Im a changed man....

 

Ya, you weigh 15lbs less now.

Its never a good thing for the wife to think you're having an affair

She's either insecure or you've given her reason to think that. Either way, you should do something to make sure she knows you love her. Perhaps some Jewlery, I hear 19k gold is nice.

 

Good job. She needs moments like that to take her mind off of work. Spending time with you and your son I'm sure does that. She may also be putting a lot of pressure on herself for basically uprooting you all and moving to England. Seeing you happy and your son adapting may relieve some of that. Continue to be supportive.

 

 

19 Karat gold huh

 

Whiskers - she can't hate you, but she might resent that she is working so much. She shouldn't though, since it was her who brought the family out to London. As others have stated, just do what you can to make her time at home more relaxing and peaceful. Try to set aside some time on the weekend for just the two of you.

The vacations will help, but won't fix things. She will still be stressed when she comes back, but at least she gets some time away from work with her husband and son.

I know it can be tough when they are stressed. While not to the same extent, I deal with it too. Just listen, nod your head, hold her hand (or something) and just let her vent. Don't bother trying to fix it - that might just make things worse.

As for the affair, it's a good thing AD got banned, or it would have happened sooner or later

 

^^Good stuff (although AD and I are together via other means). I do feel like the more I talk about it, the worse it is. As far as the two of us go, I need to find a sitter here in London.

 

I'm not sure how to solve the number-of-hours-she-works problem. But, here's a small suggestion that may help your wife's mental state:

She apparently feels overwhelmed at work and doesn't have anyone to talk to about it because she's new. I would do everything you can to learn about her job, what she does, and who she works with. She probably needs to vent to someone, and doesn't know anyone at work well enough to do it. It's important that you actually listen to her and care about her job. Also, don't make her feel like she's "bitching" too much. She needs an outlet.

 

 

edit: Im not.......yet

yes I understand that. My original post was "I highly doubt that, he's a loving and a wonderful husband. But his wife could be out there "
but I edited the last part out

 

Burnout occurs, not just because of long, long hours, but because the individual engaged in that working style is not enjoying the work. In other words, if she really enjoyed working that 80 hours, she would not be crying. She'd be fatigued, even exhausted, but she would be emotionally energized by work that captivates her attention.

So, her burnout is being caused by the fact that she is working very long hours at a job that is not very pleasant for her at the moment, and the long hours are co-opting her time with you and your son. She may be feeling guilty about that, in extremis, given that this is the role-reversal of the usual phenominum, and that may be part of her anxiety.

What you can do is going to be limited by what she will allow you to do, and you're already doing a lot.

You could do a bit more, and cooking is high on the list, partially becuase it is an indirect way to nurture, on many levels, your wife and your son, it can be amusing, and it can consume as much or as little time as you want. You're already a physical fitness nut, the transition to being a foodie is pretty short..... I'd recommend Julia Child's cookbooks, as she loved food and gave pragmatic, no-nonsense advice about how to do it - not pretentious. I'd learn how to shop for food, no mean feat even in the US.

You could see if she is open to "time out " from her job, so that when she is home, there is an hour for running emails, and the rest of the time, the machine is off, the cellphone is off..... That "time out" might be an hour that she has for conversation, for napping, for play, for whatever, but she is entitled to some time away from her job.

And - you need to keep your ear out for the nuances of what is pressuring her, what is driving her tension. Listen as openly as you can, with as little judgement as you can, and just "mirror" what she is saying. You don't need to understand the ins and outs of whatever bizarre political circumstances are driving her work, but you can be deeply sympathetic. She may not want to talk much, but the nuances of what is going on may be conveyed in many, many nonverbal ways.

If her job is crazy for the first few months, then work with her to establish a timeframe in which you can support her in shifting to a less crazy schedule - 60 horus, for example...... and work to see to it that her available time is effectively structured to give her "time out", time with your kid, and time with you....

My wife and I have both had careers that have demanded spurts of crazy deadline driven work stints, my wife's work frequently demanding that she be out of town. We learned how to "batten down the hatches" for each other, and when she was working 20 hour days in the midwest for six weeks straight, it was my job to hold the home fort down as much as possible. If I was also working crazy hours, which sometimes happened, we paid folks to do it for us..... since many, many problems can be solved by flinging money at them, especially if the money buys TIME. When it was my crazy schedule, my wife picked up all the slack.... and at the end of whosever work jag it was, we'd find a way to treat ourselves... as you are doing with your wife - the short travel distances, etc. Physical distance can equate to emotional distance. I'd focus on places where cellphones don't work and there is no internet connection.......

 

A+ post Ric...

I ask her often if she is enjoying her work and she always says yes. These are new people though, so Im sure there is a lot more going on except for work (such as language differences, finding people to trust, etc.)

I would like to learn how to learn how to cook healthier for us. I don't think she is interested in that idea though.

Good plan, I will ask her. Thanks again.

 

The only advice I have is that your wife wants to spend more time with you and your son then she needs to cut back the hours. I have never met anyone that is really as important at work as they think they are. I could easily work 60 hours at my job, but I don't. I give them 8 hour day and its home to play with the kids. If the job doesn't like it, tough shit, I'll find another. Another reason I come home on time is that I have dinner waiting (hint hint), and my wife is generally burned out from taking care of the kids all day and needs a break.