alright so i'm kinda at a loss....i meet this girl, and we together for awhile, not a long time but long enough...we broke up about two months ago. So she calls me up yesterday, i was very surprised to say the least, she asked how things are going, and we have a normal conversation. Said she was calling because she thought about me and missed me.

She broke up with me because well i don't have my shit together at the moment, i had lost my job before we had even meet, and from the begining we had talked about me needing to start geting my shit together. Was upset because she has her shit really together, and how could i take her out when it was hard for to pay for gas. Which i was trying and i'm working now, but i'm looking for something better or a second job. I had just found a job and was working steady about two weeks after we broke up.

Alright so while we were talking for a while and i asked her about her bday which is on the 21st, and she said shes going to orlando, and whatever, so i said can we get together, for dinner on tues since your leaving on the weekend, to which she responds i can't, and ask her why, she says i can't again, so she finally says that she got back together with one of her ex. Completely unexpectedly. I stayed quiet and then said i don't know what to say. She ask me are you mad, i told her i don't even know i wanted to work things out, i'm not gonna lie and say i don't care for u, and she says i care for u to if not i wouldn't be talking to you.

She doesn't know what to do, she wasn't calling me to tell about her ex, because she would of said it from the beinging, i had to almost drag it out of her.

I really just don't know what to do....i don't even know what esle to say....

 

Seems like you're not the only one who doesn't have their "shit" together.

She obviously has her own shit to organize because it seems that she can't make up her own mind with who she wants to be with because she's with one of her old ex's but she misses you at the same time.

I've been in this situation myself before, and I was just like you, stumped in this situation because I didn't have anything to say either. I didn't really say anything in the end and nothing ever really happened, but then again I was stupid and young, didn't really care about relationships much anyway, but if she truly meant that she misses you and thinks about you, then I'd probably want to say something.

Never hurts right?

Oh and a rule of thumb. Never, ever sound like you're desperate.

 

So if she has someone why is she calling you?

It sounds like you really have feelings for her. I suggest you let her go otherwise drama coming your way.

On the other hand if you want to be a dog it sounds like you could get some tail.

 

we kept talking after that, about us and what happened, and i know if that happens right now, its gonna be deja vu, because i'm making enough to pay for my car, phone and gas, and just barely....and on top of that i'm trying to become a cop...so its just so much shit...i mean i was fine until i heard from her, now i just don't know what to do...its like having writers block, i know i have keep moving forward, or i'm just gonna get stuck, but its like i've lost some of motivation i had that was pushing me....and it sucks

 

quick question, did she break up with you just because you didn't have your shit together or was it because you didn't have your shit together, you got mad, etc...?

also I'm confused, she misses you, but hooked up with an ex, is she trying to get you back or drive you away from her?

 

She misses you but that doesn't mean she wants to be with you again. Perhaps she still has feelings for you, but remember, she chose to break up with you and then get back with an ex.... that alone should be enough reason for you to get rid of the false hopes.

And even if you get back together, both of you will be facing the same problems and will wind up treading the same beaten path. Sorry, but you need to forget her.

 

no...we talked about it more than once...and told her i'm trying...i'm applying at serveral places...and her response was try harder but, i never got upset and told to go fly a kite or anything if thats what u mean....

thats just it, i don't know either, because i had to ask like 3-4 times before she told why she couldn't go out. If she wanted to push me away i think she would've told after the first time i asked, and when she asked if i was mad it sounded like if she wanted me to be mad...

 

You could have that girl wrapped around your shifter if you made yourself inaccessible for a while.

If you think any of these will help, try them if you can:


If the conversations present themselves, talk to her as normal but don't talk about you and her and always end the call abruptly by saying you have to go.

Never try to set up a future conversation with her. If she asks, just tell her she can call if she wants.

Don't talk about the other guy unless she starts it. And even so, don't say anything negative about him or her involvement with him.

It seems like she's into you, and wanting to know that you still want her. This could mean absolutely nothing, since women can sometimes do things like this just to feel wanted. Nonetheless, this is a tough situation. I hope these tips help.

 

I think you're getting way too much absolute advice in this thread. Your story has a few simple facts. What gets dangerous is trying to make up a story that fills in the spaces between the facts, draw a conclusion from the story, then give advice. There's way too much conspriacy theory.

Facts: You dated, she breaks up, she calls you and says she misses you, she has an ex, you're just now getting some energy behind having a direction in your life.

First, I'd stick to you new-found direction as the priority. Work your jobs, get the schooling, pay your bills. This girl can either be a welcome addition to that plan, or she needs to go her own way. Don't let all these "what ifs" change what you've set in motion.

As for her, if you're wondering her intent...ASK. But I'd lay it out this way: tell her what your plan is, what it is that you've got going, and where you're headed now. As much as you like her, you don't have time or energy for drama. If she'd be willing to dump the ex, and also be supportive of your direction (and not disruptive), maybe the relationship can start again. If she's not willing to play along on those terms, say thanks but no thanks. You said you were just at the point where you were doing good without her, and you will again.

 

There are just too many unattached women in the world to even think in REVERSE for any reason... Do like Sasha said and continue to move on... with your head that thinks and the one that does not...

....many, many things that are necessary, are not at all easy or uncomplicated...

 

Exactly!

I mean, a whole 2 months go by THEN she calls out the blue?

