Quick rundown..

Engaged, getting married in October. She is in college currently and I'm in school full time, work full time AND I'm in the reserves. This situation is nothing new because I've known her situation from the start and knew that until she finishes school I can't expect her to help out with finances. The frustration comes in when I'm paying for EVERYTHING including $6k out of pocket for the entire wedding.

So I'm going through my military benefits for school and the new G.I Bill when I remember that her father is a Veteran who was injured during Vietnam. When I first started school I was able to use my fathers military benefits as a dependent and they paid my tuition as well as $500 a month. Well now that benefit is at $900 a month and when I brought it up to her to just see if she is eligible she kind of blew it off.

I guess I'm posting this for some clarity on how to approach this issue because I'm trying to take the good husband route rather than the financial nazi. I just saw my paycheck yesterday come in and go leaving me with about 20% of what I earned for this pay period (which had me in a shitty mood anyway) and its frustrating that she doesn't want to make the effort on something that can help her out and lighten the burden on me. Am I out of line here?

 

Straighten it out NOW and be up front with how the finances will be NOW. When I was in your position of paying for the wedding I was making great money and we lived that lifestyle for 8 months. Since it was a out-of-town contract it ended when I went home to get married and I didn't work for 2 months. It was a very tough progression but I had to basically teach her how to use money and it took a long time to get it into her. The sooner you guys are on the same page with how to handle finances, the more harmony you will have when you guys tie the knot. Money can break marriages.

 

no thats not out of line, some girls think they are entitled to stuff or think money grows on trees. figure this out before you marry her or it might cost you alot more later.

 

Sit down and talk to her about how you were eligible for dependent benefits and help during school because of a parent's service. Then see if that would help with the initial expenses for the two of you while your careers are starting.
FWIW, asking if someone can help usually gets better results than telling someone they can help.

Couples should generally talk if there is a new purchase, commitment or extra income involving more than $300-500 (yes, that means consulting before buying those new ZR tires, suit or that new handbag, or disclosing those gambling winnings) unless a couple's income is into the mid-6 figures and they have minimal debt.

Congrats and G/L!

 

I appreciate the advice, she called back after class and maybe I was reading her wrong. She asked her dad about it and said she would go to the campus V.A office monday to inquire.. so i was getting worked up over nothing.

And most certainly we agreed anything over $300 gets discussed first unless I am investing like I do in the stock market. As opposed to before we had the issue of me not telling her when I was spending $2k or $3k on mods... I don't mind because I have turned into a penny pincher now.

 

That's a good sign!

 

If you get married she may not be eligible for veterans benefits. I would check with an authorized person to verify what is what. and damn, those payments are much higher than when i went to school. I got 404 a month in 96-98 or 99 and then it went up to 606 or something like that . If was a HUGE help while going to school.



And no, you are not out of line, there should be a good general understanding of what to expect financially in a marriage and what contributions need to be made to make it work. It is just like a business, you can't go in blind

 

You're not out of line. I think it is normal to be a bit stressed and concerned about money.

I think you need to talk to her about it. You need to be as open as possible with her about cash flow.

 

you should def talk it out with her, financial problems ruin relationships ... make sure she sees your point and makes an effort because it cant all be one sided

 

OP, forgot to add, you should also look at some of this from her point of view. My wife and I have a limit where we can spend on stuff and not ask the other one. If something, other than groceries, is more than $200, we let the other one know. She has never stopped me, and I never stopped her, but it ensures that we don't argue about it after the fact. I think based on your budget, you should do the same. It will make her feel less like a teenager being on an allowance.

 

You're not out of line at all.

For the record, we have separate accounts and its going to stay that way.

We split the bills 50/50 and I own the house and the cars outright in my name. She's cool with that.

 

Communication. Communication. Communication. It just can't be said clear enough or often enough.

Yes, money is one of the real biggies, but what worried me in your post was partially the fact that you didn't have much faith in her as to whether or not she would act on the information you gave her. Well, obviously she did. I would think that if you didn't have any respect for her, you would not be inclined to marry her. I'm sure you do. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own fears that we allow them to bleed into how we treat the people we love. It's a natural occurance, I guess, but one that should be monitored. We all do it. Maybe she does it sometimes as well.

Financial fears are rampid right now. They are making a lot of us loose sleep, myself included. I don't have a spouse to support. I have three kids and I am the sole provider. Yes, it's scarey living check to check. Just try to remember that it REALLY IS just money. When we need to live on less, we do. It always works out anyway. This is all part of your new partnership, so hold on tight to each other and talk about everything.

 

I agree with what's said before me, you have to get it straightened out NOW! Tell her how stressful it is, she might be thinking everything is cool but it's not.