leader not a follower

Btw you got shitty friends! dump them all

Wish you the best

 

Jersygirl, I'll be blunt: Dump your friends immediately. Don't talk to them, return calls, text, e-mail, Facebook, MySpace, twatting them, whatever.

Do things that interest YOU and focus on YOU, screw everyone else. You need to stop this whole "whoa is me" attitude. Get some confidence, realize that you are an individual, and do what makes you happy. Friends will come and go, but you will always have yourself.

 

Honestly, as harsh as this is going to sound, the answer is simple:

Dump them (your ex and your so called "best friend") both and move on.

Life's too short to worry about douchebags who go after their ex's bestfriends, and bestfriends who will sleep around with your ex's.

As for that guy who's been courting you for 4 months, but you feel held back, the answer is also simple: you're simply not attracted to him. I've had girl friends (platonic) who have told me that they've had crushes on me for several years, and while I knew some of them always liked me, I never made a move because I never was attracted to them in that way - and they weren't ugly, most were very attractive, but I simply could not see myself with them in 10 years.

You're only 21, so dating around is still fine. Hell, if you so choose, date around forever like our resident player Amisconception. But if you want to start looking for a serious relationship, you need to start asking yourself if you're: 1. genuinely attracted to the person (not just physically, but the whole package) and 2. can you see yourself with this person 10 years from today.

 

When it comes to romance and a significant other, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever you want to call it, there has to be a couple of elements that are absolutely required.

The attraction has to be there. If you find yourself thinking that you can "live with xxxx" in the looks department, give up and move on. The physical attraction has to be there. If not, then you'll find yourself "looking" at what physically attracts you later. And that will lead to other things....... None of them good.

The human body is a wonderful, mysterious thing. There are a lot of things we know about ourselves but also a ton of stuff we'll never know. Those "gut feelings" or "pheromones" that we give off - scents that people react to subconsciously - are very important. If you find yourself thinking about how attracted you are to another person but can't quite put your finger on why (apart from my first point above), then that may be clicking for you there.

By all means it would be impossible to cover everything here. The biggest reason is I don't know everything. Hell, I'm lucky I get by with what I do know. I'm no expert.

But one of the biggest things that must be in place is that you need to be best friends. Long term casual relationships take work to keep them in place. You have to keep up with each other, get together, do stuff. The relationship you have with a boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, wife, husband, whatever is probably the hardest one of all and will require more work than all the others. That doesn't mean that it's a chore, just that you need to be careful not to let things fall into a rut, or routine. Take each other for granted, or assume that "they just know".

That's enough rambling from me for now.

 

BD spot on as usual.

 

There's a lot of truth and good advice here. You do need to move on from you so called friend and your ex. If it bothers you that much that they're together, and I understand fully why it does, then you need to remove yourself from the situation. Dwelling over it doesn't help.

I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you need to gain some confidence. You seem like a very articulate, attractive, interesting person. Without confidence in yourself, you won't ever be able to trust anyone. You're going to be looking for betrayal because you won't ever feel like you're worthy of their friendship. That has a profound effect on the way that your interact with them.

As for the new guy, you need to figure out what you want out of that relationship. And you need to be honest and up front with him. If you're not ready for it, you need to tell him otherwise you will wind up hurting him. Just be honest and open and if its meant to be, it'll happen. You need to figure out why you're holding back, and you need to talk about it with him.

 

So, no immature advice?

 

and I also agree with its time to take care of yourself right now. do whatever you want, go work on improving yourself. Look at bugeye, she's working out like crazy getting ready for bikini season.


or move out here to cali lol j/k

 

First off I want to say I'm sorry you had to go through such BS from people in your life. In regards to the best friend and ex situation, my "best friend" tried sneaking behind my back and telling my gf at the time how he wishes he had someone like her and it sucks everything he's ever wanted is dating his best friend. Then basically tried to steal her from me. I am lucky to have had a girl (currently we are broken up but I have a whole saga of a thread on that situation here too) that was loyal and honest, and told me everything he tried to do. Anyway, I would drop the ex and best friend from your life asap. It will only keep the wound open longer the more you expose yourself to both of them.