Thats not a good look. Shes the past....leave her there and look for Ms. New New! Let her do all the backtracking since she's talking back to her ex who was an ex for a reason! Feelings really dont matter in situations like this.....they are only sensations and last only for a moment. Think about it...she called YOU out the blue....due to "feelings"....right? AND shes talking back to her ex.

Put 2 and 2 together bruh. Looks like you have your shit together and she doesnt. Keep it movin.

 

Did you ever think that maybe when she said....
....that she was actually just calling because she missed you. It doesn't always mean that she wanted to get back together with you.

I think if you want to know what her motive is, then just ask her.

 

i am, but part of my motivation was getting my shit back together was her, so its not that i'm gonna stop trying but it has put a dent in my motivations, its just more frustrating then anything, and yes i asked for advice, and i also needed to just talk and get it out....

 

i didn't ask what her motive was, but i did ask what about us, and trying to work things out, and she couldn't give me an answer. She said she doesn't know what to do, so if she is uncertain about that of course i'm going to be even more uncertain of what can happen...and for the time i don't want anything to happen because i'm in a situation for it, but then again i don't want to lose her for not even trying when i had the opportunity. i feel like i'm damned if i do and damned if i don't...

 

One important thing to consider: Maybe she was the kickstart you needed, but this is now about you, not her. I'm still not quite getting why her showing up puts a dent in your motivation. Your ability to take care of your business and have an independent life should be plenty!

I'm not sure why you think you have to choose between your plans and her. Like I said - if she's unwilling to be a welcome addition to your plans and join you on the journey, then time to move on.

 

its not that i feel i can't go on or that i'm gonna hit the wall because of her, its just that part of plan for working my things out and putting more effort into than before was because i wanted to be with her

i don't feel that way...i'm gonna move ahead with or without her, i have an orientation for the police on tues next week, and i'm working every chance i get....right now i'm at work...and i'm not gonna let her not being with me chance that, but i do want her to be with me, and move forward with me...

 

Personally I think it is a fair question to ask what her motive was. Now you are in limbo. You don't know if you have a shot with her again.

Just call her, say it was really nice talking. Tell her that you hate to ask, but is there any other reason for the call than just wanting to know how things are. But also tell her you are OK with either way. If she just want to be friends, then cool. If she wants more, then she has to work through her issues. The not knowing part is what's tough. So just eliminate the doubt.

 

She asked you if you're mad because she wanted you to be = DRAMA...you don't have time to be jealous nor to play games right now.

I vote make your money, go to school, whatever, let her fall by the wayside until you're where you need to be. I've had a bf for a while now and now that I've graduated, I have 2 jobs and an internship - I wouldn't have time to find a bf if he wasn't already there and even he gets mad that I'm always working.

You can't start a new or even re-start a relationship when you can't put the time into it. She just wants you to fight for her and you can't do that right now, nor should you have to. Let her go unless you REALLY think she's worth the effort.

 

Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, or just NEEDS to be in a relationship. She says she misses u and wants to be with u, yet she's with another ex? Sounds like she has no idae what she wants, like these guys said, u need to worry about your situation. Let getting a new girl be in the back of your mind, and when you "have your shit together" then worry about having someone in your life, and for your sake I hope it's a girl with a better head on her shoulders than this chick, sounds like a bunch of BS to me man. If she's with someone else, she either wants the attention from 2 guys or can't make up her mind, either is a bad situation, u need to worry about yourself, screw the rest of that bs, if she wanted to be with u, she wouldn't be with the other ex. Keep your head up

 

Sorry to hear this and I feel your pain. Breaking up is a hard thing and it is even worse when you finally are moving on and not really thinking of her every minute of the day and bam something like this happens. I had a terrible break up and got really down but then used her for motivation to work harder at my job and starting hitting the gym. Part of me, like you, was thinking it would help get her back (even tho these weren't the issues in my relationship) but in reality you can never go back.

Since it has only been two months I would ignore her calls (maybe even make a silent ringtone for her just so you aren't tempted to pick up) and work on getting your life together and work on yourself for yourself NOT her. When you are in a good place finacially and your self-esteem is back up to par, maybe send her an email to see how she is doing. Make sure you are at that point where she won't effect your whole mood and/or life and you will can nicely tell her how well you are doing. Just being able to tell her you have made it should motivate you enough to do pretty much anything.

Good Luck

 

believe me i want to i just don't have it in me to talk to her right now...to confront her about this, i want to do in person and not over the phone, and i don't even know what to say. I know i'll find the rights words and just get everything out, but its something thats gonna be easy to do...and at the moment i can't dwell on it because i'm gonna get stuck on this...and i can't afford to stuck in any place right thats not helping me...

 

Look man, sit her down in person....tell her str8 up how you feel and tell her exactly what you want from her. If she still not sure....after all this time you guys have spent together and all that good ole stuff.....if she still wants to focus on the bad parts of yalls relationship...then let her be. As long as theres doubt IT WONT WORK!!!!!

Either shit or get off the pot. Simple as that. If she doesnt wanna shit....well...go find someone whos willing to shit for you and leave the constapated chic in the past. Trust me, theres plenty of women out there who will be more than happy to shit for you, regardless of your current circumstances.

Last but not least, get your self-esteem up. I mean....man up dog! Where your cahuna's at? Dont add too much significance to this chic when you know that you have more important things to worry about....like getting your shit together. Dont get your shit together for some girl...do it because YOU want to do better for YOURSELF! The next woman will respect and love you even more for that.....if you do decide to move on.

 

I feel ya. Lots of us have probably been there.