What your ex was doing was probably trying to bring attention to the fact he is dating your best friend. It is an immature tactic to try and "get back" at you. I dont know what the situation between you two consists of, but it seems like an immature plan to make you jealous intentionally.

What is holding you back from this new guy is the fact you still have trouble trusting. The fact that he's coming on so open and honest probably means he doesn't know the pain you felt from betrayal from people you confided in. He probably hasn't been hurt like you, and you don't think he can relate which could mean that you think he might be capable of hurting you the same way the other people have. Plus trust issues and long distance is a big problem. From somebody who has had a lot of trust issues in his life, I know its a really hard thing to get over so I won't judge.

Hope the best for you, I know my life has been turned upside down too lately, so I hear you on being shocked at how open you're being on here, because I never in a million years thought I would pour my heart out on an internet forum either. When you feel like you can't get any lower or more vulnerable, thats when you can really be open, and that's when you can start getting over issues. Anyway, once again hope you figure things out.

 

for everyone that replyed, thank you for all the advice...ill take everything to heart and try to make it all better for me...all of you are right, mayb its time for me to think of myself for once and nnot other people...im too much of a giver and follower...thank you all ♥

good to know that theres people out there that can relate and have an open and helping heart...

 

Jersey, I've walked in your shoes - except instead of my best friend, my ex hooked up with my daughter's best friend... and our mutual friends took his side in the ensuing divorce.

I handled it like this: I made new friends, I pursued hobbies of mine that he couldn't stand, I took weekend trips to do things I liked. I basically decided that life is too short to deal with the demands of dumbasses and it's my life, not his.

My suggestion is to do things you enjoy and chalk him up as a lesson learned. When it's right, you'll know.

Six years after my divorce, I was sitting in a game room, troubleshooting computer issues. A gentleman started talking to me about computers, cars and cooking. We discovered that we lived about 3 hours apart and agreed to meet.

Five years later, the two of us are still together.

 

Joisey I only know you through AZ. You seem like a very honest down to earth female (who can hang with us slightly hardened AZ ramblings member's) You get tons of of respect from me, as well as, many other guys on here. They way I look at friends and them dating exes is this.. IF they had asked for permission from you that one be ok in my book as lol You dont need friend like that, and most def do not an ex like that. You ex is just looking for a rebound girl ,ad I think toy You don't need friends who are willing to overstep bounders etc,all you should focus on right now is your happiness. I have been in something similar. My heart truly goes out you in these trying time. That which doesn't not kill you makes toy stronger.r hope that helps.
Take care little miss foxy lady 96

 

I've been in this same crappy situation, feel your friends all suck, your ex sucks, and you don't want anyone in your life. My live in gf cheated on me and I decided I wasn't going to go through all the pain again like I had in the past. I suggested she go to her parents to think things over and that I would be moving. She didn't believe me and went home and I immediately moved all of my stuff to my parents and drove 4 hours away (luckily I travel a lot of work and can live in most places), looked at numerous condos, found one, and moved within a week.

I didn't know anyone here but wanted to live more south and by the beach. I focused on myself, started going to the gym, working harder, learning to surf, and learned to go out alone. Going to a bar alone is the scariest thing at first but it really is nice after you get over the whole scare. You have no one to worry about but yourself and you meet a ton of people.

Now I feel so much more confident in myself and have tons of friends. I have dated a few girls but learned they weren't right for me and managed to break up with them as soon as I realized they weren't good for me (breaking up with someone was something I could never do before). They all have been gorgeous and come after me and I really feel it is because I love myself and that along with increased confidence really shows.

Good luck with everything

 

Well obviously that doesn't seem to work for you. I think you need to be a bit selfish and think about yourself for a change.

First off....Who ended the relationship between you and the ex? If you did, the there was a good reason. Move on. If he did then he didn't want to be with you. Again move on. So that one's easy.

Second....if you so-called best friend finds it necessary to date your ex and you can't deal with it, then drop her. I say the part about you dealing with it because EVERYONE here is someone else's ex. Get used to that. But it is a bit soon. I think you need to cut them out of your life.

Third....until you learn how to treat yourself with respect, do not expect someone else to do so. To be honest....when I was 21 I loved chicks like you. For not so honorable reasons. I eventually matured. You will too. Start that process NOW.

Lastly....Post pics of said best friend and self so we may all comment. (that's my immature advice.) Follow 1through 3 before you follow this one.

And....Good luck. We have all been here.

 

Priority number 1 is you.

Sorry for the whole situation as you already told me this before hand. Like I said to you, life is short and your young. Don't ever get caught up with a bunch of clowns in life. It's not worth the hassle or drama, trust me.. I always thought I would rather see others happy than myself. At the end of the day if you needed someone from those that you were supporting, I bet you anything they wouldn't support you back the same ways. People only care about themselves and to be honest with ya, that's what it comes down to really. You will make a lot of friends in life but certain ones will always be there for you, and those are the ones that are true to you. Don't look for a potential "hubby" just date around and get your feet wet before getting really serious. You need for yourself to work some issuses out.

You are priority number 1, your family, your future husband and kids become into play as a close priority but you need to do what's best for you. See you this sunday at the meet if you decided to meet some of us in person.

 

After a similar situation happened to me, I came to the conclusion that everyone cares about themselves and only themselves, regardless if they are your "best friend" or not. Don't trust anyone. I have not talked to my ex g/f or best friend in over a year now, and have not lost any sleep over it.

Move on, and continue without both of them. They were not true friends if they could do this to you. Be mature and just leave it as it is. This happens to the best of us.

 

I'll try to to repeat too much, but there is a lot of good advice so far.

This post really stood out to me. I'm going to assume you have a fairly low self esteem, and your relationships wind up being good at the start, and then out of the blue the relationship is over.

If you are a low-self-esteem people-pleaser, you are going to attract people who will exploit that. Any guy loves to be with a girl that tries to make sure he's happy and sasfied. The big problem is this: men will be with you because of what you do for them, not because of who you are. And when what you do for them gets routine and the "newness" wears off, they are confronted with the fact that you are not really compatable. They'll get attracted by the next woman that is new, and your relationship ends.

And if you are like that with women, some of them will really exploit that to their advantage. You become the ultimate friend they can dump on over and over and you'll still hang around.

If you are going to be truly happy in your relationship, you need to be happy with you first. You have gifts and talents, and thing about you that make you special. You need to get away from the idea that in order to have friends that you need to serve them, and realize that you have friends because they enrich your life, AND YOU ENRICH THEIRS. Maybe you don't think you can do that, but you can.

As for your current situation, don't surround yourself with people who only damage your life. Find the people who enrich it.

Best of luck to you.

 

I read a few comments at the begging but then i got lazy and stopped cause they got too long. Anyways...
Im in a long distance relationship right now. Its great. But its long distance! Weve been dating over a year and half and its just getting hard now. We try to see each other every 2 weeks but still then, the time in between is difficult. Neither of us can move atm and when we will be able to, itl be in a few years.

this makes things difficult for me and her because every night is the same conversation...(miss u and all that stuff).

Problem is... im young. Even though i wont ever cheat on my girlfriend... i gotta be honest. This is just my experience in a LD relationship.

All in all, it comes down to the person you are. If you like a relationship where you both help each other and support and such then you cant help anyone else unless your whole to begin with. So my advice is just be single for a bit... take a vacation to where ever its cheap or just go on a long drive to whistler and back. either way... find out what u want

 

Where in Jersey do you live? I have great advice for you, but it's difficult to explain in words..